Just Like Fate (20 page)

The show’s already started when we finally get to the city—
Simone apparently needed time to perfect her look. In carefully knotted braids, a too-tight
eye candy
T-shirt, hot-pink
arm warmers, and fuzzy boots, she’s all sorts of adorable even
when she’s scowling at the full parking lots we pass. Finally we
find a space; there’s a collective exhale throughout the car—
especially Joel, who’s been silently brooding in the backseat
the entire way.

“You look great,” Simone says to Natalie after we’ve all
climbed out and are adjusting our clothes. Nat’s in contacts
and my denim skirt with tights, and I’ll admit that she does
look really pretty. “Now you, on the other hand,” she says to
me, motioning to my Electric Freakshow T-shirt and jeans,
“
this
is not the fashionista I raised.”

“Sorry,” I say grabbing a Clinton zip-up hoodie from the
front seat. “I didn’t get the memo about the dress code.” I
look over at Joel and see him looking between our car and the
venue, impatient like he’s a forlorn groupie or something.

Simone and I lock eyes and then laugh. Joel Ryder—God,
all the nights I wished to be doing what I’m doing now. And
now everything’s changed—we had nothing to talk about on
the ride to the city. I wonder if we ever did.

We stash our valuables in the trunk and lock up. My sister
is on the phone, telling Teddy to meet us at the south parking
lot. I nearly lose it when she says, “Of course I think Phil’s
cool.” She laughs like it’s a stupid question. She’s going to be
so blindsided.

My brother and Phil are waiting on the curb at the end of
the lot, Teddy texting someone on his phone while Phil looks
more normal than I’ve ever seen him. I think he might even
have used hair gel.

