Journey Through the Impossible (8 page)

Tartelet: No little.... (Aside) Who is this big oaf? (He looks at
Valdemar's feet) Ah, those feet!

Valdemar: I beg your pardon?

Tartelet: Out, young man, out.

Valdemar (surprised): Out? He's sending me away. He wants to be
alone.

Tartelet: Where are you going?

Valdemar: You told me to go out.

Tartelet: I meant you should point your toes out. It's what we call the
choreographic angle.

Valdemar: The what?

Tartelet (touching him with the tip of his bow): Farther apart. Farther,
farther. (Valdemar nearly falls down) That's fine, just like that.

Valdemar: Oh, you think that's fine, do you? A funny kind of scientist you are!

Tartelet: I have the honor of speaking to Mr.... ?

Valdemar: Axel" Valdemar, from Copenhagen.

Tartelet: Excellent! Well, Mr. Axel Vladimir...

Valdemar: Excuse me, it's Valdemar.

Tartelet: All right, all right.

Valdemar: And you've come from ... ?

Tartelet: From Aalborg.

Valdemar: You came by train?

Tartelet: No.

Valdemar: By ship?

Tartelet: No.

Valdemar: By stage coach?

Tartelet: No, I ran.

Valdemar: You ran?

Tartelet: On electricity.

Valdemar: You ran on electricity!

Tartelet: Yes.

Valdemar: And where are you going?

Tartelet (pointing to the ground): Down there!

Valdemar: Into the cellar?

Tartelet: Lower.

Valdemar: Lower my voice? Why? Is anyone listening to us?

Tartelet: Underground. To the center.

Valdemar: To the center of the earth?

Tartelet: Through the crater.

Valdemar: That's not possible.

Tartelet: It's not possible, but we'll do it, my friend. Your feet! (Correcting his position) Your feet!

Valdemar: (Aside) Again! A funny kind of scientist he is!

Tartelet: And you, Mr. Vladimir?

Valdemar: Val ... demar, if you please.

Tartelet: Very well. Now it's your turn to tell me about yourself.
Where are you going, Mr. Vladimir?

Valdemar (aside): He insists on calling me Vladimir! (Aloud) I'm
going to a place, Mr. Tartelet, where a man can make his fortune.

Tartelet: That's a place I haven't found yet.

Valdemar: You see, I'm in love with a charming young lady in Copenhagen, Miss Babichok.18

Tartelet: And naturally, Miss Babichok is not in love with you, Mr.
Vladimir.

Valdemar: Vladimir again! I told you my name is Valdemar.

Tartelet: Ah! Excuse me, young man. It's just that there are some
names I can't manage to pronounce, and I don't think I'd ever be
able to say yours. I'd rather call you Matthew. Is that all right?

Valdemar: Matthew suits me fine. I once had a good friend named
Matthew.

Tartelet: So did I.

Valdemar: He was an astronomer.

Tartelet: Matthew Laensberg, it was. You said your name is
Valdemar?

Valdemar: Oh, so you can say it now. Good!

Tartelet: Excuse me, I was mistaken. You were saying that Babichok...?

Valdemar: Is madly in love with me. Ah! What a woman! What a
soul! What a heart! And beautiful! When I think about it, I get
palpitations19-right here. (With great feeling) Do you know about
palpitations? I think you call them "battements" in French.

Tartelet: Do I know about battements? Of course. In ballet there are
big ones and small ones.

Valdemar (surprised): Big ones and small ones?

Tartelet: You raise one leg and move it up and down, while the other
leg supports the whole weight of the body. Try it.

Valdemar: Try what?

Tartelet: Some battements. Like this. (He demonstrates) Try it.

Valdemar: (Aside) He's not well! That isn't the kind of palpitation I'm
talking about. What a funny kind of scientist!

Tartelet: I'm wondering why you haven't married Babichok, if she
loves you so much.

Valdemar: There were two obstacles to our union. In the first place,
Babichok considered me too fat and too thin.

Tartelet: How can that be?

Valdemar: Too fat physically and too thin financially.

Tartelet: I see.

Valdemar: Well, yes, I am a little on the plump side, I told her, but
when it comes to something you love, the more of it you have, the
better. Perhaps she might have gone along with my corpulence,
seeing that she was rather skinny herself. Between us, we would
have averaged out to make a nice little well-padded couple.

Tartelet: Yes, one would have made up for the other. The only
problem left, then, was....

Valdemar: Money! She simply would not let go of that idea. She loves
me too much. Valdemar, she would say, I want you to be rich, very
rich. I want you to have a fine carriage and beautiful hair-I mean
beautiful horses-and beautiful hair, too, of course, and a lovely
hotel where I can adore my idol to my heart's content. But to see
you in poverty, in misery, I couldn't stand it. I'd rather put up with
someone else than endure the pain of sharing your poverty. Tell
me, Mr. Tartelet, is that not true love?

Tartelet: That is perfect love. First class.

Valdemar: And so I left in the hope of making my fortune, and by
traveling to develop the brilliant qualities of my soul.

Tartelet: You did the right thing. Matthew! Your feet!

Valdemar: I've seen many countries in my time, and benefited from
that experience, if I may be so bold as to say so. I've studied the
way of life, I've observed the costu ... the customs, and I've jotted
down all my poetic impressions in this notebook.

