Authors: William Gaddis
—Wait a second wait, this here booklet I was looking for look. Prospectus one million shares, Ace Development Company look.
—At what. It's a bunch of trees.
—Yeah well they have all these mineral rights to explore for these here virgin minerals see that? where it says stretching as far as the eye can see boy when they find these here virgin min…
—They won't find shit, how can they find anything with all these here trees in the way hurry up hey, it's time. They have to knock all these here trees down before they even can…
—Hold the door a second…
—I mean all this crap you're getting you keep saying because it's real cheap so why should it be worth anything, I mean if it's worth anything why should somebody want to give it to you real cheap boy what a stink, I thought they finished all this asphalt Friday. I mean you better find somebody that knows about all this crap before you get in trouble.
—Okay who said I wasn't.
—Who, like Mrs Joubert? You just said you…
—How am I suppose to ask her, you go ask some broker that's what they do.
—Like who Mister Wall at Wall Street? He sells you crap so you expect him to tell you it's crap?
—Look quit saying it's crap will you? I mean that's how much you know besides he's at California anyway, didn't you ever hear of these ads like on the radio and all where they say come in and let us review the contents of your portforlio?
—Who like that guy we saw with all the heads? so you're walking in there and saying good morning sir I would like you to review the contents of my portforlio then you dump out this bunch of crap? hey…
? Wait up what's the matter…
—Because that's not what you do! You get somebody to help you out, like some business representative…
—Who, why should he help you out anyway who…
—Like you get somebody to do anything you pay them! what do you think…
—Okay who. You got somebody? hey? Because boy you're going to get in trouble going around loaning money for these here forks and all, just because you been reading up all these here little books since we went to that dumb field trip before that we used to have this neat time trading boy but now everything's…
—Okay so what am I suppose to do! he kicked up a burst of leaves before him, stopped there to shift his armload —go around selling like those free cosmetic samples with those matchbooks in these here shoes which they're a mile too big? or like that thing I got train at home for this exciting motel career or do import export at the privacy of your own home? I mean these funny hours my mother's always working how do I know when she's going to walk in, like I mean this here bond and stock stuff you don't see anybody you don't know anybody only in
the mail and the telephone because that's how they do it nobody has to see anybody, you can be this here funny lookingest person that lives in a toilet someplace how do they know, I mean like all those guys at the Stock Exchange where they're selling all this stock to each other?
They don't give a shit whose it is they're just selling it back and forth
for some voice that told them on the phone why should they give a shit if you're a hundred and fifty all they…
—Look out hey you're dropping…
—Wait the clock quick, get the clock, just till we get to my locker okay?
—You turning it in?
—Why should I turn it in, I got it didn't I?
—Okay but it says class six J right on it boy wait till Mrs Joubert finds out, she'll boot your…
—How's she supposed to find out anything, you think she's going to be over at Nevada?
—Okay but if it says class six J on this here account you started over there boy you better…
—What's the difference if it says that they got my signature off this here little coupon where it said signature on it didn't they?
—Okay boy but if this here bank finds out the class puts money in some account where you take it out to piss away on this debunture crap and they find out you kept this here clock boy you're in …
—We got a clock! We already got a clock right up by the door in the classroom and I mean holy shit who said I'm taking any money that's not what you do! I mean didn't you ever see these things where they say come right in and borrow up to a hundred percent of your passbook balance while it goes right on earning these top dividends and all? So whose business is it if I just start this other account and loan against this here first one where they already have my signature so they know it's me, I mean it's just different electric numbers on these checks and all which this computer reads them it doesn't give a shit if you're three years old just if the money's there, I mean that's all Mary Lou honey that's all this Mister Wall that's all these here forks that's all any of it is don't tell me I did something against the law boy, that's just what you do! I mean this here class account I just loan against it and get through this here forks deal I never even touched it right?
—Okay okay! but I mean you're yelling about this here class account the class doesn't have shit you can't loan shit off it, I mean you're yelling about some check what check, this here fifteen cents that guy said you will see our earnings reflected in your dividend on this here one lousy share of…
—Yeah well that's how much you know boy, I mean what do you think that guy meant with the glasses where you get to make them give you these here damages if you catch them screwing up these by- laws someplace even with this here one lousy share and besides…
—You think Mrs Joubert's going to let you do that boy? I mean I
never heard such a bunch of …
—Why should she know about it, I mean she never put in any money to buy this here share did she? Besides…
—No but I mean are you going to get in trouble boy, and this here Major Sheets I mean if he finds out how you're doing this dumb forks deal he's really going to boot your ass boy you better…
—What's the difference! he came on kicking up bursts of leaves from the gutter —what does he care, I mean like you go in some shoestore someplace do you go around asking the manager and everybody where'd they get all these shoes? did they have to loan money off
some bank to start up their store and how old are they? I mean what's the difference if it's me that loans money off some bank on this forks deal they get their lousy forks don't they?
—Okay boy but you better…
—Wait duck hey there's Coach, I'm going in by east seven…
—So what, he's full of …
—No for later I don't want him looking for me, I'm taking off at gym for when that late mail comes boy if this here check isn't…
—Okay but you better watch out hey… came blown after him, —I mean is Mrs Joubert going to be pissed off if she finds out you been shitting around with our share of America… and the leaves came on, swirling for the doors, trampled into the corridor. —Hey you guys… !
—Where's Buzzie hey, they said he has some of the little red ones for a quarter…
—Somebody said the boys' room after math, is Mrs Joubert here today hey?
—How do I know, what's the difference…
—This here report we're suppose to do did you do it? Where we went to see that big guy with all the heads that shot that pig and all?
—What pig boy, the best one was that impala with those long skinny horns like.
—Impala shit. Impala's a car.
