Jax (Broken Strings #1) (8 page)

Jax fell into the nearest couch and groaned, snapping open the beer and taking a long swallow before answering.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just got so angry, I’ve fucked up Tobey, I’ve fucked up bad and I don’t know how I’m going to fix it.”

“You just need to be straight with her,” Tobey answered. “You need to tell her the truth.”

“I don’t even know what the truth is anymore,” Jax said quietly. “Everything is so messed up. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, inviting her to travel with us.”

“I think,” Tobey said as he sat down in the seat opposite Jax. “That your feelings for her may run a little deeper than you first thought.”

Jax sighed. “I was in love with her six years ago,” he explained.

“I know,” Tobey said with a  smile. “Kane told me,” he added, when Jax looked at him in confusion.

“Of course he did,” Jax said dryly.

“Look, man, it’s none of my business,” Tobey began.

“You’re damn right it’s not,” Jax glared.

“But,” Tobey continued, giving him a meaningful stare. “This doesn’t just concern you. Whatever your past may be with this girl, you’ve brought her onto the bus and now we all have to deal with that.”

Jax stared at him. Damn it, he hated when Tobey was right. He’d brought trouble on all of them by bringing Amaranth on the bus.

“Tobey, I-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tobey said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “But you need to calm the fuck down before someone gets hurt.

“I’m trying,” Jax said through gritted teeth. “I’m fucking trying. She does things to my head man, and I can’t control it.”

“Well you need to, or she’s going to have to be put off the bus,” Tobey said seriously.

In a second Jax was on his feet, holding Tobey up by his shirt.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he hissed. “You’re telling me you’d leave a defenseless woman out here in the middle of nowhere?”

Tobey’s eyes bulged out of his head. “She’s hardly defenseless,” he sputtered.

“What the fuck is going on?” Tessa demanded as she stepped up onto the bus, carrying a cardboard tray of frozen coke’s from McDonald’s.

Jax released Tobey’s shirt with an exasperated sound, before turning on his heel and storming past Tessa and out of the bus.

He walked around the side of the bus, kicking the wheel in a rage as he screamed his frustration. There were still a couple of people hanging around from the concert, and they turned to stare at him as he continued yelling.

Jax barely gave them a glance as he slumped to the ground, stretching his legs out in front of him, pulling a cigarette from the crushed packet in his jeans pocket and lighting it.

He leaned his head back against the bus and blew out a stream of smoke into the air.

His anger was finally beginning to subside, replaced by a wave of shame. He’d never meant to hurt anyone, what the fuck was wrong with him?

Jax pictured the frightened look in Amaranth’s face as he’d tried to finger her and he groaned. How the hell was he meant to fix this?

More importantly… what had Amaranth running scared, had someone abused her in the past? It wasn’t a stretch, given her career choice, but was it something that could be changed? Was it even possible for Amaranth to open herself up to receiving pleasure?

Jax stayed out there for what seemed like hours, until Kane stepped down off the bus and walked over to him, sitting down with his back to the bus.

“How is she?” Jax asked, offering Kane a cigarette.

“She’s alright,” Kane answered, lighting the cigarette and blowing out a stream of smoke. “She’s sleeping.”
“Good,” Jax said quietly.

Kane studied him in the dark. “What the fuck happened, man?”

Jax sighed audibly. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I just got so angry, it was like something snapped inside me. I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“You didn’t,” Kane said, shaking his head. “You just scared the crap out of her. What the hell were you thinking?”

“Look, I don’t need this crap, okay? Not from you.”

Jax stood up and crushed his cigarette with the heel of his boot.

“Jax,” Kane said, getting to his feet. “No one is trying to give you any crap. I’m worried about you, we all are.”

“I know,” Jax sighed, tilting his head back and looking up at the sky as thunder rumbled above them. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“It’s not me you have to apologize to,” Kane reminded him.

Jax gave him a half smile. “Do you ever get tired of being right?”

“No,” Kane laughed as he slapped Jax on the shoulder. “Never. Now come on, there’s a storm coming.”

Jax stepped back up onto the bus and glanced uneasily around. Tobey sat on one of the couches with Tessa next to him.

She glared up at him as he walked over.

“What the fuck was all that about?” she demanded, getting to her feet and planting her hands on her hips.

Jax bit back a grin. She was so tiny that her anger was almost comical... if it weren’t for the fact that he knew he deserved it.

“Tessa,” Tobey said quietly, reaching for her hand to pull her back into the chair. She complied, and Tobey looked up at Jax. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

Tessa looked at Tobey in amazement. “You’re asking him if
he’s
okay? After what he did?”

“Tess,” Jax began.

“No,” she cried, getting to her feet once more. “I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into you, Jaxon Hawthorne, but I know it only started once you brought that… that
bitch
” she spat, “on this bus.”

“Tessa,” Tobey said warningly, but she wasn’t listening.

“You need to get her the hell out of here,” she told Jax, her green eyes glittering with rage as she tossed back her long blonde hair.

“I can’t do that,” Jax said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Come on Tess,” Kane said as he walked up to them. “Give the guy a break. He knows he’s fucked up.” He looked at Jax meaningfully. “Right now I think we all just need to get some sleep. It’s after three am and everyone’s exhausted.”

