Just Want Somebody to Love (Bella Warren Book 1) (30 page)

Maddy’s mouth dropped, and she just stared and blinked at her. “Damn. Did you fall for him?”

She just shrugged. Maybe. Maybe not. “Didn’t have time to find out.”

Maddy laughed. “You did. You fell for him. It’s all over your face.”

Whitney pushed off the tree. If she sat here longer, she’d be sick. Those were words Whitney had spent night and day trying to hide from. She didn’t need someone to tell her she’d gone and been stupid and fallen in love.

Her broken heart told her every day.

“If you want him, have at it.” She rubbed Peanut’s head. “Let’s go home.” Peanut jumped off the table, and Whitney followed her down.

“Hey, Whit?”

She waited.

Maddy shrugged. “Sorry that happened. That sucks. It doesn’t sound like something I’d want people talking about if it were me. I can’t control other people, but I can control myself. If we’re going to do this truce thing, I’ll do my part to leave it alone.”

“Thanks.” She crossed the road and slipped through the trees for the path home. She gave Peanut a quick scratch behind the ears. “Look at that, we did it.”

“What did you do?” His voice came from behind her.

She jumped and turned. Her heart was in throat for a hundred different reasons. Ice chilled her veins. He’d scared the daylights out of her. He stood right there. He had a little stick in his hand, and he tossed it to the side. Peanut watched it go, but like all their other attempts at fetch, she just looked at it.

Whitney covered her chest and then tugged at her shirt. She should always wear lip gloss. And her mom’s pearls. Be dolled to the nines, and she was zero for two with him in this department. “You scared me.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Walking. Like you.”

“I’m walking.” She crossed her arms under her chest. “You’re trespassing.”

He pushed his hands into his pockets and nodded. “Family land?”

“All the way to the pavement.” She wanted to bite the bullet. She wanted to know why he was here. She wouldn’t ask because she wasn’t desperate. At least, not enough to look and sound desperate so that he’d know. “Don’t get on the farm and no one will say anything.”

She kept her head up and tears firmly in check, and started home.

“Wait. Can we talk?”

“We have nothing to talk about.”

“I miss you. I came back for you.” His words rushed out. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and then dropped them by his side. “Everyone keeps asking, and I keep ignoring them until I can talk to you first. I’m here for you.”

Oh those words hurt. “You wasted your time. You need to go back home.”

“I am home.”

She stopped. That got her attention.

He lifted a shoulder. “I know Bella Warren is important to you. And you’re important to me. More important than anything else. I sold the steakhouse and my apartment. I moved here.”

She backed a step and couldn’t even begin to process. He moved for her. He wanted her. He sold the steakhouse. He wanted her. She shook her head. “No.”

“I need you. I don’t like who I am without you. You make me better. And I think, I hope, that you can forgive me.”

“I don’t need you.”
I just want you
. She shook her head. “Before I thought I needed you to be happy. How pathetic is that? I was ready to uproot my whole life for you.” She touched her forehead. “And worse, you were going to let me without one time making sure that’s what I wanted. You didn’t care about me.”

“I do care—”

“Stop.” She put her hand up. “You cared about me to the point of getting what you want. You have a selfish sort of caring. You cared because I was part of something you wanted. I cared about you because when you were happy, I was happy. You only liked me because I liked you. You didn’t like me for me.”

“I realize that now. That I came across that way.” He started forward but stopped, thankfully still giving her space. She wasn’t sure she could have resisted if he came closer. He shifted his feet and ended up farther away. “I love you, Whitney.”

Oh boy.

He looked up from the ground and just stared at her. His hands were out of his pockets now. One fisted and then opened to tap against his thigh. “I’ve never said that to anyone before.”

It was like glue on her heart. Stubborn glue she didn’t want.

