Jericho (A Redemption Novel) (16 page)

Carolina had always been a little flighty, a little timid, too sweet for her own good, but Georgia hadn’t thought she would be so judgmental. She’d never thought her sister’s words would feel like a hundred slaps to her already sore face.

“He doesn’t frighten me. He’s not making me marry him. I’m marrying him because I want to.”

“I think you’re doing it because you didn’t have any other options. I know how proud you are. You don’t want to let us take care of you, but there is no shame in letting your family help you and the baby. It’s much better than being stuck the rest of your life with some scarred giant that you don’t love.”

Georgia felt her temper spark. She had never raised her voice to her sister or said an unkind word, but she couldn’t take what Carolina was saying. It wasn’t fair to Christian. He was too good a man to be spoken of like that. “Letting my family help me? You watched him throw me out with nothing more than the clothes on my back. You sat there quietly while Robert told the family I tried to seduce him. When he told them I had been giving my body to another man. You saw my bruises, you saw the blood on my legs. And you didn’t try to help. You didn’t try to help me then. You let them choose my rapist over me.”

“They wouldn’t have believed me. I was just nineteen years old. I don’t know why you are so angry.”

“You don’t know why I’m so angry? You could have said something. Anything. You were my sister, the only person I thought I could turn to. But you were just like the rest of them. You turned your back on me. You wouldn’t even look at me as he kicked me out. Now you have the nerve to say that you want to help me? You don’t want to help me. You want to treat me like your charity case. Your poor ruined sister. You want to act as though what happened to me was just some unpleasantness that can be brushed under the rug. I cannot forget what happened and you cannot pretend like it didn’t. Her name is Abby. She is a product of what happened to me. You won’t even say her name. You wouldn’t look at her.”

“I got the picture you sent. She looks like him. Like Robert. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“And I wasn’t expecting to be raped. I refuse to have you treat her like some little second-class bastard child because she makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“But, Georgia, it’s not—”

“Christian may be a scarred giant, but he has shown me more kindness and respect in the past few months than I have gotten in years from my own family. I’m not marrying him because I have to. I’m marrying him because I want to, because he’s there for me and is sweet to me. I’m marrying him because he deserves a good wife. And I deserve someone who is going to love my daughter like his own and not look at her and see her ugly beginnings, but see her for the lovely, smart girl she is.”

Georgia turned around to step away from her sister, from her backward thinking, and Christian was standing there. With Abby in his arms and Miles at his side. Both men looked horrified, and she couldn’t blame them. She was horrified herself.

“Mama?” Abby called to her.

She went to Abby, to Christian, to her small family. She took Abby from Christian and squeezed her, needing to feel her, needing comfort from the only person who ever loved her unconditionally. And then when just Abby wasn’t enough, she took Christian’s arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. She needed to feel his weight and warmth and solidness before she fell apart. He kissed her forehead and then darted a look at Carolina. He must have heard some of their argument, how much she didn’t want to know, but she knew she was done here at her sister’s house. “Can you take me home, sugar? Please.”

“Of course.” And without another word they left Carolina and all her judgments behind.

* * *

“What do you think we should do after we get married?” Georgia asked him later that evening. They were back in their hotel suite sitting side by side on the couch. A sleepy Abby sat on Christian’s lap, her head resting against his stomach.

Georgia had been quiet since they’d left her sister’s house. They all had, even Abby, but Georgia seemed completely lost in thought. He wanted to peer into her mind, to see what she was thinking, but he was afraid he already knew. He had heard most of the argument between her and her sister. The part where Carolina said that Georgia was marrying him because she had no other options, the part where she’d said that by marrying him she would forever be stuck with a big scarred giant.

Georgia had defended him. She said all the things that he had expected her to say, and that should have made him feel better, or right, or something other than what he was feeling.

But Carolina was right. Georgia didn’t have much of a choice. She
had
to marry him. She
was
going to be stuck with a big scarred giant. She had lost her job. She had no money, nowhere to go.

She thought she’d lost her job.

He never told her about the suspension, that it was just going to be three weeks without pay. He had meant to. He had gone there to tell her, but when he saw her, when he saw how she lived, he knew he couldn’t leave her like that. He knew he would regret it for the rest of his life.

Now he realized that he had to tell her about her other options. She could go back to the life she had even if it killed him to let her go.

She didn’t love him. Out of all the kind things she said about him, the one thing she hadn’t mentioned was love. He didn’t expect her to love him. He probably should never expect it. It was impossible to ask, but for some reason when he was watching her argue with her sister he wanted to hear the words roll off her tongue.