Jax smiled at Kane gratefully. His friend always seemed to know how to talk him out of a bad situation. Unfortunately, he had the feeling this situation would be unique.

He walked through to his bedroom and slipped behind the curtain.

The lamp on the bedside table was turned on, bathing the small room in a dim light.

Tessa lay beneath a sheet, wearing one of Kane’s tee shirts.

Jax felt a strange pull of jealousy at the sight, she should be wearing one of his shirts. He vowed to make sure she had some clothes the next day.

Stripping down to his boxer shorts, he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the small black tie out of his hair, letting it fall to his waist.

Grabbing a brush from the top drawer, he brushed his hair until it shone. Quickly tying it back up, he slipped beneath the sheet and lay on his side, facing Amaranth.

She looked so innocent as she slept, as though she’d never been hurt. She’d scrubbed her face clean of makeup, but his heart clenched as he saw the telltale streaks from her tears across  her cheeks.

With trembling fingers, he reached out and brushed them gently, hating himself for having been the one to put them there in the first place.

Tessa was right, it had been a mistake for him to bring her on this bus. He couldn’t think clearly when she was so close to him. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to give her up. Not yet.

This had started as a means to an end. Screw the woman that had been his fantasy all through high school, get it out of his system and send her on her way.

So what had changed? Why was he suddenly questioning his motives, his actions?

He thought back to what Tobey had said earlier. Was it possible he wasn’t over his feelings for Amaranth?

She shifted in her sleep and he held his breath, expecting her to wake up at any moment and order him out of his own bed.

And he’d do it. He would gladly give up his bed to make her feel comfortable around him.

Amaranth settled once more and stayed asleep. Jax let out a shaky breath and relaxed. Tomorrow would come soon enough, and he’d need a damn good excuse for his behavior.

But tonight was another story, and as long as she was asleep, he would content himself with knowing that she was safe as long as he was beside her.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

When he woke up Amaranth was gone.

Jax threw back the sheet in a panic and jumped to his feet, staring wildly around the room.

Had she run away again? During the night, so he didn’t have a chance at catching up to her?

His heart constricted and a lump formed in his throat.

No,
he thought desperately.
I didn’t have the chance to tell her I’m sorry… I-

The bathroom door opened and she stepped out, freezing as she saw him standing there.

Jax swallowed hard as he slowly looked her up and down. New clothes had been brought in while he slept, and Amaranth had showered and dressed in a new white cotton dress that brushed her knees. It was simple, innocent, and fucking beautiful.

Her eyes widened as he took a step towards her and he stopped, catching himself. Last night he’d acted unforgivably, was she now scared of him? Amaranth didn’t look like the type of woman to scare easily, but who knew?

She watched him warily as he stared at her. What was going through her mind?

“Amaranth,” he began…

“You slept in,” she interrupted. “Apparently we’re somewhere in New Mexico, we should be reaching Oklahoma in the next couple of hours.”

“Amaranth, please,” he begged, holding up his hand. “Let me talk.”

She looked at him warily once more, before moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

Jax pulled out his hair tie and raked his hands through his hair, buying a few moments to work out what he was going to say.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, looking at her. “About last night, I mean.”

“It’s okay,” she said, standing up quickly. “I understand, I-”

“Could you please just sit back down?” he asked, gesturing to the bed. “I promise, I won’t touch you.”

Amaranth reluctantly sat back down on the bed, moving as far away as possible when he sat down next to her.

“What I did last night,” he said quietly. “It was unforgiveable. I know that. There’s no excuse for the way that I acted.”

“Jax,” Amaranth said gently. “You really don’t have to do this.”

“I want to though,” he insisted. “I let my emotions get the better of me, it’s not something that I’m particularly proud of. I just don’t understand…” he said, looking at her desperately. “Why won’t you let me touch you?”

“Jax, please,” she begged, getting to her feet once more, wrapping her arms around her middle, hugging herself. This time he didn’t stop her.

“Tell me,” he pleaded, his heart sinking when she shook her head.

“I can’t,” she said, tears threatening to spill over in her beautiful eyes. “Look, I forgive you for last night, and I’m not going to pull out of our deal. But please, don’t ask me about that.”

Jax stared at her. Fuck, she was stubborn as a mule, and for some reason that made him want her even more.

He nodded slowly “okay,” he agreed, seeing her shoulders slump in relief. “But mark my words Amaranth,” he continued. “I will get to the bottom of this.”

She paled, but this time he didn’t care. Let her think he was the bad guy, it wouldn’t stop him from working out who had hurt her, who stopped her from releasing the passion he expected lay beneath her tough exterior.

The bus lurched, and she pitched forward. Jax just caught her, his hands around her waist, steadying her. “Are you okay?” he asked, smoothing the hair away from her face.

“Yes,” she said breathlessly.

“Guys,” Kane said, sticking his head around the corner. He sounded urgent. “Some idiot in a white Datsun keeps cutting us off. We’re gonna try and lose him, but you may want to hold on to something.” His head disappeared back around the curtain.

“Fuck,” Amaranth whispered, scrambling off Jax’s lap, her face deathly pale.

“Amaranth?” he asked, concerned. “What’s going on? Do you know him?”

She didn’t say anything, but stood there with wide eyes, looking absolutely terrified.