Just a Memory (17 page)

She nearly found herself saying she was lonely in the marriage too because he worked all the time, but she stopped. She couldn't bring herself to say anything more to Mac about Richard. She tried to remember happy, fun times they'd had, but she couldn't think of many. He'd always been working. Maybe her memory was failing her. It
was
a long time ago, she allowed.

"You're easy to talk to, Mac, but you haven't said much about yourself. Are you the only policeman in your family?"

Mac laughed. "You might as well ask, 'What is a nice guy like you doing in police work?'" He shook his head and lost his smile. "The answer is no. My dad was a cop. Every night he came home at the same time from walking his beat. I remember he would kiss Mom on the cheek and then go down the long hall right to their bedroom to take off his uniform. I'd watch him unload his gun and put it in the box he stored up high on the top closet shelf. He always made sure I knew guns were deadly and not toys."

"Deadly is right," Carolyn said with a tiny shudder.

"Yeah. A gun that was a lot smaller than his service revolver took Dad's life when he walked in on a robbery in progress at a little mom-and-pop grocery store. He never knew what hit him. I'm thankful for that at least."

"Oh, Mac. I'm sorry." She extended her arm to place her mittened hand over his gloved one.

"It was a long time ago, but I can still see the two officers who came to tell us. Mom cried for weeks after that. Hell, she never got over it. Some two-bit hoodlum had killed her husband and she could no longer cope."

"But she still had you."

"I tried to fill the void in her life, but I couldn't." He sighed. "I got a full scholarship to attend college, but I was only halfway through when she died."

Carolyn squeezed his hand. There was nothing she could say to comfort him against the deep hurt she could tell had been there ever since.

"Maybe it was best. She never knew I wanted to be a cop too." He looked out at the lake where the waves splashed over the icy rocks on the shore.

"Seeing what happened to her when Dad died has made me realize I could never put a woman I loved in that position and do that to her. I…I just wanted you to know that." He looked at her and then rose to lead the girls to the merry-go-round. They jumped on and he pushed them as they laughed happily in the cold air.

Stunned, Carolyn realized she'd been right to anticipate Mac would walk out of her life someday. Now he'd told her in plain words no one could misunderstand. He would never marry, and she believed in her heart she would never have an affair when she knew it couldn't lead to marriage. She had a daughter to think of.

She blinked the stinging tears from her eyes and inhaled deeply. Mac wouldn't be in town forever, but he was fun to be with while he was here. He was certainly a good friend in that he was easy to talk to.

A friend. Wasn't that what he'd wanted all along?

She rose from the picnic bench and brushed off the back of her jeans. There was no reason she shouldn't enjoy whatever time remained with her friend.

Carolyn joined the happy group at the merry-go-round and noticed how Mac favored one arm as he pulled on the bars to spin the girls around. His injured shoulder must still bother him, she thought.

Carolyn couldn't imagine what it would be like to be shot. His job must put him in that position all the time, she realized. Her only realm of experience with policemen and crooks was through television and movies and she'd always avoided any shows with violence. Living with it each day would be impossible for her.

She needn't worry. There was just no way she could imagine a situation in which anyone would ever point a gun at her. Why even think about it? That could never happen in Lakehaven. That's why she'd stayed here to raise Terri. They were safe.

But then her store was vandalized.

She shivered. The girls jumped down and ran to the slide. Mac strode back to Carolyn's side across the dirt area where constant play had killed the grass and packed the earth so hard not even weeds could sprout.

"Cold?" he asked.

The white puffs of his breath carried on the cold wind to her face. She could smell coffee. She smiled and blinked. "The wind is cold," she said, hoping to explain away the excess moisture in her eyes.

"Come on. I'll sit upwind." He put his arm around her shoulders and led her to a picnic table close to the swings where they sat on the top with their feet on the seat. "Better?" She nodded and snuggled against him.

Moments passed in comfortable silence until the girls ran over to them. "Mommy, we're hungry."

"You're not cold?" Mac asked.

"No," they chimed together. "Just hungry," Terri added.

"Time for supper then."

"Yippee! Pizza!" The girls danced in circles as Carolyn herded them toward Mac's car.

They drove to Mama's Place and Mama herself showed them to a table. Mac introduced Carolyn and the girls. An initial mix-up in which Mama thought both girls were Carolyn's daughters set off a good case of the giggles in the children.

"So, you wanna have the usual?" Mama asked in her Italian-accented loud voice.

"I gather you eat here a lot, Mac," Carolyn joked.

"He's my best customer," Mama announced with a laugh.

They placed their order and Mama went back to the kitchen. Mac supplied each of the girls with a few quarters and they went to pick the music from the jukebox. Shaking his head, he watched them giggling and pointing at the song titles. "They never seem to run out of energy, do they?"

"No, but eating here is a special treat for them. I'm glad you suggested it."

