Joy Ride (9 page)

Emma looked up at her closest friend and sighed. “I know, I know.”

“So you want to tell me what’s got you so tied up in knots? You hardly ever obsess about anything.”

“Isn’t that just the truth?” She dipped a warm tortilla chip into the bowl of salsa, the special recipe for which the place was named.

“So give. You’ve hardly said two words from the minute we got here.”

Emma had known Annie for ten years, since the day they’d both moved into the same apartment building. Their friendship had grown and strengthened over the years, as they hung out together after work and on weekends, shopped together, and shared secrets about their lives. No one understood her more than this woman. So why was she so reluctant to tell her what was going on? Surely Annie of all people wouldn’t censure her.

Emma nibbled on the chip and swallowed it, then took a deep breath. “I’ve met someone.”

Annie’s eyebrows lifted almost to her hairline. “
Met
someone? But you already have someone. What happened to Andrew?”

“Nothing.” She took another chip, crumbled it into pieces on the little cocktail napkin. “That’s the problem. He’s…nothing. We broke up.” She was almost afraid to see the expression on her friend’s face. “Do you think I’m terrible? For doing this?”

“You broke up with Andrew? Isn’t it a little…out of the norm for you?”

“Maybe my norm needs a little shaking up.”
Maybe it has for a long time and I just didn’t know it
.

Annie frowned. “I’ll admit Andrew is a little, well, bland. Maybe not my taste, but you and him seem so suited to each other.”

Emma sucked down a gulp of her margarita. “Yeah. And what does this say about me? My whole life can be summed up in one word. Bland.”

“Sorry, kitten. I only meant it in a…nice way.” Annie picked up her own drink and sipped at it. “So you say you met someone. Who? Where?”

“Okay, don’t leap off your chair and screech, but last Saturday night I went to a rock club.” She took another fortifying sip of her drink, waiting for a reaction.

Annie’s jaw dropped and she almost spilled the contents of her glass. “A rock club? You?”

At least she didn’t screech her disapproval. Not yet, anyway
.

“Uh huh.” She stared into her glass, remembering the scene last Saturday. She couldn’t believe it’d only been a week ago. “I think I nearly gave Andrew a heart attack because I jumped up in the middle of watching
Full Metal Jacket
for the third time, said I couldn’t do this any more, and ran out of the house.”

Annie burst out laughing. “Good for you, girlfriend. It’s about time.”

“About time?” She raised her eyes, startled. “Annie, if you thought I was making a mistake with him, why didn’t you ever say something before this? We’re not exactly strangers, you know.”

Her friend’s face sobered. “Emma, you were so content with your life, everything comfortably planned out. So secure in it. Who was I to rock the boat? I thought that was what you wanted.”

Until she had an epiphany and took a good look inside herself. For the first time in her life, she figured out she didn’t really know she was. That what she wanted wasn’t at all what she had. What she was ‘settling’ for.

“So did I. Until it struck me in a couple of weeks I’m going to be thirty and the most exciting thing I’ve ever done was a joy ride I took when I was seventeen.”

“So what did you do? How’d you end up at the club?” Annie’s mouth curved in a wicked grin. “Come on. I want details.”

By the time Emma had given her the entire story, she’d nearly finished her drink. She didn’t know why she needed the liquid courage to confess everything to Annie, her best friend. It just eased the edges of her anxiety at bringing it all out into the open.

“So there you have it.” She shoved away the empty glass. “All the grubby details.”

Annie had a shocked expression in her eyes. “I can’t believe I’m hearing you right. Are you kidding me or what?”

“Which part are you having the most trouble with? Running out on Andrew? Going to a rock club? Going home with a man I just met?”

“Everything. All of it.” Annie gave Emma a penetrating look. “First of all, Aftershock is the primo rock club in the city, although I’m sure you didn’t know that.” She crunched a chip. “I’ve been there a few of times myself, as a matter of fact.”

“You have?” For a moment Emma was hurt. As close as she and Annie were, as easily as they’d connected and as much as they shared, apparently there were more secrets the woman kept locked away. But then she realized some things were hard for people to tell someone else. If she didn’t need Annie’s help to straighten out her head, would she even have said anything about Marc?

