Judgement Day (9 page)

I learned that
Jesus was not the Messiah, Jesus was not the One, but then I became
confused. “If Jesus isn’t the Messiah, what am I supposed to do?” I
thought perhaps I would have to convert to Judaism, but I looked at
all of the rules and the laws and I thought, “there is no way I can
do all of this stuff, and there is no way I can get the whole world
to do all of this stuff.” I didn’t know what to do, what to think,
who God was, what laws I should follow, how to judge the world.
“Why would God choose a Messiah that can’t even keep the law?” I
didn’t understand, it didn’t make any sense to me, “why would God
choose me?”

Back at the
house, Pat had moved out some time ago, he moved in with this
hippie chick Skye. I liked Skye, when Pat was at work we used to
hang out a bit at the house. After Pat moved out this guy Jason
moved in, Jason was one of Tony’s friends, he was alright but he
liked to throw his weight around a bit, he was kind of like an
adult bully. Tim or Davo would come around occasionally, but with
the exception of church, I didn’t have much of a social life in
those days. All of my time was occupied with work, sleep, or my
theories. That was the way I liked it, I really felt like I was
accomplishing something. I read about Isaac Newton, and how he said
that women just get in the way of work. I wasn’t sure if it was
true at this stage, the Messiah thing I mean, but Britney Spears
was my main source of motivation. She was the only woman for me,
and once I finished my theories, she would be mine, or so I hoped.
I could wait for love in heaven. I did everything, all of my
theories, trying to save the world, I mean I did it because I was
told to, but I did it for Britney Spears. I hadn’t had a girlfriend
for a long time, and I’d never been in love before, I used to dream
of perfect love with Britney Spears, two people created for each
other by God.

I did love
reading biographies of great scientists. Isaac Newton was my
favourite, but I did read a biography of Einstein in the early days
of my theories, it was a great book because it talked a lot about
how Einstein came up with his ideas, about the thought experiments
he used and I used it in addition to ‘A Brief History Of Time’ to
teach myself about space. The other guy I felt like I had a
connection with was Tesla, I loved the way he was a frustrated
genius, brilliant and important, but poor and bitter.

I pretty much
just kept to myself most of the time. I had work to do, I didn’t
have time for drinking and partying. When I wasn’t at work, I was
at the computer. I used to laugh in those days imagining what a
movie about my life would be like, just me smoking cigarettes and
thinking about stuff, and then sitting on the computer writing it
down. Not the most action packed biopic ever made.

While I was
reading all of these prophecies and stuff, I became a little
curious about the Egyptian Book of the Dead, and whether there were
prophecies about me in there too. So I had a bit of a read. There
were indeed prophecies about me, but they were kind of vague, just
typical Messiah arrives and puts an end to evil sort of stuff, but
there were a couple of interesting things, but it was all pretty
general Judgement Day sort of stuff.

There was one
passage in the Egyptian Book of the Dead which really caught my
eye. Talking about the sun it said “thy light with its manifold
colours is incomprehensible.” Remember
,
I had been reading about Isaac Newton, my idol,
and I knew that before Isaac Newton people believed that sunlight
was just white. It was Isaac Newton who proved that sunlight is
made up of all of the colours of the spectrum
.
Isaac Newton did this by passing sunlight
through one glass triangular prism to scatter it, then passing it
through a second glass triangular prism to bring it back to the
original white sunlight. I began to wonder if the Ancient Egyptians
had performed similar experiments to Isaac Newton? After all, they
did worship the sun. Then I realised that the pyramids are
basically four sided triangular prisms!

I was very
excited about this idea, my brain was ticking over with all sorts
of crazy ideas about how the pyramids might work. I spent about
three weeks trying all sorts of things to get this pyramid theory
to work, and when I finally solved it, it was the greatest feeling!
There really is no feeling like discovering something, there is no
greater adrenalin rush than a genuine “eureka moment
.”
I came out of my room all
excited, and I turned on the TV to try to relax. A kids drama show
was on, and the very first thing I saw was a bad guy, and the very
first thing he said was “now I possess the power of the pyramid,”
and his hands were over a glowing pyramid. That was all I needed to
see and I turned it off. I told Jason what happened when I turned
on the TV, he said “pyramid is one of the most common words in the
English language,” although he probably didn’t say it as eloquently
as that. Yeah, whatever man, I know what happened.