I’m marrying him because I’m in love with him.

But they didn’t come, and he felt hollow because of their absence.

“You know the hospital overturned your termination,” he said, not wanting to admit it. “It’s just a suspension without pay. You could go back to work in a few weeks if you wanted.”

“What?” She turned to look at him fully, her eyes going a little wide at his admission.

“I talked to them after they fired you. I told them that it was my fault—that I was the one kissing you. They overturned your termination. You could go back, Georgia. You could be a nurse again. You have options.”

“No.” She frowned, her nose scrunching as she processed his words. “I don’t want to go back there.”

“If you did you wouldn’t have to marry me.”

“But I want to marry you,” she said without a beat of hesitation or second thought. “I want to be a good wife to you.” She rested her head on his shoulder and reached for her daughter’s small hand. “Do you want to back out?” she asked so softly that he barely heard her. “You don’t have to marry
me.
It’s a lot to ask of you.”

It wasn’t a lot to ask. Spending the rest of his life with a beautiful, soft woman would be no hardship for him. He didn’t deserve her. “I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t want to be your husband.”

“I’m so sorry I made you go there, Christian. I wasted your time.”

“You didn’t. I like Miles. While you and your sister were upstairs we sat in his den and talked. He was in the navy. Every firstborn male in his family has been in the navy. He wants to continue the tradition with his son. He asked me if I wanted my son to go into the marines. I said no. I wouldn’t want my child going through what I went through, and then I realized that I wanted a son. That’s what I want to do after we get married, Georgia. When you’re ready, I would like to have another child. I’m the last Howard. My parents were only children. They were older when they had me. I want to carry the name on. My father was a good man. He wasn’t like me. He was a gentle giant. He was love. I want to pass part of him on to my son. So my day wasn’t wasted. You shouldn’t be sorry.”

“When I asked you what you wanted to do after we got married, I meant where should we take our guests to eat. But I’m okay with that, too. I would like to give you a son. I want Abby to have a sibling, to know that kind of love.”

“If you married me, you would be stuck with a big scarred giant. You don’t have to defend me. I know what I am.”

“Yes. I know who you are, too. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and it’s my job as a wife to defend you. And I will defend you. There are no
ifs,
Christian. Only
whens.
I will marry you on Sunday. I will be a good wife to you.”

“But what about your sister?”

“Sometimes I hate my father so much for what he did to me, but I can almost excuse it. He broke when my brother was killed. Both of my parents did.”

“Your brother was killed?”

“Didn’t I tell you? I have three brothers. Abel was the eldest. He was my parents’ joy. But he started dating a married woman and was murdered by her husband. They were never the same after that. My father blamed the woman. He didn’t blame Abel, who should have known better, or the man who killed him, but the woman. He said that she led him into temptation because she wasn’t raised right. She wasn’t raised in God’s image. He vowed to raise his daughters in God’s image. I knew what was going to happen when he found out I was pregnant. I knew, but I didn’t expect Carolina to be silent about it. I’m the most angry with her. We were so close. I thought she would have stood by my side.”

“I don’t think she knew how.” He lifted his hand and trailed his fingers through her loose hair. “I think you need to be angry, Georgia. You have been dealing with so much these past two years that you haven’t had time to be. It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay to if you need more time, but I don’t think your sister’s a bad person. I just don’t think she knew how to help you then.”

“I didn’t want her help. I just wanted her to look at me before I left. I wanted that one sign that she loved me. She wouldn’t look at Abby today. She avoided her when we were there and it all came back to me. I don’t want Abby to go through life feeling as if she’s some unfortunate mistake I’m stuck with in her own family. I want her to feel nothing but love.”

“She will.” Christian brushed his hands over Abby’s curls.

Abby looked at him, rubbing her eyes with her chubby fists. “No Da.”

“Yes Da,” Georgia said.

She cupped Christian’s face in her hands and kissed his eyelids and the bridge of his nose, his chin and then his mouth. In his life he had experienced deep kisses, and soul-sucking kisses and hot, hard, passionate kisses, but when Georgia kissed him like this he could honestly say that this kind of kiss was his favorite.

He brushed her hands away from his face and pressed his mouth to hers, needing to feel more. Her kiss was warm and sweet and shy and soothing. If he ever had any doubts about marrying her, these kisses banished those thoughts.

She was blushing when he pulled away.

“You should only kiss me like that in our bedroom.”

