Just Like Heaven (31 page)

“So there are angels? Why haven’t I seen them?”

“For the same reason you didn’t see everything heaven has to offer: you didn’t believe.”

Nick couldn’t argue that point.

“But those who visit
e
arth
do not know that they may one day return. Otherwise, as you’ve said, they may
become jaded and
abuse
the opportunities that
our Father
has afforded them.”

That explanation answered every question Nick had ever asked about religion and God. After all, if God is perfect, how coul
d H
e allow murder and war? H
e couldn’t because it’s not in H
is nature
to feel those negative emotions. And if H
e hadn’t felt those emotions, how would
He know evil when H
e saw it? Therefore, the brutality on
e
arth
is a human concept, not one that God allowed to take place
.

“So it appears you have a decision to make,” Jesus said.

“I don’t want to return to
e
arth
.” Life there
felt too harsh, too painful, too lonely. Who would want to live out that type of existence, especially after having felt so much love in heaven? “I can’t go back.”

“You must have had a good reason to visit.
Before this latest incarnation, y
ou
only permitted Nina, not yourself, to view your chart.
It would have answered many of your questions about the life you’ve led up until this point.
So it leads to the question…why? Why would you allow her t
o examine your chart, but refuse to permit yourself that same luxury
?
”

Even if he’d granted himself the choice
, Nick
wouldn’t want
to
review
his chart.
And only now did he realize why: all that he’d endured had been of his own design. To discover that he’d purposely set out to experience those trials would have been too much to bear without learning everything he now knew about heaven and its relation to
e
arth
. How co
uld he
return to
e
arth
, knowing that more potentially disastrous events loomed around the corner to tear him to shreds?

“You’ve experienced your share of tragedy,” Jesus said, “but the same could be said of so many others. It’s how you deal with those circumstances that determine how you
develop your soul
.
Each new day, you get a fresh chance to make a new start.”

Nick shook his head.

“
What di
d you want out of life, Nick
?”

“What everybody wants
–
happiness. And I didn’
t get it
.”

“
But how do you define happiness?
”

“
Having someone to love and share my life with.” Nick shook his head at that corny sentiment, but he wouldn’t deny the truth behind it. “Jesus, I feel like I’m talking to Dr. Phil.” He draped a hand over his eyes, so he wouldn’t have to see Jesus’ expression. “I just used your name
in vain.
”

“Yes, you have a habit of that.”

“I’m sorry.
I have no excuse
.”

“No
offense taken. But imagine if we were talking with someone named John,
and I said, ‘Nick, I’m really tired.’ or ‘
Nick, I wish I heard Nina
sing.’ I hope that put
s things in
to
perspective
.”

“It certainly does.”
That slight
rebuke, along with the
comment about Nina’s singing ability
,
drew Nick
’s
attention
to that latter statement
.
The power and emotion in Nina’s voice stunned him speechless. Then again, that she looked into his eyes as she delivered that song also had something to do with being so taken aback. He couldn’t help but think that she’d sung the song to him. Or maybe he just wished she’d delivered that song with him in her heart.
“
She is so talented
.”

Jesus smiled. “Deep down, she always suspected
as much, but seeing the audience reaction made her believe it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because we just talked.”

“You did? Where did she go?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not?”

“H
er c
hart
ended
after that inci
den
t on
e
arth
. She wrote that event into her life
for a reason.
Just as you did.
Just as both of you allowed each other to view your
charts, but
wouldn’t allow yourselves to see your own.
So I ask you again, why do you suppose that is?”

Nick once more recalled the moment Nina sa
ng on stage and how her spirit
penetrated his soul
. Now
, he knew the answer to Jesus’ question. “It’s a matter of faith.
” He lowered his head, trying to
voice what his soul
told him. “
I
felt something with her that
I do
n’t understand.
It’s a
closeness. A past and a future.
I feel like I’ve known her forever, but also that I just met her.
I can’
t explain why I feel this way
.
It just…is
”

Jesus’ smile grew brighter.

“What does it mean?”

“I can’t explain that for you.” He approached the brink of the cliff. “Please join me.”

Nick took his time then came up beside Jesus. “What now?”

“You decide whether you wish to remain here or return to
e
arth
.”

“But I already told you, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to feel all of that pain
.
”

“Sometimes you
need
to feel the
pain so you recognize happiness when it comes your way.”