Carolyn had bought pizza here a few times before, but always take-out. She would stop on her way home from the shop on nights she was too tired to cook anything. Eating the pizza with Terri in her kitchen had never tasted as good as tonight at Mama's. No pizza dinner had ever been as much fun either. Time flew by.

"Can't we go play one more song?" the girls chorused after professing they could eat no more.

Carolyn looked at her watch. "Time to go. We told Judy Christie would be home about now," Carolyn reminded them.

Mac had the leftover pizza boxed to take out. The fragrance filled the car as they drove back to Carolyn's house. The girls sat in the back seat and whispered and giggled constantly all the way home. Carolyn had to smile, but at the same time she wondered what they were conspiring about.

Once home, Carolyn was pleased when Mac walked with her and Terri to see Christie home safely. Carolyn introduced Mac to Judy and in turn, Judy called Ned, her husband, to the door to meet Mac. The men shook hands, each sizing the other up. Carolyn felt her heart speed up a little, seeing how Mac had impressed her friends.

With a promise to see each other the next day, the girls parted. Terri ran on ahead as Mac and Carolyn walked more leisurely back across the lawn.

"Thanks for letting me tag along," Mac said.

"
Letting
you! That's a hoot. Thanks again for the pizza," Carolyn replied. "Now I owe you dinner again," she added with a grin as she unlocked the front door.

"Works for me," he said with a wide smile. "Good night, Terri," he called as the child bounded into the house.

Terri reversed direction and ran back to the stoop. "Aren't you going to come in and stay a while?"

"I know you have a bath to take so I'll say good night now. I had fun today. Thanks for letting me play with you and your friend."

Terri studied him for a moment and then put her arms up straight toward him, obviously wanting to hug him. Mac leaned down and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Good night."

Carolyn smiled and didn't know what to say. "I'll run your bath in a minute, Button."

Terri ran into the house and down the hall toward her room.

"Well, good night," he said, straightening and turning to Carolyn.

"Good night, Mac, and thanks again."

Mac glanced next door where the front porch light illuminated the whole yard, as did Carolyn's. He looked back at her a moment and then wished her a good night and strode to his car.

Carolyn watched as he climbed in and started the engine before she stepped into the house and locked the front door. She felt disappointed he had left without coming in for–for what? Coffee?

Or had she wanted a good night kiss?

Carolyn chided herself for even thinking of that possibility. She had to remember she and Mac were going to be just friends.

Friends. Why didn't that seem like enough?

Carolyn looked out the front window of her house for the tenth time to see the driveway was still empty. She checked her watch again. The Merchants Association meeting at which Mac was to be the guest speaker would start in fifteen minutes and Mac was late picking Carolyn up. He'd made a point of calling her that morning and offering to take her, and now he hadn't shown up.

She pressed her hands against her upset stomach and wished the worry she felt would disappear. She'd closed the shop early to get Terri settled in at home before she left. She'd already shown the baby sitter where everything was and left the restaurant's phone number for her. The sitter was in the bedroom playing with Terri as Carolyn paced from her front door to the kitchen window overlooking the front yard. Had Mac forgotten about the speech altogether?

When the phone rang, she lunged for it. "Carolyn, I'm running late. There's been an accident on the highway and I just got back to the office. It'll take me a little longer here, so can I meet you at the restaurant instead of picking you up?"

Carolyn exhaled the breath she'd been holding and swallowed the concern blocking her throat. "Sure, Mac. No problem. I'm just glad to hear that you're all right. I was worried."

Mac was silent a moment and then curtly said he'd see her at the restaurant. He hung up before she could say another word. Unable to spare the time to wonder about the abrupt end to the call, she told Terri and the sitter she was leaving and drove to the meeting. It would never do for her to be late to the first meeting for which she was in charge of the program.

When Mac arrived, the members were seated already for dinner. Carolyn introduced him to everyone at the head table before they sat down in the center seats.

"I see you already know a number of the merchants," she said as their salads were being served.

"I've been taking regular walks around the town and seeking out the store owners and managers. I guess you could say I'm determined to have a good relationship between the town and the police force. I've seen so much of just the opposite situation that I didn't want it to happen here."

"It must be a very big change for you, being on the force here in Lakehaven, I mean."

He shrugged. "I've never tasted better chicken than this at a dinner anywhere else." He looked at her and winked.

Carolyn took note of how easily he sidestepped mentioning anything he did in
Albany
in order to compare it to his job here. She sighed. If he didn't want to share his life with her, so be it. His past life had nothing to do with her anyway.

She chewed on a bite of chicken. "It is good," she agreed, letting the job comparison drop. "I never thought I'd say that about a chicken dinner served at a meeting," she added. She tried to tamp down the disappointment she felt that he'd cut her out of knowing anything about himself.

After everyone finished dinner, Carolyn rose to the microphone and introduced Mac. In preparing the short speech, she'd had to deal with how little she knew about his professional credentials. He'd always been vague about his duties with the former force. She went with the little he'd shared with her and information from the newspaper article about his appointment.