He smiled at her. “I don’t think I can contain myself. You make me want to kiss you.” He stood up. “I’m going to put this one to bed. Why don’t you take a bath and get comfortable?”

“Oh, I can do it.” She stood up and put her hand on his shoulder. “You’ve done enough today, Christian. I can do it.”

“I haven’t done anything today. I want you to relax.”

She looked at him for a moment, a little anxiety sweeping across her face. “It’s my job to put her to bed. It’s my job to take care of her.”

“Then what’s my job?”

“To provide.” She seemed surprised that the words had come from her mouth.

He might have been surprised, too, if he hadn’t known how she was raised. Georgia’s father had taught them some very antiquated lessons on the roles of men and women. Another man might be glad that his future wife wanted to serve. But Christian had grown up with August Howard, who read to him at night and made him breakfast in the morning. His father was very much a part of his life, and the more time he spent with Abby the more he realized that.

“I can’t believe I said that. I’ve gone through so much alone. I’ve provided for her and loved her by myself for so long.” She locked eyes with him. “I’m not marrying you just so you can provide for us. I’m marrying you because I want you to be my family.”

“I know, Georgia.”

“I want to put her to bed. I would like to put her to bed every night, because I used to work the night shift and I didn’t get to do it. Mrs. Sheppard did, and I swore if I ever got the chance to stop working the night shift, I would always be the one to put my baby to bed.”

That he understood, and handed Abby back to her mother. “You take the nights. I’ll get her ready in the mornings. Is that okay with you?”

She nodded. “I didn’t expect you to be like this with her. My father never made us a meal or put us to bed. He never did anything with us.”

“I’m not your father, Georgia.”

“I know.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward her to kiss his cheek. “I’m grateful for that, honey. You don’t know how grateful I am.”

CHAPTER 16

G
eorgia lay beside her daughter in the other bedroom, just holding her close and smelling her clean scent. She hadn’t slept with her daughter that day. It was the first time since she was born. When she was working she used to snatch a few hours of sleep in the morning with Abby by her side, even after she was fired, before Christian came. She used to spend time with Abby like this, studying her while she slept, marveling at her perfect little features. And while she had done so, she had hoped she could find a way to spend more time with Abby.
Prayed
was a more fitting word. If she believed in God, she would say that she prayed for time with her daughter.

But she stopped believing in God the day her father threw her out. But maybe that wasn’t true. When she looked at Abby, when she thought about Christian, she had to believe there was a God. She just was mad at Him for a little while.

Her prayers had been answered. She wasn’t going to have to work anymore or struggle. She wasn’t going to be alone. In just a few more days she was going to be Christian’s wife.

She thought some kind of peace would come over her with that knowledge, but it didn’t. Instead she was terrified of the change and worried she wouldn’t make him happy, and excited that she was going to be able to spend her life with a man who made her feel so many things.

She had to go to him now. He was waiting for her in the bedroom they were sharing. She had stalled a little. Taking a bath with Abby, spending an extralong time dressing her, reading to her from the only storybook they owned. Being alone in a bed with Christian, feeling his large, heavy, warm body against hers, wasn’t comfortable. It made her feel hot and odd and tingly. It made her want to be closer to him.

Sex.

She kept thinking about it. Thoughts of it and him had snuck into her mind so many times that day, so many times since she had met him.

She had never had sex before. Or made love. She had only been used.

It would be her first time with Christian, and she was so nervous about it she couldn’t concentrate on anything else that evening.

It would be nice.

It had to be nice, because it was with Christian.

She kissed her daughter’s sleeping face and placed her in the crib.

It felt so different being with him outside of the hospital, outside of her stress and her worries and her fear of getting caught. It was odd for her to see him as healthy. It was surreal to watch him be so gentle with her baby and amazing how her baby seemed to feel so safe in his arms even though she was pretending she wanted nothing to do with him.

Georgia couldn’t pretend.

He was lying in the bed shirtless when she walked into the room. His hair was damp from the shower. He was mindlessly flipping through the channels, his muscular body totally relaxed.
Man
was the only word that came to mind when she thought about him. One of her father’s old sermons came to mind.

A real man works hard.

A real man takes care of his family.

A real man loves his wife.

A real man doesn’t complain. He just does what a man is supposed to do.

She wondered what her father would think of Christian. It wouldn’t matter to her. She would never change her mind about him anyway.

He sat up when he noticed her standing there, giving her an almost bashful smile. “I didn’t expect you to show up until after midnight. You finished your rounds early.”

