Julie & Kishore (24 page)

I
understood the thought he had put into buying the scarf and his little speech.
I placed it around my neck (
to add to the
collection!)
and
told him I would treasure it always.

So
much had changed in one short month. Barely four weeks ago,
it
seemed I was a young girl saying a tearful goodbye to my family in New Zealand.
Now, the New Year had begun and I had just said, ‘fhir milenge’ (we will meet
again) to my new in-laws, strangers who had welcomed me into their
home and
family with open arms.

Most
exciting of all – I was a married woman.

Excitement
surged through me as I thought of seeing my family and friends again. I
couldn’t wait to show them the photos of our wonderful trip, our unbelievable
wedding and introducing everyone to my new husband.

Once
back home we were keen to start planning our English wedding
,
the guest of honour without a doubt would be Linda,
the person who played
such
a major role at
that first encounter in the staff lunchroom. It seems so long ago but without
Linda, who on that day gave us a gentle push, or shove, in the right direction,
I am sure none of this would have happened.
 

But
then again who knows with fate.

A
life without Kishore would now be unimaginable.

CUSTOMS
& TRADITIONS

People
outside of the Indian culture may wonder about Indian traditions.

Below
are some of these traditions from the author’s perspective and although told as
accurately as possible the author takes no responsibility as to their
authenticity.

These
beliefs are from rich ingrained philosophies that have spanned thousands of
years, coming from a culture filled with many customs and values.

 
Some may be considered old wives tales but are
generally there to teach good morals and principles.

These
few notes show how these beliefs have stood the test of time.

NICKNAMES:

When
an Indian baby is born, they
’
re often given a
nickname, such as Pinky, Bubbly, Muppy or Bunty. One reason for this could be
because the birth name given to the child did not seem to fit a tiny, cute
baby. The other reason is
that
it often takes
some time before a priest is consulted and comes back with a suggestion of a
suitable name for the child, so the parents nickname the baby in the meantime,
one that will often stick.

SACRED COWS:

Cows
are extremely important to Hindus and because of this Hindus do not eat beef.
Cows are like a ‘Mother’ and babies drink their Mothers milk, we as humans also
drink cow’s milk. Therefore, Hindus cannot understand why humans slaughter and
eat their Mother.

SIKHISM:

Sikhism
is a religion originating from Punjab. Sikh men wear a turban because as is
their custom ‘to wear a turban is like wearing a crown from god.’ It’s a
courageous act to wear a turban, to stand out from the crowd, because it shows
a Sikh’s true devotion to Sikhism and their god. Sikh men never cut their hair
- subsequently their long hair is wound and bound around the long cloth then
neatly tucked around the head to make the turban.

YOGHURT:

Ingredients:

One
tablespoon plain natural yoghurt (culture)

One
litre milk

Bring
to the boil one litre of milk, don’t let it boil over, leave it in the pot and
let it cool. Have a clean jar or container ready with an airtight lid. Once the
milk has cooled pour it into the jar. Add a tablespoon of yoghurt (culture).
Quickly store the container in a warm dry place overnight (twelve hours). The
next morning you will have yoghurt.

FIJIAN-INDIANS:

In
1879, British colonials living in India sent people from India to Fiji to work
in the sugarcane fields. Some of these people were bought as slaves and some
went there on their own free will as labourers with a promise of a great life
living on a tropical island. The Indian people who went to Fiji worked hard in
the fields and after five years were offered a journey back to India for a
reduced fare. Because the Indian people were farmers/labourers they could not
afford the reduced fare so they were offered an alternative – to stay in Fiji
and buy a plot of cheap land. Most of them took this option and built a house
a
s they had become accustomed to the Fijian way of
life, some of them were married and had children of their own born in Fiji.
These people were now known as Indo-Fijians and had integrated into the Fijian
way of life, yet still tried to keep their own culture alive: their language, religion,
traditions and festivals.

