Just a Bit Twisted (14 page)

Shawn frowned. Huh?

“Because she asked. You have to ask if you want something.”

“So if I ask, you’ll give me anything? Anything, anything?”

“If I say yes, will you stop talking and sleep?”

“Yeah!”

“Fine. What do you want?”

“I want a puppy! Black and fluffy! With a white star on its forehead!”

A pause. “Choose something else.”

“But you said anything!”

Shawn drifted back to sleep, still smiling.

* * *

“So,” Christian said, leaning back and rocking in his chair a bit. “What’s going on with you and Rutledge?”

Shawn looked up from his plate at him. “Huh?”

Christian laughed softly. “Come on. I’m not blind. It’s been going on for weeks. I thought you’d get sick of him by now, but you still look totally fucked out most of the time—”

“I don’t.”

Christian gave him a flat look.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Shawn admitted, “Yeah, all right. So what?”

Christian lifted his hands. “Hey, I’m not judging. Whatever floats your boat.” He shrugged with a crooked smile. “It’s none of my business if you have a crush on his dick.”

Shawn slumped back in his chair and looked at Christian grimly. “It might be a bit more complicated than that.” He ran a hand over his forehead, sighing. “I’m not even sure how to act around him in class anymore. It’s like my brain stops working when he’s around.” He grimaced. “I kissed him yesterday outside his office. I couldn’t help it. We were lucky it was late and no one saw us—I think.”

Christian’s eyebrows almost reached his hairline. He whistled. “Wait, are you, like, in a relationship?”

Shawn rubbed the corner of his eye. “No—I mean—I don’t know. I… I kinda gave him a key to my place.”

Christian started laughing.

Shawn kicked him under the table. “Shut up. It made sense to do it. Sometimes he comes very late, and I don’t want him to wake up the kids with his knocking. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

“Oh, really?”

Shawn heaved a sigh. “I don’t know. Things have been weird lately. He’s so good to me sometimes, and I feel like… I feel so good with him, you know?” Happy. “It’s so confusing.”

“No shit. Don’t you talk?”

Shawn shrugged. “Sure, we talk, but not about that. He comes to my place in the evening and if the kids are still up, it’s not like we can talk properly. If they’re in bed already, we don’t spend much time talking.”
I just want to get him naked and on me
. “And he’s not exactly the talking type.”

“Looks like he wants to talk this time.” Christian nodded towards something behind him.

Shawn turned his head and saw Rutledge walking to him briskly. Shawn stood up and took a step away from the table just as Rutledge reached him.

“Something wrong?” Shawn murmured, glancing around. They were attracting curious stares; instructors normally didn’t visit the cafeteria.

Rutledge’s shoulders relaxed a little. “No,” he said, turning around and heading out of the cafeteria, clearly expecting Shaw to follow.

Rolling his eyes, Shawn did.

“I’m leaving for a few days,” Rutledge said once they were outside.

“Where? Why?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s none of your business.”

Shawn crossed his arms over his chest. “Really? Then why are you even telling me?”

They glowered at each other.

Shawn refused to drop his gaze.

“I’m leaving,” Rutledge said with finality.

“Fine. Go.” Shawn bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hold back dozens of questions. Questions that would make him look like a pathetic needy teenage girl.

Rutledge took a step to him; their faces were only inches apart now. There was a strange restlessness haunting Rutledge’s dark eyes. Something was shifting between them, and it scared Shawn. And excited him.

A few seconds passed as they just looked at each other.

Some guy walked out of the cafeteria, and they sprang apart.

“Sir,” the guy said respectfully to Rutledge.

“Right,” Shawn said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ll go.”
Before I jump on you and kiss you in front of everyone.

Rutledge nodded stiffly and stalked away.

Shawn sighed. Dammit.

Maybe a few-days’ break would do them good. Things were getting too weird.

Or maybe the problem was it wasn’t weird anymore.

Chapter 21

Rutledge didn’t return in a few days.

Nor did he call. Shawn knew he could call, but the mere thought made him cringe. He didn’t want to seem clingy.

By Friday, Shawn didn’t know what to think. It didn’t help that Emily and Bee kept asking where Mr. Rutledge was—the question Shawn had no answer for.

Where was he?

There was a niggling thought at the back of Shawn’s mind that Rutledge was a commitment-phobe. Maybe he’d left because this thing between them freaked him out. If that was it, well, fuck him. Shawn would be damned if he’d let himself be the clingy one.

“What’s wrong with you, man?” Christian asked on Friday morning as they took their seats in Rutledge’s class.

“Nothing.”

“You look like shit.”

“Didn’t sleep well,” Shawn muttered, rubbing his eyes. It wasn’t a lie. “I’m just—” He cut himself off, noticing the professor who walked into the classroom.

It wasn’t Rutledge.

His heart sank.

Professor Newland took the seat behind Rutledge’s desk and smiled at the students.

“Good morning,” the woman said cheerfully. “I’ll be substituting for Professor Rutledge until further notice.”

A cheer went through the room.

Shawn lifted his hand.

“Yes, Mr. Wyatt?” Newland said.

“Where is Professor Rutledge?”

She raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think it’s your concern, but if you must know… Professor Rutledge is absent due to family circumstances.”

“Yeah,” the girl sitting on Shawn’s other side murmured. “I’ve seen in the news that he’s marrying some politician’s daughter.”

Shawn stared at her numbly.

Christian put a hand on his shoulder and said something, but he could barely hear it.

Married? Derek?