“Coco,” Teddy calls as we cross the road toward them. I
wave and we all rush over. “Chris isn’t coming?” he asks.
I try not to wince at the mention of his name. “There’s
something I have to tell you,” I say. “Although I need you to
dial down your protective brother meter first.”
He puts out his fingers and turns an imaginary knob, grinning at me like I’m crazy. “Done.” In his other hand his phone
lights up. “Hold on,” he tells me.
Oh, sure. Let me just keep this secret in all night.
I glance
over to where Natalie and Phil are laughing about something,
standing next to each other like old friends. It occurs to me
that they are. That we all are. And that if Gram could see us
now, she might even be a little proud that we showed up here
together.
I lower my eyes, feeling the final break from my grief.
Gram might even be a little proud of me.
“Sorry about that,” Teddy says, putting his phone away
before throwing his arm over my shoulders in an unexpected
show of affection. “I’ve been trying to find a ticket all day,” he
says. “I thought I had a lead.”
“Awesome,” I say absentmindedly, looking over at Simone
and Joel, talking to each other. She makes him laugh—actually
laugh—and I wonder if maybe—
“Wait, who were you trying to get a ticket for?” I ask my
brother, and he smiles like he’s never smiled before.
“Doesn’t matter,” he says. “Now, why did I have to dial
down my homicidal rage?”
I’m suddenly freezing, the outside air biting into my skin. I
shake my head, totally lost on what to say. “Teddy, I saw Chris
with another girl. I went to see you last Sunday, and they were
together in the elevator. She’s the same one who’s been calling
him, and they were together. You were right about him.”
“You mean Maria?”
“Do you know her?” I raise my voice, confused. Simone
comes over to see why I’m getting worked up, standing protectively close to me.
“Coco,” my brother says. “Chris came to see
me
last Sunday. He wanted to explain himself to me—to clarify his intentions. And he did, and . . .” Teddy looks down, embarrassed.
“I feel like an idiot for acting like I did. I mean, it’s not like I
haven’t hooked up a time or—”
“Please don’t elaborate,” I say, holding up my hand.
“Sorry,” my brother says. “Well, anyway, it ended up sort
of cool. Chris asked if I had a girlfriend because he thought I
should meet someone. He brought me down a few floors to
meet this girl Maria. He thought we’d like each other.” Teddy
grins. “And we do. We’ve been hanging out. She’s the one I’m
getting the ticket for, actually.”
Stunned, I stand there as Teddy runs his hand through his
hair. “I swear,” he says. “Chris was like some deranged cupid.
You must have dropped off the food when we were down in
her room. And then I guess you saw them when she was walking him out. I thought you knew.”
“Deranged cupid?” My heart squeezes tight as the realization settles in. “Yeah,” I say, running my palm over my face.
“That sounds like Chris. And no, he didn’t tell me. I sort of—
well, I sort of freaked out and told him to never call me again.
I thought he was hooking up with her.”
Next to me Simone murmurs something close to “Oh,
snap” before stepping to my brother’s side like they’re about
to have an intervention.
My brother’s jaw practically hits the ground. “Caroline,”
he says, taking my shoulders. He sounds exactly like my father.
“That guy is nuts for you. And I think I might
actually
mean
nuts. He had a whole speech prepared for me—a
speech
, Coco.
Who does that? Did you seriously dump him?”
I shrug, feeling heartbroken but maybe a little hopeful. “I
thought you hated him,” I say in a small voice.
“No.” Teddy shakes his head. “Not anymore. And if I
knew you were torturing him, I would have told you sooner.
Why would you be so stubborn? Why not just ask him what
he was doing there?”
“Because . . .” I pause and look up at him. “I ran away
instead. Dumb, huh?”
“For the record,” Phil says from behind us, “I still hate
Chris Drake.” When I turn to him, he smiles. “He could do
so much better than a nut like you.” I reach over to punch his
arm. When I flip back around, I find Simone watching me.
“So Linus,” she starts with a smile. “What do you want to
do about Joel Ryder?” I only realize then that Joel’s already gone
inside. Simone adds, “I’m not sure he can compete with Cupid.”
“No, I don’t think he can. Of course, Chris might hate my
guts and never want to speak to me again, but I don’t think
that’s a good enough reason to hang out with Joel.”
Simone nods and then reaches to pull me into a hug.
“Remember that time I told you to start fighting for yourself ?”
she says close to my ear. “This is one of those times. There
will always be other Freakshows.”
I straighten, smiling at my best friend before taking a deep
breath, preparing like I’m about to jump off a cliff. “Guess I
should make a call,” I say, almost hoping she has a better idea.
“I guess you should. I’ll take the gang and meet you
inside.” She smiles. “Or not, depending on your plans.”
“Please pray to the gods of broken relationships for this
to turn out okay.”
She laughs. “I will. And hey”—she points to the moon—
“there’s a full moon tonight, so weird shit is bound to happen.” Simone winks and then turns to grab my sister by the
arm to lead her inside, content with Natalie as her replacement wing-woman.
“You’re going to call him and apologize?” Teddy asks
mockingly. “Wow, Coco—you’re so mature.”
“Bite me.”
Teddy laughs and reaches to tug on the end of my ponytail
before he turns to disappear into the crowd to meet the others
inside. I’m freezing but too nervous to even feel it at this point.
My heart is pounding in my chest as I consider what the
best way to grovel and beg for forgiveness would sound like.
I can tell Chris about my sister and Phil—hoping he finds
it funny. Or maybe even go the sympathy route and tell him
about the fight at school last week. I quickly drop that idea,
deciding that funny hurts a lot less to talk about. When I have
a solid “Hey there, handsome” opener, I dial Chris’s number.
The phone picks up on the first ring, startling me. He
doesn’t say anything, but I know he’s there because I can hear
him breathing. His caller ID just totally wrecked my game,
and I begin talking before I can even stop myself.
“I’m an idiot and I’m sorry,” I say. Wow, not the best start.
Silence.
“Yes,” I say, not sure where to go if he’s going to be so
unresponsive. “I should have asked what you were doing with
Maria instead of running off. I assumed the worst, and for that
I’m so sorry. I should have called you sooner—I wanted to—
but I was too scared. And I’m scared right now because all
I want is for you to say something so I don’t ramble on and
make this even more awkward.” I pause, lowering my voice
when a few people walk past me on the sidewalk. “Christopher?”
“Why can’t you just trust me?” he asks, low and controlled. “I’ve never lied to you. Why do you always assume
the worst?”
Straight to the point. I forget the cute things I wanted to
say, the jokes that would break the tension. Instead I feel the
tears sting my eyes, the truth so much harder to say.
“I guess I expect to be disappointed. To
be
disappointing.
That’s how I felt for a long time, and when my gram died—I
thought the best parts of me died with her. You asked what I
was crying about that night at the party, and I’ve never told
you. It wasn’t just that my gram was gone; it was because I
wasn’t there for her when she needed me most. And I’ve spent
more than a month hating myself for it. I tried to start over, but
I couldn’t escape the guilt.
“But then there was you. Your terrible jokes and your quiet
singing. Your beautiful eyes and the way you try to fix things. I
was wrong—you don’t disappoint me. You amaze me.” I sniffle, wiping the warm tears that slide down my cheeks. “God,
Christopher,” I say. “I’m so stupid in love with you that I don’t
even know what to do about it most of the time. Can’t you
just—”
“Caroline,” he cuts in. I close my eyes, waiting for him to
berate me. Tell me that I’m a bad girlfriend and maybe an even
worse friend. “I am horribly in love with you, too.”
He doesn’t go on, and he doesn’t have to. Right now, all
I want is to see him strumming his guitar, talking carelessly
about anything and everything. I just want him.
“You still there?” I ask, wrapping my arms around myself
against the cold wind.
“Mm-hmm. But hey, can you not break up with me again?
I ended up reinjuring my leg running after you.”
“Bad?” I ask, feeling awful.
“Kind of,” he replies. “But I’m sure it’s nothing a crime
fighter can’t fix.”
“Oh my God. I am never wearing that again.”
“We’ll see.”
“Can you still drive?” I ask. “I think I’m going to bail on
this Electric Freakshow concert, and maybe we can play fight
in your room or something. This time I’ll have the advantage.”
“Electric Freakshow?” He groans. “Caroline, you can do
so much better.”
I laugh. “All right, Mr. Music Major. Can you came and
get me or not?”
“I’m already on my way.”

