Jump Start Your Marriage

Jump Start Your Marriage

A Simple 5-Step, Faith-Based Plan to Start Your Marriage on the Path to                      Happiness and Fulfillment

Barry Franklin

© 201
2
by
Barry Franklin

All Rights Reserved.   No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including scanning, photocopying, or otherwise without prior written permission of the copyright holder.

Disclaimer and Terms of Use: The
reader accepts full and complete responsibility for acting on the content of this ebook.
While all attempts have been made to verify information provided in this publication,
neither
the
Author nor
Publisher assume responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein. Any perceived slights of specific persons, peoples, or organizations are unintentional. In practical advice books, like anything else in life, there are no guarantees of
happiness, health, income, or the achievement of goals.
  This book is not intended for use as a source of
medical, psychological,
counseling,
legal, business, accounting or financial advice. All readers are advised to seek service
s of competent professionals in marriage/family,
medicine, psychology,
legal, business, accounting, and
/or
finance field
s
.

First Printing, 201
2

Printed in the United States of America

Introduction

“Why is this so hard?” I can remember thinking those words (and sometimes unwisely saying them out loud) in the early stages of my marriage.

When I got married, my expectations of the home we would establish did not take into account the often deep-rooted conflicts and heartache that my wife and I would experience.

I thought marriage would be much easier. Sure, I knew there would be problems, but
I figured they’d be easily taken care of. Marriage problems were for
other
couples. Not us
.

Over the years, I discovered the validity of a core, scientific truth: Things left to themselves tend toward disorder and decay.

This truth most definitely applies to relationships as well as material objects. Left to their own, relationships will drift toward decay and ruin.

People “fall in love” all the time. And as a result of their strong feelings of love, infatuation and/or attraction, people decide to live together or get married.
Over time, they learn (either consciously or unconsciously) that f
alling in love is easy.
Staying
in love is something else entirely.

I’m here to tell you that
staying i
n love takes commitment. This is why we have marriage vows during wedding ceremonies.

Remember the vows you made? Assuming yours was a fairly traditional ceremony, you pledged to “forsake all others” and stay with your mate “in sickness or in health, poverty or wealth
…
until death you do part.”

It is that kind of commitment that sustains a marriage or, for that matter, any kind of relationship.
It takes conscious, deliberate, and decisive effort to keep your relationsh
ips on track. That’s what this
e-book
is
all about – to help you put your marriage back on track, and enjoy an amazing relationship with your husband or wife!

So…here are my questions…

•
             
Are you satisfied with your marriage?

•
             
Are you fulfilled spiritually and emotionally?

•
             
Are you happy?

•
             
Is your spouse happy?

The reason why many people have to answer “no” to one or more of those questions is that they fail to understand the nature of relationships. Because it’s so easy for us to fall in love, we assume that it
should
be easy to
stay
in love.
Yet, as we’ve just seen, this is not the case.

Once I
actually
learned this fundamental truth, I made the decision to do my part in leading my marriage to the point that I wanted it to be – and I believe
my wife
also wanted it to be.
I wish I could say that the steps I took were brilliantly conceived, smoothly executed, and faithfully administered, and that our marriage experienced a 180 degree, overnight turnaround – and that now everything is perfect.
But…I can’t say that.

No marriage is perfect. That is certainly true with
my wife
and me. We still have our disagreements and our challenges. I still have much learning and growing to do. If you’re looking for
a book or
e-book written by the perfect husband who is enjoying a perfect marriage, then look elsewhere.

If, however, you understand that no marriage is perfect and you’re hoping for some Bible-based encouragement from someone who saw his marriage turn around, then I believe this e-book will serve you well.

In spite of our faults,
my wife
and I
were able to turn things around, and now we’re headed in the right direction.
By the grace of God and the fact that I’m blessed with one of the greatest women ever to walk the earth, I can say that my marriage is better now than it’s ever been before. I look forward to many years of happiness and fulfillment ahead.

What follows is my effort to encourage you in your marriage.
If you will read this with an open mind and a determination to act on what you read, I believe you can get your marriage headed in the right direction as well.

