Joint Intentions (Book 9) (33 page)

"Does she? About what's important? I don't think so. Think about what it must be like to be married to Ryson Acumen. Think of everything she's gone through, about what she's had to face. Her belief in the two of you remaining together must be beyond measuring. That's why she's immune. The strength of that belief is incalculable."

"But I thought she was immune to magic before she even met me."

"She was, but that doesn't mean her beliefs weren't within her. They were always there. They just needed the proper object. You."

Ryson became slightly more uncomfortable talking about Linda. He decided to look at other spell casters; powerful sorcerers and wizards.

"But if what you say is true, then all the spell casters should be helpful, doing what's right."

"When did I say decency or integrity was a requisite for casting powerful spells?"

"Just now. You said magical ability was a measure of belief. Doesn't that mean it's a reflection of character?"

"I think it is, but there's nothing that would prevent magic casters of poor character from having strong beliefs. It depends on the belief itself."

"So if they believe in something evil, they'll turn out to be evil?"

"More than likely."

Ryson didn't appreciate that answer, and he attempted to find a flaw in the sorceress' theory.

"Ansas was extremely powerful."

"So he was," Vraya agreed.

"Ansas didn't believe in anything."

"Not true. Ansas believed in himself, and not necessarily in a good way. He was the most arrogant individual I have ever come across. He believed the magic could transcend him into an immortal existence."

"So why were his spells so powerful?"

"Because the link between his arrogance and his own power was extremely strong. Like I said before, the belief itself doesn't have to be virtuous or even honorable in nature. Magical ability doesn't distinguish between good and evil. It's just a measure of the strength of a belief, not the quality of that belief."

"What about Neltus?"

"Have you ever met a more selfish person?" Vraya asked.

"I don't think so, but how is that a belief?"

"It's a belief that he's entitled to things, that his desires are more important than anyone else's."

"So everyone who casts spells of strength has some kind of strong belief."

"Everyone I've come across does."

"What about Jure?"

"Jure believes in following the guidance he's been given. He believes in Providence... that eventually the answer for any problem will come to him from a greater power."

"And Enin?"

"Enin believes in many things. I think that's why he was so powerful. He believes in allowing people to make their own choices and not interfering in their lives. He believes people need to be accountable for their own actions, but he also believes in helping people, giving advice, and protecting the innocent. Those beliefs didn't always stay in alignment. Many times he ran into situations where he had to decide whether to help or not to interfere. It tested his beliefs, but he never gave up on any of them. He would just sort through them the best he could. That's why he believed balance was so important. He still does, but the balance weighs on him differently now."

"And what about you? What do you believe in?"

"You're not going to believe it."

"Try me."

"Loyalty."

"Why wouldn't I believe it? There's nothing wrong with loyalty. It's an admirable quality."

Vraya appreciated the comment, for she saw loyalty within the delver as well. It was one of the reasons she chose to watch him, but she wondered if Ryson saw devotion in the same manner as she did.

"What does loyalty mean to you?" she questioned.

"Staying true, sticking by someone, being dependable and reliable."

"Absolutely, and you just gave a great description for consistency. Now think about it. What's the power of my magic?"

"Alteration."

"You're right. And loyalty is about being unalterable in your beliefs and actions. Don't you see the inconsistency?"

"So you're saying you're an aberration?"

"More like a contradiction."

A Contradiction.

It was the word Rul Saattan used to describe Baannat, as well as Ryson himself.

"Rul called me a contradiction."

"I'm not surprised."

"And is that why you've been watching me," Ryson asked, "because you think we're similar?"

"To a degree, yes, and that's why you're uncomfortable around me. Your instincts and your senses have already alerted you to that fact. You've listened to what I've said, and you may not agree with what I've done, but you understand it. I've been watching you... and learning, just like you go out and explore to find answers to your own questions."

"But why do you consider me a contradiction?"

"You're a delver, you explore on your own, but you're at your strongest when you help others. You bring people together even while you'd rather be alone on some hilltop searching for secrets no one else knows are there."

"That can't be all of it. Everyone needs time alone."

"I agree, and there is more to it than that. Consider everything about you. You look for answers by using your own senses, but you carry an enchanted sword around that will give you direction through magical decree. Normally, you need to see things for yourself, but you accept the sword's messages as indisputable truths."

"Am I supposed to ignore them?"

"No, but isn't it remarkable how you've become so comfortable with that blade? I honestly believe it would have driven a different delver crazy by now."

Ryson grimaced. He never quite knew what to make of the Sword of Decree. It didn't offer him answers every time he needed them. Often, it left him to his own devices. He wondered why it allowed him to make so many mistakes when it could have prevented a number of disasters by revealing the absolute truth behind any number of mysteries.

And yet, he had learned to depend on it, to use it when the stakes were enormously high. He accepted the messages from the sword because it guided him when he was uncertain of which path to take. He did not harbor any frustration toward the weapon and its seemingly unpredictable enchantment. Believing his attachment to the blade was being questioned, he found it necessary to defend his use of the sword.

"What am I supposed to do? Just throw it away? The elves gave me this sword as a gift. And it does more than just offer intermittent guidance."