“Let’s go,” Chris says, motioning toward the exit after we
retrieve Emma from the bathroom. She’s got the bleeding
under control, but she’s still holding a wad of paper towels
under her nose just in case. We follow Chris; he makes a call to
whoever else he was with and explains the situation.

Outside, the winter air blasts me in the face, making my
cheeks tingle and waking me up inside. I suck in the cold air
and it stings my lungs, but I hold it there before I let it out.

“Tell me about yourself,” Chris says quietly as we walk. “I
mean, other than the stuff that’s posted online.”
“I hate the song ‘Sweet Caroline,’ so don’t sing it.”
He grins. “I can do better.” We stop at the car, and I look
and notice the moon for the first time tonight—so big and full
that it casts everything in a hazy, gray glow. I meet Chris’s eyes
over the hood of his car, and he winks. Natalie and Emma get
into the backseat, Emma saying that she hopes her nose isn’t
going to be crooked.
But I pause and glance back at the concert arena. I was
supposed to be here with Joel; I was supposed to be happy
with Joel. Except that I’ve been miserable with him. Gram told
me to be careful who I love—to never give them too much. I
see now that maybe she was warning me about the sort of situation that happened with Joel.
And although I‘ve spent the last week sure that Gram
would be ashamed of me, I remind myself now that this is
Gram
I’m thinking about. She’d love me no matter what.
I climb in the passenger side and Chris cranks the heat,
letting the car warm up. I watch him, studying his expression, his movements. He’s so different from Joel, and somehow that’s so comforting that when he looks over and smiles
warmly, I lean my head back against the seat and just smile
back.

Natalie must have noticed my easy rapport with Chris during
the ride to the hospital because when we pull up at the ER
drop-off, she shocks me by cutting me loose.

“You can go back to the show,” she offers.
“I . . . ,” I begin, glancing at Chris. He’s not even trying
to hide his elation. “I’m not interested in going back,” I say.
Chris’s face falls a bit. “But I don’t really want to hang out at
the hospital either,” I quickly add, and turn to Chris. “Can
you drive me to Clinton?”
“You’re staying at Dad’s tonight?” Natalie asks, confused.
“I’ll call him and see if I can,” I say. “Chris lives in Clinton—he goes to school there.”
“Oh, I see,” Nat says, nodding. “And that’s cool with both
of you?”
Chris and I nod like bobble heads, and she leaves to help
Emma. I roll down the window and call after her.
“Nat!” She turns and faces me. “I’ll tell Dad you’re staying
tonight, too. Just call him when you’re done here so he can
come get you.”
“I will. And thanks,” she says, smiling. “Even with all
this,” she says, waving at the ER behind her, “it was one of my
favorites ever.”
“Mine too,” I say. Then, “I love you, Natalie.”
“I love you, too, Caroline,” she says easily. “See you soon.”
I glance over at Chris; the look on his face is nothing but
sweet. Resolved, I wave good-bye to my sister and let him
drive us away.