Just Tell Me (The Justice Series) (9 page)

Libby lit her cigarette and the smoke filled Nicole’s lungs and she turned away, it was making her feel a bit queasy tonight.  Or was it the cocktail
? She felt a wave of nausea hit her, and as she took a long sip of her drink, it eased.  

“So what are you going to do now? It’s tragic about this Daniel”
Libby asked and Nicole looked up at her, her mind had wandered for a moment, she was sick of thinking about Daniel now.

“Oh Libby
it was over before it even began, how am I supposed to find a man called Daniel who lives in Edinburgh, who doesn’t want to be found?” 

Libby thought for a moment,
her mind was always on a story “Hmm Daniel MacIntyre lives in Edinburgh, imagine if it was him?  I mean why did your Daniel book the penthouse? He must have some money. And he fits your description”

Nicole looked at her drink
, yeah right
.  She had a track record of dating dreaming, controlling idiot losers, and she very much doubted it. It had probably cost Daniel a week’s salary to book that room and she felt sad at the thought.  Libby carried on talking about Daniel MacIntyre and explained he had just been awarded Britain’s Most Eligible Bachelor for the last two years running.  Daniel was the son of a Duke and self made millionaire, his reputation with woman was legendary in the celebrity world. He was always photographed coming out a club with a supermodel or a gang of beautiful women. 

Nicole had heard of him
but she rarely read the celebrity magazines, and she rolled her eyes “Libby it’s not him, this guy was a gentleman” She told her how he had wanted to respect her that night, but she had jumped on him.  The cocktail had made her relax and she burst out laughing in shared embarrassment as her friends eyes widened.

“Ni
cole you dark horse” Libby nearly spat her drink out at the thought of her friend being a temptress and she was still laughing as she stood up to get the second cocktail jug. Nicole felt sick again, she didn’t think she would be able to drink anything else, she called after Libby,

“Libby I don’t think I can have anything else, I feel really sick” Lib
by got herself a small cocktail and a sparkling water for Nicole, who gratefully sipped at the drink, her nausea subsiding with the cool sparkling liquid. 

“You ok?” she asked her f
riend with genuine concern “You’re not pregnant are you?” she said with a laugh and Nicole shook her head, looking sadly over at her friend.

“I doubt it Libby, look at all the times I had unprotected sex with Andrew, I don’t think that’s really going to happen after one night do you
?” Libby knew how Nicole went through a stage of wanting a family with Andrew.  She suspected they had seen a doctor and she thought Nicole was hoping it would kick start some sense of commitment and responsibility.  

“No” said Ni
cole “It’s probably due to the lack of social life and alcohol. This has been my first night out in ages I’m fine, you know what a lightweight I am”. 

Libby finished her cocktail and
as they stood up to leave Nicole lost her balance, her head was spinning and she almost fell over. 

“
God Nicole you look like shit, come on lets get you home” she had concern in her voice, they walked out into the street and Libby walked her back to her apartment.  She hugged Libby as they stood outside.

“You go back out” she
knew Libby had plenty of friends out in town and the night was still early.

“No I’m coming in
, I want to make sure you are OK” Libby didn’t trust Andrew, she wanted to make sure her friend was safe.  Nicole opened the door and the kitchen was a mess, she grabbed a glass of water and she could hear voices coming from her old bedroom. Andrew clearly had someone over “Poor girl” Libby giggled as they walked past the door and they sat down on Nicole’s bed.  The small spare room was full of her stuff.  One day she would be able to pick it all up and take it away, but for now she had to contend with sleeping in a storage room.  Libby took in the cramped bedroom. “At least you don’t have to sleep with him anymore”  she whispered.

Nicole nodded her head
and laid her head on the pillow “I’m sorry Libby, honestly you go back out, I just need to sleep”.  Her friend kissed her hair and tiptoed out of the apartment.  Nicole took her clothes off and looked under her pillow.  The red silk dressing gown was tucked underneath it and she put it on, curled up under the duvet and slept. 

The next morning, she
woke late, she felt so tired and remembered her strange reaction the night before.  She had hardly drunk anything yet her head was pounding and she felt so weak.  Her bed felt warm and she lay in it a while longer, her hand laid on her stomach, feeling the soft fabric of the red silk she wore every night.  She replayed the conversation she had with Libby the night before, and started to work out the last time she had a period,
I can’t even remember.
  It was mid July now, nearly six weeks since she slept with Daniel and she was sure she hadn’t had a period since. 
Oh shit
, she though as her hand laid on her stomach, she really was late,
oh shit this can’t be happening it’s impossible.
 

She stood up and her head was spinning, she had to sit down on the bed as another wave of nausea hit her.  Nicole reached for her glass of water from the night before and took a drink, the liquid reacted as soon as it hit her stomach and she ran t
o the bathroom. 