Tartelet: That must be a remarkable notebook.

Valdemar: Look at this, now. "France: admirable country. Paris:
admirable country."

Tartelet: That's brief and to the point.

Valdemar: I have to make myself understood. "In Paris, we ate beef,
veal, and mutton. Switz ..."20

Tartelet: Swiss mutton?

Valdemar: No, no. There's a period in there. "Switzerland: admirable
country. Geneva: admirable country, ate veal, mutton, and beef.
Italy: Rome. Rome!"

Tartelet: Ate veal, beef, and mutton.

Valdemar: No. I let you say that, just to be polite, but there isn't any
there. All they eat there is goat's meat, the way they eat macaroni
here.

Tartelet: And you're writing all these impressions for Miss Babichok?

Valdemar: Naturally. It will be interesting for her, and for Cousin
Finderup,21 who stayed behind with her.

Tartelet: Aha! There's Cousin Finderup, is there?

Valdemar: Yes. He's a friend of mine. A good lad. He's supposed to
write to me at each of my stops, with news of my fiancee. As soon
as I've made my fortune....

Tartelet: Well, have you made it yet?

Valdemar: Not yet, but I'm not discouraged. I'll do it. For her, mind
you, I'll undertake the impossible.

Tartelet: The impossible. That's exactly where we're going. Will you
come with us?

Valdemar: Where?

Tartelet: There. Down below.

Valdemar: In the cellar?

Tartelet: To the center of the earth.

Valdemar: What for?

Tartelet: Why, to make our fortune. Isn't that the general storehouse
of valuable things? Silver, gold, diamonds? Don't the most precious things in the world come from the bowels of the earth?

Valdemar: That's true, yes. It's the central treasure house. All you
have to do is help yourself. But I don't have the key.

Tartelet: We have it!

Valdemar: And will you take me with you?

Tartelet: Yes, if you agree to drink a few drops of a certain potion. It
will take you there in a second.

Valdemar: Will we be running?

Tartelet: Running on electricity.

Valdemar: And where is this potion?

Tartelet: I have a vial of it here. I drank some by mistake, but you'll
drink it out of ambition.

Valdemar: Ah, Mr. Tartelet, I'm so fortunate to have met you! One
drop. Just one little drop.

Tartelet: All right, but on one condition.

Valdemar: I agree to it in advance.

Tartelet: For two hours a day, you must place your feet in the third
position.

Valdemar: What do you call the third position?

Tartelet: Look. Like this.

Valdemar (He is surprised, but obeys): All right, I'll do it. But what good
does it do you if I place my feet in the third position? You're a professor.

Tartelet: A dancing teacher, my friend.

Valdemar: A dancing teacher! And I thought you were a scientist!

Tartelet: Let's go and have a drop of that potion.

Valdemar: Yes, yes, a drop. Let's go and have a drop. (Exit.)

(Enter George, Ox, and Eva)

George: Everything is ready. If there are risks to be run, you won't
tremble?

Eva: No, of course not.

Ox (to George): Do you want to go?

George: Right now. There's the crater of Vesuvius, open to anyone
brave enough to go down into it. Even if it were to close behind
us, what would it matter? Let's go.

Ox: All right, then. To the center of the earth!

(Enter Master Volsius, disguised as Professor Lidenbrok.)

Volsius: To the center of the earth! Ah! Those are great and resounding words. And the hope of getting there, it seems to me, is a wonderful madness. Ah!

George: To whom have we the honor of speaking, sir?

Volsius: Professor Lidenbrok.

George: Professor Lidenbrok! You're the one who went....

Volsius: Several hundred leagues under the earth, and no more,
because it would have been impossible to go farther. And you find
me here in Naples, within sight of Vesuvius, because a lava eruption carried me back up to the surface of the earth. It looked like a
beautiful country to me, and I've decided to stay here for a while.

Ox: So, then, professor, you declare that it's impossible to go beyond
the limits where you yourself were forced to stop.

Volsius (laughing): Exactly, sir. Exactly.

George: Is it forbidden, then, to try to win glory by a route that
others have not been able to follow?

Volsius: Ah! That route is already marked out, sir. Parallel to the
crater of Vesuvius, whose smoke you can see from here, there is
another crater, an extinct one, which will take you where I went,
if you feel so inclined.

Ox: We have to go in farther than that.

Volsius (laughing): Farther! Ah!

George: And we will.

Volsius: I stopped, gentlemen, when it was impossible to go any farther.

Ox (sarcastically): When you didn't dare go any farther.

Volsius: You think so! Upon my word, gentlemen, you are very brave.
Your bold attempt fills me with enthusiasm and makes me want to
start the journey over again with you.

George: Please do.

Eva: Oh yes, come, sir, do come. I don't know why, but I find your
presence reassuring.

Volsius (hesitating): Well, it's decided, then. You want to go....

Ox: To the center of the globe.

Volsius: I don't know why you risk your lives in such ventures, but I'll
go with you and be your guide.

Ox: Come, then.

Eva: George, in heaven's name!

Volsius (aside to Eva): Let him go, miss. There are limits at which
they will be forced to acknowledge human frailty, and they will
not go beyond them. Come, my child, come.

(Exit all.)