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS:

Relationships
are more complex in Hindi. Each relation in the family is addressed by their
own special name. In English we know our relatives as Aunty, Uncle, Grandma or
Grandpa, which is the same for both sides of the family. In Hindi, each
separate relationship has a name and each person on each side of the family has
their own title. The Grandpa on the Fathers side of the family is called Dada
and Grandma is Dadi. The Grandpa on the Mothers side is called Nana and the
Grandma is known as Nani. For example:
 
Julie, Ranjini and Saras's older brother’s fiancé – then wife, is called
Bhabhi. Kishore being Ranjini and Saras's older brother is called Bhaiya.

GOLD:

Giving
gold to someone began many years ago when it was decided it was not safe to
keep money in your house. Instead, people exchanged their money for gold as
gold could be worn at all times. Over the years, the giving of gold in Indian
tradition has become more and more extravagant, with the gold being passed down
to the eldest
sons
wife, generation after generation.
In extremely wealthy families the bride is draped in elaborate gold necklaces,
earrings, bracelets, ankles, head gear and a nose ring.
 

After
the wedding the jewellery is kept in a safe in the
brides
home because it’s too intricate and heavy to wear on a daily basis and is only
taken out, worn and displayed on special occasions.

RANGOLI:

The
rangoli is an ancient sign – an equilateral cross with its arms bent at right
angles. To Hindus the rangoli is second only to the most important symbol,
which is the OM symbol, meaning ‘may god prevail.’ Similar in importance as the
cross is to Christians. The name ‘swastika,' in fact, comes from Sanskrit (the
first written language of Hindus) and is a sign of peace. The Nazi swastika
looks almost identical but is turned slightly on a different angle. It’s said
that the German Nazi party stole this symbol from the Hindus and changed it
slightly for their own means.

AMITABH BACHCHAN:

A
book could not be written about India without mentioning this famous man. In
1982 while filming a huge Bollywood movie called ‘
Coolie
,' Amitabh Bachchan was near fatally injured while performing
a fight scene. He spent many months in hospital after receiving a splenic
(stomach) rupture when jumping into the corner of a table in the middle of a
stunt.
 
During his recovery, he became
even more revered by his adoring fans. Millions of them prayed for him to get
well with candlelight vigils. Some begged god to take their limb if it would
result in the survival of their hero. Eventually, when the movie ‘
Coolie
’ was released in 1983, it was a
huge success. The scene where Amitabh Bachchan was injured was frozen with an
explanation displayed on the screen telling fans what happened to him. Many
years later Amitabh Bachchans son, Abhishek, married the most beautiful
Bollywood actress and model Aishwarya Rai who was crowned Miss India World then
Miss World both in 1994.

SARIS:

Why
do Indian women wear saris? The word sari comes from Sanskrit meaning ‘strip of
cloth.’ Saris were known to be worn as far back as Moughal times, according to
ancient paintings, possibly 100 B.C. but it’s really unknown how far back the
history goes, as there are so few historical records about them. Legend states
the original length of cloth that is a sari was left unstitched and uncut as it
was as pure as the woman wearing it.

The
short blouse (choli) deliberately leaves the midriff bare because ‘The navel is
considered to be the source of life and creativity.’
The whole outfit is put on in such a way
to highlight and enhance the bust
and hips as they are
regarded as
very seductive
and elegant.

BRIDE & GROOM WALK AROUND THE FIRE:

The
walks around the fire represent the 'walk of life' of the couple as they enter
into marriage. The amount of times they walk can vary in different areas of
India, sometimes it’s seven although it’s usually five.

The
priest pronounces marital vows and with each loop the bride and groom repeat
after him.

Another
important part of a Hindu ceremony are the seven steps, with each step promises
are made to each other for their marriage, these steps are either part of the
walks around the fire or a different part of the ceremony:

      
•
     
May this couple be blessed with an abundance
of resources and comforts and be helpful to one another in all ways.

      
•
     
May this couple be strong and complement
one another.

      
•
     
May this couple be blessed with prosperity
and riches on all levels.

      
•
     
May this couple be eternally happy.

      
•
     
May this couple be blessed with a happy
family life.

      
•
     
May this couple live in perfect
harmony...true to their personal values and their joint promises.

      
•
     
May this couple always be the best of
friends.

CHILLIES:

Chillies
are believed to ward off evil spirits from your house, so hang a necklace of
red chillies above your front door.