“Oh
God” she moaned with her head in the toilet and she stood up again, the nausea subsiding as she braced herself in front of the toilet sink. All traces of the smashed mirror had gone.  A perfect bathroom again.  She looked at her reflection in the mirror.
What if I’m pregnant?
  She asked her reflection, and her face looked back at her, pale and spotty in the harsh bathroom light.   It was almost impossible, she told herself. 
Right, I need to take control.
She would go out to the supermarket now and get a pregnancy test, she resolved and got dressed.  As she walked into the kitchen she saw Andrew stood in the lounge.  He had his phone in his hand and she felt fear run down her back as she saw the look in his eye.

“Where were you last night?” 
His eyes glinted as he stood up and towered over her, his slim frame dominated her as she tried to step back. “Who were you with?” 

“I erm I was out with Libby” she stuttered the words
as he kept a grip on her arm, his eyes danced manically in the morning light and Nicole felt dread in the pit of her stomach “Andrew please, I just need to go to the shops” She felt vulnerable and just wanted to get away from him, his eyes softened as he saw the fear in her eyes, and he ran his hand over her cheek, the sensation of his touch made her feel sick. Unable to look at him she stared at the floor until he let her go.  She ran down the stairs of the apartment building, her heart was beating so quickly.  What had triggered him this time? How far would he go? 

Once out of the apartment and into the busy morning streets of Manchester her head cleared, she would go out to the supermarket now and get a pregnancy test. Her feet pounded the pavement in the summer sun, people were wandering the streets on the Saturday morning, shopping but Nicole felt as though she was on another planet. 

Her heart was thumping as she bought the test and fl
ed to the supermarket toilets. It wasn’t the place she had even imagined doing a pregnancy test and she stared at the instructions. The pictures of the test stared back at her. A thin blue line holding the key to the future, pregnant or not pregnant.  Simple as that.  Life changing words by weeing on a stick. Nicole didn’t honestly believe she was pregnant, it wasn’t possible.

Three
minutes later, her whole body was shaking as she stared at the two blue lines. She just sat on the toilet staring at the test, tears running down her cheeks. 

She was pregnant; by a man she didn’t
even know. Pregnant. Her heart was beating so loudly and her hands were shaking. It was virtually impossible, the consultant had told her the only way she would realistically be able to conceive was by IVF.  She thought about the months of fertility drugs, the ovulation cycle testing kits, all of it. It had been futile; all it had taken was sex with the right man at the right time. She smiled sadly and the tears carried on flowing when the realisation of what she had to do took over her emotions.

Chapter 7

August

Two
long agonising weeks later. 10am on a seemingly random Saturday in August. Nicole was sat alone at the abortion clinic in Manchester hospital.  She looked down at her hands; the skin looked old and worn on her knuckles, a sign of getting older, her heart sank she didn’t care about anything anymore.  She had been hardly able to eat since she had discovered her news, the sickness hit her in waves and she had felt as though a part of her was already dead.  She wanted children more than anything in the world and now here she was destroying the life she wanted to keep, a life conceived beyond all chance.  

She thought of Andrew
and how he had reacted when she had returned back from the supermarket that Saturday morning. It was as though he knew her secret, she had tried talking to him but he was adamant, if she tried to leave him he would make it impossible, she had to stay with him and basically be his slave. 

He hadn’t tried to force himself on her sexually but Nicole knew it was only a matter of time before that starte
d, she couldn’t even persuade him this baby was his, it had been six months since they had sex. She had even contemplated sleeping with him now but the timings were wrong and she couldn’t live a lie, no matter at what cost.  How could she bring a child into her world?  It was inconceivable. If he found out she was pregnant by another man he would make sure she got rid of it anyway. Nicole tried to block out her devastation, it was all just a surreal experience, like watching it unfold for someone else’s life, not her own. 

She looked at the posters on the wall
, it was all her choice apparently, and the consultant hadn’t judged her. Pro-choice? She thought it was a bad combination of words but she had to be in control of her own life and she was making the right decisions, it was for the best, for the greater good. The clock moved its hands silently, it was 10.10, her appointment was late.  She was getting irritated by the time keeping and looked at the other women waiting to be seen, all at different stages of their lives. 

Two
young girls stood up, a packet of cigarettes in their hands as they wandered off, both only looked just 16, so young Nicole thought and her heart broke a little more. Another woman looked so skinny and miserable; the man next to her was wearing a grey tracksuit.  Nicole could see the scar on his head,
just like mine but probably from a bottle
, she mused as she glanced at him.  She could see the end of a snake tattoo climbing up his neck and he was shaking his leg nervously as if he was waiting for the police to burst in and arrest him.  She caught the eye of the skinny woman and felt her pain mirroring hers.

