Journey to Wubang 01 - Earth to Hell (59 page)

Leo rounded on Simone. ‘You destroyed a Coach? I don’t think I want to go shopping with you now.’

‘We can buy a couple of new outfits for Emma,’ Simone said in a stage whisper.

Leo hesitated, looked at me, then turned back to Simone. ‘It’s a deal.’

Simone jiggled and clapped her hands. ‘Yay!’

‘Don’t you dare!’ I said.

‘Can’t hear you, Emma,’ Simone said. She tucked into her scrambled eggs. ‘Can’t wait. This will be
so
much fun.’

‘Have you spoken to any of the staff or students of the Academy since you returned from the Heavens, Emma?’ Martin said.

‘No,’ I said, then I understood. ‘Oh dear.’

‘What?’ Simone said, then realised. ‘The snake thing.’

I put my toast down. ‘I don’t think I want to go down there now.’

Martin raised his head and concentrated, and Meredith appeared sitting at the table with us. Ah Yat brought in a pot of English tea for her.

‘Tell us the worst,’ I said.

‘You have an energy work class at ten, Emma, better get a move on,’ she said.

‘Is everybody as freaked out as I think they are?’

She sipped her tea. ‘No.’

‘That’s not possible, Meredith. I’m a
snake.
Half the students probably didn’t show this morning.’

She put her tea down. ‘Emma, the most common reaction amongst the students is “oh, she is something weird after all”.’

Simone choked on her coffee and spluttered for a few moments. She grabbed a tissue from the centre of the table and wiped her mouth.

‘She’s laughing because it’s true,’ Meredith said.

Simone nodded, obviously unable to talk.

‘Nobody’s left the Academy?’ I said.

‘Nobody.’

‘What about the Celestial?’

‘Ah.’ She put down her teacup. ‘That has been slightly different. Snakes have a reputation for being untrustworthy and shiftless. They are loners who don’t socialise with the rest of the Celestial fraternity. They are also without family and some of them don’t even know their ancestry; this is very shocking.’

‘So me being a snake just pounds home the point that I’m an outsider,’ I said. I ran my hands through my hair. ‘Wonderful.’

Meredith nodded to Leo. ‘Welcome back.’ She nodded to Ming Gui. ‘Both of you.’ She turned back to Leo. ‘Are you planning to come down to the Academy?’

‘I want to see my old students,’ Leo said. ‘I’d like to catch up with them.’

‘Good. When you are down there, ask Emma’s secretary to call me. I’ll have a look at your back, see what we can do about it.’

‘I don’t think there’s anything you can do, Meredith,’ Leo said. ‘It’s wrecked.’

‘We will see.’ Her voice became brisk. ‘Well, missy, you have an energy class at ten, regardless of how long and narrow you are. Your kids need you and the Academy needs you.’ She put down her tea and rose. ‘Oh, Jim took off with Hien. We don’t know where they went. He left a sealed envelope in your pigeonhole for your eyes only. We have a good idea what it says. Apart from that, things are relatively normal down there. See you soon, don’t be late.’ She disappeared.

When I arrived at my energy class, the juniors were sitting silently on the mats in a circle around Billy, their eyes unseeing. Billy was in True Form: a stone of rough-hewn granite about the size of my fist.

‘Is Billy showing them a recording?’ I said.

‘Yes,’ my stone said.

The students all jumped as if stung, and a couple of the girls squeaked. Esmerelda’s eyes went wide with horror.

‘Oh my God,’ Chelsea whispered. ‘Oh my God.’

‘I’m here, Billy, you can turn off the horror show now,’ I said loudly.

The students sagged and looked at each other, guilty. Billy took human form and rose, also looking guilty.

‘You should all have been standing when I came in, guys, this really isn’t good enough,’ I said, attempting to break their mood. ‘Let’s start with about fifteen minutes of meditation, then we can do chi flow.’

The students sat cross-legged on the floor and shared another look. Obviously from the Shens’ expressions a silent conversation was taking place. Billy grimaced at Apple, and Apple gestured with her head back at him. All of the students looked guilty. A couple of them shifted slightly away from me.

‘How did you get a recording of me being a snake?’ I said. ‘Only the guards and the tree spirits were there; there weren’t any stones!’

‘My parent was one of the guards,’ Billy said quietly.

I ran my hands through my hair. ‘Does everybody in the Academy know?’

‘I think everybody in the
world
knows now, ma’am,’ Billy said. ‘It’s number one search parameter on the stone network.’