This e-book is not a comprehensive presentation of all the solutions to all the different marriage problems out there. It’s not for those looking for case-specific, long-term solutions. It’s designed to give your marriage a boost….a jump start... while you take steps to build toward a satisfying, long-term marriage.

Let’s begin.

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” This is one of the most famous proverbs in Scripture, and truer words have perhaps never been written. They are particularly true when it comes to marriage, for the success or failure of a marriage is first determined in the heart.

             
When overwhelmed with sorrow, heartbreak, bad experiences, stress, anxiety, or depression, it is a human tendency to surrender all hope and think things will never get better. You must fight this tendency and hold onto hope. It is your compass in the midst of the storm. Without hope, you are lost and your marriage will be shipwrecked.

             
The kind of hope to which I refer is not a blind wish. I certainly am not encouraging you to take a trip off the edge of reality and dream your way into an escapist fan
tasy. Escapism is why people foolishly turn to alcohol, drugs, or reckless living. Rest assured, the hope to which I’m calling you is substantive and genuine.

             
I’m not asking you to hope in yourself or in your spouse. I’m asking you to hope in God. As the psalmist wrote over 3000 years ago, “
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
” (Psalm 42:11, KJV).

             
If you want to jumpstart your marriage, yo
u must focus your hope in the right direction.

There is every reason for you to take heart at this word of encouragement and exhortation from the Psalms. Just as a wise investor will look for indications of credibility and promise when making financial decisions, so must we when investing our hopes and dreams. And what better person is there to trust with our hopes and dreams than the Creator of the universe?

             
Do you believe in God? Depending on what survey you read, over 80 to 90 percent of the world’s population believes in the existence of a Supreme Being. Chances are, if you picked up this e-book, you too believe in God, especially since it’s written primarily for a Christian audience. I am, however, not asking if you possess a casual, “I guess so,” type belief in God. I’m asking if you literally, truly, deeply, and absolutely believe that God exists and that He has power over this universe and all that happens therein.

             
If you believe in such a God, that means you believe that in a God that is all-powerful, all-knowing, everywhere present and all-good. Faith in such a God is what drove the Apostle Paul to ask the church in Rome: “If God be for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).

             
So, I will ask you again, do you believe in God?

             
Many times, professing Christians doubt whether their situation will get better, because they doubt God. They may not be fully aware of this consciously, and they may never admit to it, but they either doubt God’s existence, His power, or His willingness to use it.

             
In other words, many professing Christians suffer from a tremendous lack of faith. And it’s worth mentioning that this is one of the most displeasing things to God. The book of Hebrews tells us in no uncertain terms that “without faith, it is impossible to please [God].” (Hebrews 11:6).

             
Let me give you three facts which should encourage you to believe in the future of your marriage. Here they are:


      
God is real.


      
God loves you.


      
God wants you to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

We’ll start with the first fact: God is real. King David once wrote: 
"The fool has said i
n his heart, 'There is no God.’” (Psalm 53:1a). David’s observation has been borne out time and again through scientific discovery, historical study, and philosophic inquiry.

Though civilizations and nations have long debated and argued over the nature and qualities of God, very few people in the history of the human race have
denied the supernatural realm or
embraced a purely atheist worldview. And, while some cultures today (and several more in the past) have
embrace
d
polytheism, the overwhelming consensus among the world’s population has been and continues to be some form of
mono
theism.
That is, most of the human population believes in a personal, intelligent, all-powerful Supreme Being, and they do so for good reason.

If you are absolutely convinced that God exists, you may want to breeze over the next few pages. But if there is any doubt whatsoever (even perhaps in the deepest recesses of your mind), I hope you will very carefully consider the following evidence for God’s existence.

There are numerous arguments for the existence of God. I will give you the five pioneered by the legendary medieval theologian, Thomas Aquinas.
Building on the logic of Aristotle, Thomas Aquinas outlined
the following five arguments for God’s existence:


      
Argument from Motion - There is motion in the universe. Since nothing can move itself, an external agent or force is/was necessary to cause or instigate the motion that is in the universe. Embracing Aristotle's reasoning, Thomas Aquinas dismissed the possibility of an infinite regress of forces.
(To put that in modern day language, it makes no since that a train is moved by a infinite line of box cars. Something that to start the train moving).
There must be (in the words of Aristotle) an "unmoved mover."


