Juked (25 page)

T
he door makes a
snick
sound as it closes behind me, and I’m immediately aware of the noise level in the house. It should be comforting. It was always comforting before. But now it’s a reminder of what I didn’t bring with me this time.

It’s been several weeks since I’ve seen or talked to Quincy. She texted me once. I didn’t respond, and that was the end of that. I’m not sure if I was expecting her to keep trying. That’s what most girls do. But Quincy isn’t most girls. If I’m honest with myself, I was never her priority. Her child was. Like it should be.

I keep reminding myself the kid is the reason I need to stay away. He will ultimately get hurt if this relationship, whatever it is, continues. But that doesn’t make this separation any easier. I’m the one who cut all ties. I’m the one who decided this was what was best for everyone. But I miss her like I’ve never missed anyone or anything before. The six weeks I was out of soccer when I broke my tibia in high school was brutal because I wanted to play so much. That was a cake walk compared to this. This separation is crushing me from the inside out. I’ve even found myself making unnecessary trips to Walmart in the middle of the night, hoping to run into them.

“Hey, Tio,” Nicholas says when I walk through the living room. He’s sitting on the couch with the TV on, holding hands with a pretty blonde girl.

“Hey Nicky. Who’s your friend?”

“This is Tamela. Tamela, this is my Tio Daniel.”

She puts out her hand to shake mine. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You, too,” I say. “I didn’t realize you were coming for Sunday dinner. Glad you’re here.”

She looks at Nicky and blushes. “Me, too,” she says quietly. I pat him on the shoulder as I walk by. There’s no reason to stay and chat. I’m sure he doesn’t need me hovering.

As I get closer to the kitchen, I hear chatter and laughter from all the adults who are probably standing over some appetizers and barely pitching in to get dinner ready. It’s the way it goes around here.

As I push through the swinging door, someone says something funny and the room erupts in laughter, so no one really notices my entrance.

“Hi, Mama,” I say in her ear as I come up behind her.

A look of surprise crosses her face when she sees me. “Daniel!” she exclaims and spins in my arms to hug me. “Mijo, I wasn’t expecting you! I’m so happy to see you.”

“I’m happy to see you, too, Mama.” I mean it. She has never apologized for the way she allowed Lalo to treat Quincy, but she’s never been one to say she’s sorry with her words. She apologizes more with her actions. If the length of this hug is any indication, she feels really badly about what happened, and frankly, I’m tired of staying away from my family. They’re not perfect, and I’m sure it won’t be the last time we have a disagreement, but my pride isn’t helping the situation any more than theirs is.

“Where have you been, man?” Geovany asks when Mama and I finally pull away from each other. He pops the top off a beer bottle and hands it to me, taking a swig of his own.

“I’ve been around,” I say after taking a drink. “Play-offs are starting soon, so I’m reviewing a lot of tapes and working on a lot more plays. Trying to keep the team spirits high, ya know?”

“How are the team’s chances this year?” Blanca’s husband, Aaron, asks. “It was rough last year.” Several people murmur in agreement, including me.

“Honestly,” I say, “I think we’re a stronger team than last year, but we still have a few bad apples that bring us down. Give us another year. We’ll go all the way.”

We make small talk for a few minutes. Marlene updates us on the new music director at their church and how much fun he is to work with. Elizabeth tells us about a new project she’s working on at her architecture firm. Geovany gives us the low-down on his latest blind date that Erika sent him on and why he will never trust her judgment on women again. That earns him a towel to the face, curtesy of our oldest sister, who apparently doesn’t appreciate Geovany’s aversion to older women because, in Erika’s words, “She’s so nice, though!”

It’s nice, comfortable, and feels completely staged. I expect someone to ask about Quincy, but with what happened last time, they all wisely stay away from the topic. Until Eduardo doesn’t.

“So where’s Quincy?” he asks, arms crossed while he leans against a bar stool. The entire room goes deathly quiet. I glare at him and sip my beer, planning my words carefully.

“Not here.” That’s the best I can come up with on short notice. I don’t want to tell them what’s going on, partially because I’m still not sure what to do about my feelings, partially because I’m starting to feel embarrassed about how I disappeared on her. I feel a fight coming if he and I have words. I’m wound too tight and miss her too much for him to try to pull “man of the house” shit tonight.

Eduardo nods once and purses his lips, like he knew this would happen. It pisses me off, so of course I can’t let it go.

“What?” I ask menacingly. “You got something to say?”

“No. Just glad you finally came to your senses.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I narrow my eyes at him and put the beer on the counter. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Geovany and Aaron stand up and discreetly position themselves next to us in case they have to pull us off each other. I barely notice because all my focus is on my oldest brother and how he can’t seem to keep his fucking opinions to himself.

Eduardo scoffs. “Don’t get all defensive. I’m glad you saw through her act. You’ve always been so smart about relationships. I was worried someone finally had you fooled.”

“Lalo!” my mother yells as Blanca gasps. “Enough! No more fighting over this.”

I take a step forward, Geovany right behind me. “I didn’t see through anything, Lalo. What I did was fucking freak out.” I didn’t want them to all know my business, but now that I’ve let the cat out of the bag, I can’t stop spouting off about all my personal demons. “Her kid called me dada, and I panicked because I don’t do relationships. Everyone says I’m like dad, and I can’t stand the thought of ruining that little boy the way dad ruined all of us when he left. I thought I’d better get out now to protect him. So fuck you, Lalo. I didn’t see through anything. Once again, dad’s decision came back to haunt me, and once again, I’m fucking miserable for it.”

I step back and look around, noticing the faces around me. Some of their jaws are dropped. Some are looking at me with pity. Now I’m flat out embarrassed of my outburst. If I’d wanted them all to know what had happened with Quincy, I would have told one of my sisters a couple of weeks ago and let it make the rounds over the phone.

