Julian: A Dark Angel Series Companion Novella (Dark Angel #3)
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Authors: Kat T. Masen
Julian
The Dark Angel Series: A Companion Novella
Kat T. Masen
Julian
is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Julian
is a registered trademark of Kat T. Masen.
Copyright © 2014 by Kat T. Masen
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for use of brief quotations in a book review.
Edited & Formatted by Michelle Josette
Cover Design by Clarissa Yeo
Content Advisory: this story contains material which may be offensive to some readers, including references to drugs and self harm, language, and graphic sex. Recommended for readers 18 and over.
DEDICATION
To those who have loved and lost.
There are no words to express my gratitude to my family for supporting me and allowing me to live my dream.
To my husband: Your patience, understanding and encouragement made this possible. Thank you for being my lobster.
To my kids: Your impatience, lack of understanding and petty fighting still made it possible for me to write
Julian
. I may live in a zoo, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Mummy loves you to infinity and beyond.
To everyone else I have grown to know and love: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining me on this journey. Your constant encouragement and inappropriate memes make even the worst of times enjoyable.
She stumbled along the path, her body grazing against mine as she chattered incessantly about the football game. I stayed on guard, knowing she wasn’t capable of walking much further. She linked her arm with mine and it took a hell of a lot of restraint not to let the feeling of her touch cloud my judgment.
Even in the dark night, she was
beautiful.
I had been mesmerized by her since sixth grade, but she saw me only as the loser who lived next door.
“Julian, do you think I’m the prettiest girl in school?” She giggled, the stale stench of beer on her breath.
Of course she knew she was the prettiest girl in school, and it being our senior year, she knew she would be crowned Homecoming Queen. I had no doubt she deserved the title, I just didn’t understand why she belittled herself by hanging out with the football team. They were a bunch of brainless jocks and all they wanted was to play football, get drunk and boast about their sexual conquests. Chelsea was one of them.
“C’mon, Chelsea, you know you are.” My voice was timid. I wasn’t exactly comfortable around girls, and what did I know about expressing my feelings?
She let out a laugh. “I bet you’ve dreamt about me, and probably jerked off all over your sheets!”
I felt the heat rise into my cheeks and I was almost certain I was blushing. Like I said, I wasn’t comfortable around girls and I was fairly sure I might have been the only virgin in my senior class. What made it awkward was that I
had
thought of her, like every night, when I went to bed and attempted to go to sleep. I couldn’t control the sexual desire I felt towards her; I had no idea what it meant.
I didn’t answer her. Thankfully, we arrived at her house. I knew her parents were heavy sleepers which is how she got away with sneaking out every night.
“I don’t want to go home. C’mon, Julian, let’s have fun,” she whined.
“Chelsea, we have exams tomorrow. You need to sleep.”
Without warning, she pulled my body in, flush with hers. I was so close I could pick up the scent of her shampoo…
vanilla something.
“I’ve got it covered. Let’s take your mom’s car out…maybe you could take me out to Willow’s Peak?”
I stirred slightly at the thought; Willow’s Peak was a notorious make-out spot. You didn’t go there unless you were going to get laid, hence why I hadn’t been. I couldn’t help but feel nervous. If there was any girl I should lose my virginity to, shouldn’t it be with the girl I was hopelessly in love with?
We drove up to the peak which was not far from my house. As I parked the car, the nerves kicked in and a thousand thoughts ran through my head.
What the hell do I do? What if I do it wrong?
She fumbled with her seatbelt, giggling to herself as she attempted to unbuckle it. I couldn’t look her way, and instead I stared out the window into the dark sky, pretending to be fascinated by the starry night, when really I was having a panic attack. She climbed into the backseat and motioned for me to follow her.
Shit.
This was it.
I followed her lead because I had no idea what to do. Why didn’t I watch porn or something instead of reading back issues of Playboy? Breathe…I can do this.
Just don’t blow your load too early.
Climbing over my lap, she gently rubbed herself against me, my hard-on unavoidable with this pile of nerves I was feeling.
“
Relax,
” she whispered.
Unbuckling my belt, she slid her hand into my boxers until her hand was placed firmly on my dick. I yelped at the sensation. It wasn’t what I expected; it was even better.