      
Argument from Cause - Based on the premises that every effect has a cause and that everything that begins to exist or happen is an effect, the cosmological argument
(or argument of causality)
holds that there must be an ultimate First Cause. After all, an infinite regress of effects is nonsensical. An original cause had to start the train of effects.


      
Argument from Perfection - The universe contains a pyramid of beings (from simple, basic organisms to advanced organisms such as humans). This "ever-increasing degree of perfection" points toward a final being that must be perfect and ideal.


      
Argument from Design - The world contains an observable order or design. Such design cannot be attributed to the object or objects in question. There must be an external Designer to account for the complexity of life and the order of the universe.


      
Argument from Necessity - Everything that exists does so in relation to other things. Within this observed network of relationships, everything that exists is dependent on something else. However, an infinite regress of such relationships is contradictory and impossible. There must be a "necessary being" which is contingent on nothing else for its existence.

For most of my readers, it is perhaps not necessary to lay out such reasons to believe in God, but in this day and age of postmodern skepticism, it helps to have some evidences to bolster one’s faith.

Assuming that your faith in God’s existence is solid, the next two keys in placing your hope in God is to believe that God loves you and is thus for you and that He wants you to have a happy marriage.

That God loves you is irrefutable in light of the fact that He chose to create you and sent His Son, Jesus, to pay the penalty for your sins.
God knows your every flaw and is aware of your every mistake, and yet He loves you more than you love yourself and more than anyone else can ever possibly love you.

God hears your cries. He knows your broken heart. He numbers all your tears. He knows all your heartache and pain, and He wants you to have a happy, fulfilled, and abundant life.

Many people believe that the presence of suffering in the world calls into question the reality or nature of God. The presence of evil and pain in the world simply proves the existence of
sin
. If there were no sin, there would be no pain.

In his letter to the church in Rome, Paul explains that “sin entered into the world” because of Adam, and “death by sin, so that death came upon all men, for all have sinned” (Romans 5:12). Disease, suffering, deprivation, hunger, pain – these are all the symptoms of a fallen world and a sinful population.

Yet God has foreordained victory over sin. We have only to make it through the approximately 70 or 80 years of life on this planet and then to enjoy the blessings of God forever. God has conquered sin and death.

I realize that the promise of heaven in the next life doesn’t fully satisfy your need for relief in
this
life. I understand that many people are trapped in painful marriages now, and while they appreciate the promise of eternal life, they want their marriage to get better in this one.

And that leads us to the third fact: God wants you to have a happy marriage.

Many times, when Christians hear the Bible’s teachings on divorce, they get angry or upset. They reason that God being against divorce means that God wants them stuck in an unhappy marriage. Many of these folks never consider the possibility that God is against divorce and He’s also against unhappy marriages!

God is the One who conceived of and instituted marriage. Why would He want His institution to perpetuate misery and pain? It makes no sense!

In Genesis 2, God announces that it’s “not good” for man to “be alone.” He therefore creates Eve out of Adam’s side (signifying that the man and woman should be side-by-side in life) and ordains that the man is to “cleave” to his wife and they are to be “one flesh.”

God’s plan for marriage is one of intimacy, happiness, and fulfillment. The fact that your marriage may be suffering today is not due to God wanting you to have a bad marriage. On the contrary, God wants you to be happy in your marriage, and He’s left clear guidelines in His Word on how that can be achieved. And these guidelines are what inform this e-book.

With all this in mind, it’s time to cast negativity, hopelessness, anger, and bitterness to the wind. It’s time to believe that your marriage can and will get better, because God
wants
it to get better. And because you are willing to do your part in making it so!

If your heart is turned
toward
God, you will live the kind of life that will bring joy, peace, and harmony to your home. As
King Solomon once wrote, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23).