#Jerk (6 page)

I
spent the weekend in hangover hell, dressed permanently in my sweatpants that had a huge hole in the crotch which I only noticed
after
I came home from the grocery store. To make matters worse, I happened to be wearing my big-girl panties (often referred to as Aunt Flo’s couture) because I was fresh out of clean sexy ones and had zip all energy to go do laundry. They were unflattering, had some weird cat pattern on them, and I could have sworn the old man in the cereal aisle had spotted Kitty peeking out from the hole.

              Cats—it’s an omen.

When you spend most of the weekend making friends with the basin, you vow to never touch an ounce of alcohol again. This is why drinking and being single is a deadly combination. Tequila was to blame.
It always is
. Nothing ever good comes from doing tequila shots.

Friday night was a huge blur, but I knew one thing—I screwed the Jerk in the back of the alley.

My life is officially over.

There haven’t been many moments in my life where I prayed that a genie would appear and grant me three wishes, but right now I’m on my knees begging for a magical wish to erase what happened.

The details of our ‘fling’ are a little hazy, and when I say hazy I mean I don’t remember anything apart from him driving off on his motorbike, without finishing our rendezvous, and me vomiting like the exorcist with Vicky trying to salvage my hair.

When I spot the red mark on my neck, a memory of him biting my flesh like a deprived vampire flashes before me and I shrivel up in embarrassment. I have used almost a whole tube of toothpaste to keep the redness down. It takes me back to high school when I looked like a leper dating this jock, Calvin. I was forced to wear scarves during the summer and pulled it off as some new fashion trend. My mother was
so
gullible.

Vicky apologized a million times for having to visit her parents on Sunday, leaving me to fend for myself and come up with a solution. I figured I’d take the mature approach and ignore him. Then I realized that was not going to work and the only way to face my demons would be to confront him head on. I’d even gone to the lengths of preparing a speech. I had a plan of attack, and after my laundry was done, the old Presley was slowing making her way back from ‘girls gone wild vacation’; I couldn’t have felt more content.

God, I was so naïve and delusional!

This, in turn, caused a sleepless night and being overtired.

The next morning, I decide I need to burn that excess energy and pent-up frustration by doing some major cardio at the gym. Trina arrives with Sarah again, and with a quick smile, I pretend to be busy on the treadmill with my headphones, hoping to avoid a conversation. If she caught wind of this, I would seriously get my kitty kicked.

With my iPod on shuffle, I purposely skip past the ballads and settle for some heavy metal. Good ole’ Alice Cooper’s
Poison
floods my hearing and I push myself to ridiculous speeds, almost falling off the machine. Zoning out of my surroundings, the memory of the way he entered me and the way my body reacted comes back to me and a throb between my legs grows. For a split second I close my eyes, and it’s like a movie being replayed in my head. Bits and pieces, piercings…wait!
Piercings??

“Hey Presley! You look lost with the fairies. Anything wrong?”

Trina is standing in front of my machine and it’s a given that I cannot avoid her.

“Just a lot on my mind, you know, work stuff,” I lie.

“I understand. So listen, about the other day. I’ve decided to speak to Haden one more time and if that’s it, well…you’re right, I have to let it go.”

His name alone causes my head to contract into a massive migraine.

“Are you sure, Trina? Jerks like him ain’t worth your time. Besides, you know Allan at the front desk? He asked me about you.”

Her eyes light up immediately. “Allan with the bulging arms?”

I nod. “Seems the shy type, maybe just ease yourself in with light conversation.”

She pats my shoulder, thanking me, and is already at the front desk by the time I have a chance to take a breath. I hate lying, but she’s so young and needs to stay away from the Jerk. Yeah, where was that rational thinking on Friday night?!

I wipe my face and step off the treadmill with unsteady legs, barely able to hold myself up. Leaning on the machine to catch my balance, I glance towards the exit and see the Jerk with Mr. Smokin’ Hot beside him. Oh fuck no, it’s a double whammy! There is only one exit, unless of course I exit via the fire door which in turn would raise an alarm and force everyone to look at me. I would make such a shit fugitive. I procrastinate way too much.
Yeah, except for Friday night.

There you go again.

My brain is working a million miles a minute trying to think of every possible way to avoid him. I change my mind; I’m not mature and seeing his face makes me want to slap it repeatedly then shove it between my legs so Kitty could get her happy ending.

You did not just say that, brain! Get out of the gutter right now!

This reminds me of a recurring dream I have about being naked. Usually, I’m on my way to work riding the bus completely naked. No one is directly looking at me but for some reason I can’t find any clothes and nobody will lend me anything. It’s embarrassing, and leaves me feeling very exposed and ashamed. The similarities to that dream are uncanny. And even though I’m fully dressed, all eyes are on me, judging me on what happened with the Jerk.
Or so I think
.

Trina is busily flirting with Allan, Sarah is in the Zumba class eyeing the cute gay guy next to her, and so I am officially on my own without any friend to save me. Pulling my cell out of my pocket, I send an SOS text to Vicky.

At the gym. #CantHide #Jerk #HELP!

I wait impatiently, but she doesn’t respond and I am running out of time. The bathrooms are located beside where he is standing. He hasn’t noticed me yet, so I watch him from the corner of my eye.

He is laughing, and it’s only now that I notice he isn’t wearing his glasses. He looks completely different, dressed in black shorts with a tight grey tank top that shows off his biceps.
Oh, wow.