“Uh huh. When there is a particular band I’m dying to see.”

“How come you never mentioned any of that stuff?”

“Emma.” Annie put a hand on her arm. “Rock clubs weren’t exactly part of our conversations. Or even part of your world. You hate the music I listen to, always wanting to change the radio station when we go someplace and I’m driving. You couldn’t even stand the CDs I wanted to play for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Can I help it if I’ve been fed a steady diet of soft rock and pop?” Emma sighed. “Explaining it just sounds so stupid. The beat’s too heavy, too thumping. The guitars screeched.” She waved her hands in frustration. “What can I say? But Annie, the band I saw was different. The sound was—I don’t know—smoother? More emotional? I can’t explain it.”

“Yeah? So tell me. Who’s this wonder band playing there now?”

She picked up another chip and swirled it in the salsa. “Some band called Lightnin’. I think.”

“You think?” Annie nearly dropped her drink. “Holy shit, Emma. They’re one of the hottest bands around. Everyone says they’re about to really break out.”

“Break out?” Emma frowned, puzzled. There must be an entire segment of the English language she was unfamiliar with. And then her heartbeat stuttered. How much did Annie know about her bass player? “Break out of what?”

“You know. The club scene. Small local concert gigs. I hear they’re about to get a chance at the big time. You should Google them and check out their website. Learn a thing or two. Holy shit, mama. When you decide to do something, you don’t mess around.”

Annie was right. Emma Blake was morphing by the minute into someone she had yet to figure out. She looked at her friend helplessly. “How was I supposed to know all that? I only ended up there by mistake.”

“And you went home with their bass player? I should make such mistakes.”

Emma had to ask. “Do you know him? Have you met him? Do you know anything about him?”

“Honey, no. I just know the buzz about their music. But I’ve seen them perform and he’s definitely sex on the hoof.”

Emma bit her lips, wondering if the night had been less special for Marc than it was for her. If he slept with strangers on a regular basis. She pushed the thought away as soon as it popped into her head, not wanting to diminish the importance of what had happened.

“So you don’t think I’m weird?”

“Going home with a man you’ve never met? Weird for you, maybe. My God, when you do it you really do it.” Annie bit into a chip, crunching on it thoughtfully. “But I do know this. From everything I read he’s not a big player. Doesn’t get into the groupie thing.”

Relief swept through Emma. “So then you don’t think I made a big mistake?”

Annie laughed and shook her head. “It’s not like I’m promoting indiscriminate sex, but I think it’s about time you did something a little on the naughty side. But I have to say I’m amazed.” Humor sparkled in her eyes. “You are probably the last person I’d expect to do this, but I say good for you.”

For a moment Annie’s words stung. Then she realized apparently she’d kept the real Emma bottled up so tightly even her best friend didn’t see her.

What a bore I must have been. I should thank Annie for liking me in spite of myself.

“You make it sound like I’ve been living in a closet.” Annoyance crept in again.

“Honey, in a way you have. But there’s definitely hope for you now. Just don’t let yourself get consumed with regrets and run back to that closet. Let yourself live.”

I’m trying to
.

Annie leaned a little closer across the small tabletop. “Tell me, Emma. Was it good? Are musicians as good as they’re cracked up to be?”

Heat rose in her cheeks as she remembered details of the night—her incredible and caring lover, the things they’d done together. “This one was. He’s spectacular.” She bit her bottom lip. “Annie, I swear. I never thought sex could be half so good.”

Her friend grinned. “Now you know why I always have a smile on my face after a sleepover.” She sobered. “I bet Andrew had a shit fit.”

“You have no idea.” Emma picked another chip out of the baskets, feeling a surge of anger at Andrew’s overbearing and demanding attitude. Yes, she had to admit she’d hurt him. And yes, she expected some sort of reaction. But not the one she’d gotten. Not from Andrew. She crumbled the chip onto her little napkin. “And of course, he ran to my folks and complained about it.”

“Honey, don’t take offense at this but I think Andrew’s closer to your folks than you are.”

“I think you’re probably right.” The knowledge made her sad.

Annie studied her. “So tell me. Did the Ice Queen want to give you a time out for bad behavior?”