I down the rest of my beer and drop the empty bottle in the red recycling can, praying someone will change the subject. No such luck for me, though.

“Is that how you really feel?” Mama asks, her hands still messy with the chicken and spices she was mixing together. “About your father leaving? That he ruined you?” I shrug and score another beer out of the fridge. “This is why you haven’t had a girlfriend since high school? Because you’re afraid you’re too much like your father?”

“Do we really have to discuss this, Mama?” I rub my face in frustration. “I shouldn’t have said anything. These are my demons to deal with, not yours.”

“He’s right, though.” Blanca speaks up from the stool she’s sitting on, Aaron’s hands on her shoulders. “No one ever talked about it, but Dad ruined all of us when he left.”

My mom’s eyebrows furrow. “I… what do you mean?”

Blanca sighs before diving into her assessments. “Daniel and Geovany refuse to have anything to do with relationships. At all. Because they’re afraid of getting bored and hurting someone later.”

“Hey,” Geovany chimes in. “You don’t know that.”

“Fine,” she shoots back. “So you’re just a man-whore. Either way, it can be traced back to Dad.”

Geovany nods in agreement. “I can see that.”

“Lalo drives everyone crazy with his whole ‘head of the household’ routine,” she continues.

Eduardo drops his jaw in indignation. “Hey! I’ve always tried to protect this family. It’s what the oldest boy does. I don’t drive anyone crazy, right?” He tries making eye contact with everyone in the room, but no one will look at him. “I… do I really do that?”

“I love you, honey,” Elizabeth says, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “But you are way too overbearing sometimes. You could back off a bit.”

Eduardo sighs. “I just thought I was jumping in where Dad left off.”

Blanca wraps part of the napkin around her finger. “That’s why no one said anything. I’m pretty sure we all have our damage from Dad leaving. It was a shock to all of us. We were adults, so it’s not like you could protect us from the truth.”

“What about your damage?” Mama asks Blanca. “I thought everyone came through just fine, but now that you’re pointing it out, I think you may be right.”

Blanca makes eye contact with Aaron before looking back at Mama. “I clung to a marriage I should never have been in in the first place to prove that not all marriages end badly.”

Everyone pauses. I look around the room at the faces of my family, but they all appear lost in thought, probably thinking about what Blanca has just revealed, and about what other unhealthy reactions we may have had without even realizing it.

“Wow,” Marlene finally says. “I thought we all just had our own quirks, but you’re so right, Blanca. It’s like we swept our feelings under the rug and never figured out what to do about them.”

Blanca smiles weakly. “I’ve been learning a lot in my psychology class lately.”

“Since when have you been taking a psychology class?” Geovany asks.

“Since before Aaron and I got married.” She claps his hand. “I wanted to see if there was a better way to do relationships than the way I did it last time. We got to the section about grief and loss, and it all started to click. I think I might want to major in it now.”

A low whistle comes from between Eduardo’s lips. “Blanca as a psychologist. This family alone could fill up her schedule.”

Blanca smiles. “We’ll see. We still haven’t decided if I’m going back to school full time. It’s a pipe dream for now, but if nothing else, maybe I’ll learn some things to help put this family on the right track.”

The door to the living room swings open and Nicholas peeks through and stops. He looks around like he realizes he’s interrupted something important. “Uh, do I need to come back?”

“No, mijo,” I say, grateful for his interruption. “Just some heavy conversation is all. What’s up?”

“I wanted to talk to you. Do you have a second?” He points over his shoulder with his thumb.

“Sure.” I address the rest of the family. “I’ve just been saved from this very uncomfortable conversation. I’ll see you all at the dinner table.”

I follow Nicky through the living room, hearing Geovany yell, “Take me with you!”.

“What was that all about?” Nicky asks. “I’ve never heard the kitchen without noise before. It’s freaky.”

We traipse out the door to the patio and take our usual seats. “Nah. Just some old hurts that were being mended. Nothing exciting.”

“Oh.” He shakes his head as if to clear it. “I don’t think I want to know what you’re talking about, do I?”

I chuckle against the lip of my beer. “Probably not.” I take a drink before asking, “So what’s up?”

“What do you think of her?” He leans forward, obviously excited about his new girlfriend. I could make this easy on him, but after the intense conversation I just came out of, I feel like having a little fun with him.

“What do I think of who?”

“Tamela.”

“Who?” I ask, feigning confusion.

“My girlfriend, Tio. What do you think of my girlfriend?”

“Oh, her!” I dodge a pinecone he throws at my head. “She’s really cute.”

“Cute? She’s not cute. She’s beautiful.” He lists his girlfriend’s qualities. “She’s smart, 4.0 GPA. And she’s super nice. She’s been known to stand up against bullies picking on other kids. She’s amazing,” he gushes.

“Sounds like it.” I chuckle. “Aren’t you glad you got to know her before just using her for sex?”

The little shit looks shocked I would even suggest such a thing about her, even though it had been his idea in the first place.

“Oh, that would have never happened with her.”

“Really? What changed?”

“She’s a virgin,” he reveals, and I spew my beer across the patio.

Once I get my coughing under control, I’m able to ask questions. “I thought she was the school whore? Your words, not mine,” I tack on quickly.

He looks at me sheepishly. “I may have believed the wrong rumors. She used to date this big football player, Jaylen Morris. He’s a real badass. They messed around and stuff, but she wasn’t ready to go all the way, so he dumped her and started telling everyone how she put out. His friends all jumped on the bandwagon, making up their own stories and shit. She says it was awful. Her parents had to get involved, and Jaylen admitted to the principal he had made it all up and promised not to spread anymore rumors.”

“But people already believed him,” I interject, shaking my head. Kids can be such dicks sometimes.