“I grew up aware of what we didn’t have. I chased after my older brother who pointed out things I wouldn’t have noticed. I’m not blaming him for me. I’m just saying that I was more aware of what we didn’t have at a young age while I was still happy. I don’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t have something in my mind that I wanted. Not necessarily just for me. Brandon and I would go to the store all the time, and I remember seeing mom chose between two different things she wanted because we couldn’t afford both. We’d go to the sandbar and dig for change to try to find money to buy extra stuff until we were old enough to get jobs. I’ve just always had a drive to get and need more. I came here with that same drive of still needing more without realizing I lost my reason for needing it.”

She grasped for words. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…”

“For as long as I remember, the only thing I wanted was more. More of everything. Then I met you. I fell for you in ways I didn’t know two people could be connected. Money doesn’t buy happiness? I used to laugh at that. Because I was damn happy with money. And then I met you.”

“Justin, I…”

Then he was just there. His hands held hers. “One time you asked me to smell the dirt. And I smelled dirt. When I came back here, I didn’t smell dirt anymore. I smelled you. I smelled your home. I didn’t understand that home thing you talked about, but I smelled and I remembered your laughter and the way you used to look at me when you thought I wasn’t looking. I smelled your hair and remembered how you felt against me. When I came back here, I understood what you were talking about that day.”

Oh, now he’d gone and talked about her dirt.

“We had something amazing that only happens once in a lifetime if you’re lucky. And I don’t care if I have to spend a lifetime making it up to you, I want it back.” He breathed out and lowered his head to hers and closed his eyes. “Unless.”

He stopped and his swallow was audible. “Unless you tell me there’s no chance. That I need to leave because you never want to see me again. If that will make you happy I’ll go and I won’t come back. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. Because when you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Her throat was so tight, and air over filled in her chest. “Justin, I…”

She was at a loss for words. Again. He had a knack for that.

He rubbed her arms, and her knees wobbled at the warming touch. “If you don’t know, don’t decide yet. I don’t want you to send me away and change your mind in the morning. And I don’t want you ask me to stay and then wish I was gone by this evening.”

He pressed a long, soft kiss to the center of her forehead. Then he pulled away. Away enough that his familiar heat was gone. And his hands were gone. Then he was too.

She stumbled and put a hand to Peanut’s back for stability. Then went ahead and sat on the ground. Peanut crawled over her legs and plopped in her lap, her head on top of Whitney’s. She hugged her to her chest.

“I still want him,” she whispered.

Nerves gripped his gut and left him nauseated as he approached the four women at the bar. It had to be good that they were all here. Either that or bad because they were here for moral support and Whitney picked a public place so he couldn’t try to change her mind.

Or public, for one last final humiliation. But that didn’t feel right on his tongue. Best he could tell, nobody knew about his stupid bet that cost him everything. The first time he’d made this walk toward her behind a bar, people had curiously looked and continued on with their business. This time, everyone stared.

He aimed for polite and just prayed he wasn’t overeager. He started with her mom. “What can I get for you?”

“Hm.” The pads of her fingers tapped across the bar top. “I saw something online about a birthday cake martini.”

Hard hitter, coming at him with something new and not at all like anyone in this town had ordered. “Yes, ma’am.”

He keyed in on the tablet tucked safely under the bar counter and the recipe popped up. “I don’t have any frosting to rim the glass with, is that okay?”

Her eyes brightened. “I didn’t even know they came with frosting. It’ll be fine without.”

He pulled the ingredients together and sat it in front of her. Tasha was next and she was still pregnant. “Pineapple for you?”

Her smile was tight and her eyes narrowed with her nod. He fixed her drink, sat it before her, and turned to Kara. “Another Dr. Pepper with a little of vanilla vodka?”

Kara studied Mrs. Jana’s drink. “I planned to until I saw that. I want one of those.”

“Coming up.” In another moment, he produced another and sat it on the bar.

Best and hardest for last. He took a breath and faced Whitney. “Do you know what you want?”

Damn it. He could kick himself for that. He’d look at her, lost all thought, and words just fell out in the most unprofessional, un-flirty way possible.

“Surprise me.” She gave him a small smile.

His pulse picked up. He tried reading a hundred things in what that smile meant. Was it just a nice about-to-break-your-heart smile? Or was it hopeful? Was it unknowing?

