Just Breathe (14 page)

So many things she wanted to say. She could beg him not to go, but where would that get them? He’d already made up his mind, and much as she hated to admit it, breaking up was for the best.

They couldn’t even sleep beside each other without her going nuts from dream deprivation. And with her leaving to take a new job in November, it wasn’t like a serious relationship between them was an option. Sure, they could still see each other every once in a while, but being
together
together? No need to make things more difficult by dragging out the inevitable.

Damn, responsibility hurt.

Zoe laid her fingers on the door handle and faced him. Lips clamped together, he glanced out the foggy driver’s side window and tipped his head against the glass.

So that was it?

His silence played on a continuous loop.

She nodded, popped open the door, and set her foot down on the driveway. He didn’t move. She risked one more look at his sad, beautiful face. He shut his eyes.

“Goodbye, Gavin.”
I love you.

Without another word, she took his gift and ventured into the harsh, uncertain world of Realis, alone. His poignant music caressed the back of her neck like the goodbye kiss she’d never get.

* * * *

Head reeling and hole-ridden heart leaking Water, Gavin left Zoe’s house in a haze. His dream of making love to her free of boundaries and restraints had come true.

Now he had to forget it ever happened.

Yet, his scheming body and heart betrayed his mind by hungering for more.

He should have refused Zoe, gone straight home before she had a chance to kiss him. Hell, he could have broken up with her over the phone and saved himself the agony of witnessing the disappointment and hurt on her face firsthand. But that wouldn’t have been fair to her. And he had to see her one last time, just in case.

God, he wanted Zoe.

For
life
.

Tough shit. You’re stuck with Scarlet instead.

Gavin started to engage in another pointless mental battle with himself over how unfair the situation was, how they’d suffered enough, but the arguments were irrelevant. He had no other option.

It had been two weeks since he and Jack rescued the unconscious Whetu. The girl hadn’t moved once. Vexx said she showed no signs of waking up before the equinox. Without access to the knowledge Iri had buried deep inside Whetu’s brain, the Sentinels were as likely to find the door into the Dreaming as Scarlet was to turn Wæter.

And no sign of the enigmatic Dreamweaver either.

The light lavender scent of Zoe’s hair lifted from his shirt as he made a right onto his street. When they’d had sex, every color in the blue spectrum had lighted her aura—dark worry, blue-black loss, pale regret, navy sadness, aqua joy, and primary blue love. The real kicker had been the periwinkle that signaled trust. His throat constricted.

Yileen had been mistaken about the Songlines binding Gavin and Zoe together. The old man had either taken the wrong exit on the superhighway of life threads, or an unforeseen obstacle had thrown Yileen’s navigation off and sent him in a different direction.

Gavin and Zoe were not meant to be together.

He turned into his drive. The headlights beamed their rays in a semi-circle, illuminating Scarlet’s red aura on the steps leading to his lanai. Fucking great.

He parked the car. Duty clung to his chest like a cough he couldn’t shake, pushing him down, drowning.

Gavin had made his one and only deposit at the Bank of Zoe. Now he’d walk away and forget it, like he’d done with everyone before her.

His hand steadied as he unlatched the door. He got out and went to Scarlet.

Red glitter shimmered in the eyes that swept his body, sizing him up like a slab of meat in a butcher’s window. “I need your answer.”

No,
his Water replied.
Not just no, but
fuck
no
.

“I’ll do it.”

Scarlet’s mouth simmered into a smug smile. He resisted the urge to slap it off her face. If he didn’t need her secrets so badly, he’d have hosed her arse into oblivion then and there. The fantasy of her long, torturous death would have to suffice.

“Give me a day to prepare and to contact Incendius for his blessing. We’ll complete the binding ceremony tomorrow night.”

He squared his shoulders. “And you’ll show me the door into the Dreaming.”

“You’re not getting the door until you fuck me.” Her face lost all pretense of playfulness, and she curled her red talons around her hips. “No condoms. I want all of you, Gavin. I’ve waited long enough.”

His gut dropped like a cue ball on a collision course with his nuts. Elementals didn’t carry human STDs, but what if he got her pregnant? It was unlikely, as they had to keep their Elements fairly Balanced in order to carry a baby to term, and Scarlet wasn’t the motherly type. But she was as mad as a cut snake. No telling what sorts of delusions held her mind captive. He couldn’t discount the possibility she wanted a child.