A nurse opened the side door and called her name and Nicole stood up
like a puppet.  She could sense the room looking at her, the lonely woman at the abortion clinic.  The nurse took her details again and checked her blood pressure. Nicole lay back on the chair as she scanned her stomach, she kept her eyes shut and her mind moved to a safe corner to stop herself screaming.

An hour later, Nicole
left the clinic and walked for miles across the city, back to her flat, to her miserable existence. She had to change all of this, she needed to see her parents and she felt a crushing longing to be hugged by her mum. The rain started to fall and she noticed a small café for the first time, its windows were misted up and the sign was peeling. She bought a coffee, stirring a packet of sugar into its milky contents as she sat on the cheap plastic orange chair. The handwriting on the blackboard hanging above the counter advertised the egg and spam special and the air was full of greasy cooking. Nicole felt her stomach churn with sickness and anxiety.  She thought she would never know how it would feel to be pregnant, and now she just felt nothing. Numb from the pain of her situation.  Sat in this dreary café, the memory of Daniel felt distant, a lifetime ago and she wondered if it was possible to just end it all, today. She didn’t want to deal with the ”what ifs?” and the questions, anymore.

Leaving Andrew wasn’t an option, she couldn’t go, he had made that clear
again. She was scared how far he would take it and she was petrified of him, how he looked at her and the malice he had over her. Nicole knew she had no choice but to have an abortion.  The coffee sat untouched in front of her.  People walked past the cafe.  A normal Saturday.

Nicole walked back to the apartment, she knew he would be up by now and the familiar feeling of dread soaked her to the bone when she saw him sat on
the leather sofa. She focused on his half eaten sandwich so she couldn’t see his expression, his eyes looked dark and his lips were closed in thin expression.  What now? 

“Who
the hell is Daniel?  And why the fuck is he texting me?” Nicole couldn’t comprehend the question and Andrew lunged forward. She tried to run away from him but he was too quick. 

“You little fucking bitch, wh
at lies have you been telling?” He grabbed her with force and pinned her to the wall. She gasped for air as he closed the supply to her windpipe and she struggled but his frame was too big, she felt herself blacking out and fought back. He released her and his fist punched her in the ribs, catching the almost healed fracture and she screamed in pain. 

“Shut up, keep your voice down” his eyes glinted manically in the morning light and Nicole knew he
wasn’t going to stop this time. “So you think you can fuck another man? Well lets just see” he grabbed her top and tried to rip it but she grabbed his wrist as he dragged her into the bedroom.

“No Andrew please stop”
he stopped for a moment, his face was smiling but his eyes were black as he looked at her, the hot tears ran down her cheeks and she was shaking. As his hand went back she knew the pain would come, and her nose exploded as he punched her hard in the face. She staggered back, welcoming this pain as a distraction from the pain in her heart. 

“Take your
clothes off” he instructed calmly as though standing in the courtroom.

“What?” she could hardly talk as t
he blood poured into her mouth. “No, get away from me” he pushed her roughly and she fell backwards onto the dressing table, Andrew stood over her and she could see blood from her face splattered across his t-shirt..

“
I will ask you again. Who the fuck is Daniel?” Andrew lunged for her pinning her to the floor, his weight crushed her chest as she struggled to breathe. “You have five seconds to talk Nicole”. 

Nicole stuttered.
“It was someone I met in Edinburgh, please get off me” she struggled underneath him and he slapped her across the face. 

“That is for your boyfriend thinking he can threaten me”

Andrew slapped her hard again, the blood poured down her throat and she gagged.  “He won’t do it again, I told him you were a lying manipulative bitch”. 

Nicole felt the dizziness hit her with the pressure of his weight.  His voice was fading.  Stay awake.  She didn’t know what he would do to her, was he going to kill her?  rape her? The light faded as she choked on the blood.  Andrew rolled her onto her side, he didn’t actually want to kill her, but the anger was coursing through his
veins and he felt such rage. Once she regained consciousness he would clean her up and teach her a lesson and she wouldn’t mess about with him again. Sleeping in the spare room for fucks sake and now this Daniel?

Daniel arrived at
Manchester train station. Sod the pride.  He needed to put his mind at rest, he couldn’t continue like this and he needed answers.  He had relentlessly googled Andrew Black over the last few weeks and had all the details he needed, finally he had broken and texted him in the early hours.