I still hadn’t
been able to get my theories of time, gravity and the infinite
Universe published, but I thought maybe this pyramid thing could be
my opening. It was simple, and easy to understand. I thought if I
could get that published, then I could make a name for myself and
show them my universe theory. Now that I possessed the power of the
pyramid, I believed I was officially unstoppable!

When I was
writing up my theory of the pyramid, I borrowed a book from the
library about Isaac Newton because I wanted to use the picture of
Newton designing the pyramid on the title page. The book was called
‘Newton: The Making of Genius,’ and it had a picture of Newton
watching a falling apple on the cover. I opened the book and it
said “For Michael” on the inside, so I thought I should read it.
That’s one of the many examples
of following The Stage, before I even knew what The Stage was. I
didn't borrow that book to read it, but when I saw that it said
“For Michael,” I knew that I was meant to read it.

That book
really opened my eyes. It was all about how Isaac Newton became a
legend and how idolised he is. I was reading this book about Newton
and thinking, “oh no, this theory of gravity thing is a really big
deal, people are going to know everything about me!”
I guess at the time I didn't realise how
far I’d come, how important I’d become while I’d been plugging away
on my computer.
I started to become afraid, afraid that the
church would find out about all this crazy Messiah stuff and come
after me and kill me. I wanted to leave it all behind, I just
wanted to be a famous scientist, but I knew there was no escaping
my past. I started to panic, I didn’t know what to do. I still
didn’t know who God was or what the law was or who goes to heaven,
I didn’t know how to judge the world! I had written a book about
Jesus being a fraud, and I thought I could use it as a posthumous
insurance policy, or retribution policy. I thought, “if the church
kill me, then the whole world will find out the truth about
Jesus.”

Then I started
to get guilty, I thought, “how do I know that the Jewish God is the
real God? What if the God of the Bible isn’t real? What if the real
God actually likes Jesus? Then I would go to hell.” The story of
Cain and Abel weighed heavily on my mind, Cain is jealous because
Abel makes “a sacrifice that is pleasing to the LORD,” and Cain
kills him. Then Cain fears for his own life so God puts a mark on
him so that no one will harm him. I couldn’t help but fear that the
birthmark on my thigh was the mark of Cain, I didn’t want to be
Cain, I didn’t want to kill my brother! I destroyed my book about
Jesus and I told myself to be strong. I told myself “no matter what
they do to me, don’t blab about Jesus.” I realised that I had no
right to tell people what they can and can’t believe, God had never
spoken to me. I didn’t know who God was, I didn’t know anything
about God, the covenant of peace wasn’t my responsibility, it was
God’s covenant! I believed that were I to say the wrong thing about
God, I would go to hell. Some people claim to fear God, but they
are liars, if they truly feared God they would investigate who God
is so they don’t piss Him off. I wrote a reminder on my computer
screen to be strong, to keep my mouth shut. No matter what happens,
no matter who comes after me, I could not blab about Jesus, I did
not know who God
really
was. I wrote…

I discovered,
I did not create,

I have no
knowledge of good & evil,

I am not like
God. Remember the rainbow.

I looked up at
what I had written on the computer screen, and I realised that I
had just discovered the very definition of sin! By trying to deny
my right to judge the world, I had inadvertently judged the
world.

“Oh no, it
really is true!”

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Contents

Chapter 4

“
All the world’s a
stage, and all the men and women merely players; They have their
exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many
parts, his acts being seven ages.”

(From
‘As You Like It
,
’ by William
Shakespeare)

With my
revelation of “no knowledge of good & evil,” suddenly my life
made sense, I saw myself in a whole new light. I wrote, “I always
wondered what was wrong with me, apparently there’s something wrong
with everyone else!” I looked at my behaviour, at my life, and I
knew I was “the One.” I knew why God had chosen me, I have no
knowledge of good & evil! I understood, there is something
special about me, it wasn’t some sort of cosmic mistake. I couldn’t
keep any sort of law because I was never meant to keep any sort of
law! I was a massive fuckup, but there was a reason for it, how is
one with no knowledge of good & evil meant to survive in a
world filled with the knowledge of good & evil? My life finally
made sense, “I really am the Messiah, what a spinout!”