No way. He would
not
father her baby. Maybe he should look into vasectomies. He cringed.

“Once we swear the oath, we’ll not be able to hurt each other,” she said.

Disappointing. He didn’t think Scarlet knew Zoe was still alive, but he’d save that tidbit until tomorrow and make her swear not to hurt Zoe. He might be selling his soul, but he’d fight to retain every last shred of humanity he had. Taking Scarlet’s power away would ensure Zoe’s safety in the wake of his choice. It was the least he could do after everything he’d put her through.

With grim acceptance, he nodded and resisted the urge to drown Scarlet with his Water-laden hands again. “I’ll bring my list of requirements.”

She brushed his cheek and drew her hand away in a hurry.

A half-grin cracked the corner of his mouth. “A little Water get on you? What a shame.”

Her gaze cooled, froze, and cracked. “The quicker you accept this, the easier it’ll be. The Dreaming could return to the Sentinels’ control tomorrow. All you have to do is give it up.” She paused and circled him slowly. “You must admit, the sex at your house in Sydney was delicious. I promise to make it even better than last time. And you can fill me up over and over again. As often as you like.” Scarlet stopped in front of him.

Cinnamon-scented pheromones saturated the air. His head was so full and sick of that smell. He swallowed over a gag. She took her breasts into cupped palms and hefted them. The red bra under the thin straps of her cami stretched in protest. A hard pink nipple peeked from the top as if to wink at him.

I hate you.
He couldn’t think it enough.
I fucking hate you.

Fire slipped past the boundary of his skin before he could snatch it back home. There was no more lust left in him, only bitter, pure contempt, tempered by wave after wave of love for the one he’d never have again.

“Desire me or despise me. Either emotion brings Fire. And tomorrow night, it’ll be all mine.” Scarlet’s laughter—the same pleased cackle she’d shrieked after he killed Zoe—chilled his marrow. She held out her hand for a shake on their deal. Long red nails glinted in the moonlight.

He closed his eyes and saw Zoe’s tear-streaked face from the car. She stared down at him through the blond hair surrounding them, silently pleading for him to stay as he came inside her.

He never even kissed her goodbye.

Forgive me, Zed.

Gavin exhaled hard and accepted Scarlet’s burning hand. The Fire dancing between them consumed the image of Zoe’s sad face in one quick flare.

Chapter Fifteen

September 13

Shortly after midnight, Gavin met Jack at their usual spot near the ocean in the Dreaming.

“What’s wrong with you, Sad Sack?” Jack said.

Gavin laughed bitterly. “What isn’t wrong with me?” He shook his head. No need to mention what happened tonight with Zoe
or
Scarlet to Jack. He’d rip Gavin a new one, for sure. “Never mind. Have you got any updates?”
Please. Something. Anything.

“Maybe.” Jack studied him for a long moment, probably assessing the whirlwind of his aura. Gavin attempted to smooth his colors into submission, but a glance down confirmed he failed miserably.

Jack withdrew an apple from his pocket and shined it on his shirt. “I talked with some of my Sentinel buds back home about the Dreamweaver. Some new information turned up, but it’s probably going to lead us to more questions than answers.”

Great.

“Apparently, our mystery lady has made a few—albeit rare—appearances in history. The European Sentinels faced the threat of a massive information leak in the 16th century when a guy called William Shakespeare came a little too close to exposing the truth about the Dreaming to the Brits. Seems an Aer Elemental named Ariel spilled the beans and told him of a lost door that led into a parallel, metaphysical world. When Billy Boy hit the Dreaming with a fresh new perspective, he found the portal in a matter of weeks.

“Get this. Shakespeare told Ariel the door was actually ‘a lovely goddess with multicolored eyes’ who had the ability to lead souls from a realm of flesh and blood into a wonderland of thought and being. The details are fuzzy, but somehow he captured her, brought her to Ariel, and the Elemental used her powers to walk right in.

“Luckily, the Sentinels had been watching Ariel for some time, and they managed to catch him before he did too much damage in the Dreaming. They kicked him out, restored the ‘goddess’ to her place, and wiped Shakespeare’s mind. Shortly after the incident, the bard began writing plays.” With a grin, Jack tossed the apple to Gavin.

Dumbfounded, he somehow managed to catch it. “Fuck.”

