Je Suis a Toi (Monsters in the Dark Book 4) (2 page)

I WAS USED to sneaking around.

I’d done it as a kid. I did it as an adult. Partly because I liked to be invisible—to approach and eavesdrop when others weren’t expecting and stalk the bastards who hurt women for pleasure—but mainly because it was who I was.

I couldn’t change habits that had become a part of me.

I moved in silence.

I didn’t know any other way.

However, tonight I wasn’t infiltrating an enemy’s den; I was returning to the woman I loved, tiptoeing across our bedroom like a fucking fugitive.

Every day, it became harder to avoid her.

She knew something bothered me but hadn’t gathered the courage to ask yet. But she would. It was only a matter of time.

But that time was not tonight. Not after the long day I’d had.

My eyes adjusted to the dark; only a sliver of moonlight cracked through the haphazardly drawn curtains.

My wife—I’d never get tired of that word—lay balled up beneath the covers of our enormous bed.

I sighed heavily at the blonde curls (that I’d fisted and caressed so many times) spread over my pillow. Every part of her claimed every part of me.

Her skin glowed almost luminescent in the darkness, and I read her pinched brow with concern. Even asleep, her body language let me know she was pissed at me.

And she had every right to be.

When I’d headed into the office this morning, I’d promised her I’d be back in time for dinner. Normally, I was able to keep my promises.

But not today.

Frederick had been particularly annoying, going over reports and end of year asset consolidation as if I wouldn’t be there to do it.

I’d made him CEO so I could spend more time with Tess and our charities, so why had he been so adamant about me working so hard today?

Untying my dress shoes, I slipped them silently from my feet.

I wasn’t clumsy.

I didn’t make a noise as I shed my clothing and padded toward the bed. Tess would never know what time I arrived home or how long I’d lain beside her.

All she needed to know was I would be with her in the morning.

Maybe then, we’d talk.

Swallowing my groan, I slipped into the cool cotton sheets and lay still, gauging how unconscious she was.

My heartbeat thundered in my ears, waiting…

When her breathing didn’t change or a rustle indicate she’d woken, I slid closer, wrapping my arm around her hips and dragging her back to my front.

Some days, I woke her up like this. I bit her neck, touched her wetness, and gave her no choice but to accept me.

But not tonight.

Tonight, I was tired and in no mood to play.

All I wanted to do was fall asleep with my
esclave
in my arms and dream happy dreams.

I didn’t want to be sad anymore.

I didn’t want to run from my thoughts.

I should be happy.

I
was
happy.

I had everything I could ever want.

Not everything.

Gritting my teeth, I cast aside such undermining frustration and forced myself to sleep.

“SUZETTE, STOP. I can manage.”

Suzette scoffed, repositioning the hamper on her hip as if it were a child and not a bulging feast with delicacies only Mrs. Sucre knew how to make. “Stop being so pushy. I want to help. So let me help.”

I rolled my eyes as we made our way through the back quarters of the house, past the swimming pool I didn’t know existed until I’d returned to Q, and into the humongous parking garage housing prized possessions. 

Q hated these cars as they’d once belonged to his father. I understood why he felt that way, but once upon a time, the chateau was his father's, too. However, ever since the day Q took power, he’d turned something grotesque in its usage into something so pure and wonderful.

Just like these vehicles. They weren’t alive. They had no soul. Their lot in fate was to belong to either nice or naughty, and Q was a little bit of both.

Grabbing the keys to a limited edition Aston Martin something-or-other, Suzette and I manhandled the food into the boot. Once it was wedged in place, I slammed the lid with a muffled thump.

I brushed my hands together. “Now for the luggage and the man, then we’re ready to hit the road.”

“Won’t he be mad that you haven’t told him about this? That everyone is in on it but him?”

“No. A surprise will be good for him.”

“Last surprise he went on a killing spree to find you.”

I smirked. “Yes well, this isn’t a bad surprise.”