Reaching into her bra, she pulled out a condom.
God, why didn’t I pay more attention in Sex Ed?
I don’t know how she got it on; I was caught up in my own embarrassment. She shifted her body again until I felt a warm sensation spread over my shaft.
With slow movements she began riding me, slowly grinding till her movements picked up. The feeling was consuming me. I didn’t want to tell her this was my first time, although I suspected she knew.
“
Julian, I want you to remember your first time. I know how much you want me…now you have me, forever engrained in your memory as the first girl that made you feel this way.”
Her words echoed in my head. She would forever be the first girl that made me feel this way, and I had no doubt in this very moment that I wanted her to be the last.
Somehow I found my confidence and placed my hands on her face, the affection stopping her movements as I stared into her big brown eyes. I only saw this beautiful girl, the one who had tortured me with her perfect body, the one who would throw rocks at my window to wake me up so she could ask for my English notes, not realizing how sheer her nightie was.
The girl with the most enchanting chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen.
“Chelsea…
I love you.”
It rolled off my tongue, and something in her eyes, the way they reflected back at me, told me I was the first to ever say those words to her.
“
You love me?”
she stuttered.
I nodded, moving my lips towards hers. She allowed me to kiss her, stroking my tongue with her own. It was enough for me to feel the sensation coming on, like a wave of intensity and the unknown pleasure becoming part of me. The climb was greater and with her lips pressed against mine, the feeling spread throughout me, barreling into a beautiful finish.
Holy shit, I just had sex! I wanted to yell from the rooftops, a smirk permanently fixed on my face…
I just had sex with the girl I love!
Pulling herself off, she collapsed beside me. As the windows fogged up, she opened the door and we both climbed out for air.
“You said you love me.” She smiled. God, she was so gorgeous.
“I did.” I smiled back, pulling her into me.
She grabbed the keys from my pocket.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” There was a thrill in her voice; that was Chelsea, always pushing the limits.
“Chelsea, c’mon, my mom will kill me. And besides, you don’t have your license.”
“Julian, you love me, right? So trust me.” She started the engine and closed the door behind her. “Look, let me just test the car out…to the lake and back.”
I could see the lake in the distance; it wasn’t far. It was late at night and no one else was around. She couldn’t do anything wrong. She blew me a kiss and reversed the car, driving past me. I watched the taillights as they drove away, the music turned up loud. I laughed (I could see the shadow of her head bopping away) until, in a split second, the car hit a giant rock and spun out of control. The car tumbled over fast and I ran, trying to stop it, but the speed outdid me and smashed against the large willow tree.
I ran for my life, my chest hurting and the panic rising. I screamed for help, knowing the smoke from the car was troublesome…only a few more feet and I could pull her out of the wreckage…a few more feet…till the sound of the explosion threw me back and the flames engulfed the car.
I screamed her name into the night.
She was gone.
I gaze at the ceiling where the fan spins out of control and my eyes flicker, unable to focus. The moans intensify, I hear them, loud, almost piercing. A slight stir awakens me; I stiffen, not wanting to fall back into that morbid place my mind was calling home.
But I was weak.
The feeling starts to build and I hear her call my name. I feel her stroking me; the sensations feel wrong, but they’re all I have now. The control…I’m losing it.
Just one more time.
I see her face.
And I explode.
It rips through me and I grip the bed, my knuckles turning white.
I’m done.
Satisfied, she pulls away. Her chocolate brown hair falls over her shoulders and she quickly sweeps it away, exposing her naked torso. I stare because it’s nice, but it’s not beautiful; it’s not her.
I can see in her eyes that she wants more of me, a part of me I don’t want to give, can’t give. She wants my soul. She wants to own me.
“What’s wrong,
buttercup?”
She hums as she leans over to the nightstand and pulls a cigarette out of her purse.
I hate that shit; it’s a nasty habit and a serious turn-off.
“Don’t light that in here.”
“C’mon, give a girl a break. I blow ya dick that hard, I deserve a fucking medal,” she gloats.
As she attempts to light the cigarette, I pull it out of her hands and throw it in the trash can beside my bedside table. Angrily, she huffs and folds her arms. Her tits are pushed up, the silicone looking ready to pop.
