Just Ask (19 page)

“If I owned this island, I’d be full-throttle twenty-four/seven and I would never relax. I need to go home and be me, or you’ll hate the man I really am. Blake knew this about me, and it’s why he never called me about the island in the first place when things came up for sale. That, and I can’t ride.”

“You’ll learn,” Ryan said softly.

Jordan looked up at Ryan, needing to see his expression, hoping to hell what he said next wouldn’t make him look weak. But he had to say it. If Ryan thought his need to let go was weak, then they didn’t have shit to build a relationship on. “Knowing you are in control of the island makes everything that much easier. The move, semi-retirement. Admitting I’m going to enter a homosexual relationship with a great guy. It’s all easier. I think that’s what I’ve been waiting for—someone I trust enough to let take control. And that’s you.”

Ryan sighed and closed his eyes. Jordan waited, wanting to leap from the chair and demand an answer. Damn it, he’d never spilled his guts to anyone before, never mind another guy. One he could very well…love.

Ryan opened his eyes, the blue of them stormy and conflicted, perhaps a bit lusty. “Congratulations, Jordan. I’m going to sell you a horse.”

Chapter Twelve

They would never make it to the bed. Ryan couldn’t ever remember a time he’d been so consumed with lust he hadn’t made it to a bed unless there wasn’t a bed available. Or unless he’d made a conscious choice not to use a bed, like when he’d fucked Jordan in the hammock. But he was blinded by need, enough to stop the truck in the driveway. He got out, yanked open the passenger side door, and fell to his knees, there in sand, at Jordan’s feet.

“Jesus,” Jordan breathed as Ryan yanked his shorts and briefs down in one huge tug, taking that hard, long cock into his mouth. The need to suck Jordan senseless was as strong as the need to fuck him—almost more than he could bear. “Is this how you’ll greet me every time I come home?”

Home
. Jordan had said home. Ryan was starting to believe now that the ink on the contract had dried. Jordan had wanted to stay long enough to greet his horse properly—with an apple he’d conned Vatu, the real estate guy, into giving him—and they’d left. The truck ride had been quiet because Ryan just couldn’t believe and had no words to voice the emotions. He was going to show Jordan exactly how he felt—lusty and grateful. Definitely smitten, to use Jordan’s word for it.

Jordan moaned and sank his large hands in Ryan’s hair. “Missed your hair.”

He’d never had anyone miss his hair before. Ryan ran his tongue around the corona, savoring the feel of the spongy head, loving the way Jordan jerked his hips just so when he grazed his teeth across the top.

“I won’t last,” Jordan warned. “I’d like to make love to you, Ry. Please. I can’t do that if you suck me dry.”

“All night,” Ryan whispered in between laps of his tongue over the throbbing vein along the underside. His own dick throbbed in time with Jordan’s, the pulse fast and furious with a vicious need that encompassed so many levels, physical and mental. “I can’t wait. I need you. Need to own you.”

“Fuck, I’m going to come then,” Jordan muttered and tensed as he came in Ryan’s hand, hips bucking and jerking as he pumped those last thrusts to get every last drop.

Ryan stood and kissed him with a hard, short thrust of his tongue. “I want you, here. Now.”

Jordan’s brown eyes flared with deeper desire. “Yes. God, yes. Fuck me.”

“Hands on the back of the truck,” Ryan ordered, so turned on. With his clean hand, he yanked down his own shorts. “I have a condom in the glove box I think.”

“No condom,” Jordan said over his shoulder, his back muscles tight as he braced himself as instructed. “We can do that, right?”

“You sure?” Ryan froze, his hand outstretched through the window.

“I want to be yours. I want you to come in me.”

Ryan swallowed and leaned his form into Jordan’s slightly taller one, kissing his neck, his heart swelling larger than the Pacific. “We can do that. I’m clean.”

“So am I.”

“Take off your shirt,” Ryan ordered. “I want to feel your hot skin on mine.”

Oh God, Ryan was going to fuck him, right here in the driveway. Jordan eagerly shed his shirt and placed his hands back on the side of the truck, tense, excited, so turned on. Ryan was going to claim him. This was what coming home was about, though some would think Ryan welcoming him with kisses and making love would be more appropriate.

But the fact that Ryan couldn’t wait, couldn’t walk the fifty feet into the doorway because he needed Jordan that badly, was heaven. No one ever wanted him that badly, unless it was to solve a problem or toss money at something.