“It can’t be true,” he whispered, more to himself than to the girl. “He’s gay. And he’s…”
Mine.

Except he wasn’t, was he? He didn’t have any right to be angry. They were nothing to each other.

“Are you okay?” Christian said, looking at him with a frown.

“I’m fine.”

“Shawn—”

“I’m fucking fine!” Shawn inhaled deeply and said, softer, “Sorry. I’m fine.”

* * *

Shawn returned home early, dismissed the babysitter, sat on the couch and watched the twins play.

Their dresses were worn out and too small for them. They needed new clothes.

He closed his eyes and thought of how much that would cost. Christmas wasn’t far away, and Christmas was expensive, so he needed to save money. New clothes for the girls would have to wait until he found a better job.

Shawn sighed, rubbing his face. Yeah. That was what he needed to focus on. No more distractions. The kids depended on him.

The couch dipped as the girls suddenly climbed onto it.

“You’re sad,” Bee said.

“We don’t like when you’re sad,” Emily said.

Shawn smiled brightly and wrapped his arms around them, pulling them close. They were warm and smelled of soap and sweets. Of innocence.

“No,” he said. “Of course I’m not sad.”

“When is Mr. Rutledge coming back?” Emily asked once again, her blue eyes wide and glistening with tears. “He promised me a puppy! With a white star on its forehead.”

Bee sucked on her thumb. “Yeah, when is he coming back?”

Shawn’s heart clenched. At that moment, he hated Derek Rutledge more than anything. The girls had no one but Shawn; of course they’d become attached to Derek, since he had been practically living with them for the last couple of weeks.

Shawn smiled, but it felt like a grimace. “It doesn’t look like he’s coming back, sweetheart.”

Emily’s brows furrowed. “Why?”

How was he supposed to answer that?

Shawn averted his gaze. “Because he has his own family. And it seems his dad asked him to marry.” At least that was the only explanation he could think of. “He’s going to start a family now.”

“Why?” Emily said.

Bee’s lower lip trembled. “Why?”

Shawn looked between them and didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know, baby,” he murmured, pressing his lips to Bee’s temple and pulling Emily closer. “I don’t know.”

Chapter 22

Shawn woke up in the middle of the night, shivering.

He burrowed deeper under the covers. The room was cold and damp, as usual, but it was harder to ignore after weeks of sharing body heat with another person. He missed being warm.

Shawn sighed, turned onto his stomach and hugged his pillow, angry with himself. This was getting out of hand. Enough. Fuck Rutledge and fuck his stupid warm body. Fuck him.

But no matter what he told himself, the ache in his stomach was still there. The hunger. The need that went beyond sex. He wanted Rutledge’s body next to him, big and warm. He even wanted to hear his scathing remarks, feel his breath against his skin—

Shawn tensed and lifted his head. He could have sworn he heard voices coming from the living room. But the girls couldn’t possibly be awake, right?

Frowning, Shawn climbed out of bed, shivering violently as the cold air hit his skin, and padded towards the door. There was light in the living room, but it meant nothing: he had left the lamp on, since the twins were scared of the dark.

Shawn opened the door quietly and froze.

Rutledge was sitting on the floor beside the girls’ bed, one of the twins in his lap.

Shawn’s heart started to thud in his chest.

He was back.

He was back
.

“Where were you?” his sister said, rubbing her eyes sleepily with one hand while the other played with Rutledge’s tie. It was Bee, Shawn decided. Rutledge seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for Bee, though it was strange that Rutledge was tolerating this even from Bee.

That was, until Shawn studied Rutledge’s face. Even in the dim light of the lamp, his face looked uncharacteristically unguarded and tired.

“I was visiting my family,” Rutledge murmured.

Bee sucked on her thumb. “I remember your family. Your dad didn’t like us very much.”

A strange look crossed Rutledge’s face. He said nothing.

“Shawn said you’re getting a new family.”

Rutledge stiffened visibly. “Did he?”

Bee nodded. “He was very sad.”

Shawn felt himself flush. Did she have to tell him that?

Rutledge had an odd expression on his face. “Was he?” he murmured.

“I was sad, too,” Bee said. “I don’t understand. Why do you want a new family? You have us.”

Kids
, Shawn thought, biting his lip. They had no fear. In some ways, kids were braver than adults.

Rutledge opened his mouth and then closed it. It was the first time Shawn had seen him at a loss for words. Rutledge’s throat convulsed before he told Bee, “Don’t worry, I won’t be getting a new family.”

Shawn breathed out.

“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep, midget?”

Bee studied Rutledge seriously with her big blue eyes. “You’re sad, too. Something bad happened?”

A humorless smile twisted Rutledge’s lips. “You could say that.”

“When I’m sad, Shawn hugs me and I don’t feel so sad anymore. You want a hug?”

Shawn expected Rutledge to reject the offer with a sneer.

He didn’t. He said nothing.

Taking his silence as a yes, Bee stood up and put her short arms around Rutledge’s neck. Rutledge had to steady her.

Shawn stared at Rutledge’s big hands on his little sister’s back and then at his blank, stoic face.

Quietly, he closed the door and padded back to the bed.

About twenty minutes passed before he heard the door open again. There was a rustle of clothing before the mattress dipped under Rutledge’s weight and he slid under the covers next to Shawn.

The speed with which Shawn latched onto him would have been embarrassing if Shawn could bring himself to care; he didn’t. He just needed to kiss him. Needed to touch him. So he kissed him and Rutledge kissed him back just as hungrily, his lips urgent, almost desperate.