“I’m really over this, Julian. What the fuck do you want, huh? One minute you’re ignoring my calls, and the next, you’re flying me over here so you can screw my brains out.”
The answer: I want Charlie.
And she isn’t her, no matter how much I try to change her. Her hair may look the same, but it lacks that shine, that floral smell, the way it just softly falls, allowing you to run your hands through it.
“I’m hopping in the shower. Please be gone when I’m done.”
“Are you fucking out of your mind?” she shrieks, grabbing my arm and pulling me back to her. “First, you make me dye my hair, then you send me to Lex’s place to fuck him. It’s not my fault that backfired in your face! Does she fucking wear the same perfume and clothes you buy for me? I’m not a fucking fool, Julian. I look exactly like her. I’m just waiting for the moment when you scream her name during sex and not mine.”
It almost happened, or should I say I’ve had to bite my tongue every time.
“Roxy. Leave. Now.”
“Gladly. Don’t go fucking calling me again to fulfill your sick twisted fantasies.”
She grabs her clothes and quickly puts them on. Fully dressed, she heads for the door but stops to face me. “I’d watch my back if I were you. If Lex gets wind of this, you are fucking dead meat. I wouldn’t mess with him anymore…or his wife.” She slams the door behind her, leaving me to bask in my own pity.
She was right. I have been lucky not to be caught by him.
I was playing with fire, knives in hand, standing at the edge of the tallest building and with one gust of wind,
dead
. If Lex knew what I had done, what I do, you might as well pay your respects now.
But I wasn’t that stupid.
And I was always one step ahead of him.
…
Bowing my head, I sit at the edge of the bed, trying once again to figure out where I went wrong and how the fuck I let myself get to where I am now.
Charlie was the one; she was the only woman who made me forget that Chelsea ever existed. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on her. Sure, there were similarities, uncanny similarities, but only physical ones.
She was perfect in every way, unbelievably beautiful and sexy. She was intelligent, witty, and she knew exactly what she wanted in life.
And she was the most amazing fuck.
I know that opportunities (sorry, I mean women) don’t just fall into your lap. Most of the time, they get loose nuts in their heads or are bitten by that marriage/baby bug. Everyone warned me she was too good to be true, so I proposed to her after only six months. When she said yes, I couldn’t have been more ecstatic. Turns out, I was bitten by the marriage/baby bug, too.
I wanted her…
all of her.
The whole package…she would be my happily ever after. Most importantly, Chelsea’s ghost no longer haunted me.
But with anything good comes the bad, and I still remember the moment she withdrew—if only I had known why.
“Gorgeous, you’re tense. Bad day at work?”
Her shoulders stiffened. She normally enjoyed when I massaged her. In fact, it always led to me taking her from behind, pulling on her hair and whispering profanities in her ear just the way she liked it.
“Yeah, something like that,” she mumbled.
She turned around to face me, her eyes looked pained. Something was weighing heavily on her mind, but it wasn’t my style to push someone if they didn’t want to talk.
I moved my hand towards the back of her neck, and with a slight force, I pulled her into me. There was a resistance at first, until her tongue circled around mine and she moaned slightly. It was my cue to take what was mine but she pulled away, out of breath, apologizing that she needed to clear her head. She stood up from the couch and searched for her purse, stopping only for a moment to lean down and kiss me goodbye.
I clutched her arm. “Are we okay?” I asked, not that I had anything to worry about; she was my fiancée after all. Charlie accepted my ring and wore it proudly on her finger. She would soon become Mrs. Baker.
“Julian, we’re more than okay. In fact, we’re perfect.”
We were perfect.
Until the day he walked back into Charlie’s life.
Deep down, I knew there was more to Charlie than she had let on. Yeah, okay, we all had a past. I wasn’t one to pry, and I didn’t want her prying into my life, either. She didn’t need to know about Chelsea, she didn’t need to know that the only girl I ever loved, the girl I gave my everything to, was burnt to a crisp right before my eyes. She didn’t need to know that the nightmares haunted me every night and only stopped the night she first slept beside me.
