JR (81 page)

only damn thing it's good for's a tax umbrella.

—Yes sir they appear to have made immediate use of its pension fund to acquire a midwestern brewery with very favorable earnings and an attractive undistributed dividends situation, more recently they

snapped up a producer of matchbooks whose financial position appears considerably less secure and any long-range plan in their expansion program is somewhat difficult to …

—Only damn plan sounds like grab whatever they can get their damn hands on, what else they picked up.

—These are the only completed acquisitions according to our sources sir although a new nursing home issue just rose considerably on rumors of a merger, and we understand they're showing considerable interest in a company called Ray-X which manufactures a variety of battery driven and transistorized…

—Management a bunch of damn fools came into the bank last year got themselves tied up hand and foot with government fixed price contracts rising costs didn't know where the devil their operating expenses were coming from should have stayed in toys, started in toys should have stayed in toys. Any damn fool acquires that outfit deserves it, anything else?

—Nothing tangible sir, they do appear to have conducted talks with a privately held chain of funeral homes and I understand are on the lookout for a large cash reservoir like Hartford Fire Insurance or one of the large savings and loan associations, in my most recent information they also appear to have just begun to hedge in commodity futures and…

—Keep that up they'll go to jail where they belong, show me any damn corporate charter allows you to …

—No sir I meant the principals individually sir, the…

—Who this, this what's his name Bast? Looks like he wouldn't know an eight percent debenture from a pork belly damned amateurs don't

know the rules come in and ruin the whole damn game for everybody.

—Yes sir apparently they…

—Only damn reason they lined up this takeover of these damn mining claims and power company sites to hold up Stamper for anything they can question's where the devil they're getting their information, pipeline's the best kept damn secret since the bomb want all this cleared up damn fast Beaton.

—Yes sir on the other hand it occurred to me they might be acting from some less aggressive motive, according to our sources some timber cutting seems to have begun in the region of these mining claims, with the acquisition of this matchbook producer they may simply have been seeking a dependable source of wood pulp or even cellulose, with the idea of converting their Eagle Mills facilities to the production of synthetic…

—Wish I thought they were that damn stupid market's so glutted with imports hardly give the stuff away, damn it ever occur to you to get hold of Frank Wiles see what he knows about them?

—Yes I have sir, in fact he appears to have already handled a few limited transactions for them and apparently Mister Crawley is in sporadic contact with this Mister Bast, who would appear to serve the function of executive officer for operations…

—Well by God Beaton everybody in town knows them but you? ever occur to you to pick up the damn telephone get hold of them yourself find what the devil they're up to?

—Yes sir I did approach one of their attorneys on the Alberta and Western matter, a man named Piscator who was hardly cooperative and sounded somewhat ah, unsavory, he said he would speak to his boss but apparently left immediately for Jamaica and…

—All you damn lawyers ever do is speak to each other, any damn reason you can't speak to his boss? go straight to this Bast or whoever he's…

—Yes sir I've called Mister Bast a number of times at a number given me by Mister Crawley but the secretary who answers sounds, frankly sir she sounds like she'd never got past fourth grade, Mister Bast always seems to have just stepped away from his desk and has never returned a call. Another number given me by this Piscator person for Mister Bast's uptown headquarters office is evidently incorrect, a young lady who answered told me to ah, simply replied with an obscenity and hung up, the only other number I've been given proved to be a pay telephone somewhere on Long Island and…

—Say you think this Bast's their executive officer who the devil's running things.

—Yes sir that's the number that proved to be the pay telephone, their organization seems to be so elusive that even the heads of their newly acquired divisions are of no help, in fact the president of X-L Lithography whose name I don't recall sounded like he might have been drinking and the man who appears to be in charge of Eagle Mills

seemed grateful to find someone to complain to, apparently some union trouble has risen over the removal of some looms and this brewery acquisition met prominent stockholder opposition, although his main concern seemed to be for a softball team which…

—Damn it Beaton stir things up a little up there bring the whole damn umbrella down around their ears.