My mind was
blown again, I had a world to save and I didn’t really know how to
do it. I couldn’t go to work anymore, I had too much on my mind.
There was so much to do, “the covenant of peace, it really was my
responsibility!”

I couldn’t go
to work so I moved out of Tony’s place. I apologised for the lack
of notice, but told him I couldn’t pay rent anymore and to keep the
bond. I found myself wandering the streets, wondering what I was
supposed to do next, and I came across some Mormons. “That’s it,” I
thought, “I have to learn about other religions.” I asked the
Mormons for a copy of their book, the Book of Mormon, which they
gave to me without hesitation, and I began to read it.

The Book of
Mormon is a very cute book, I knew a little about it from a book I
read about Mormonism and Joseph Smith in the church library. If
you’ve ever read the Book of Mormon, it’s quite obviously
completely fabricated. The way it’s written, it’s written as if it
was written a really long time ago, in this phoney Old English
style, but it was quite a good book, with some good quotes. The
story was that Joseph Smith dug up these old plates in a forgotten
language and used seer stones to translate them, but for some
reason he translated them into phoney Old English, because it’s “so
old,” I guess. Under my new religious law, “no knowledge of good
& evil,” it didn’t matter if a religion was fake, it didn’t
matter what you believed, and Mormons are all really nice people.
My favourite quote was “Know ye not that there are more nations
than one, that I, the Lord your God, created all people and care
for all men?”

I moved in
with some friends from the church, they let me sleep on my
inflatable mattress in the lounge room, which was really cool of
them. The Mormons who gave me the book found where I was living and
those guys would come around and see me just about every day. I
remember the name Elder Bushman, he was a nice guy, but they would
come around every day and I would talk about the Book of Mormon
with them. I would quote my favourite passages and talk about my
favourite stories, and they would get excited and try to get me to
join their church. I wasn’t interested in joining, I just wanted to
read their book, but they came around constantly. It became pretty
annoying after a while, but then one day Elder Bushman and his mate
came over and said they were being transferred to a different area.
“Finally,” I thought, “these guys will leave me alone!” The very
next day the new guys came around, “oh no, will this never end?!” I
thought, but they only came around the one time, and they got it
that I wasn’t interested in joining. The Book of Mormon was the
first non-Christian holy book I read, and it made me understand
that there was truth to be found in all religions, that all
religions were created by God, no matter how silly their books may
be.

Because I
couldn’t work anymore, my new case manager insisted that we go to
see Dr Pusic and get me put on the disability support pension. We
went down to Penrith to see him, and something had changed. Dr
Pusic was always a cunt, but he was actually being really nice to
me. I kept saying “what are you talking about? Why are you being so
nice?” He filled out the paperwork for the pension and offered to
arrange for public housing. It wasn’t until I was leaving that I
realised what had changed, my old case manager was a big fat woman
called Robin, my new case manager was quite an attractive woman
with big tits called Karen. I realised that creepy fucker was only
being so nice because he wanted to look good in front of the woman
with the big tits, but fuck it, at least I had some income now.

I started
reading about more religions, I read a translation of the Koran
which I borrowed from the library. I was expecting to see
prophecies about myself in there, so I was a little disappointed
that the Koran didn’t have a heap of prophecies like the Bible. It
was an alright read, it wasn’t the violent oppressive book I
imagined it would be, it was just a heap of stories from the Bible
only with a little bit of a twist. It had all the same shit as the
Bible, it was just a little different, there was extra stuff of
course, but I was surprised that it wasn’t the book about suicide
bombings that I expected. I had also read about the Koran that
there is something special about the way it is written, “If they
say ‘he has invented it himself,’ say to them ‘produce ten invented
chapters like it,’ but if you fail, then know that it was written
by God.”
Of course it’s
blasphemous to try to write like the Koran, so whether other people
could write like that we’ll never know, but
I didn’t really
understand what it was about the Koran,
why it was unique. Y
ears later when I asked
a Muslim
friend
about it
he told me that it’s like Arabic Shakespeare, which I thought
sounded pretty cool.