I was a fucking idiot to think she loved me enough that any ex who would stroll back into her life would be insignificant, but of course luck was never on my side. It had to be Lex Edwards. I knew who the fuck he was. I did that article on him that took me months to prepare. I had studied his whole life; I could even tell you his shoe size. He was a force to be reckoned with. His intelligence drove him to become a mogul, and like all the other billionaires, he led the saddest of existences. Random floozies photographed with him at all times. His dick had been in every blonde in sight.
But even throughout all that, I had no idea Charlie and Lex had a past, and that him coming back into her life would effectively end our relationship.
I tried to trust her, but when I felt myself weaken, I ran. Just like the night of the charity ball, I was weak, and so I did what I had always done when I was scared: I visited my dealer. Alone in the dark, I would do a line as I talked to Chelsea. I told her my fears, told her I missed her, that I loved her. Prayed for a miracle that she wasn’t really gone, that I was living a fucking nightmare and I’d wake up at any moment.
Those prayers were never answered, and the nightmare was only beginning.
I wasn’t that stupid. I knew Charlie was betraying me. And in some sick and twisted way, I thought,
Let her do this, let him hurt her and then she will see him for what he really was.
When she said she was going to the Hamptons, I wanted to hurt her—a side of myself that to this day haunted me. My dealer just got in a fresh shipment; timing was perfect because I had no other way of escaping. I was on the verge of doing things, dark things that I allowed my imagination to conjure up, but it was almost like someone was looking out for me.
I cleaned myself up enough to drive to the Hamptons, ready to fight for what was mine, until I received a call from my mother dragging me back to Louisiana because Chelsea’s parents took their own lives. Tortured by the death of their only child, they drove to the same spot where Chelsea died and drove their car into the lake, drowning instantly. It was fifteen years later, on what would have been Chelsea’s thirtieth birthday.
It rocked the community and the nightmares started again.
I was spiraling out of control. The days became nights…the nights became days.
I knew I shouldn’t have let Charlie go when she handed me back the ring, but I was so high on coke that I had no idea what the fuck was happening anymore.
I missed Chelsea.
The pain was fucking unbearable.
The nightmares plagued me, the flames visible…my lungs hurt from screaming her name.
Life became a big blur. I lost my job in New York and my landlord evicted me. My mother begged me to stay with her. I had officially hit rock bottom, a fatality waiting to happen.
I needed to escape my drug dealer; as long as he supplied it, I would take it. Moving across the country was the best decision I could have made for myself. Fun in the sun, back to enjoying surfing and other outdoor sports that I used to love. California was the answer.
The universe had other ideas, or perhaps it was fate. Charlie? Living in LA? You could imagine my shock. The signs were there; we were meant to be. I just needed to make sure I didn’t fuck up this time.
So here I am today, exactly eight months after the gala when I last touched her. My
beautiful
Charlie. She was glowing in her strapless black gown. Her smile was enough to erase all my bad history, enough to make me believe in a light at the end of the tunnel.
Enough for me to tell her I still loved her.
She told me she loved her husband, not that I believed it for a second. There were too many pauses, and I knew Charlie better than anyone else; her marriage was falling apart. I knew I was weak when I begged her to be with me, and I knew I was praying for that miracle again.
It never came. Instead, she walked back into his arms, and I walked into another dealer’s stash.
I stand up from the bed and walk over to my closet. Behind my sports jackets is a slight cavity in the wall. I reach in and pull it out. It’s the photo of Charlie I took when we were together, naked, spread out on my bed. The lust in her eyes, the way she begged me to fuck her. I feel myself harden instantly, and with that, I reach into the cavity again and pull out the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t, the one thing I battled with myself to not do anymore. I pull out her panties, the ones I stole from her house a few months ago.
I struggle with my morals; I know it’s wrong but the obsession takes a hold of me, and so I pull it towards me and inhale the scent.
The scent that belonged to Charlie.
Like a shot of Morphine, it spreads through me, igniting my senses, my greed, and my lust. All of the things I promised myself I wouldn’t allow myself to feel. Tonight, I will sneak into her place again, just to watch her one more time. He’s in London. I’ll be safe. I can protect her.
Just one more night…then I promise to stop…
One more night.
But I am
wrong.