“You’re still the last patient I like to see.” Her eyes went to the scars on his arms and torso. They were still angry, but so much a part of him that she didn’t see them sometimes. But then she remembered how he got them and how they came to know each other. “Do you feel okay, sugar? You just got out of the hospital and early, too. You seem so strong, but I worry about you.”

“Come here,” he said softly.

She obeyed and he reached for her, wrapping her in his large body. “You smell like Abby. Did you enjoy your bath time with her?”

“Yes. Are you feeling okay?” She gently touched his scarred wrist. “Do you still hurt?”

“My skin feels tender in some places and really tight in others, and I’m more tired than I’ve ever been, but I’m fine, Georgia. Much better than I was.”

“Would you tell me if you weren’t?”

“No.” He placed his large hand on her thigh and his lips on her neck. “Can I touch you?”

“Yes,” she said, feeling breathless. “I like this. I like when you touch me. I’m not used to it. I kind of want to jump from my skin, but I like it.”

He slid his hand beneath her nightgown, running his fingers along the back of her thigh, his lips leaving slow, soft kisses along her neck. “You make me feel good, Georgia.” He was so gentle with her.

This was going to be nice. It had to be nice, because it was going to be with Christian.

His hand brushed over her belly and then up her torso to the underside of her breast. She let out a moan, but then stifled it, biting her lip, trying to control some of the wild feelings that were racing through her. But then the pads of his fingers stroked her nipple, and she jumped at the sensation.

“It’s okay,” he soothed. “Trust me.”

She did. He was the only person she had truly trusted in a very long time.

His hand cupped her breast; he squeezed her a little, lifted her as if to test the weight. He did this all while he looked at her with those intensely green eyes.

She couldn’t meet his eyes. She felt shy around him, especially now because what he was doing to her felt wickedly good. She began to feel the warmth grow between her legs, that subtle mysterious throb, the dampness. And then he rolled her onto her back, his big body coming over hers. He kissed her, slid his tongue between her lips and kissed her. She didn’t know how to kiss him back when he kissed her like this, so she gripped his face and held him to her, and he delivered the slowest, deepest kiss of her life.

He lifted his mouth from hers and looked down at her for a long moment. She didn’t want this to stop. She missed his mouth. She wanted to feel that connection with him. She slid her hand down his hard stomach, down into his boxers to hold him in her hand again. She would never forget that night, how it made her feel, how powerful she felt giving him such pleasure.

“I think we should wait.” He grabbed her hand, sliding his thick fingers between hers.

She blinked at him. “Wait?”

“Till we’re married.”

“We don’t have to.” She didn’t want to. She was ready for this, ready for him, ready to put her past behind her and only look toward the future.

“I know. I don’t want to wait, but I think when we make love it should be as man and wife.”

“Okay.” It was all she could say. It was what he wanted.

* * *

Christian walked into Abby’s temporary bedroom the next morning, finding her standing up. She looked at him for a long moment, assessing him, almost as if she wasn’t sure what to make of him. He didn’t blame her. One day she was living just with her mother, spending so much of her time with a babysitter, the next day she was faced with him, a big ugly man who was supposed to be her father.

“Good morning, BB.”

“No Da. Up.” She lifted her arms to him and he smiled to himself. He had never thought much about children before, especially babies, but this kid had a big personality. She was going to be a handful when she got older. He found himself looking forward to it.

Life without the military seemed empty to him, but with Georgia and Abby, there were possibilities. He could have another purpose in life. Georgia’s words came back to him. She wanted Abby to be loved for who she was, not thought of by how she was made. He could do that.

He could show her how a father was supposed to treat a daughter and how a man was supposed to treat his wife.

“Up? Is that all I’m good for in this relationship?” He lifted her from the crib and kissed her forehead.

She scrunched her little face, frowning ferociously at him.

“I don’t care if you don’t like it. I’m going to do it again.” He kissed one cheek and then the other, causing her to sigh and drop her head on his shoulder. “That’s right. Get used to it. I’m not going anywhere.”

He took her out into the small dining area. “Oatmeal again this morning, BB? Or maybe cream of wheat for breakfast? What do one-year-olds like to eat?”

“She likes fruit and yogurt for breakfast sometimes. She loves Cheerios, too.”

He turned around to face Georgia. Her hair was messy, her cheek was marked with the lines of a pillow and she wore the primmest nightgown he had ever seen. But she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever known.

“You’re up.”