Ryan wanted him, needed him to the point of being frenzied. He could see it in Ryan’s eyes, the way they glinted in the fading light. Thank God, he lived in the jungle and didn’t have neighbors, or they’d all be getting an education.

Ryan ran his fingers along Jordan’s ass, painting his anus with something slick. Jordan asked, “Did you have lube?”

Fingers eased into his puckered hole, gently scissoring that opening wider, to ready him. “No, I used your fluids. I won’t take you with just spit. I want you to enjoy every second I slide into you. I can’t make it to the house for lube. I need you.”

Jordan shuddered with lust, the detail of care Ryan showed was loving proof he’d made the right choice. Ryan’s fingers probed deeper, hitting that sweet spot deep inside of him and Jordan’s world seemed to stop, tilt on its axis for a split second. If he hadn’t come a moment ago, he’d be there, over the edge. He shuddered again, his cock stirring, thinking about rising for more.

Ryan’s fingers left, only to be replaced by the nudging of something wet and hot, the tip of his cock sinking in, breaching that ring of inner muscles. Jordan breathed, relaxing, allowing Ryan to claim him. So different without a condom, no bunching of latex, his entrance more slick, more decadent. Desire swirled in his gut and a shiver of delight broke loose, scampering up his spine. Yes, he wanted this.

Then Ryan was deep inside, his shirt gone somehow so his bare chest pressed against Jordan’s back. The light sprinkling of hair brushed along the nerve endings, inciting lust and something else, something that made the glow in his stomach intensify, grow brighter.

Ryan trembled a bit behind him, so still, his cock pulsing and twitching. One arm wrapped around Jordan’s chest, the other holding his hip, fingers biting into the flesh. “I can’t move. I don’t want to hurt you. What I feel is big. Huge. I just want to pound and claim you. Kiss you. Hold you. But the need to claim you as mine is huge.”

“Claim me. Please,” Jordan urged, wanting to be possessed like that. Needing it so badly his cock rose again, throbbing already. “I’m lubed. Fuck me.”

Ryan blew a hot breath across his side. He kissed the skin there lightly, his lips just as molten. Then he pulled out to the tip, hesitating as he slid his cock back in, stretching Jordan in ways he’d never imagined. It burned just a little, but he craved it, the feeling meaning it was real, not a dream, and Ryan was loving him.

Arms tense, Ryan stroked inward, tugging Jordan’s hips to change the angle. He hit that sweet spot, nudging it with the head of his cock, and then stayed in deep to tantalize that spot with gentle strokes. “Touch yourself,” Ryan ordered in between pants. “I know you’re hard again. Picture yourself in my ass, fucking me as I fuck you. I love your cock, Jordan. I want it in me.”

In a perfect world, he’d be able to do that, too. Fuck Jordan as he fucked him in return. He didn’t find himself wishing for female anatomy to make it easier. He found himself glad, because it just meant they could do this again and again, in mind-blowing ways. Ryan was his, too.

Jordan gripped his dick and began to stroke in time to Ryan’s gentle thrusts. God, he needed more. Jordan shoved back, lodging Ryan deeper, harder. Yeah, that was good. He bucked his hips again, and the sharp intake of breath from Ryan shot desire higher.

“Again,” Jordan breathed. “Hard. Again.”

This thrust was harder, as was the next, and Jordan lost himself in the poetry of muscles flexing, skin slicked with sweat, Ryan’s arm holding him like a vise, connecting every inch possible. Impossibly good, fucking amazing good, yet he wanted it to go on and on, to be loved like this until the end of time.

Jordan tensed, suddenly on the edge of bliss. He’d never had an orgasm that involved more than his dick, but this one built around his body, stemming from his soul. Every nerve, every cell tingled, his ass muscles flexing with shocks of pleasure. He gripped the lip of the truck bed tighter, his stomach muscles tightening, as if trying to make sense of the fire in his groin. His balls were hard, surrounded by pinpricks of tight pleasure greedy in their need of release.

“Come for me, Jordan.”

Those words called him home. He shuddered and came, jerking as Ryan groaned behind him, flooding the recesses of his ass with hot fluid, claiming him as no one had ever before. Ryan’s teeth grazed his shoulder blade, nipping, marking him in more ways than one. Perfect.

“Welcome home,” Ryan breathed between gulps of air.

“It’s good to be home.”