“Define bad.” Suzette wrinkled her nose. “Q has to be in control of everything. He hates celebrating his birthday and doesn’t do well with functions run by others. You’re doing all three and expect him to be grateful.”

Looping my arm with hers, we traversed the garage and headed back into the slumbering house. Dawn had just crested, and our ensemble of silk and flannel pajamas were the only movable things in a home where everyone still slept.

“He’ll be grateful.”

Suzette snorted. “Grateful to have an excuse to flog you, you mean.”

“Oh, that will come later.”

She scowled. “I know way too much about your sex life.”

I laughed as we stepped through the corridor and into the main foyer. “And I know way too much how besotted Franco is with you and how you want him to be a bit rougher than he is but you don’t know how to ask for it.”

Her eyes widened. “Hush it.”

Pecking her cheek, I let her go. “How about
you
stop hushing it. Then we both might get what we want this weekend.”

Leaving her gasping for a retort, I flew up the staircase to wake my master and bear his rage once I informed him of my plan.

* * * * *

My ideas of kissing Q awake and then a morning quickie dismantled into splinters as I entered our bedroom and found him stalking from the bathroom with steam curling from his skin and droplets running down his chest to soak into the towel wrapped around his sexy waist.

I’d lived with the man for years, yet I never grew tired of Q naked.

His inked skin with its birds and storms. His muscles that weren’t decoration but merely talismans for a life he fought every damn day. He was freaking stunning.

I shivered as his eyes met mine.

“Where the hell have you been?” His gaze drifted to my scantily clad frame. It might be freezing outside with snow blanketing the countryside, but the chateau was toasty warm in every room. I never needed jumpers or dressing gowns thanks to Q’s fastidiousness to ensure our ‘guests’ were comfortable after years of discomfort.

“None of your business.”

A thrill tingled my spine as he stepped silently and slowly toward me. “I think you’ll find it
is
my business,
esclave
.”

Every part of me begged to fall to my knees in our code word for pleasure. For so long, he’d fought me bowing at his feet, saying he didn’t need the submissive gesture. But now, it was all he needed to let down his barricades and free his monster.

However, his green eyes burned with a different type of passion this morning. A sweeter, less complicated desire.

I sucked in a breath as he hugged me tight. His damp hot body soaked into mine as I reveled in his embrace. “I hate waking up and finding you aren’t beside me.”

Pressing a kiss against his chest, I whispered, “You’re getting sentimental on me?”

“You know I’m the sappiest son of a bitch alive when it comes to you.”

I laughed softly because it was true. To the outside world, Q was dangerous, malignant, and someone not to piss off. In our inner sanctum, Q was my protector, prince, and lover all in one.

“I had to leave…but only because I have a surprise.”

Letting me go, he scowled. “Surprise?” Dragging a hand through his dark hair, he paced toward his dresser. “You know I hate surprises.
Ne me donne pas une raison de te le rappeler . J'ai des projets pour nous ce soir et l'abstinence ne fera que les rendre beaucoup plus agréables.”
Don't give me a reason to remind you of that. I have plans for us this evening and abstinence will only make it that much sweeter.

“Plans? What plans?”

Will they coincide with my own?

Shrugging into a black shirt, he faced me while fastening the buttons.

I mourned the disappearing sight of his tattooed chest.

“Seeing as you won’t share your surprise with me, I will do the same to you.” His eyes gleamed as a tight smirk twisted his lips. “How does it feel to be denied something you want?”

“About the same as when you deny me an orgasm until I beg.”

He huffed, turning his back to grab a pair of slacks. “And look at how such lessons have backfired.”

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his middle and inhaled the citrus and sandalwood of his freshly laundered clothes. “You’ll find out soon enough.” I kissed between his shoulder blades, wishing I could eradicate the tension I found there.

For months, he’d been hiding something from me.