OFFERINGS:

When
living or travelling in India, or when visiting an Indian persons home you’re
always treated as an honoured guest. When you’re offered a cup of tea it’s
polite to say ‘No, please don’t go to any trouble.’ Even if you want a cup of
tea you still say no. The person offering the cup of tea will insist and you
still say no. You both know the host will bring you a cup of tea anyway. To say
‘no’ is to be polite in Indian culture. You actually know they will bring you a
cup of tea regardless. To tell them you do not want them to go to any trouble
is considered good manners.

MILK/ALMONDS:

You
often hear an Indian Mother or Father saying to their children - 'Come child and
drink your milk and eat your almonds.’ The almonds will have had the brown
outer skin taken off which is achieved by soaking them overnight in water,
making them easier to peel. Almonds contain many vitamins but it’s also
believed that they’
re
good for brain
development
and will help the child to become more
intelligent. The milk is always warmed and is known to be full of calcium for
healthy teeth and bones.

BURI NAZAR:

You
may have noticed Indian babies have a little black dot on their ear or somewhere
on their face. This is not to be confused with the bhindi - a decorative
sticker worn for ornamental purposes only (like make up or jewellery) on the
forehead between the eyes.

The
little black dot of khol or black eyeliner is applied by the Mother to her baby
just before guests arrive or when she takes the baby out of the house. It’s
believed that the little black dot chases away the ‘evil eye’ called ‘buri
nazar.'

The
meaning behind this is, when you look at a baby you might mention how cute and
adorable it is and tradition states that a bad spirit may hear those positive
words spoken to the child and decide to do something nasty to it. Therefore,
the black spot placed on the baby’s face or behind its ear, is a barrier to
ward off the evil spirit. For the Mother it’s a guard, a protector for the
baby. The black spot may also be a protector against you, the initiator of the
bad spirit - you may have thoughts of wanting a baby as cute as that one. Of
course this is not intentional on your part but for you to even compliment the
baby maybe enough for the bad spirit to take action. The black spot will guard
the baby against all kinds of negative thoughts.

BLACK EYELINER:

A
Mother applies black eyeliner around their baby's (boy or girl) eyes in the
same way a woman applies eyeliner. This eyeliner is called kajal (also a
girls
name). It’s used for medicinal purposes to make the
eyes strong and healthy. This eyeliner is made out of khol, (a natural product)
and was also used by ancient Egyptians, the most famous being Cleopatra.

HONEY:

When
a baby is born into an Indian family, the first thing to be put into
its
mouth is a little dab of honey in order to clear
its lungs or stomach of any mucus as the baby begins its life outside the womb.

FORTY DAYS:

After
having a baby an Indian woman traditionally does not leave the house for forty
days because baby and Mother need time to bond. The new Mums, Mother or
Mother-in-law will come to stay during this time, she passes on her knowledge
of looking after a newborn and is a great help to the new Mum.

It’s
believed the new Mum and baby require forty days to rest after going through
the birthing process and this time helps build the baby’s immunity to sickness
once outside the womb. Some may tell you that during the first forty days the
baby’s old spirit leaves the baby’s soul, staying inside the house for this
length of time ensures no harm comes to the child during this process.

DIWALI:

This
is the biggest festival of the Hindu calendar. Diwali – the festival of lights
– is huge! It’s celebrated in honour of the goddess Lakshmi - goddess of wealth
and prosperity. Hindus pray to Lakshmi to bring them good luck in the coming
year. Diwali is usually celebrated at the end of October in the English
calendar.
 
Celebrations for Diwali in
India creates colossal pandemonium and is a hundred times bigger than Christmas
and Guy Fawkes and Easter all rolled in together. The festivities are the most
popular event of the year and mixed together with India’s huge population it equals
an extravaganza on a massive scale.

HOLI:

This
is probably the second largest celebration in the Hindu calendar. Traditionally
Holi celebrates the beginning of the harvest season where everybody throws
coloured powder (made from natural products) at each other.
 
The more colour you get on yourself the
better. People usually wear white to show the kaleidoscope of the various hues.
If you don’t want to get covered in coloured powder, you better stay home on
the day of Holi.