YOU BASTARD IF YOU HURT NICOLE AGAIN I WILL KILL YOU

The realisation of the danger he could have put Nicole in hit him as he woke up, his head still thick from the alcohol and he quickly got dressed.  The reply from Andrew was puzzling him and something felt wrong, he listened to his instincts for once. She wasn’t a manipulator, he was sure of it and the response didn’t ring true. He had spent the last few weeks thinking about nothing but Nicole and it was driving him crazy, she hadn’t left his dreams, penetrating his every thought and he wanted to know at the very least that she was fine, was she really going to marry Andrew? Had her scar healed?  Had Andrew stopped abusing her?  He just needed to see her again, he felt as though he had a right to know after the brief time they had spent together but he knew he had overstepped the boundaries sending that text.
Oh shit what have I done?
 

Daniel stepped out of the taxi and
looked up at the old brick warehouse converted into flats and walked through as a resident opened the security door. He remembered every detail from their time together and she had mentioned it was the penthouse so he pressed the top floor on the lift.  His heart was beating hard as he stood in front of her door. This was it, he knocked on the door and waited.  What if there was no one in?  It hadn’t crossed his mind that they might be out and he was about to walk away when the door opened, a crack revealed Andrews features.

“Yes?” 
Daniel’s heart filled with hatred. He looked at him up close, his hair was stuck up and his white t-shirt had stains on it. Seriously? What did Nicole see in this guy?

“Is Nicole in?”

“No” Andrew cleared his throat “Who are you?”

“Daniel”.  He looked for a sign of recognition and Andrew stared back at him, his face a mask. “Well where is she?” 
Daniel’s voice rose, and Andrew tried to close the door but Daniel’s foot stopped him.  “I will ask you again you little shit, what have you done with Nicole?” 

Andrew laughed in his face and Daniel lost his temper and pushed the door open, pinning the smaller man against the wall
.  “What have you done with her? I swear if you have hurt her again I will fucking kill you” he pushed him up the wall and his legs left the floor, Andrew started choking.

“She’s gone” Andrews mind worked overtime
as Daniel let go of him.  “Don’t know where she is sorry mate, like I said on the text, she’s just a lying cow” he couldn’t wipe the smirk of his face; she would pay for this, the fucking bitch had been cheating on him after all. With him? What did he see in her?

Daniel looked at Andrew; the
red stains on his t-shirt looked like blood, something was wrong he could sense it and he let go of the smaller man, pushing him to the floor.  “If you have hurt her I swear I will kill you. 

He strode into the apartment.  “Nicole?”  He shouted as he walked through the open plan lounge, he needed to check the rooms
to put his mind at rest, when he saw her laid on the floor covered in blood his first thought was that she was dead. 

“
Oh shit no, Nicole” he lent down and felt relief flood through him as he could hear her breath, as it rattled through the congealed blood in her throat.  He heard the door slam distantly and knew Andrew had fled, Daniel’s hands were shaking as he phoned for an ambulance. 

When they eventually found him, he was cradling her unconscious body in his arms, tears rolling down his eyes.  His shirt was covered in blood and the paramedics looked at him in disgust as they told him the police were on their way.  The police? 
Oh God they think I did this to her? 

Nicole regained consciousness and heard a murmur of conversation.  People stood round her, scratchy sheets. 
What’s happening?  Where am I?
  She thought she was dead for a moment as the confusion misted her judgement. Words formed in her mouth but the blood was still in her throat and it came out as a gurgle. Sitting up, she wretched the congealed blood out of her mouth, she felt hands holding her as she screamed in pain, her rib felt as though it had snapped and she struggled to breathe.  The figures stood round her bed moved and she focused on the nurse in front of her as she smiled sadly.

“
You are in hospital Nicole, you had a lucky escape, if it wasn’t for your friend we don’t know what would have happened. Please try and relax, we have given you some drugs for the pain”

What friend?  Anna?  Libby?  What was she on about?  Despite the drugs her face was exploding in pain, her nose was blocke
d and she put her hand up to touch it.  It felt like someone else’s face and she remembered Andrew hitting her over and over again.  Tears ran down her cheeks and she tried not to sob as her chest burnt in pain.

“Nicole,
it’s fine” she heard a voice, one she never thought she would hear again, her mind was numbed by the pain killing drugs but she instantly knew it was him “I’ve taken care of everything. Please don’t worry, get some rest.” She looked over and saw him sat on the chair next to her bed, he smiled at her and she could see the dried blood on his shirt as she drifted off into a drug fuelled sleep.

She woke a few hours later, the light
filtered through the dusty windows in the hospital.  Her nose throbbed with pain but her head was clearer.  Memories of the last day filtered through her mind, the abortion clinic. She knew her life had changed forever, no more Andrew. There was no way she would go back.  The flat bound them together but she was adamant she was going to press charges for his attack, it wasn’t an accident. She would spend a lifetime paying that mortgage but there was no way on earth she would ever see him again. He had wanted to kill her, she remembered the look in his eyes and how he had tried to touch her and the terror she felt.  She automatically placed her hand on her stomach.  The baby.