Julia Gets a Life (48 page)

            ‘Or a stomach upset.’

            ‘Well it’s staying. Since when will
you
get round to changing it?’

            ‘I won’t. Now you’re almost rich we can get a man in.’

            ‘What -
I
can?’

            ‘
My
choice. Someone bald and retired.’

Saturday

            Me;

            ‘How many times then?
Really
.’

            ‘O
kay
. Three times. Ju, Do we have to do this?’

            ‘It says here “try to exorcise demons and unresolved resentments. It is vital that you are able to move on to a closer understanding of one another, and to achieve this you must learn to communicate more effectively” blah, blah, etc. Third time when exactly?’

            ‘Isn’t ‘unresolved resentments’ a bit of a tautology?’

            ‘Come
on
.’

            ‘Okay. Not when you thought. It was way after that. When you were away. I was really angry. And I thought, sod her then. Look, Ju, don’t you find it difficult to talk about this?’

            ‘Yes and no. Yes because I don’t like to think of you between that
cow’s
Egyptian cotton sheets, naturally, but no, because we’re quits now, so we can discuss it as equals. Without any unresolved feelings of, well, inequality, I suppose. Which is important.’

            ‘You make it sound very clinical.’

            ‘I don’t mean to. It’s just that we’ve balanced the books now, haven’t we? I honestly don’t think I could have had you back, had I not, you know....’

            ‘Slept with someone else as well?’

            ‘You see? You
can
do it.’

            ‘But unlike you I really don’t want to know
anything
about it. Really, I don’t. So please don’t tell me. Except...’

            ‘What?’

            ‘Except, did you love him? When I asked you that day there was something in your eyes that...Well, something. You know, I never really did feel anything for Rhiannon. Not like that. I actually felt really guilty about sleeping with her again. But you...’

            ‘Of
course
I didn’t love him. Let’s just say I gave myself a bit of a shock. I thought I could just have no-strings sex with someone, like you did. But I found out I couldn’t. For a woman - for me, at least - there really is no such thing. But then I also found out that you can’t be happily married to the same man for fifteen years without a damn good reason. Extra-marital shagging notwithstanding, eh?’

            ‘Ha, ha.’

            ‘Ha, ha.’

            ‘End of therapy session.’

            So. We’ve drawn a line under the past and are moving forwards and upwards. Like Howard said, life’s too short, isn’t it? If you love someone - and have a stake in their lives and their happiness, then it would be sad to abandon all that because of one indiscretion. He knows what Nick’s done, just like I know about Richard. And Richard - well, Richard’s just glad to be home. And all those books I’ve read didn’t turn out to be pointless, because we’ve reached a new level of understanding now. The deal is that if Richard succumbs to his loins again (which I hope won’t happen, and, frankly, I doubt) then it’s
his
problem. His to deal with and his to cope with. The thing about marriage, the thing about
life
, is that guilt should be a strictly one-person affair. Richard knows that the night when he confessed about Rhiannon was simply a way of diluting his guilt.

            We’re more clued up now. Our marriage is important to both of us. If it happens again, he must keep it to himself.

             Because what we don’t know can’t hurt us, can it?

            Here’s hoping. Wish us luck…xxx