Just a Little Faith (16 page)

 

Assuming
Paxson
needed to process
what happened between their beach visit and his sudden decision
that
morning
,
Seb noticed
their drive to the church building
happen
ed
in relative silence.
Knowing her curiosity
must be at its peak
,
Seb
appreciated her
decision
to refrain from playing “
Twenty
Questions” with him
. Making thi
s decision still didn't mean he fully believed in God
.

Actually, his decision to go with her took him by surprise
,
as well. After their conversation on the beach yesterday, he
had
stayed up most of the night considering what she said. Before he could make a judgment call about Pax's faith, he needed to check it out for himself. Going with her to church this morning seemed like a good way to do it. Attending a church where she wasn't a regular member felt easier
,
too. There, perhaps he would have some sort of anonymity.

Driving into the parking lot, Seb noticed the simplicity of the structure.
He assumed
it
would be
a large cathedral or mas
sive building with ornate décor, not a small white wooden building
situated in
a gravel parking lot.

O
pen
ing
the car door for Pax
,
Seb noticed
the parking lot
filled w
ith
people mill
ing
around
.
N
erv
es caused him to take
Pax by the hand
.
She
squeezed
his hand
in return
.
An older gentleman stood at the door saying hello to each person
entering
.
Seeing
Pax and Seb he
extended his hand,
a bright smile
on his face
.
“Good morning! Welcome to the
Church
at 44
^th
Street. We are certainly glad you decided to join us today. My name is Donald Farmer and
I'm
one of the elders here.”

The old man's pleasant nature rubbed off on
Seb
,
and
he
couldn't help but smile
while letting
Pax
ha
ndle the introductions.

“Good morning Mr. Farmer.
I'm
Paxson Taylor
,
and this is my friend
,
Sebastian
Quinn
. We appreciate the warm welcome.”

At the mention of Sebastian's
name, Mr. Farmer took
Seb's hand
into both of his
. “We were certainly sorry to hear about your loss. Your family has been in our prayers. It is never easy to lose
one
child
,
much less two.
W
e know your burden is heavy right now. Let us know if we can be of any assistance to you or your family in any way.”

Taken
a
back, Se
b's heart softened
.
He
knew he
could never truly be
anonymous
,
especially in his home town, but he also
didn't expect
kind and caring words from a complete stranger.
Comforted
and unsettled at the same time
,
Seb responded with a s
light nod of his head
.

Pax
started down the aisle
,
but
he tugged on her arm
and gestured to the back row. With a smile, she followed him
,
and they sat near the aisle.

Seb cou
ldn't remember the last time he'd been
in a church building for an actual
worship
service. He
'd
attended a few
weddings over the years, but to come for the intent of worshipping God,
well, it had been a while
.

T
he service
both intrigued him and left him feeling daunted.
The teachings in the Bible class and from the pulpit were so foreign to Sebastian
,
it was all he could do to try and
understand even a little bit of what they said.
Although he
periodically
felt out
of place
,
he
love
d
hearing Paxson sing
. H
e
kept his mouth closed; her beautiful voice filled his ears and warmed his heart during the periods of congregational singing.

The se
rvice over, people
continued
sitting
around them
,
the demeanors
warm
and friendly
but not nosy or imposing.
It seemed
they didn't treat him any differently than the other visitors who were in attendance. Except for the quiet words of the man who
initially
greeted them at the door, no one else seemed to know
,
or at least didn't make a big deal about
a “celebrity” being in their midst
.

Paxson
seemed more comfortable than ever
.
The lilt of her voice, the brightness of her eyes demonstrated her love of being with a church group.
Speaking
to everyone who introduced themselves
,
she
talked with them as if she had known them all her life.
Glad
she felt so at ease
,
Seb
enjoyed watching her
interact with everyone
.

Wa
lk
ing
toward the car
,
Sebastian
leaned over to whisper in her ear
. “You seem happy.”

“It is always a good day when I can be with my family in Christ.”

The friendliness of the people
had given
him a brief moment of respite from his overwhelming grief.
A
lt
hough it didn't change anything, the decision to go had been good for him.

Once they were both settled in the car
,
he paused before putting the key in the ignition. “Are you hungry for lunch right away? There are several restaurants around here.”

“
I wish I could
,
but i
f it's okay with you, I better get back to the house and get packed. I have an early flight in the morning.”

Reaching for her hand, he lightly rubbed her palm. “I remember. I wish I didn't have to stay behind to work on details of the estate. Spending time with Rick is not something I'm looking forward to. I'll miss having you here.”