This weekend wasn’t just to celebrate his birthday, but to break whatever cage he’d built and figure out what he refused to say. He’d often said I couldn’t handle the darkness inside him. I knew he still refused to fully let himself go.

It used to bother me—knowing he’d never be completely free with me. But not anymore. Because I saw it for what it was. Holding back his demons was the way Q protected me. He gave me just enough to satisfy both of us. But not enough to destroy what we held so precious.

But this…it was something else.

A secret he harboured night and day and one he refused to share even when he had me at my rawest, barest form quivering beneath his touch and open to any suggestion he might utter.

Turning in my embrace, Q kissed the top of my head. “What will I find soon enough?”

“Stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“Not telling…but I will give one hint.”

His face darkened. “I don’t appreciate secrets, Tess.”

“This isn’t a secret. Besides, you’re about to find out.” Dancing from his arms, I headed toward the bathroom. “Oh, and you might want to pack something. Whatever you need for three days.”

His jaw tightened, but before he could growl and demand answers, I slammed the bathroom door in his face.

WHAT THE FUCK was she up to?

She knew I hated secrets.

She knew surprises fucked me off and made me rage. Surprises in my world were never good. And she’d given me enough to last a lifetime. First, by forcing me to accept my darkness, and then, by being stolen from my protection.

I’d done things.

I’d killed people.

I’d hurt both her and myself.

All because of secrets and surprises.

My hands balled as I banged on the bathroom door. “
Ouvre la porte
, Tess.
Maintenant
!” Open the door. Now!

My breathing came hard and harsh as the shower splashed, echoing off tiled surfaces behind locked obstructions.

I attacked the door again. “Answer me,
esclave
. Tell me what you’re planning. Otherwise—”

“Eh, sir?”

“What?” I roared, spinning to face the unwanted guest. Visitors were not permitted in this part of the house. Not even to clean. The apparatus and toys Tess and I used were for our eyes only.

People knew what I needed. Our staff and friends understood how fucked up I was. Yet knowing and seeing were entirely different things.

I shuddered as the beast inside me scratched and clawed. Tess had forced me to leave her alone. She’d barricaded herself so I couldn’t lash out and torture a confession from her.

Fuck.

My cock twitched at the thought of hurting her.

The disgusting sickness never let me go. I’d already done so much to her. I’d branded her. I’d bit her. I’d whipped and bled and fucked her.

Yet now, she’d forsaken me, and the monster howled at the goddamn moon for answers to her secrets.

Franco stepped hesitantly into my quarters. “Tess said the car is ready.” He rubbed the back of his neck. The guy was slightly taller than I was, yet he knew what I was capable of. He’d seen me tear a rapist’s heart from his chest all because my
esclave
told me to.

“What car?
Pourquoi?
” Why? I pointed at the door, punching it again for good measure. “Know what? I’d rather hear it from her.” I hoped she understood my anger at her stupid games. The moment I had access to her, she’d regret ever keeping things from me.

Franco glanced at the locked bathroom, a slight smile on his face. “Fuck, she does know you well.”

My nostrils flared as my heart raced to a diabolic rhythm. “What does she know?”

“That you wouldn’t take this news calmly.”

I fought my temper. “Being kept in the dark won’t exactly make me calm.”

Things had been going so well. I had her. My work. My charities. Yes, I was frustrated, and I wanted things that hadn’t come true. And fuck yes, I’d found myself curbing my true nature more and more because the longer Tess was my wife, the more I fought the need to keep her safe—even from myself. But none of that mattered because I had her. I’d earned her. Hadn’t I?

Our marriage was good.

Our sex life was excellent.

But things were…missing.

No, not missing
.

Changing.

“Fuck!” I roared, kicking the door, wishing I had an axe to chop it to smithereens. My attention slipped from Franco and his fucking cryptic comments to the ceaseless shower washing my naked woman only a few metres away.