I rose, turned and went out. I didn’t go up in the lift; I went to the stairwell and ran up the stairs from the third floor to the twenty-sixth. I slammed the door open and stormed into the offices. The minute I entered, everything went silent. I felt everyone’s eyes on me as I rushed to my office.

I closed the door behind me and leaned on it, then fell to sit at my desk and put my head in my hands.

Dear God, everybody in the Celestial had seen it.

Somebody tapped on the door and I ignored them.

‘Ma’am?’ Yi Hao said softly on the other side of the door.

I shuffled papers on my desk. ‘Come in, Yi Hao.’

She opened the door a crack and peered around it. She opened it further and sidled in. She stood just inside the door and wrung her hands.

‘What, Yi Hao?’ I said.

Yi Hao hesitated, then, ‘Your juniors are here, ma’am, they want to see you.’

I spun away on my chair. ‘Maybe later.’

Something clattered on my desk and I turned to see. Billy sat there in True Form. ‘Ma’am, could you come back down to the training room? We’re very sorry if we offended you.’

‘I’m not offended, Billy,’ I said. ‘I just don’t like the idea of you having to see what you saw.’

‘Actually…’ Billy’s voice trailed off. ‘Actually, ma’am, we were wondering if you would show us again. In the training room. We want to see it.’

‘You don’t want to see it, Billy.’

‘Uh, ma’am.’ Billy paused again, as if taking a deep breath, and plunged on. ‘Ma’am, we think that your serpent form is absolutely the coolest damn shit any of us has ever seen in our entire lives, and we humbly ask you, as your students, to come and show us. Please. In the training room.’ His voice took on a wheedling edge. ‘Please?’

I couldn’t help myself: I laughed quietly. ‘Cool shit, eh?’

He sounded delighted. ‘Yes, ma’am!’

‘We have a phoenix in our class, Billy. You know how the birds feel about snakes.’

‘Esmerelda thinks you’re cool shit too, ma’am, provided you promise not to eat her,’ Billy said. ‘Please?
We really want to see.’ He obviously had a sudden idea. ‘You won’t attack us or anything, will you? You’re not poisonous and going to bite us?’

‘No. Even though I
am
poisonous, I won’t bite you, and I definitely won’t attack you,’ I said. ‘Even though I change shape I’m still one hundred per cent me.’

‘Are you his Serpent, ma’am?’ Billy said.

I was silent at that.

‘That would be even cooler.’

I sighed with feeling. ‘I don’t know, Billy. I really have no idea what I am. I’m not a Shen; I’m a human being that changes into a snake. Why I change, I don’t know. In fact, anybody who has any ideas as to what I am is most welcome to make suggestions.’

‘I hope you are his Serpent, that really would be excellent,’ Billy said. ‘So, you coming down to show us? We have plenty of time left. Please say yes.’

I rose and pushed my chair away from the desk. ‘I suppose.’

‘Woot!’ Billy said, and disappeared.

He reappeared on the desk. ‘Uh, can we move it to training room four, because the other juniors want to come and see? No, some of the seniors too. Whoa, about fifty people want to see this, ma’am.’

‘Training room four it is then.’ I shook my head. ‘Cool shit?’

‘Cool as hell, ma’am, and I apologise for the language,’ Billy said. ‘But there’s really no other way to say it.’ He disappeared.

After the energy work class I went back to my office. Yi Hao had cleared my pigeonhole and there was a pile of memos about the Academy in my in-tray. Most of it was standard stuff; a few were memos of support from the staff saying that snakes were just as good as anybody else and not to take anything personally.

I opened Jim’s letter. It looked like it had been written in a hurry.

Hey Emma,

They’re after her and it wasn’t really her fault. I can’t see any other option here; as a rep of the Celestial you’re obliged to turn her in. She reminds me too much of my own daughter and I can’t believe I didn’t see the addiction a second time around. Looks like the pine nuts and spring water will have to wait.

Jim

I wondered where he’d taken her—could have been anywhere. He was an expert at infiltration and could possibly still have some of the fake identities that the British Special Services had set up for him. All I could do was wish them the best.

At about 6 pm Leo and Simone slammed open my office door and she pushed him in in his wheelchair. Simone put her hands on her hips. ‘You come home right now.’

I gestured towards the computer screen. ‘When I’ve finished these sheets. You guys go, and I’ll give you a call when I’m ready.’

‘No,’ Simone said. ‘It’s dinnertime soon, and we’re all having dinner together. You, me, Leo and Martin. Like a family.’ She gestured towards the computer. ‘That can wait.’

