Jingle Bell Blessings (11 page)

Chloe paled, feeling herself shaking inside.

“Robin wasn't much of a swimmer but she went in after him. Because it wasn't a crowded spot there wasn't a lifeguard on duty. Warning signs were posted, but Evan hadn't expected Sean to dash into the water on his own. Evan was only gone a few minutes, but the waves were huge, ferocious. The people on the beach noticed and tried to help, but Robin and Sean were swept out too far.”

Chloe held one hand over her mouth.

“Evan dove in after them, but it was too late. The people there said he fought like a madman to get to them, finally
retrieving their bodies. But it was too late. They couldn't be resuscitated.”

“How awful!” Chloe whispered, tears gathering in her eyes.

“Evan blamed himself. He had planned the vacation. He had left them alone while he went to the rental stand.”

“But it wasn't his fault!”

“He can't get beyond that day.”

“I think…” Chloe began haltingly. “…that's what I see in his eyes.”

Grace nodded. “His heart is broken. And so is his faith.”

Chloe stared, unseeing, into the black depths of her coffee cup.

“My experience is different, but I found myself in the same place with my faith. It's difficult to…reconnect.” Absently, she rubbed the scar on her hand. “Evan's been surrounded by people who care for him ever since the accident.” Grace sighed. “I had to find my path myself, to accept. I couldn't understand until then. I thought the Lord was punishing me, abandoning me. I honestly don't know if that's how Evan feels.” She placed her scarred hand over Chloe's. “But his pain must be mixed with fear. How can he love again? Especially a vulnerable child?”

Chloe couldn't begin to imagine the depth of his pain. “Why didn't he just tell me?”

“Maybe there's a tiny part of him that
wants
to accept Jimmy. He's a good and caring man. I suspect it was easier to say no by phone or letter. Seeing the little guy in person must have torn him up.”

“He didn't show it….” Chloe met Grace's concerned gaze.

“It must have been awful trying to keep that inside, especially since I've done everything I could to push Jimmy in his direction.”

“Evan's bent, but not completely broken. It's that strength he has to hold fast to.”

Chloe was shattered. What about Jimmy? His future? At the same time, her heart ached for Evan. And he'd never shared one word of his pain. “I probably would have gone right back to Milwaukee if I'd known.”

A certain wisdom gathered in Grace's eyes. “The Lord knew that.”

Had Mr. Wainwright? He had told her that Evan was single, not widowed, with no mention of the son he had lost. Had her boss hoped that Evan would see past his pain to take in another child?

“I'll pray for all three of you,” Grace promised. “The Lord doesn't want little Jimmy to be alone, either.”

Drained by the enormous discovery, Chloe found herself tearing up again. “I would appreciate that. I have some praying of my own to do. What if I should never have come here? Maybe, knowing this, I should go back now.”

“And Jimmy?”

That was the killer. And Chloe couldn't help wondering if Evan needed Jimmy as much as the child needed him.

G
ordon refused to let anyone off the hook, insisting they all gather in the parlor to decorate the tall native pine tree. Ned had hauled down several boxes of ornaments, lights, tinsel, and beading from the attic.

The living Christmas tree had been grown by a local horticulturist, Bret Conway, who avidly practiced conservation. He and his wife, Samantha, operated a family nursery. And each year, they delivered the tree, then picked it up after the new year. Gordon had been one of Bret's first customers for his living trees and now theirs was a tall, full, beautiful specimen.

“Does it get bigger every year?” Jimmy asked.

“Sure does,” Gordon replied. “And we don't have to cut down another tree every year. The planet needs all the trees it has and then some.”

“That's what my daddy said.”

Evan watched their exchange, pleased that Jimmy seemed more relaxed. But that very fact worried him equally. His gaze roamed over to Chloe, who had been studiously avoiding him since the night of the hayride. She seemed quieter than usual.

Following Gordon's suggestion, she was carefully unwrap
ping ornaments that had been in his family longer than Evan had. The oldest were hand-blown glass, some imported from Germany and Poland. Others had been made by various family members. Those varied from childish paper cutouts to elaborately decorated salt dough, even a few crocheted snowflakes.