Jack continued. “Elementals don’t dream, therefore, they don’t have their own personal entryway into the Dreaming like each Wyldling does. The Sentinels have done random checks on Wyldling doors, and they’re airtight. One traveler per portal. To get inside, the Elementals have to go through a different channel.”

Gavin bit into the apple and chewed thoughtfully. “If the Dreamweaver really exists, and her job is to keep order in the Dreaming, there’s no way she’d be intentionally unavailable during a time like this unless a) she turned traitor; b) she’s a lazy bitch; c) she doesn’t want to be found; or d) someone’s
preventing
her from being found.”

“Exactly. Maybe the door we’ve been looking for isn’t a door at all. Maybe the Dreamweaver
is
the door—”

“—and the Fyres got to her the same way Ariel did. Fuck, Jack, I think you may have something here.”

Gavin’s pulse hammered. This new info wasn’t the solution to the puzzle, but it was definitely an important piece. It armed him with a little more direction than he had before, not to mention, it provided a thin ray of hope in a sky of eternal night.

Considering what he was supposed to do with Scarlet the following night, every little bit helped.

With a renewed sense of purpose, Gavin faced Jack. “Doors open both ways. One of us should scour the Dreaming for clues to where the Fyres are coming through, and the other should hit Realis to look for hotbeds of Fyre activity there. The Dreamweaver has to be on one side or the other.”

Jack nodded. “I’ll take Realis. I’m hunting for someone else there anyway, so may as well kill two birds with one stone.”

“Okay, then the Dreaming is mine.” Gavin paused. “Knowing we’re most likely looking for a person instead of a door puts a whole new spin on things.”

“It sure does.”

A chill whispered up Gavin’s spine. “So, Yileen was right.”

Jack nodded. “I’ve never known him to be wrong.”

Man, Gavin could’ve used some more of his old friend’s guidance now, but he had only his gut, which told him not to put all his eggs in one basket. Bonding with Scarlet was still his best bet—the only
guaranteed
route to the door/Dreamweaver. He’d go through with the binding ceremony and hold off sex with Scarlet as long as he could while he looked for the Dreamweaver and Jack’s team worked on Whetu. If the Dreaming continued on its descent into hell as expected, he’d have to make good on the deal.

But at least now that he knew what to look for, there was a slim chance luck would be on his side. He’d take those odds.

* * * *

After the bittersweet car sex last night, followed by an evening full of nightmares, Zoe begged the whales to keep her busy this morning. But even with the non-stop action on the ocean, the only thing she could think about was the break-up.

Panic wound its way up her spine again. Her lungs sputtered.

She leaned over the side of the Zodiac, pole in her shaking hands. She willed her body to still with some slow, measured breaths.
Calm down, cowgirl. Focus on your job.

A whale buoyed to the surface, and Zoe popped a digital tag on her back. She turned to Adriene behind the wheel. “Let’s find yesterday’s tags.”

Her best friend nodded and flipped on the radio direction finder resting on the small dashboard. Dani and Elizabeth took their seats on the bow, and Zoe swung around the side bumper to sit with Adriene.

When the two whales they’d tracked moved out of range, Adriene restarted the motor and headed northeast toward Platypus Bay. She snuck a sideways glance at Zoe under the arm of her sunglasses. “You and Gavin break up?”

“Yep.”

“Any chance of getting back together?”

“Doubt it.”

Adriene nodded. “You gonna be all right?”

Zoe looked her square in the face and lied, “I’m all right now.”

“No, you’re not.” Adriene slung an arm around Zoe’s shoulder and leaned into her for a quick hug.

Zoe returned the embrace, then gave Adriene’s long, black ponytail an awkward fiddle. “If I asked you to help me do something seriously nuts, would you do it?”

Another sideways glance, but this one lingered a bit longer. “I’d follow you into a fire if you asked me to.”

She might be doing just that. “I need to build a whale army.”

Adriene yanked her glasses off and turned to Zoe. “You’re scaring me with the crazy shit you’ve been talking. What the hell is going on? You get out here, jump in the water to swim with the whales, and expect us to put up with your inexplicable behavior from the wee hours until late at night. You’re freaking them out”—she nodded to Dani and Elizabeth up front and lowered her voice—“and quite frankly, I’m wondering if you need to start seeing your shrink again.”