"I know that. It's a beacon, and in more ways than one. It does more than just light up the darkness. It has given hope to many."

"Then it's really not a contradiction for me to carry it."

"Even you don't believe that. It's still a sword, just like the battle blades you wear on your hips. You avoid killing at nearly any cost, and yet those swords are deadly in your quick hands."

"I need them. They remind me how dangerous this land has become since the magic came back."

"And that's another interesting aspect of you. You were once a magical individual in a non-magical world. Before you destroyed the Sphere of Ingar, there were no spell casters, no magical energies flowing across the land, but the magic swelled within you. Your very existence was a contradiction."

"But that's changed. Magic is all over the place."

"That's true, and you've changed as well, especially recently. You saw your soul, and now you have to reconcile what that means while you're in a mortal existence. It's like you've gone right back to the beginning, being filled with magic when no one else could cast spells. Now you're dealing with a spiritual awareness in a land based on physical consequences."

"I'm just looking for answers," Ryson argued, unwilling to see himself as some abstract ambiguity. "I've always looked for them. This is no different."

"Of course it's different. That's why you see Sy as more than a protector. You see the ghost captain as a reflection of yourself. You wonder why he's here. I wonder the same thing. Does he want to be here? Is he trapped? Is it a reward? Is it a punishment?"

Ryson realized the discussion had been sidetracked. He had wanted to find out about Vraya, but instead, they were talking about magic, his sword, what it was like to be a delver, and even Sy's spirit. It was time to return to his main concerns.

"So now we're going to talk about Sy? No, we need to focus on you."

"I'm willing to answer your questions."

"You spoke about loyalty before. What are you loyal to?"

"Things that are important to me."

"Too vague. Give me an example."

"You."

Ryson shook his head, but wasn't sure what to say. He had no desire to be the object of some stranger's loyalty. He was burdened with enough worries. It suddenly felt as if he was being placed in a position of adoration, and he didn't like it.

The sorceress expected as much.

"And that's another reason you're uncomfortable with me," Vraya explained. "It goes beyond me simply watching you like some bystander during a battle. You compared me to an apprentice. I think that's true. But I keep watching you because
I am
loyal. I have found you to be a remarkable individual. I admire how you help others, how you listen, and how you hold to your principles. I am awed by your relationship with your wife, and your friends... and your dog."

"This sounds like it borders on obsession."

"There is a fine line between obsession and loyalty.  I do my best not to cross it."

"Maybe you already have."

"Perhaps I have, but I've tried not to be intrusive."

"I'm not sure that matters. I might not have known what you were up to, but that doesn't make it any easier now that I do. It's like I've been on a stage but never knew there was an audience. It's more than just uncomfortable, it's disturbing."

Vraya saw the expression on Ryson's face and she suddenly felt as if she had committed what she considered an unthinkable act. She wondered if she had offended the delver.

"You think it was wrong to watch you as I have?"

"Don't you?"

"I didn't, but now that I see how you object, I think maybe I
was
wrong. It might have been better to ask your permission."

"That would have been a better way to start."

"I'm sorry," Vraya offered with absolute sincerity.

"Does that mean you'll stop?"

"I will, and I will add that mistake to what I already owe you."

Ryson believed the sorceress, and since he didn't wish to dwell on the topic for both their sakes, he decided to move the discussion in a new direction.

"You talked about that before. What else do you owe me for?"

Vraya decided to return to the issue Ryson had initially hoped to avoid.

"Showing me how to see my own soul. After you saw yours, I decided to look for my own."

"And what did you find?" Ryson asked, too curious to change the subject once more.

"It wasn't easy, but I found the right spell. It was hard at first. I thought the direct approach was the best way. I tried to alter my perception of this existence, to see beyond the material and into the spiritual being."

"That didn't work?"

"Not really. It gave me an appreciation for different layers of existence, but it didn't help me grasp the fullness of my own essence. I needed to see deeper. I had to break through a wall which I think exists naturally for everyone. The spell that finally worked was one that changed my overall outlook on life itself as opposed to the circumstances we live in."

"What does your outlook on life have to do with your soul?"

"Isn't that the question you're trying to answer? Isn't that what you basically asked Reader Rachael?"

"And you found the answer?"

"Absolutely not. I just changed how I looked for it. Our souls aren't trapped in our bodies. That makes it sound as if they're caged against their will. They're not. They're not dormant in there either. They're feasting on what we feed them. You're trying to figure out how to feed your own. I can't answer that."

"But you must have some opinion."

"I have a suggestion. Celebrate what you've seen. It always amazes me how there are some people who want nothing more than to step into the abyss. They hope for nothing at the end. You know that's not the case."

"Celebrate? It's not easy to celebrate all the things I've seen! Have you forgotten what we're up against?"

"Not at all."

"And you think I should be happy about this?"

"You misunderstand. When I first felt Reiculf's transformation, I was terrified. In many ways, I still am. These are difficult times we face, dangerous times. Demons have been freed. I felt the barriers lifting. It gives me chills and I dread the horrors which are now open before this land."

"And I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to celebrate," Ryson challenged.