Jane's Surrender (Hard World Tour #2) (16 page)

“
So you moved on with your life? How convenient for you,
Mom
.” No affection was in the word like it used to be.

“
We hired a private detective. They found you, but we couldn’t get you. Then you were assigned to a family, and we still couldn't have you. Then, when there was finally a chance, you were sent to live with the Nolans, and Anne kept on saying how happy you were there.”

Were they fucking kidding me?

“
Yeah, I was. Finally, I had a home where I felt like I was a kid. Until they decided to have a baby and kicked me out. And before them, I was with a
really
great family, too. Oh, did I mention I was kicked out because some kid tried to rape me?” Dad’s eyes darkened, and I noticed how hard he squeezed the arm of the chair.

His face became lethal and his voice shook in anger. “Name.”

“
What?” His question took me off guard.

“
Name of the family you stayed with.”

Without much thinking, I answered, “Parkers.”

“
I’ll deal with them.”

Wait what? Before I could ask what he meant, Mom kept going.

“
We had no idea, but then we begged Anne, and she finally said there was a chance of us adopting you. The minute they told me that, you were on your way to us. It was one of the best days of my life. Our family was whole again, and the only day that was better than that was when you called us Mom and Dad.” She was sobbing now, and as a result, Dad’s shirt had a wet spot in the middle of the chest. Ben stood up as well, and his look was torn between Mom and me, not knowing whom to comfort first. He nodded at Dad, came closer to me, and hugged me fiercely to him, and for a second, I allowed his comfort to slip into me.

“
Honey, please find it in your heart to forgive me.” Mom’s voice was raspy, and it was hard to understand what she was saying through all the sobs. Some part of me hurt seeing this beautiful woman so broken.

Mama loves you baby. Always remember that.

But in that moment, I couldn’t.

And part of me hated myself for it.

“
I need to go.”

“
Jane,” Dad started, but my raised hand stopped whatever he wanted to say.

“
It’s too much. I need to think, but right now, I can’t look at either of you, Mom specifically, and not feel angry.” Ben’s arms stiffened around me and I gave him a sad smile. “Sorry, buddy. I love you too, yeah? Call me if you want, but I have to go.” After I squeezed him one last time, I let go, grabbed my phone and jacket, and without a backward glance, I stepped into the elevator and rode downstairs.

It was Christmas. Where would I go?

I opened my phone to text one of the girls when I noticed my unsent message to Drake.

I had wanted to make a move that day.

To give him a chance.

How fucking stupid was that? If anything, the situation with my parents proved that no one could be trusted, and the whole love thing was overrated.

I didn't want to deal with him, or move forward with anything.

I was just tired, so tired.

I erased my message, wrote a new one, and ignored how my heart stopped for a second from the finality of what I was doing. When the elevators opened, I ended up outside and breathed in the fresh winter air as the words I wrote to him kept playing in mind.

<
Me
> Drake, this will never work. Please give me the divorce and stop sending me gifts and flowers. They won’t change my mind.

There was no answer from him, not that I expected one.

For weeks, the deliveries kept on coming, but I didn’t open the door for them.

Until one day the ringing at eight o’clock stopped.

One year and two months after Las Vegas

Jane

Nick was gone.

I still found it hard to believe, but it happened, and all I felt was numbness.

His smiles, jokes, support, and so many memories flashed through my mind as we sat at his funeral and listened to his coworkers talk about him.

Nick was the best, and he was gone.

He was involved in a car accident with another driver who lost control of his vehicle. Nick was on the way to our New York concert, but he didn't make it. Jeremy told us what happened after the concert, and Bella lost it. We rushed to the hospital, because she couldn't believe it happened. She was frantic and in shock, but she lost it completely when they showed her the body. Her voice became hoarse and she fainted in Jeremy’s arms. We planned the reception and funeral. She had no interest in anything, and she wasn't in any condition to do it.

Bella had sat next to me, gazing ahead, but it was as if she wasn't there. She wore a black dress and flats. Her hands were in her lap and they trembled slightly. She had no makeup on; her eyes were red and swollen, not to mention the dark circles under them.

She was out of it most of the time, sleeping, as we took turns looking after her. The moment she saw the body on the table in the hospital, a part of her shut off and she was lost and silent. Nick was everything to her, and I wasn't sure how she would handle it.

But was there a good way to handle the death of a loved one?

“
Nick’s sister, Annabella, would like to say a few words,” a man said. She didn't move, and people started staring at us.

Sam touched her gently on the arm to get her attention, and she finally snapped her eyes to Sam and looked. “Babe, you’re next,” she said softly, but Bella made no move and had this lost expression on her face. “On the stage. To say goodbye.” Her voice shook a bit, but she handled it. None of us were all right with what happened, and it killed some part inside all of us.