When she reached the one he both anticipated and dreaded, Chloe paused. It was a paper star that Sean had pasted his last photo on. People had always said that Sean was Evan's spitting image. Perhaps that's what Chloe would believe—that it was a photo of Evan. She studied it an overly long time, then placed the paper ornament by itself on a nearby table.

Her cautious attention to that particular handmade ornament made him wonder. Had his father spilled his guts? Wouldn't surprise him. Telling Chloe all about Evan's unfortunate past. Staring at Chloe deliberately enough to cause her to notice him didn't work. She avoided his gaze. Was that because she now knew more? Or because she regretted the kiss?

Eating breakfast and leaving for the office before the others came downstairs, then making certain he and she never met at work, along with skipping family dinner had kept them apart. If Chloe had wanted to confront him, Evan hadn't been available.

Jimmy watched as each ornament came into view. Some caused him to raise his eyebrows, widen his eyes, or light up.

Chloe selected a bell made from tin and handed it to Jimmy. “Why don't you ask Uncle Gordon where to hang this?”

“Anywhere he wants,” Gordon replied. “We just put them up wherever they look good. And, we usually add a few new ones each year.” He smiled, remembering. “Evan's mother did have a strict rule about stringing the lights, though. Have
to start at the top of the tree. Made me restring them more times than I can count.”

Evan knew his father was missing her. “And, she made
us
untangle them.”

“They had to be the first thing on the tree,” Gordon added.

Chloe lifted the lights from a second box. “Funny how they seem to tangle themselves just sitting in the box.”

“Really?” Jimmy asked, peering inside.

She smiled gently. “No. We're usually in more of a hurry to get the lights back in the box than when we take them out. So, they're easier to tangle.”

“Oh.”

A magical fairy that tangled the lights was probably more exciting, Evan mused.

Chloe held up one string of lights, starting to straighten it out.

“Why don't you help her, son?” Gordon suggested. “Jimmy and I can get out the garlands.”

Reluctantly, Evan rose. “Want me to take those?”

Chloe kept her gaze on the lights. “I could use some help.”

Still reluctant, Evan sat on the opposite end of the couch. It might be his imagination, but the lights were more tangled than ever. To reach the cording, he had to slide over one cushion closer. Chloe fumbled with the string, unable to find a starting point. Reaching to find it, Evan's hand collided with hers. As quickly, she pulled back, as though stung.

This time she didn't meet his eyes, instead trying to avoid them. Oh, yeah. Something was up.

Thelma bustled into the room, carrying a large bowl. “Who's going to string popcorn?”

Chloe glanced up at her.

“You're elected,” Thelma decreed. “It's not hard, just pull a needle and thread through a piece at a time.”

“My mother taught me,” Chloe replied, accepting the popcorn.

Jimmy ran over and peered down at the overflowing dish. “Can I have some?”

“Sure.”

He popped a piece in his mouth, chewed, then frowned. “It tastes funny.”

Thelma grinned. “That's cause it doesn't have any salt or butter. You don't salt popcorn you're going to string. Makes it crumble. And the butter… well you can just imagine how hard it would be to string it all greased up. There's another bowl in the kitchen, one I made for you to eat. Want to go get it?”

“Does it have the good stuff?”

She plopped her hands on her hips. “I said it was for eating.”

Jimmy grinned and took off for the kitchen.

As he did, Chloe used the excuse of the new chore to leave the couch and settle in a chair, placing the bowl of popcorn on a side table. Threading the needle Thelma had provided, Chloe began stringing the cooled popcorn.

With the fire blazing in the tall limestone fireplace, it could have been a Norman Rockwell sketch. But they weren't united. Odds and ends, all of them. He and his father, widowers. Jimmy orphaned. Chloe… Yes, what about Chloe?

Evan finally got the lights untangled, then strung on the tree. Gordon and Jimmy joined him, ready to hang ornaments.

Thelma came back into the parlor. “I'll string the rest,” she told Chloe, picking up the bowl. “You go help the others with the ornaments.”

“But I can—”

“Go on.”

Chloe didn't hurry, finally edging behind Gordon.

Spotting her, Gordon pulled Chloe forward. “Grab an ornament.”

