Kanada (5 page)

Tuesday, June 27, 1944 –
Wednesday, June 28, 1944

A
s the long warm days passed, Mama, Grandmama, and I clung to one another. Agi was not as fortunate. Her sweet and gentle mother was frail and had taken to her bed, not even bothering to eat. Agi had most of her meals with us. Her cousins kept to themselves in their room, and we only ran into them in the kitchen.

Mama taught Agi and me piano every morning. We took turns practicing. I spent the rest of the morning buried in my school books. I missed school, and especially Klari. Christians were not allowed into the ghetto without special visitors' passes.

The late June sun streaming into the room through the open windows and the chirping of the birds in the garden distracted me. I put away my school work and carried my
Canada book outside. I sat down on a wooden bench under a tall oak tree and leafed through the pictures of cowboys and Indian chiefs until I came upon the photo-graphs of the busy modern streets full of people. I looked at the pictures carefully, studying each face and pretending I was among them. I was so absorbed that when Agi spoke to me I jumped.

“What are you reading?” she asked.

I held out the book to her. She sat down beside me.

“Canada,”
she said, reading the title.

“My papa's cousin lives in Canada. She sent us this book.”

She began turning the pages, exclaiming over the photo-graphs. “Look at all that space!”

“Turn to the last few pages.”

She gazed at the wide streets lined with tall buildings. “The people in the pictures look so happy,” she said. “Nobody is wearing a star.”

“When the war is over, I'm going to Canada.”

She grinned at me. “I'll come with you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

The back door opened, and Mama came into the garden. Grandmama was right behind her, her arm through Mrs. Grazer's arm. Mama was carrying Grandmama's wooden stool.

“It's such a lovely day,” Mama said, “much too nice to stay indoors. We convinced Kati to come outside with us.”

“I didn't want to disappoint you, my dear,” said Mrs. Grazer, “although I don't feel up to it.”

“You are reading your Canada book again,” said Mama. “Aren't you getting bored with it?”

Before I could reply, Mrs. Grazer reached for the book. “Let me see it.” She turned the pages slowly. “How I wish that we lived there! I've heard that nobody ever goes hungry in Canada.”

“Jutka and I are going to visit Canada after the war,” Agi said. “Will you come with us, Mother? And Father too?”

“I promised Jutka that her papa and I will go with her,” said Mama. “Dezso will want to come along too. Canada is such a beautiful country. It'll be nice to see Armin's cousin.”

“I'm too old,” said Grandmama. “I'll have to hear about Canada secondhand.”

“I'm not well enough to travel,” said Mrs. Grazer. “As for your father, Agi … he'd never leave me.”

Agi's face fell.

“I am still going to go, Mother.” Agi was determined.

“You might change your mind, Kati,” said Mama.

Mrs. Grazer shook her head. She broke a leafy branch off a bush and fanned herself.

“Let's talk about this another time,” said Mama. She looked around the sun-dappled garden. “What a lovely day!” she repeated. “If only Armin and Dezso were with us!”

“And my Fritzi too,” added Mrs. Grazer. “It worries me that we haven't heard from them for so long.”

“And Jonah,” Agi added. She jumped up. “I'll get my camera and take our picture. We can send our photographs to our fathers. Just because they haven't been able to write to us doesn't mean they won't receive our photos!”

“Have you lost your mind, my daughter?” said Mrs. Grazer. “If the authorities discover that you didn't hand in your camera when you were supposed to, you'll be deported!”

“How would they ever find out, Mother?” Agi asked. “Nobody can see over the fence, and I'll develop the photo-graphs myself. Father's darkroom is still set up in the cellar.”

I could tell that Mrs. Grazer was frightened, but she said, “I guess it should be all right, but I don't want my picture taken.” She patted the back of her head. “My hair isn't tidy.”

Agi ignored her. I took my Canada book out of Mrs. Grazer's hand and gave it to Agi, who went back into the house.

I moved over on the bench to make room for the others and helped Grandmama put her feet on top of the wooden stool.

“Much better,” she said.

Agi came outside, carrying a large old-fashioned camera and a tripod. “I only have enough film for two pictures, and the film is very old. The photos might not even turn out.”

“Let's see what happens,” I said. “I'll take a picture of you, Agi, and you can send it to Jonah.”

Agi blushed fiery red as she stood in front of the wrought-iron gate. She looked pretty in her short-sleeved print dress. She had copied the hairstyle of the American movie star
Judy Garland, with her long hair flowing over her shoulders and a large sausage curl at her forehead.

“Take my picture here, with the fence and the house in the background,” she said.

I snapped her photo.

“Thank you, Jutka,” she said. “Now perhaps Jonah won't forget me. It's your turn next. Stand behind my mother and I'll take your picture.”