She finally rose up, slowly went to the stage, her hands fisted, and her head high. She didn't pay any attention to Nick’s body in the coffin and grabbed the mic. She stood there for a moment, opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it back. Shook her head, and with a cry, ran away from there as fast as she could.

The girls and I went after her, not as fast as her, because she was so freaking quick. We tried to catch up, but she had already made it to the door, and surprisingly, a cab was there. Before any of us could grab her, she was gone.

“
Shit!” Sam screamed, and I winced.

“
I don’t think you are supposed to say that in a church.” She gave me the ‘are you fucking kidding me’ look and franticly dialed some number on her phone.

“
Who are you calling?” Ariel asked and bit on her thumb, something she always did when she was nervous.

“
Dylan, he’s not our head of security for nothing. I want him to tail her.”

“
I don’t really think it’s a good idea,” Ariel started, but Sam just raised her hand.

“
She is not in a normal state of mind. I’d rather have her pissed at me, but know she is okay.” It was hard to argue with that.

Once she finished her conversation with Dylan, we stood silently, none of us knowing what to do.

None of us had dealt with loss before; well, actually, Sam did. Her sister died thirteen years ago from drug addiction, but she never talked about it much. But Nick was our first loss as the unit we were.

“
I don’t think we can help here,” Ariel muttered and rested her back against the brick wall. She looked sad.

“
We can be there for her,” Sam replied stubbornly, but she had fear in her eyes. She kneeled down, resting her hands on her bent knees.

“
I think she needs time to be alone. Nick was a big part of her life. Hell, of all our lives. The pain will never go away,” I said, and my voice trembled. I quickly swept away the tear that slid down my cheek. It was impossible not to remember Nick, his smiles, and the amazing person he was.

For those words, there was no reply, and it was ironic that on such a beautiful day with sunlight, birds chipping, and the grass so green, such a sad moment happened.

We didn’t know it yet, but it was the beginning of the disaster.

One year and four months after Las Vegas

“
She’s not doing well, Jane.” Ariel was worried as she took our food takeout bag from the coffee shop and we slowly made our way back inside the studio, where Sam and Bella were left to talk.

We had a new album coming out and we needed to record it, although Jer and us girls wanted to take a break for Bella’s sake. She was our lead singer and had this tragedy in her life, but she refused. Dylan had tailed her the day of the funeral and said she met some guy at a bar and then went home. Later, she called us and apologized for her behavior, although we told her she had nothing to apologize for.

She showed up after a day or two, and we fell into a kind of routine. We would practice, record, and then she would go home. She didn't want to hang around; she didn't want us to come to her house. She even ignored Megan. She lost weight and was constantly tired, but since she did everything asked of her, it was hard to tell her anything.

“
You think I don’t know that?”

“
I feel like we are missing something. She has this fear in her eyes that kills me.” Ariel had a point there; we never had secrets in the band, but it seemed Bella was hiding something.

But getting close to her was dangerous, she could completely loose her shit, and no one wanted that.

“
Maybe Sam can convince her to move in with us.” Ariel’s voice was hopeful, but I just shook my head.

“
She didn't like renting the same space back in our poor musicians’ days. You really think she would want to do it now?”

“
So what now? We do nothing, as usual?” She sounded angry; sometimes it was hard to reason with Ariel and Sam.

“
All I’m saying is we can’t help her if she doesn’t want our help.”

“
Nick wanted to propose to Megan, you know. He showed the ring to Bella a few days before the accident. The wedding would have been beautiful,” she whispered, and one single tear rolled down her cheek. I was glad for the sunglasses I was wearing, because the same happened to me. I didn't like crying in front of anyone.

Those two were made for each other. When I used to see them together, it was hard not to be jealous of their love. It makes sense the next step for them would have been marriage.

Marriage.

Which brought me to another fact. I was still married; the situation hadn’t been fixed.

We had no contact, no conversations, and I had no clue how he was doing. At first, I thought about sleeping with someone, but I couldn't do it. I wasn't interested in anyone else, and the idea of having sex with anyone but him disgusted me and left me cold.

Sometimes, I wondered about Drake. Had he found someone else with whom he shared moments like we did? Was there a woman who helped him forget me or that he was married? Was that the reason for his silence?

Thoughts like those made my heart clench painfully, which was stupid and unfair. I was the one who pushed him away, so I had no say in what he was doing.

Now Nick and Megan…they had a beautiful love, and life was cruel to them.

Unfair.

“
Yeah, Ariel. It would have been beautiful.” My whisper was barely heard in the busy city, but Ariel squeezed my hand, and I knew she understood.

One year and nine months after Las Vegas

“
I don’t like how she looks, how she dresses, and that she has closed off from us completely. This fucking ends today.” Jer dragged us all to the car and we sat inside as he ordered the driver to go to Bella’s house.

Five more months had passed, and Bella was slowly fading away. She was a shell of herself, and no matter how much we tried to help her, she wouldn’t let us. Jer finally had enough and decided to give her an unexpected visit.