Okay, pep talk time. Don’t you dare drool over a jerk that sweet talked you into the alley and left you high and dry—or more appropriately, low and wet. You didn’t finish college to end up following a guy like a pathetic puppy dog. Yes, he is extremely good-looking. Yes, his hair looks like it belongs in a shampoo commercial, and yes, maybe his body is as fucking irresistible as the new salted caramel sweets they keep showing on TV.

I don’t know whether I’m hungry, horny, or need to buy new shampoo. One thing’s for sure, Mr. Smokin’ Hot beside him is walking my way and….

“Hey, gorgeous girl from Friday night.”

His smile is endearing and shyness overcomes me. Perhaps being covered in sweat without any makeup is a surefire way to lower my confidence.

“Hey, gorgeous guy from Friday night,” I repeat back.

“So you train here?”

“I wouldn’t call it training. Just trying to let off some steam.”

“How have I not seen you here before?”

I shuffle awkwardly. “Okay, you busted me. Until last week, I was a gym virgin.”

He laughs softly. “I’m Marcus by the way.”

“Presley.” I extend my hand and he shakes it, lingering while he studies my face. His eyes are light green and brighten when he smiles. His dimples are set deep, and boy is he cute. His jet-black hair is short, recently grown out from what I assume was a shaved head. He is also wearing a tank, and I have to stop my hands from reaching out to squeeze his arms.

“So, you know Haden from work?”

I nod and see Haden talking to some chick at the front with his eyes directly on me. His stare is penetrating, piercing me like a superhero trying to destroy his enemy.

Suddenly I’m self-conscious. Then I realize I’m not the moron who left someone to die in a dark alley. Okay, maybe not
die
, but the Jerk infuriates me with his egotistical ‘I think I’m all that’ persona. Who the fuck leaves a girl mid-orgasm?! A jerk, that’s who.

“How do you know him?” I focus back onto Marcus.

“He’s my cousin. Our dads are brothers.” His tone softens, then, as if shaken, he smiles again and changes subjects.

Weird, but I don’t want to get into it. Cousins? Why is the universe punishing me?! Marcus is soooo yummy and he seems interested. What’s the worst that could happen?

“So, any chance of grabbing a bite to eat some time?” He smiles.

There go the dimples again. In some sort of trance, I try to string a sentence together.

“I’d like that.”

He passes me his phone and I store my number. We talk for a few more minutes before he tells me he needs to leave for work. Saying goodbye, I make my way over to the lockers and grab my stuff to head to the bathroom. Confident that I have avoided the Jerk this morning, I shower and dress, then leave the gym to head into the office.

It’s Monday, and I decide to drown myself in my work until our editors’ meeting in an hour. I don’t have anything to present today and am happy to listen to what other manuscripts will be put on the table. Dee is up front, and as everyone enters the room, I take a seat at the furthest spot from Haden.

From across the room he is staring at me again, making me feel even more self-conscious. Normally I would think I had spinach in my teeth or a milk mustache with this much attention.
What I would give to have a milk mustache right now. He’s probably thinking about how you got down on your knees and sucked him off. Oh dear god, another new memory!

My cheeks flush instantly so I bow my head in order to avoid anyone noticing.

Dee commences her presentation, introducing a new erotic male-on-male romance. The heterosexual men in the room cringe. Clive, our resident fairy, is all over it.

“Totally love it, Dee. There’s a demand for gay romance. Women love it!” Clive claps his hands in utter delight.

“C’mon Clive. How could women love it?” the Jerk asks. “I won’t argue about demand—figures show there need to be more books in this genre—but I don’t get why women want to read about two guys dick-slapping each other.”

There are a few snickers (again from the men) but of course the Jerk starts a heated debate.

“Haden, get your pretty little head out of the lady garden. Women want to see lust, desire…. They want to see acts that are unattainable.”

Clive has a good point, but I don’t want to admit it out loud. Vicky once showed me some random clip of two guys and it was steamy, hot, and
very
taboo. There was something about it that intrigued me, not that I wanted to tell this to Jason at the time.

“Let the women in the room speak up, Clive,” the Jerk tells him.

There is a silence until I hear my name called. All eyes are on me and the Jerk—who once again has put me on the spot.

If he wants to play dirty, I am dressed in my bikini standing in the pit ready to rumble.

“Clive has a point. There’s something arousing about the image of two men. The sexual desire is, um…let’s say, raw and uninhibited. And homosexual men have very appealing bodies.”

He looks amused, leaning back into his chair like an arrogant prick. He is no longer wearing his gym outfit, and I try not to stare at how sexy he looks in his crisp white shirt that is rolled up at the sleeves. Honestly Presley, you need an MRI because your brain has officially lost the plot.

“You don’t think a man and a woman can have the same sexual desires towards each other?” he asks, mocking my point with a slight sneer.

“Probably. Depends if the guy’s a jerk or not,” I shoot back. “It all boils down to the build-up. From what Dee has summarized, the two men are sexually charged after years of denying their sexuality. Women love a good lead up—makes for a heated explosion. Excuse the pun.”

Everyone laughs and I find my confidence in the ultimate stare-off, not backing down. He doesn’t back off either until Dee moves on and the subject changes.

Focusing on a presentation proves difficult when you know someone is staring at you. Occasionally, I turn to look at Clive where he sits next to Haden, and my heart skips a beat when the Jerk’s eyes lock onto mine. If curiosity killed the cat, then Kitty is lying on a stretcher waiting for an ambulance to arrive.