“Absolutely not!” cried Mrs. Grazer. “I'll be the photographer. I can't possibly have my photo taken today without any lipstick or powder and my hair like a rat's nest. I don't want Fritzi to see me like this.”

“You're being silly, Kati,” said Mama. “As long as Fritzi can see your picture, he won't care about your hairstyle.”

When we saw that there was no convincing Agi's mother, Agi handed her the camera and took her spot on the bench. I stood behind them, my hands resting on Grandmama's shoulders, grinning from ear to ear.

“Well, that's the end of the film,” said Agi after her mother took the picture. “I'll develop the photos tonight.”

The next morning, Agi showed me the photographs.

“They're blurry,” I said.

“I told you they might not turn out. The film is old, but there is no way of getting new film these days.”

“Let me see.” Grandmama held the photographs carefully. “Your papas and Dezso and Jonah won't care how clear the pictures are as long as they can see you.” She shook her
head. “Agi, I do wish that your mother would have allowed herself to be photographed.”

“So do I,” Agi said, “but once Mother makes up her mind about something there is no changing it.” She gave a small, rueful laugh. “I showed her the pictures this morning. She is still in bed.” She turned to me. “Where is your mother? I'd like to show her the photos.”

“She went for a walk. She should be back soon.”

As if on cue, the door burst open. Mama, her face pale, clutched a sheet of paper in her hand.

“What's the matter? What's wrong?” Agi asked.

Mama sank down on a chair, gasping. “This announcement is all over the walls of the ghetto.” She handed the paper to Grandmama. Grandmama read it and passed it to me:

“Well, it was to be expected,” said Grandmama tartly. “We knew that it would happen sooner or later. We are better off somewhere else than in this filthy, overcrowded ghetto. But it'll be difficult to leave the last of our things behind.”

“How will Papa find us when he comes back?” Mama fretted.

“How will Jonah find me?” Agi cried. “He'll forget me! I won't be able to send him my photo!”

“He won't forget you! He'll remember you, just as you remember him.” I knew my words were useless.

Grandmama put her arm around Mama's shoulders. “Don't worry, Kornelia! The authorities will know where we've been moved. I know my son. He'll find us somehow.”

“Papa will have no trouble finding us!” I sounded childish, even to my own ears. “We don't have much time to get ready. We better plan what to take with us.”

Thursday, June 29, 1944 –
Friday, June 30, 1944

T
hat evening, we stowed most of our money and jewelry into a flat metal box that we buried in the cellar, except for the thick gold bracelet Papa had given Mama as a wedding gift. She never took it off. Agi and her mother buried their valuables beside ours. They stashed Mrs. Grazer's Persian lamb coat and their silver candlesticks into a suitcase and left it behind the coal bin.

We climbed upstairs, too sad to speak. Agi and her mother went to their room. Mama locked the door of the parlor.

“There is something else I have to do,” said Mama. She lifted up a corner of the mattress and pulled out a small card-board cigar box that held a dozen gold coins. “Papa gave me this money before he left. He told me I should always keep
the coins with me. I'm going to hide them in the lining of my winter jacket.”

Grandmama helped her unpick the lining around the collar of the camel-hair coat. Then Mama stitched the coins to the material. Each one was held in place by a large cross-stitch. Then she sewed the lining back in place. The fur collar covered the bulge.

We spent hours deciding what else to pack. It was midnight by the time we went to bed. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep immediately. At dawn, the doorbell woke me. Mama and Grandmama sat bolt upright in their bed. Agi and her mother appeared in the doorway.

“What now? Who could it be?” Mama clutched Grand-mama's arm. “Don't open the door. Maybe they'll go away.”

“It must be important or they wouldn't wake us up at such an hour!” Mrs. Grazer said.

We went to the front hall, past the cousins' closed bedroom door.

“A cannon wouldn't wake those two,” said Agi. The doorbell rang again.

I opened the door a crack. Standing on the stoop, wrapped in an enormous black scarf, was Julia, Mrs. Grazer's housekeeper. Julia had been with Agi's family forever, until the government had made it illegal for Christians to work in Jewish homes. Julia's wide face shone pale in the early morning light and she looked around nervously. Agi pulled her into the house and kissed her cheek.

“Julia, it's so good to see you! What are you doing here? How did you get into the ghetto?”

“I bribed the guards.” Julia smiled and took Mrs. Grazer's arm. “Oh, Madam, I had to come and see you when I heard they were taking you away! I wanted to say good-bye.”

She shrugged the scarf off her shoulders and revealed a wicker basket. She unpacked three long sticks of salami, two loaves of bread, and six red apples. “You'll need to eat some-thing. I wish I could have brought you more, but this was all I could spare.”