—Yes sir that occurred to me but I learned that immediately after taking over Eagle they made a substantial management loan which would have to be called if they were deposed, since they represent the management to whom the loan was made, and of course Eagle Mills is in no position to …

—Got them by the short hair… The white handkerchief came unfurling from the breast pocket and burst as though caught on a sudden gust, —maybe not so damn stupid at that… and he blew, hard.

—First thing I want cleaned up's these damn mining claims Beaton get Frank Black's office on it find out if they're worth the damn paper they're written on, this outfit's in there on mineral exploration just to cut timber get hold of Monty, Interior serve them with an injunction maybe they'll be ready to do business, when Broos calls get him onto that old sheep state what the devil's his name, whole thing right out there in his neighborhood…

—Senator Milliken yes sir, in fact according to our sources they already appear to be in contact with him, it appears that certain sheep membranes play a part in brewery filtration processes which…

—Milliken by God that's the one, nose up under the buffalo's tail closer than that damn Indian's smell a nickel a mile away, damn it Beaton trip on this nickel and dime outfit wherever we step I want the whole story on them hear me… ? and the handkerchief spread open as though for contemplation of its contents crumpled abruptly, —report like this just a lot of damn newspaper clippings I want facts Beaton, facts.

—Yes sir as soon as we've established their telephones I'd intended asking your authorization to …

—Don't ask my authorization damn it Beaton don't tell me what you're doing just do it, here give me that… hello? Broos… ? Who… ? No no wait a minute here Beaton take this, make it short.

—Yes sir. Hello … ? Oh, oh yes go ahead … yes you mean this just happened? was the boy's… Yes but was the boy's mother aware of … No I'd better get in touch with her myself I think she may be quite upset, thank you for calling immediately…

—What the devil's going on up there now.

—They said Mister Joubert simply came up to the school this morning and took Francis out and drove him away, I'm sure Mrs Joubert will be extremely…

—By God of all the damn, get the police on him.

—Yes sir I'll apply for a court order immediately I know Mrs Joubert was apprehensive about him taking the boy to Switzerland during our

negotiations over Nobili and…

—Damn fool thought we'd let him hold us up on Nobili to protect these U S drug patents…

—Yes Beaton where's my Bananx.

—Coming back to join us Zona just pull up a pew and be quiet, what the devil's she talking about Beaton.

—Yes I have it right here ma'am it's a tranquillizer marketed by our drug interest sir, one of the…

—One they had us up on that patent fraud charge for?

—Tranylcypromine yes sir, one of the monoamine-oxidase inhibitors included in the…

—Beaton just give it to me and don't sit there with your…

—Drag in here just to get it free Zona knew you were cheap by God didn't know you were that cheap, Beaton still have a minute here get back to that little wop up in the legislature…

—Yes that folder right there sir he …

—No Beaton I said put it there with my coat and John just hold your water if you still have a bladder to hold it in, sitting there like a windup toy with somebody else's eyes and somebody else's ears and try to tell me what I …

—Beaton Zona damn it be quiet Beaton sit down, saw all this trash in the newspapers one wop throws another one a few highway contracts gets him a few building variances nickel and dime politics hope you don't call this information.

—No sir except insofar as these variances have affected mortgages issued by the local bank which now appears to be in severe difficulties over these and other unwise extensions of credit, including an unsecured loan to the contractor in question who our sources inform us has recently had recourse to a loan shark to satisfy this and the

prospect of several lawsuits which threaten to …

—Banker there sounds like a damn fool.

—That would be my impression yes sir, I am also informed he appears to have made a gift of a substantial number of the bank's shares to the wife of this Mister Pecci possibly in connection with a corporation formed in both their wives' names to collect fees under contract with the same contractor under a leasing arrangement involving the local town dock, though since Mister Pecci's association with the title company set up by his law firm specifically to insure the affected mortgages seems to be sub…

—Bank still hold them all?