“Yes. It’s hard to stay asleep when you leave the bed. It feels cold without you.”

Sunday, he reminded himself. They would make love on Sunday, just a few days away. He had made himself stop last night. He hadn’t wanted to. He’d wanted to drive himself into Georgia until the world no longer existed, but he remembered that she was still innocent in a way. She wasn’t used to being touched by a man, loved by one, and it was evident last night when she’d jumped at his touch and looked away from him as if she was too embarrassed to meet his eyes. He had to do it right. He had to make her comfortable with him; he had to make their first time together mean something.

“I’ll buy you a bull mastiff after we get married. You won’t feel that way anymore.”

She grinned at him. “Can I join you two this morning? I promise I’ll be quiet.”

“I don’t know, BB? What do you think?”

“Mama. Eat.”

“It’s a yes. I think I could go for a thick stack of French toast. What about you, Georgia? I haven’t had really good food since I got hurt. I think we deserve to pig out this morning.”

“And bacon. And maybe a couple of eggs.”

“Get dressed. I know the perfect place.”

* * *

He hadn’t been back to his parents’ old neighborhood since he’d left for the marines. It had been twelve years, and then he was reeling too much from the loss of them to take much note of the surroundings, but now that he was here with Georgia things were different. He could see the beauty of the area, the lush greenery, the eye-catching colorful houses. The history. Charleston was a beautiful city. But it was a place he never wanted to come to.

He had been so mad at his parents when they’d first moved here. They had sold his childhood home. On breaks from college, instead of going back to Connecticut, where he had grown up, he came here. To the balmy South, where it didn’t even snow, where none of his friends were.

“That was just about the best food I’ve ever had in my life, Christian,” Georgia said to him as they walked through White Point Garden, a park just a few blocks from his parents’ home. “How did you find it?”

“My parents’ house is in this neighborhood. My father and I ate here every Sunday morning. That place almost made up for them moving me away from all my friends when I was eighteen.”

“You’re from Connecticut, right?”

“Yes, my father grew up in Westport, but I grew up in a big old rambling farmhouse in Litchfield. One winter when I was seventeen we got six feet of snow in just a few hours. My mother, who had fibromyalgia, was tired of being there and so isolated. She thought the warmer weather would help her and it did. They loved it here, but I was so pissed at them for moving. I failed to see how much happier they both were living here.”

“We could go back to Connecticut if you want, Christian,” she said softly. “I won’t mind. There is nothing left for me here in South Carolina.”

They could go back, but for some reason he didn’t want to. He knew she was estranged from her family, but it seemed wrong to take her so far away. There was hope for Georgia and her sister. There was love there. He couldn’t take her away from that.

“I think this is a good neighborhood for Abby.” He looked down at the little girl in her stroller. “There’s a playground not far from here. We could walk to it from my parents’ house if we lived there. I want to show it to you.”

She nodded. “I want to see it.”

* * *

The closer they got to his parents’ house, the quieter Christian became. Georgia wished she knew what to say to him, but there was nothing adequate she could think of. She knew he was alone in the world—maybe it was one of the things that had attracted her to him in the first place—but it wasn’t until now that she realized how hard going through life with no family at all must be. Her family was gone from her life, not dead. If she wanted to, she could see their faces again, but Christian couldn’t.

She would have to give him children. Just seeing how he was with Abby made her realize that Christian was a man who needed to fill up his life with children, with family. It would make him happy.

“Do you have any grandparents?” she asked as they turned down a quiet, tree-lined residential street with pastel-colored houses.

“My father’s mother passed away when I was ten. My grandfather died when I was sixteen. I never knew my mother’s parents. She left home when she was sixteen.”

“Do you ever think about finding them?”

“No. They never thought about finding her. Who lets their sixteen-year-old just walk away from them? And what was so bad about them that my mother had to walk away?”

“Did you ever ask her?”

“No. I was so young and selfish when they died. I didn’t think about not having any other family until I had none. I wished I could have known more about them before they died. It’s one of my biggest regrets.”

He stopped in front of a large white house with black shutters and a wraparound porch with two oak rocking chairs.

There was a garden, which was neglected and overgrown, but there were flowers. Hydrangeas and sunflowers and rhododendrons. Her mother used to garden. Georgia and Carolina would help her weed. She had grown vegetables there, too. Tomatoes and cucumbers, bell peppers. Till this day Georgia still craved fried green tomatoes that came from her mother’s garden. She wondered if she could grow some, if there was space beneath all the greenery to have her own little vegetable garden.