Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying

My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.

I go to kindergarten. Kindergarten is what comes before first grade. Except for I don’t know why it’s called that silly word of kindergarten. ’Cause it should be called zero grade, I think.

My teacher has the name of Mrs.

She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.

Mrs. has short brown hair. And long skirts of wool. And she smiles a real lot.

Except for sometimes when I’m noisy, she claps her loud hands at me.

It used to scare me very much. Only then I got used to it. And now I don’t even pay it any attention.

I wish Mrs. lived next door to me.

Then me and her would be neighbors.

And bestest friends.

And also I could spy on her.

Spying is when you be very quiet. And you look at people through a peeky hole or a crack or something.

I am a very good spier.

That’s because I have sneaky feet. And my nose doesn’t whistle when I breathe.

Last Friday morning at Grampa Miller’s house, I hided in the dirty clothes hamper.

Then my grampa came in the bathroom. And I lifted up the lid a teeny bit. And I peeked my eyes at him.

And guess what?

Grampa Miller took his whole teeth right out of his head! That’s what!

I popped right out of the hamper!

“HEY! GRAMPA! HOW DID YOU DO THAT CRAZY THING!” I hollered.

Then my grampa screamed very loud. And he runned out of the bathroom speedy quick.

Grampa Miller has high blood pressure, I think.

Pretty soon Mother hurried into the bathroom with angry feet.

“That’s it!” she yelled. “No more spying! This is the last time I’m telling you! Do you hear me, missy? Do you?”

“Yes,” I said. “’Cause you’re hollering right in my ear, that’s why.”

Then Mother took me home. Except for she kept on staying mad at me.

“Find something quiet to do,” she said kind of growly. “Your baby brother has to take his morning nap.”

So then I thought and thought about what
to do. And a very great idea popped into my head.

First, I took off my loud shoes…

Then I tippy-toed into baby Ollie’s room in just my sock feet…

And I spied on him through the bars in his crib.

’Cause what could be quieter than sneaky peeky spying, of course!

Only too bad for me. Because that boring old baby just kept on sleeping and sleeping.

And he wasn’t being fun.

So that’s how come I accidentally blowed on his face.

And I tickled his nose with a ribbon.

And I shouted, “WAKE UP!” in his ear.

And guess what? Ollie opened his eyes, that’s what!

Then he started crying very loud. And Mother runned into his room.

Only she didn’t even see me!

’Cause I quick hided in the closet!

I smiled to just myself. I’m the bestest spier in the whole wide world, I said inside my head.

That’s how come—when I rode the bus to school that day—I did a little bit of bragging.

“I’m the bestest spier in the whole world,” I said to my bestest friend named Grace.

Then I took off my shoes. And I showed her my sneaky sock feet.

“See?” I said. “See how quiet they are? You can hardly even hear those guys.”

After that, I breathed in and out for her.

“And see? My nose doesn’t whistle, either,” I said.

That Grace smiled. “I’m good at spying, too,” she said.

I patted her. “Yeah, only too bad, Grace.
But you can’t be as good as me. ’Cause I said it first.”

That Grace did a mad breath at me. It is called a huffy, I think.

“I heard your nose whistle, Grace,” I told her.

Just then the bus got to school. And me and that Grace raced each other to the playground.

Except for she beated me. Only it didn’t count. ’Cause I wasn’t really racing.

Then we played horses with my other bestest friend named Lucille. Only pretty soon the bell rang. And we all runned to Room Nine speedy quick.

Mrs. was at the door waiting for us.

“Good afternoon, ladies,” she said.

“Good afternoon, lady,” I said back very polite.

Then Mrs. smiled at me.

That’s because she is the nicest teacher I ever saw.

And so I wish me and her were bestest friends.

And guess what else?

I wish I could hide in her hamper.

Me and my bestest friend Lucille sit at my same table together.

My table is where I sit up straight.

And do my work.

And don’t talk to my neighbor.

Except I keep on forgetting that part.

“I wonder where Mrs. lives?” I whispered to Lucille real quiet.

“Shh,” said Lucille. “We can’t talk or else we’ll get in trouble. And anyway, you’re not allowed to know where she lives. ’Cause it’s a secret.”

“Says who?” I asked.

“Says my brother, that’s who. And he’s in third grade. And he says teachers have to keep their house a secret. Or else kids might go there and throw rotten tomatoes.”

I did a huffy at her.

“Yeah, only I don’t want to throw rotten tomatoes, Lucille,” I explained. “I just want to hide in her hamper, and that’s all.”

“I don’t care,” she said. “You’re still not allowed. ’Cause my brother said so. And he knows more than you do. So there.”

I made an angry face. “
So there
is not a nice word, Lucille,” I said.

Then I made a fist at her. Except for Mrs. saw me. And so I had to unfold it.

After that I behaved myself very good. I sat up real straight. And I did all my work.

Work is when you use your brain and a pencil.

Only sometimes I accidentally use the eraser too hard. And a big hole rubs in my paper.

“Hey! I did beautifully today!” I called out. “’Cause guess what? No hole! That’s what!”

Mrs. came to my table. She put a gold star on my work.

“You
did
do beautifully, Junie B.,” she said. “Maybe I’ll hang this one on the wall for Grandparents’ Day on Monday. Would you like that?”

“Yes,” I said. “Only I keep on forgetting how come those guys are coming to this place.”

Then Mrs. explained to me all about Grandparents’ Day again.

She said our grandparents are coming for a visit. And we get to show them Room Nine. And also we get to have ’freshments together.

Mrs. said ’freshments are cookies and abeverage.

I raised my hand.

“Yeah, only I don’t think I’m allowed to have the kind of drink named abeverage. ’Cause I’m only allowed to have milk and juice and that’s all.”