Nick couldn’t refute the wisdom behind that statement. Somehow, he understood that jumping from the cliff, this time, would return him to
e
arth
, whereas if he turned away, he would remain in heaven.

And that realization made him understand why people referred to Nina as Roxy. She feared this cliff just as she’d feared singing on stage.
It meant that, since she feared jumping from this cliff, she’d never before returned to earth, whenever her life hung in the balance, compared to other instances where she detailed how long any given incarnation should last.
That relationship told Nick that Nina feared taking risks
.
An
d based on his own experiences on
e
arth
, he’d suffered quite a bit, resulting in a tremendous fear of loss, which explained why he kept others at a distance.

A similar fear cl
arified why Nina felt such pressure on stage; she loved singing so much that she couldn’t live with the idea of fail
ing. Yet she continued to try; just as she continued to
return to
e
arth
. And if he didn’t do the same, he would view this latest incarnation on
e
arth
as a fa
ilure.
Then all of the pain he’d endu
red would have been for naught.
Since
both he and Nina
tried to
avoid their greatest fears,
they both understood what they might lose if they stopped trying
to conquer th
e
ir
trepidation
, not to mention
all of the
joy
they might
experience if they
successfully
defeated those fears.

Now that
he knew this wasn’t a dream, Nick
wondered what life would be like to have Nina in his life…on
e
arth
. Sure, he’d contemplated this before, but only within the context of a dream. And since he presumed that he’d molded any given situation with Nina, he now realized that she actually enjoyed his company, and that he hadn’t simply
willed her to like him
.
That awareness set off a level of excitement inside of him that he hadn’t felt in a long time: the prospect of better days ahead.

But that possibility hinged on whether or not Nina had decided to return to
e
arth
.

It illustrated why Jesus referred to his decision as a leap of faith. Nick had to weigh the percentage chance that Nina would once more
settle into life on
earth
. But
how could he know or even guess
? He hadn’t known her long en
ough to predict what she might do
.
Then
a buried part of his mind suggested that
Nina’s decision, whatever she may have chosen, shouldn’t affect his decision.

In the past, he had shied away from making
decisions that could
end in heartbreak. And where had that gotten him? He’d avoided sorrow, but living this way had also stripped away the possibility of happiness. And if he’d made the conscious decision to return to
e
arth
, he had to do what Roland recommended: Nick needed to trust himself. Sinc
e he spent so much time doing his best to avoid
sadness, he obviously hadn’t selected to
incarnate
again to feel pain. Therefore, he must have chosen
this path for an altogether different reason.

“Take all the time you need,” Jesus said in a patient tone.

Something about that comment
lit
a fuse
through Nick like no other had. He didn’t want to weigh the pros and cons. He wanted to try living life in a different fashion. He wanted to see what would happen if he opened his heart and mind to whatever possibilities awaited him. He wanted to take a risk.

“I
don’t need any
more
time,” Nick said with
a newfound certainty in his voice. “
Let’s do this.”

Jesus revealed a wide smile. He opened his arms.

“No,” Nick said, hoping Jesus wouldn’t take offense. “I want to earn your respect. I haven’t done that yet. But I’m going to start trying…right now.”
Then h
e leaped off the cliff.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

With a pounding headache and a chest wracked w
ith pain, Nick came to by letting out
a heap of air. He
blinked a number of times, trying to
discover his whereabouts.
H
is eyes
sett
led on dark brown hair. He lower
ed his gaze
and saw
a pair of shoulders. Now he understood why his chest hurt; the woman he protected like a shield had an elbow jammed into his sternum.

Nick tipped his body to the right, remov
ing the elbow from his stomach and
allowing him to catch his breath. His back thumped to the concrete
,
and he looked up to find that a truck had come to a stop and covered
every inch of his shoulders
on down to his feet.

His neck and head, however, peeked out from under the undercarriage of the truck, allowing him to look at a much more overcast sky than he expected to see, alth
ough he couldn’t explain why
it should look any brighter than it had been only moments ago. But that depended on how long he’d been knocked out.

He didn’t need someone to refresh his memory: he knew exactly how he’
d gotten hit by the truck. And even if the woman he’d
tried to protect
suffered serious complications from the accident, he wouldn’t regret putting his life on the line to try and save her life. In fact, when he’d seen
Nina
walking down the sidewalk
towa
rd the street,
he hadn’t even thought twice before running over to
help.
He just considered it his duty, although he couldn’t say
what had convinced him
to follow that
line of logic.