Goddamn door and the extra locks and precautions I’d installed. Ever since Tess was drugged and stolen in my office bathroom, I’d had a love-hate relationship with them. Love because a shower had been the first time I’d taken her. And hate because a bath had been the last thing I’d seen before a rampage that’d ended in countless lives slaughtered and yet more blood smeared across my condemned soul.

“Eh, sir. Phone call for you.”

“Quoi?!”
What?!

Franco stomped forward in his work boots and shoved his cell-phone into my paw. “It’s Frederick. Tess told me if you refused to listen to me, you’d listen to him.”

I groaned, swiping my free hand through my hair.

I’d let it grow a little. Mainly because Tess had a fucking adorable way of holding onto it if I didn’t restrain her, using the strands as handle bars as I bit her pussy and forced her high.

She’d called me a tyrant. A beast.

She was right.

But she loved it. Just like I loved giving it to her.

My eyes narrowed as Franco motioned for me to hold the phone to my ear.

Grudgingly, I did.

The second the cool device rested against my skin, my business partner and annoying best friend commanded, “Leave your poor wife alone, Q.”

“Shut up. You don’t know what the hell is going on, and it’s none of your goddamn busi—”

“Wrong. It is my business. I’ve been helping Tess arrange this for weeks.”

“What!?” My voice bounced off the soft furnishings. Franco had the decency to point at the exit and retreat. The minute he was gone, I paced the carpet feeling more and more as if I’d lost control and had no power over the feral monster inside.

The monster that very much wanted Tess’s blood even while desperately needing her love.

“It’s your birthday in two days, Q. You never celebrate. Tess wanted to give you something special. Take you away from work and life.” He paused before continuing with a sharp bark. “You’re going to give in. You’re not going to force her to change her plans. Got it?”

“I never wanted any of this.”

“I know you didn’t. That’s why she’s done it for you. She loves you, you stupid son of a bitch. Let her show you and play along as if you appreciate her efforts rather than want to kill her for them.”

I sulked, glowering at the sex harness tucked in the rafters above. The last time I’d used that, Tess had slept for twelve hours straight, recovering from our escapades. “If I agree, tell me what she has planned. Tell me. Otherwise, I won’t do it.”

What if she’d arranged some crazy sex game designed to give me whatever she thought I needed? What if she pushed me too far and I lost all control and snapped?

I fucking loved her. But I’d never unlocked the cage inside completely, because I didn’t trust my true nature. But there was also a part of me that was very much human. And Tess was what
kept
me human while almost destroying me at the same time.

I granted her pain because she wanted it as much as I did. But just by being alive and in my bed she caused me more pain than I’d ever endured.

“No, that’s where trust comes in.” Frederick chuckled. “Trust her. Trust
us
. Get into the car, follow the GPS, be nice to her, smile and pretend you’re having a great ole time. And then meet us at the rendezvous tonight and enjoy yourself for once.”

“
Enjoy
myself? How can I enjoy myself if I don’t know what’s coming?”

“You know your wife. That’s enough.” Frederick laughed. “Go get in the car, Q. Don’t make me come over there and hog-tie you.”

“You wouldn’t fucking dare.”

“Watch me.” He hung up.

Baring my teeth, I tossed the phone across the room. It bounced against the wallpaper and landed safely in the thick white rug by the fireplace.

Silence fell.

Silence in the bathroom, too.

I stormed toward the door, laying my forehead on the cool wood. Inhaling hard, I forced my temper to a simmer.
“Je suis désolé.”
I’m sorry. “You can come out,
esclave
. I’ve calmed down.”

A scratching sounded on the side of the door, but the knob didn’t turn. The sweetest voice—the voice I would never grow tired of—murmured, “Pack and head to the car, Q. I’ll be down soon. You’ll like this surprise. Trust me.”

Trust her.

For years, I’d done just that.

I’d worked beside her, slept next to her, and been inside her more times than I could count in more positions than were legal.

If this was all she asked of me, then fine.

I could trust her.

And I would fucking obey her.