The thought of Paxson not being there
made his heart drop
…
Sebastian didn't want to dwell on
it
.

****

Upon their arrival at
Seb's house,
Pax
wandered into the kitchen expecting to see Alex and Margaret.

“I wonder where your folks are.”

Seb paused at a piece of paper he found on the kitchen counter. “Well, here's your answer.” He picked up the note. “Sebastian and Pax, Gone to
enjoy the salty air
. Be back before 5:00.”

“Well, that solves the problem of wondering what they might like for lunch. I'll run upstairs and get changed and be back down shortly.”

Pax
quickly
changed c
lothes
and
returned
to the kitchen to make
sandwiches with some of the food his parents brought back from Rick's.
Seb changed
too
,
and
entered
to
help Paxson finish the preparations for lunch
.

After seating herself
at the bar in the kitchen,
Pax bowed her head in prayer
. Bringing the sandwich to her mouth she felt Seb's eyes on her.
“Is something wrong?”

He glanced away and rubbed his hand over his chin. Turning back toward her he sighed.
“No. I guess… Well, are you going to ask me about what happened this morning?”

“I figured you would tell me
about it
when you were ready
,
Bash. I didn't want to put any pressure on you
.
I
'
ll admit
,
I am curious.”

Seb leaned back in his chair
and took a deep breath
. “I guess I couldn't go around judging God when I didn't know anything about Him. I figured maybe going to church with you would help me get to know Him better.”

“
And
, what d
o
you think?”

“I thought the people were nice. They didn't make me feel uncomfortable
,
and for that I
was
glad. As for the service, I felt a bit lost at times
.
But I know it comes from not understanding everything.
” He paused, a slight grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“
I did love hearing you sing though.”

She returned her sandwich to the plate and smiled.
“I think all of those comments are perfectly understandable. I don't expect many people who haven't had a background in spiritual matters would be able to just jump right into a service.
I'm
glad you went with me.”

He picked at the crust of his bread.
“It wasn't so bad. I don't know if I'll go back any time soon
,
but at least I know somewhat what you experience every week.”

N
odd
ing
her head in agreement
she
returned to eating her lunch.
She considered this small step a
positive
one
.
Personally
,
it thrilled her
Seb made the decision to attend church, even if only out of curiosity. She didn't want to shut a door on the possibility of his returning with her at some time, but she also didn't want to encourage him to attend
only
if he
thought
coming made him look better in her eyes.
It was a precarious path she was treading down.
How do I show Seb
Your
love for him without entangling myself into a web of emotions I might never escape?

Somehow
showing
Seb
the distinction between going to church for her
,
and going with the intent of worshipping God
could
be difficult.
Besides, she still hadn't decided what
would
happen upon her return to St. Louis.

The remainder of the meal
they
filled with small talk.
Occasionally,
Seb
stared off into space when something
remind
ed
him of the girls.

She intertwined her hand with his.
“I know the coming days will be hard
,
Bash.
Working with Rick on what to do with the
girls' things and other details will
be a challenge.
It's like C.S. Lewis wrote,
‘
sometimes the d
ifficulty of suffering
i
s in fact realizing you ha
ve
to think about
suffering.
'
I'll keep praying it doesn't overwhelm you.”

After lunch, Paxson
began the chore
of
packing
her things
. Part of her
seemed
ready to get back to St. Louis and the real world
,
but the other part of her
…she feared
for what would come next.
She needed to sit down and talk to Michael. It hadn't taken a minute for Michael to figure out something more
brewed between her
and Seb
. When she called him to request a few days off to come to California with Seb, the change in his voice
had
telegraphed his worry.

“You need to do what
,
Pax?”

“Sebastian has asked me to come with him to California. I won't be gone more than three
or
four days at the most.”

Silence.

“If it will cause you problems at the office
,
Michael, I can tell him I can't.”

“No. If he wants you there, you need to go. Just be careful
,
Pax. Emotions are running high right now.”

“I know
,
Michael. I promise. When I get back, we'll talk more about this.”

After their conversation
, she
'd
wondered
if she should be in charge of Seb's account at LLS. She imagined Michael
must have
reservations
now about things
, strictly for business reasons. She hoped she hadn't ruined a good working relationsh
ip over what Michael might see
as inappropriate behavior. She needed to get back to work and discuss the matter with him.

More than that,
she needed to decide if waiting on Seb to change was worth the turmoil raging in her heart.