“Julia, my dear, please don't apologize,” Mrs. Grazer said. “This is a feast these days. Thank you so much for your kindness.”

“Can I eat one of the apples, Mother?” asked Agi. “I'm starving.”

“Absolutely not! We must save them for our journey. But, first, let me give Jutka and her family their share. I'll give your father's cousins their portion tomorrow.” She laughed. “They'll sleep through anything!” She began to divide the rations in three.

“Kati, this food is for you and Agi,” said Mama. “We wouldn't dream of taking it away from you.”

“We want to share it with you,” insisted Mrs. Grazer. “I know that Agi has been having many of her meals with you. I am glad to have the opportunity to repay you.”

“Well, if you put it like that, Kati, we'll be very happy to accept your generosity.”

Julia wiped her eyes. “Oh, Madam, it's just like you to be so kind. I will never forget how good you were to me. I wish I could do more for you!”

“There
is
something else you could do for us, Julia,” said Agi. “Could you keep Mama's coat until we come home? And our candlesticks?”

Agi fetched the suitcase from the cellar, and Julia wrapped the candlesticks in the fur coat. She stroked the soft fur with her callused fingers.

“I'll take good care of it, Madam,” she promised, “and the candlesticks too. I know how much they mean to you.” She turned to Mama. “Do you want to give me something for safekeeping, Mrs. Weltner? Grandmama?”

“Give your bracelet to Julia, Mama.”

Mama's hand reached to undo the clasp, but then she hesitated. “I can't bear to give it up. When I look at it, I always think of your papa.”

“They'll just take it away from you, Mama!”

“I'll wear a dress with long sleeves. Nobody will see it.”

“Are you sure that you don't want me to hide it for you, Mrs. Weltner?” asked Julia. “I promise to keep it safe.”

“Thank you, my dear, but I don't want to part with it.”

There was no changing Mama's mind. But I gave Julia my Canada book. Agi slipped the two photographs she had taken yesterday between the pages.

Mrs. Grazer turned to Julia. “We appreciate your kindness, my dear, but you must leave before the guards at the gates are changed.”

We helped Julia wrap herself in her scarf and bade her good-bye with many tears.

“We'll see you soon,” said Mrs. Grazer.

“The war will be over before long,” added Grandmama.

“From your mouths to God's ears.” The door quietly clicked closed behind Julia.

Even though it was early in the morning, the summer sun was relentless in the cloudless sky. Sweat trickled down my back, and the hair at the nape of my neck was damp. My heart pounded an erratic tippety-tap, tippety-tap at the sight of dozens of policemen with drawn rifles who quickly surrounded the subdued crowd of five thousand Jewish women, children, and a few old men. For the first time, I was glad that Papa and Dezso were with their forced labor regiment. Frail grandmothers were perched on stacks of luggage piled high on the dusty ground while terrified young mothers rocked their babes. Children ran back and forth. Many of the women were wearing their prettiest dresses and high heels, as if they were going to a tea party. However, we'd decided to put on our most comfortable clothes and sturdy shoes. I had a big suitcase, so heavy that I had to drag it along the ground. It was filled with our best clothing and Mama's jacket with the coins sewn into the lining.

Mama was bent low under the weight of the large knap-sack we had fashioned out of a bedsheet. It contained our blankets and the food Mrs. Grazer had given us. The gold
bracelet on her wrist was hidden by the long sleeve of her thin dress.

“It's more important to take food than extra clothing,” said Mama. “You never know when they'll feed us next.”

“Or what they'll feed us,” added Grandmama darkly.

Because of her heart condition, doctors had forbidden my grandmother to lift anything. Last night, a terrible argument had ensued between my mother and grandmother, for Grandmama had insisted that she wanted “to do her share.” After much begging and crying, Mama had prevailed, and Grandmama was carrying only a bulky burlap shopping bag that held her wooden stool.

We waited, numb, by the barbed-wire fence that enclosed the ghetto. A gang of raucous Arrow Cross men saw us and laughed at our distress. I spotted Tamas. As soon as he saw me looking at him, he turned away and did not glance at us again.

Agi and her mother appeared in the crowd. Mrs. Grazer was distraught. Her coiffed hair had escaped the confines of its bun, and her blue frock was badly rumpled.

“What will become of us? What will become of us?”

“Please, Mother, please! Calm down. Get hold of yourself,” begged Agi.

Mama patted Mrs. Grazer's arm. “Kati, my dear, everything will be fine, just fine. You'll see,” she soothed, speaking slowly as though to a child. She sounded as if she were trying to convince both Mrs. Grazer and herself.

“Where are your cousins?” I asked Agi.

She shook her head and pointed to the throng around us. “We were separated from them.”

One of the policemen rattled the barbed-wire fence with the barrel of his rifle. We fell silent.