****

A shower and dinner later, they settled together into the hammock, naked, the breeze on their skin, the stars bright. The moon had disappeared behind some clouds so it was dark, too dark to see, but Ryan didn’t need to. He knew every line of Jordan, had memorized it that last time at the waterfall for his collection of memories. Only now he used them to picture Jordan now, so quiet, his mind obviously stirring something around, brewing.

“You’re quiet.”

“Just thinking.” Jordan wriggled just a little, the hammock swaying. “I don’t want to be bored in my new life.”

That worried Ryan, too. “You’re going to live in constant fear of huge spiders and imminent volcano eruptions. I think you’ll be far from bored.” Ryan nudged his thigh with his. “You bored?”

“No. This is awesome.”

“Then stop worrying.”

Jordan sighed and drew lazy patterns with his thumb on Ryan’s hip. “But that’s what I do. I worry, and if I can’t fix it, I run. I’ve always run, right from the beginning.”

Wow
. “Do you know why?”

“Yeah, I think I do. I thought about it a lot when I went back to New York. If I want to break the habit, I have to know why.” Jordan fumbled for his hand in the dark, and Ryan met him half way, twining his fingers with his.

“My dad was disabled in a helicopter crash—training run when he was still military. My mom went through hell and back for the man she loved, and I know most people would have walked away. But she stayed, and my life as a kid was really crappy because we struggled with what we didn’t have. We had love, though, and they loved my sister and me unconditionally.

“But you don’t walk from something like that without scars. I couldn’t see anyone loving me that deeply, and maybe I was stupid, but I wanted that depth of love. I wanted someone to look at me and not see the flaws but see…me. But I was afraid, because I didn’t believe I deserved to be loved like that. So I would run, mentally, and tell myself it wasn’t what I was looking for, anyway.”

Ryan nodded. He got it, because he’d loved that deeply before. It was exactly that reason he feared loving again. It hurt like hell when it was over. “I know I rattled you at the waterfall. After we made love.”

“Yeah. No one has ever looked at me like that, not that I ever saw. It scared me shitless, because I know so little about you, but I
know
you. You’re capable of loving that deeply, and it scares me right to death.” Jordan lifted Ryan’s hand and kissed the back of it, the touch sending zings of pleasure up his arm. “It’s also what called me home, knowing I’d found a needle in a haystack of seven billion people. Sam tells me there are more needles, out there, somewhere. I’m happy with finding one. You.”

Ryan choked back the lump in his throat. He’d found two needles in a haystack. First Mark, now Jordan. How lucky was he?

“Jordan,” he managed, not wanting to be a pussy and just weep all over the place like a girl. No one had ever had the ability to unman him like that. So instead he turned and wrapped his free arm around Jordan and tugged him closer, harder, needing that press of bare flesh to silence the stupid emotions.

“What scares me more, though,” Jordan said, “is not knowing if I’m human enough to return that depth of love. I haven’t been human for a long, long time. I may have killed that part of me.”

Ryan found his voice, hidden beneath the self-doubt to bolster Jordan. “You showed that side of you to Blake, all of the time. He knew what you were capable of being, the depth you could love.”

Jordan nodded, his head bobbing against Ryan’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I feel for you, but it’s strong and deep, and fuck if it doesn’t make me just as scared.”

Satisfaction filled that last hole in Ryan’s heart, and he knew Blake had given him what he’d been looking for, too. But if he stayed on this path, he was definitely blubbering like a girl. So he turned to something lighter, happier, needing to hear Jordan’s laugh again. “Promise me you won’t run from the oranges.”

It worked, because Jordan laughed. “I’m here to learn to be the best orange grove manager ever.”

“Then you won’t be bored.”

“I guess not.” Jordan glanced at him, his profile highlighted by silver as the moon drifted out from behind the clouds. “So, how do we tell people?”

“Tell them what?”

“That you’re mine.” His tone was as smug as his smile.

“Possessive, aren’t you.” But Ryan loved it as much as he was learning to love Jordan. “I don’t know. I told you my relationship with Mark was all in the closet. He didn’t even tell his parents, and it was hard as hell when he died, because I didn’t even get to kiss him goodbye. I got it, and I loved him anyway, but I can’t go through that again.”

“I’m willing to tell the world you’re mine. I just need to know what’s politically correct. I don’t think I’m a PDA sort of guy, even when I was straight. But I’m all for a kiss goodbye when you want it.”