Jessica's Journal: A THERAPY Book of Poetry (3 page)

Falling

Clinging to hope

My dreams are overflowing with thoughts of you

My nightmares a slippery slope

Opening my eyes

Locking them on yours

I plead for the distance between us to no longer

EXIST

Otherwise I’ll disappear

Into the abyss

One by one

I store my mistakes away

Crammed into a mental lockbox

I bury it

Covering up the stench of regret

Dread rains down upon me while dripping down my spine like frigid water

Cold and numb

My feelings overflow from pools of remorse

Depths of darkness consume my heart

Love sinking its teeth in

Swallowing me whole

Giving in sometimes means letting go…

Diving into your buckets of blue I only wish to see the girl you see

Give me glimpses of what it’s like to truly be free

My ear pressing against your chest

I need to know the sound of your heartbeat

WISHING

I were the instrument

You the drummer

Need clawing from beneath layers of desire

Let me climb underneath

Our need rising even higher

Love and lust merge as one

Setting

Us

On

FIRE

Feel how we yearn

Revel in the burn

Melt into me

Hand in hand our fingers are intertwined

Like the roots of a tree

Bound to the earth

We are as one

Movements fluid and ever changing

Like the waves of the ocean

We are dancing

Your body against mine while our thoughts are intermingling

Words exchanged silently

Never speaking

Our eyes meet never abandoning the depths of our stare

Into our souls searching for love

Stripped down

Naked and bare

Give of yourself and of myself I am yours

Not only to love but also to dream

Because you are my roots and I am your tree

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiistance

Now my only friend

Looking back

Memories of the end

Imprinted on my heart

Footprints you left

Tears

Sadness

Emptiness

Full of regret

Eyes shut

Eyes wide open

I still see you there

I’m still hoping

Wanting to smile

Needing to explore

EXHALE

Relax

Just needing

Just wanting

A friend

Place

Where I can be myself

Be free

Just be me…

The cracks mending slowly

Loneliness no more

Home is with him

He is what for

DARKNESS fading

Smiles and laughter we are creating

Opening my eyes seeing for the first time

A likeness that may not equal my demise

Like ivy

It begins to push up from beyond the earth

Moving slowly at first

Circling you inch by inch

Wrapping around you ever so slightly

Soon it becomes ravenous

Breeching your walls

LOVE begins to spell MADNESS

All resolve

All calm

Gone

Replaced by obsession

Your maps and compasses once helped you navigate life

Now shattered

Love can’t be directed

It won’t follow the instructions given

The ivy grows uncontrollably

Nothing short of death stopping it

Tiptoeing around

Teetering on

Perusing the space within them

LINES

Society

Family

They hold the pen that lays them down

Circling us

Confining us

They are drawn

LINES

Skating to the edge

Peering over

Deep into a chasm

Inside them, we sink lower

LINES

Do this

Do that

This choice

That choice

They want to make them for us

LINES

Crayons placed into our hands

Mother

Father

Teacher

Preacher

Strangers

They provide the tools

Inside them, they tell us to color

LINES

Stepping over

Running through them

We CAN choose

Rip through them

Holding all the hues

The bright

The fluorescent

Dark

Light

Rainbows of colors

From your fingertips

Begging

Bleeding

They’ll be waiting

LINES

It’s time

WE COLOR OUTSIDE THEM

Walls had been built

Fears birthed from unrelenting self-doubt

Seated alone within the confounds of my mind

Peeking out

I captured a glimpse

Looking closer I saw you

Looking through the defenses

You saw me

Step by step

You traveled the emotional miles

You pushed

You magnified

Standing me in front of myself

A bright light

You shined upon me

You forced me to see it

The real me

Seeds that you watered

Never once taken for granted

They grew

Implanted

Inside my heart

Branching out into my soul

Breaking

Destroying

Each boundary deploying

Every bridge burnt

Rebuilt by a carpenter of love

A creator of hope

Now resting on rafters above

A once in a lifetime person

An infinite impression