“My mother’s not as bad as you make her out to be.” The past couple of days had been a real eye opener for her. One thing became clear to her. She didn’t know her parents as well as she thought or was nearly as close to them as she thought. Still, Emma felt a need to defend her mother, even though Annie was probably right. “She’s just…comfortable with rules.”

But she wasn’t sure she believed that herself. The unpleasant conversation they’d had wouldn’t leave her brain.

“Which is the way she’s always wanted you to live your life, sweet cheeks. I bet she went into shock when she found out what you’ve done.”

Emma ducked her head. “She doesn’t know.”

Annie choked on her drink. “She doesn’t know? You didn’t tell her?”

“How could I? Or Andrew, either.” She squirmed on her high stool. “After the way they all reacted to my walking out and breaking up with him, they’d probably have me committed. The worst part is I feel like a teenager afraid to confess she’s sneaked out of the house.”

“Holy shit, Emma. What excuse did you give them?”

“I said I’m going to be thirty, and I can’t stand my life any more.” Emma waved at the waitress for another.

“You’d better slow down there,” Annie warned. “One is usually your limit, and we’re not even halfway through Happy Hour.”

“Maybe my limits need changing. I feel as if everything in my life needs a do-over so why not my drinking habits?”

“Wow. Pinch me. Where is Emma Blake and what have you done with her?”

“Turning her into someone different. I hope. Anyway I’m good. I’ll eat a lot of chips.”

“Yeah? You seem to be pulverizing more than you’re eating.” She shifted on her stool. “So want happens now?”

Emma shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably nothing.”

The thought ate at her. She carried a lot of guilt at the way she’d reacted in the grocery store, especially after the fantastic night together and the tenderness he’d shown her. Painfully aware she’d been more than a quick fuck for him, she never felt so stupid. Why hadn’t she apologized as soon as she realized her mistake?

Because I’m a scared idiot.

Now she needed to find a way to correct the situation. Hopefully, Annie could give her good advice.

She could always just walk into the club again, but did she have the courage? She wanted to see him again so badly.

“Nothing? You meet this great guy at a rock club, have off-the-charts sex with him, and it’s already over? I don’t get it. Did he blow you off in the morning? He may be Mr. Dark and Smoldering but from what I’ve read he doesn’t have the rep as that type of guy.”

Okay, that made her feel better.

Emma took a long swallow of her third drink. “No, it’s worse.” Staring down at her hands Emma spilled out what happened at the grocery store.

She expected Annie to be shocked, but instead her friend burst out laughing again.

“Hell, Emma. Only you could fail to recognize a guy you slept with because he cleaned himself up.”

“What? Why? I don’t understand what you mean.”

“You compartmentalize things, honey. And you had this Marc stuck in one place in your mind. You never expected to see him as part of your world. Come on. Confess. I’m right, aren’t I?”

Emma frowned. “So what do I do now? It’s been a week since this all happened. Maybe I’ve let it go too long and he’s just written me off as a rude idiot.”

The crowd had swelled in size and the noise level rose accordingly. Emma had to lean closer to hear her friend.

“Depends on you. Do you want to see him again?”

She thought about this for a long minute and the answer was very clear. Yes, absolutely. Without a doubt. “More than I can possibly tell you.”

Annie grinned. “Hooked you good, did he?”

“Uh huh. Is that terrible of me?”

“Not a bit, sweet cheeks. I like seeing you embrace life a little. Has he called you?”

Emma shook her head. “He can’t.”

Annie frowned. “Can’t? Why not? Doesn’t he have a phone?”

If she called him out of the blue and he had Caller ID…. No, she couldn’t do that. She needed to keep her anonymity in case it all turned into disaster. God, what a weak-kneed idiot she was. She wanted to be with him again but couldn’t expose who she was to him. Just in case. Was she being stupid or smart?

She looked down at her hands and blurted out, “I didn’t give him my name.”

“What?” Annie froze in shock. “Didn’t give him your name? What’s the matter with you?”

“I…was afraid to. What if I could only do this once? We’re so different. I don’t even know if we have anything else in common.”

“Well, you’ll never find out if he doesn’t know who you are. Anyway, the first thing you have to do is go back to Aftershock. Find a way to talk to him. You probably hurt this guy’s feelings. You have to make it right.”