I hesitated, then shrugged. She was right. I saved the sheet and rose to accompany them. ‘Where are all the shopping bags? I can’t believe you two went out with two of Simone’s girlfriends and didn’t buy anything.’

‘The trunk of the Merc is so stuffed full I nearly needed to pull out a bungee cord like the taxi drivers do when they have too much luggage,’ Leo said with amusement. ‘The demon driver the Academy gave us laughed himself sick.’ He sobered. ‘You’d better review
the receipts, Emma, I think we went slightly overboard on the spending.’

‘Did you have fun?’

They shared an evil grin.

‘Then it was worth it,’ I said. I gestured towards Simone. ‘This is the happiest I’ve seen you in years, Simone. It’s good to see.’

‘All we need is Daddy home and everything will be perfect,’ she said. ‘Oh, and a school for me.’

‘One of the interviews is tomorrow, remember,’ I said. ‘The school on top of Braemar Hill.’

‘I’d like Leo to come as well,’ Simone said.

‘That’s not really appropriate—’ Leo began, but Simone cut him off.

‘You’re not a Retainer, Leo, you’re part of the family. My…kinda second father, or weirdo gay uncle or something. Whatever. You count.’

Leo’s face darkened. ‘Weirdo gay uncle.’

‘Matched set with my weirdo gay brother,’ Simone said, unfazed.

Leo shook his head. ‘I guess you’re right.’

We went down to the car and Simone helped Leo into the back seat.

‘I want to drive you two around,’ Leo said, frustrated. ‘I want to be useful. I want to be the driver again.’

‘If you take the Elixir—’

He cut me off. ‘I will be stuck for all eternity as a paraplegic, don’t pretend I won’t. I know that’s how it works.’

‘Don’t let it stop you, Leo,’ Simone said. ‘Immortals can change their forms and fly and everything.’

‘That’s not the issue for me. Do you think we could have the car adapted so I can drive it anyway? Can they do that?’

‘I’ll get Yi Hao onto it right away,’ I said.

‘Now you’re talking,’ Leo said with enthusiasm.

‘How many schools do you have lined up for me?’ Simone asked as I drove us up the steep road to Braemar Hill the next day.

‘Just this one at the moment. They’re interviewing you for the waiting list.’

She hesitated a moment, then, ‘Maybe if I can’t get something, I could go to Celestial High for a while. Sylvie and Eva say they have great fun there, and they don’t get any trouble about missing classes ’cause they have to fight demons or anything. And besides, it would make it easier for Eva and me doing our elemental thing.’

‘That might be a good idea,’ I said. ‘I’m having trouble finding a tutor for you, and we can’t stop your education because of this.’

‘Yeah, I don’t want to fall behind. But I still want to go to a normal school!’

‘This elemental thing you’ll be doing sounds great,’ Leo said. ‘Can’t wait to see them.’

‘I’ll show you some when we get home,’ Simone said. ‘They’ve been pestering me lately ’cause they don’t have enough to do. I rotate them on swimming-pool duty, but they’ve started to complain that it’s boring.’

‘They’re in the
pool
?’ Leo said.

‘It leaks like a sieve otherwise,’ Simone said. ‘I got sick of waiting for the construction company to get around to fixing it, and just filled it with elementals instead.’

‘So the water in the pool is elementals?’ I said. ‘You never told me that. I thought they’d just fixed it and the building management hadn’t told me.’

Simone shrugged. ‘I sent the management company a letter from the construction company saying that it was done, and a letter the other way saying that the
construction company were fired. I filled the pool with elementals and made the lifeguards too. I’ve been practising on colouring them, and the lifeguard model I have them taking is nearly completely opaque. You only notice that they’re transparent if you get really close. They’ll be all ready to go when the swimming season starts.’

‘I’m not sure I want to go swimming now,’ I said.

‘Me either,’ Leo said.

Simone made a derisive noise. ‘They’re like rocks. They don’t care.’

‘Well, I’m not and I do.’

‘They’ll keep the water warm when the season’s changing, and make it nice and cool in the middle of summer,’ Simone said. ‘Most pools are disgustingly warm in the middle of summer. Not refreshing at all.’

‘I still don’t feel right about swimming around in a sentient creature,’ I said.

‘We’ll see what you say when summer comes and that water is clear and blue and really nice,’ Simone said.

I managed to find a parking spot on the school grounds. We had some trouble explaining our mission to the security guards, but in the end they rang up to the office, then let us sign the guestbook on the condition that we gave them our Hong Kong ID card numbers, and provided us with guest passes.