—No sir they appear to have been bought as an investment by a teachers' union which this current publicity has prompted to bring pressure on …

—Not too damn much to go after him with, scandal probably be gone the minute the damn leftwing press finds a new one to take its

place, legislature get up and give him a vote of confidence all doing the same damn thing his wife's bank stock may be the only leverage we've

got.

—Yes sir of course if that became known, aside from probable grand jury proceedings merely the rather dubious ethics involved could severely injure his campaign for the…

—Not talking about any damn ethics Beaton talking about the price of the damn stock, bank going under might see the only damn way to save it's let us bail them out, pass this legislation and the damn fool running the bank will probably take any offer we make him.

—Yes sir though the possibility of his also stipulating a management contract could…

—First damn head to fall get him something in Washington if we have to, this bank merger bill ready for the legislature?

—Yes sir I incorporated your changes in the earlier version and sent a copy to your office by messenger this morning before I …

—Get Frank Wiles on this bank stock put some pressure on it.

—Yes sir I, excuse me… hello? Oh yes thank you. General Blaufinger is in the board room sir, and there was one more urgent item concerning the Senate vote tomorrow affirming support for continued importation of nickel and the native platinum metals from Gandia in the face of yesterday's United Nations resolution supporting the stand of the Nowunda…

—Broos calls tell him to call Frank Black settled it with him last night get my arm here Beaton…

—Yes sir …

—Reminds me Stamper's heart tissue damage doctors tell him some damn government study shows maybe caused by cobalt brewers been using to get a head on beer, great damn beer drinker Stamper want you to get onto that little Jew down in the FDA find out what damn it let go of me…

—Yes sir but, excuse me but wouldn't it serve Mister Stamper better to go directly to the National Institutes of Health for the…

—Not Stamper's damn heart Beaton point's where the damn cobalt's coming from use it as an additive or find it in the water, find some damn brewery using water where it occurs could mean a deposit around somewhere last thing we need right now some damn fool coming up with that.

Call Crawley about this Diamond tender tell him Stamper's trying to reach him about some damn fool movie they're making, sent Monty a memo on it says they want to shoot hippies in the National Parks probably even the damn Interior Department can't issue permits for that.

—Yes sir I saw a copy of the memo and I believe that was a typographical error sir, I saw the film and their intention appears to be to shoot hippos…

—Just tell him call Stamper back in his car, riding around down there burning down all his guest houses been trying to reach Crawley all morning.

—Yes sir in fact I called Mister Crawley myself earlier but was told he was in his bath…

—What the devil you call him at home for.

—No sir this was his office he …

—Beaton you call Crawley tell him what I told you to about Nobili and this damn Endo divestiture tell him we're holding up this Diamond Cable tender and this time call him at his office and don't tell me he's in his damn bath hear me? While you're at it call Ude's office find out where this damn law stands gives eighteen-year-olds majority rights, safe enough in that Greek jail but as long as this tender's held up I want to be damn sure where her shares stand in case, what…

—No excuse me sir just that large folder there I, I thought you must have seen these pictures of her release in the papers sir …

—Release by God thought these Greeks gave a damn stiff sentence for drugs.

—Give me that Beaton.

—Yes ma'am it's quite heavy yes sir that was Nepal sir, this time she was charged with transporting incendiary bombs across the border and when our embassy there called Mister Moncrieff to intervene he …

—Monty? Comes in throwing bombs you tell me Monty fixed it like a traffic ticket by God Beaton…

—No no sir not directly she, the objects she was carrying proved to be ah, items of feminine hygiene whose nature and use the Greek customs examiner was unfamiliar with in his ah, in his limited experience sir, they apparently resembled incendiary cylinders fitted with fuses and…

—Perfect pigs look at them, surfacing from a fun stay in the Greek islands with her constant companion on the BP circuit these days, tawny sitar-playing…