—So? it's named after the car, what's so great about that.
—It's name's a kudu anyway it said right on it.
—Kudu shit, who'd buy a car called a kudu…
A bell rang, lockers banged, clocks clipped away identical minutes out of each other's sight round corners, down corridors where the tide of sweat rose as lockers banged, bells rang, the door marked Boys slammed, slammed. —Come on back by the mops, you got those little red ones?
—No I got these green ones, they're the same only you need three.
—How much.
—Half a buck all three.
—What's the yellow one.
The door slammed. —Shhh, that's like Buzzie had they really…
—Shhh…
The door slammed.
—Come to join me in a leak, Whiteback? I'm treating.
—Oh Coach, I've been ahm, looking for you…
—Doing business right here at the same old stand… there was a prolonged flush.
—Yes that ahm, I wanted to ask you about that new curricular material you were developing for us in terms of the ahm…
—Just finishing it I'll drop it off on your desk, sort of a preliminary sketch, give these youngsters a picture of how the old box really works.
—Yes well of course you wouldn't need to describe things quite so ahm, crudely, to help them see things at the ahm, at the visual level that is to …
—That's right, the scanning process, that's the heart of the whole thing, Whiteback. How the old box operates.
—Yes developed along the lines of your ahm, your body engine concept utilizing the ahm, the utilization potential of ahm … there was a succession of quick flushes —old parts that is to say… he raised his eyes, —structuring the material in terms of…
—Just need to get across the way this complicated circuit of horizontal and vertical deflection coils makes the old box operate.
—Yes well of course that should ahm, that approach should help eliminate the offensive human element in this ahm, in this area of ahm, Dan's wife, I just talked to Dan's wife about it that is to say and you might develop something with her when he's felt her ahm, her out…
—Kind of you to think of me Whiteback but I won't count on it … the door slammed behind them, —once he's felt her out he'll probably start wondering who's kissing her now.
—Yes well I don't quite ahm, he's right here in my office if you want to discuss her ahm, her now that is to say … the door marked Principal quavered, —Coach … ? it bunged hollow behind him. —Dan? I thought Coach was right behind me here he wants to discuss your wife's ahm, yes well he'd better explain it himself you've met Mister Stye? Dan runs all our testing Mister Stye he's our resident psycho ahm, keeps an eye on tangibilitating the full utilization potential of our student ahm,
body yes student body Major you've met Mister Major Hyde yes, Major Hyde… and the flurry of pastels subsided as hands seized hands at arms' lengths, —we thought Mister Stye might look alike at the ahm, like a look at your drivers' ed tapes Dan…
—I didn't know they were on they're, what class would be watching them now I thought they…
—Elementary Dan the, help motivate the elementary youngsters' potential carwise that is to say, potentiate them for a real meaningful driving experience when they're big enough to get out and hit the, hit our nation's highways yes of course that's what Mister Stye here…
—Mister Stye is connected with one of our prominent insurance companies, Dan. Hyde massed against the desk weighting its corner with a discreetly herringboned web of creases where his legs met, and knocked a telephone from its cradle. —Get another phone, Whiteback?
—I had a line put in to the bank, for calls I get at the bank… catching light from nowhere, his lenses went blank as he retrieved it —keeping the fish and fowl separate you might say, separate the sheep and the ahm…
—Mister Whiteback heads up the bank here you know Mister Stye, sort of doubles in brass, gives him a real surefooted grasp of community affairs, kind of a grandstand view of both sides of the coin
I'm sure Mister Stye knows what I'm talking about Whiteback, probably sees it at the corporate level all the time just like I do.
—Yes he's ahm, Mister Stye that is to say Dan, he's shown an interest in running for the school board.
—That can be a pretty thankless proposition, I guess you're aware of that Mister Stye but you take a company like mine, they're glad to see their people in working for community and civic betterment right at the decision making level I'm on company time right now in fact, trying to help Whiteback here solve a little space problem with this new equipment coming in.
—We thought we could use your advice on it Dan, the…
—Language labs? His lips broke their silent concert with those on the silent screen recalling the emergency brake, how and when employed.
—The language labs have come?
—Not quite Dan more the enrichment ahm, in the motivational resources area where's that list, marriage, potentiate these girls to make marriage a more meaningful experience when they get out and hit the, I had that list a minute ago…
—But that's still in the decision mamaking stage, equipment for the sex education program we haven't even…
—Right Dan I just talked to Vogel about it, he's working up something on his body engine concept as soon as he's out of electrical circuitry said he'd drop a copy on my desk yes, structuring the material in terms of, out of old parts, he ahm, here, here it is. Washing machine, dryer, stove electric, stove gas, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner…
—We're talking about appliances Dan, home appliances.
—Hair dryer…
—Home ec Mister Stye, give these little future homemakers a shot at…
—Implementing unplanlessness in the…
—Day they step out of school they'll know what they want, Mister Stye here knows what I'm talking about. That ad your company runs with the empty chair at the head of the dinner table? One look at that and your little homemaker really puts on the clamps, take that what was his name that shot the president over a washing machine…
—But this equipment, I don't remember this equipment in the budget.
—Matter of fact Dan it's all coming to us, all this modern equipment is coming to us courtesy of a subsiderary of the company Major Hyde here is connected with.
—But where's all this equipment going?
—Resource materials Dan, we can set this home ec motivational center you might call it, set it up in the south annex there…
—But adult ed is there, the Great Books program and…
—Adult ed, where is it, adult ed, I just saw it … he tugged under the web of wrinkles, —here. Home catering and slipcover making, that's it. We can put it all in east seven, east seven, where is it, to implement the, fit a whole washing machine in the space the Great Books take here it is, east seven, we've got the, it looks like we've got the retreads in there now, the…