She hesitated, then withdrew a small crystal angel. Evan barely contained his surprise. His mother's favorite ornament. Chloe reached upward. His gaze followed. She affixed the hook, then slowly met his eyes. Hers were filled with something he had never seen before. Evan sensed she wanted to turn away, wanted to run.

Seeing how Chloe had woven herself and Jimmy into their lives, his blood chilled. People close to him didn't fare well. And, Jimmy was becoming too comfortable, too attached. It wasn't right. The child would be crushed with disappointment when Evan had to send him home. Despite Chloe's tenacity, that would still be the end result.

His heart twinged, but he had to ignore the temporal feeling. Jimmy would be better off in a two-parent home, one not fraught with tragedy and guilt. Watching Chloe, Evan knew it was time to tell her so.

 

The homey warmth of the evening resonated in Chloe's thoughts. A memory maker, her mother would have called it. Seeing Jimmy's happiness. Appreciating all the family times that had been experienced in the Mitchells' house. Especially knowing the pain Evan carried.

How did he bear to perform the same traditions he had shared with his wife and son? Chloe couldn't get the picture of Sean out of her thoughts, his sweet face, his bright eyes. A child who should have had a long and wonderful future. No wonder Evan had resented her sudden appearance on his doorstep.

But could he overcome the past? Build a future with Jimmy?

After pouring a cup of Thelma's spiced cider, Chloe turned around. And met Evan's glower.

 

It was time, Evan reminded himself. Time to set things straight.

“What's wrong?” Chloe asked.

“You. And Jimmy.”

She hesitated, fiddling with a mug. “Your father—”

“Regardless of what he says, this isn't going to work.”

Chloe's face filled with distress.

“There's no time in my life to indulge Wainwright's whims. I'm trying to keep a business alive.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it as quickly.

“Oh, I appreciate you pitching in at the office.”

“I wanted to,” she rushed to say.

“Even so, you need to find another option for Jimmy.”

“It's a cruel time to—”

“You think I'm cruel? Every day Jimmy's here, you're giving him false hope.”

Chloe looked stricken.

And that bothered him far more than it should. “I've had my say.” Unable to watch her despair any longer, he turned on his heel and left the kitchen. Once back in the entry hall, Evan expelled a deep breath. The confrontation had affected him more than it should. He started toward the staircase, then stopped. Pain mixed with guilt, then multiplied. Why did Wainwright have to disregard his wishes in the first place?

Sighing, Evan turned back to the parlor. Everyone had cleared out earlier. Only the lights on the tree lit the room. But he could have navigated the parlor blindfolded.

He stopped next to the table with Sean's paper ornament.

“I made it for you, Daddy!”

“All by yourself?”

“Mommy helped.”

“It's great, big guy.”

Evan swallowed, then picked up the small piece of construction paper, tracing his fingers over Sean's photo.
I miss you, son. I always will.

With the greatest care, he carried the precious ornament over to the tree, gently hanging it high on the top branch, close to the angel topping the conifer, her wings stretched out to protect all beneath them. “Sleep well, little angel. Daddy loves you.”

Pushing the back of his hand against his lips, he stopped their trembling. But nothing could deter the tears stinging his eyes.

 

Chloe straightened the quilt on Jimmy's bed, pulling it up to cover his shoulders, tucking it in snugly the way he liked. Elbert had fallen on the floor, no doubt when Jimmy had kicked the covers askew. Despite his progress, Jimmy was still a small boy in a home he knew wasn't his own.

Tucking Elbert next to Jimmy, she sighed. Part of her wished she hadn't learned Evan's terrible secret. Her empathy was overtaking her objectivity. It wasn't just Evan's future, she kept reminding herself. It was Jimmy's. But could a man who had lost so much have anything left to give?

Crossing over to the bay window, Chloe looked out into the street. A tree in the window of a neighboring house caught her eye. It was quiet, families all tucked in for the night, children sleeping, adults easing into the later hours.

Would she ever have a family of her own? A child to tuck in bed? A husband to love? Her gaze strayed toward Jimmy. He had attached himself to her heart—it was no longer just empathy.

The lights in the tree across the street winked in the muted darkness. Closing her eyes against the reminder, she acknowledged what else was building in her heart. More than empathy for Evan. Far more.