He pulled together strawberry vodka, cranberry juice, and some half and half. He gave it a good shake, poured it out, and as much as he wanted to drop a whole strawberry in the glass, he didn’t have one. He slid the drink to her.

She turned the thin stem of the glass around and studied it. “What is it?”

“A Marilyn. Named for Marilyn Monroe. It’s strawberry.”

She sipped and gave another one of those smiles. “Pretty good. Why this drink?”

“You. First night I saw you, I thought you looked like her.” He cleared his throat. “I mean, I still do.”

She blinked and eyes widened.

He smiled back and started away, then noticed her mom sitting there. Great. Compared her daughter to the biggest sex icon who ever lived.

Perfect.

He walked to the other end of the bar and filled a few orders. It was either that or close his head in the cooler doors. He filled more orders and started back toward them, but he delayed to fill a few more from other people who came up.

Brandon slipped behind him and grabbed a bottle. “Just got super busy.”

“I was noticing that.”

“People are waiting to see what you two are going to do.”

“Unless they slow down on ordering drinks, they’re going to be waiting a long time. I can’t stop working to get there.”

“In a few more minutes, people are going to be crammed in at the bar, they’ll have drinks, and it won’t be physically possible for anyone else to get up here to order anything.”

Which translated to Justin meaning, in a few minutes, he was going to have rows of people staring at him and waiting on him to do something, when there was nothing he could do but wait.

Whitney sat safely tucked in with her mom on one side and Tasha and Kara on the other. Nobody was getting past them to get close to her. He made drinks, eased down the line, and came back to them as he worked. They had barely touched their drinks.

He cleaned a few drips. “Where’s your dog?”

“Peanut.”

He glanced her way. “We don’t have any. I talked Brandon into ordering some last week. They should be here by Friday.”

Whitney laughed. “No, I don’t want peanuts. Her name is Peanut. She’s with Tasha’s kids wearing everybody out, I’m sure.”

“Oh.” It was good to hear her laugh. He’d missed that sound. “She looks like she could do that.”

“She can. She’s a sweet girl and she loves to play.”

Small talk. That had to be a good thing. Talking was an improvement from this afternoon. “I always wanted a dog, but we didn’t have one. Then I got older and got too busy.”

“She’s a handful, and you can’t be too busy if you want one.”

“Sounds like a good time to look into that then.”

She took another sip and pinned him with her gaze. She fidgeted with her lower lip, like she wanted to ask him something. He leaned a little closer and wished he could somehow just pull it out of her. Say it. Come on, just say it. He searched her eyes while she searched his back. “Say it.”

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

He didn’t give a verbal answer. He didn’t tell Brandon. He walked to the end of the bar and around to her side. Gazes followed. He made it another two steps, and she waited for him. She didn’t say anything, but when he held his hand out, she took it.

The door tapped shut, and an easy breath of air went in and out of him. “Where to?”

She started down the sidewalk. “Let’s just go this way. I had to get out of there.”

“I know the feeling.” Had been knowing it since the day he moved here when everyone peppered him with questions. Getting stared at without comment was worse.

“I wasn’t expecting you to come back.” The softness of her words spoke volumes louder into his guilt.

“I didn’t know what I wanted when I left.”

“When you left, I think that’s what hurt the most.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

“It took a couple weeks, and I didn’t even care about the bet anymore. It was stupid. And I figured—hoped—it got out of hand from where it started. But you left and I couldn’t get over that. Because I thought, if you really cared about me, you wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

“I didn’t know what to do. The rug had been ripped out from under me and all my planning. All I knew to do was what I always did—chase after more. Because going for more always kept me happy. It didn’t work this time.”

She stopped and faced him. “Are you happy? Right now, in your life without me. Are you happy?”

“I’m miserable.”

She shook her head. “No. I mean, if you don’t have me in your life, could you be happy here. There’s no big restaurant. There’s no need for big flashy cars and whatever else you do. My life is happy without you. Is yours?”