“It's Lajos Magyar, the chief of police,” said Mama. “He used to be one of our customers. He is a fool, just like his cousin,” and she pointed to Principal Nemeth glowering behind him.

“Dangerous fools,” said Grandmama.

“Attention!” The chief puffed out his chest like a threatening ape.

“Where are you taking us?” called out a young woman, her head covered by a babushka.

“What will happen to us? What will happen to us?” moaned Mrs. Grazer. Agi hushed her.

“Silence!” cried the police chief. “Anybody interrupting me will regret it. You will be informed of your final destination in due course. There is no need for panic. There is no need for hysteria. You will be taken to a place where you will have to work hard for the first time in your miserable lives. You will be well treated, have plenty to eat, and you will be reunited with your husbands, fathers, and sons shortly after your arrival.”

The crowd of desperate women gave a collective sigh of relief. I felt joy flooding my heart. To see Papa and Dezso again!

“Jonah might be there too,” said Agi.

“They must be taking us to a work camp in Austria,” guessed Mama. “They must have moved your papa and Dezso there before us.” She squeezed my hand.

The chief banged the barrel of his rifle against the fence once again. “We will escort you to the old fertilizer factory just outside of town. You will leave from there.”

“But, Chief Magyar, the fertilizer factory is at least an hour's walk from here. How do you expect us to go so far in this heat, laden down with our luggage?” cried the woman wearing the babushka.

Chief Magyar pointed his finger at Principal Nemeth, then nodded his head in the woman's direction. Nemeth walked up to the woman, and without even giving her a chance to shield her face with her hands, he hit her in the mouth with the butt of his gun. The woman made a gurgling sound and crumpled to the ground like a torn paper doll. An old woman next to her began keening like a wounded animal.

The hopeful mood of the crowd dissipated like a puff of smoke. In silence, we picked up our bundles and followed the police chief out of the ghetto. When I looked back, the yard was empty except for the body of the young woman with her suitcase standing lonely guard beside her.

We were thirsty and exhausted as we trudged along the deserted, dusty road in the overwhelming heat. Some of the women found their luggage so heavy that they left it by the wayside. Anybody who lagged behind earned a vicious kick from a policeman's boot. Mama and I linked arms
with Grandmama and dragged her along with us, each of us carrying a bag with our free hand. Mrs. Grazer's arm was linked with Agi's.

A platoon of gendarmes in green uniforms with plumed hats and drawn rifles was waiting for us at the derelict fertilizer factory. Chief Magyar handed us over to Chief Gendarme Szucs, known far and wide for his cruelty. As Szucs and his minions herded us into the ruined building, I saw Tamas again. His expression was blank.

The fertilizer factory had been empty for years. Most of the roof had rotted away and dirty straw lined the mud floor. The walls of the cavernous interior room were filthy. There were no toilets, just reeking outhouses. Double railway tracks ran right through the center of the gigantic hall.

More gendarmes were waiting for us inside. No matter where we turned, a gun was pointed at our heads. Hungary was at war, but the guns were in the hands of our fellow Hungarians. We were lined up and ordered to hand over all of our valuables. There was no use resisting. When it was our turn, it was our misfortune to have Gendarme Szucs interrogating us. He pulled the clothing out of my suitcase.

“You can keep this!” he barked as he kicked the case back to me. Quickly, I stuffed everything in. “Have you any valuables? You better give them to me or you'll be sorry!”

Mama looked down at her wrist. I put my arm around her waist and my head on her shoulder. I whispered, “Give him the bracelet.”

Mama gently pushed me away and faced Szucs. “I have a bracelet, sir,” she said, slowly rolling up the sleeve of her dress. The bracelet shone bright on her wrist.

“Take it off!”

I was proud that Mama did not beg him to be allowed to keep it. She fumbled with the lock. I had to help her loosen it. The bracelet fell with a loud thunk on the table in front of Szucs. When he snatched it up, I noticed that his fingernails were caked with dirt. He looked around the room furtively and stuffed it into his pocket.

“The old bitch is next!” he yelled. “What are you carrying in your bag, old woman?”

Without a word, Grandmama emptied the contents of her sack. The wooden stool clattered onto the table.

“This will come in handy as firewood,” said Szucs.

He was about to throw it into a large box on the floor by his feet when desperation overcame my fears. “Please, sir,” I said as humbly as I could, “let us keep my grandmother's stool. She has a heart condition. She needs to elevate her feet or they swell up.”

Szucs's face grew crimson and the veins in his forehead bulged alarmingly. “Keep your mouth shut!”

“Please, sir, what's a favor among friends?” Deliberately, I looked directly at the pocket of his pants into which Mama's bracelet had disappeared. I patted my own pocket. He turned even redder. For a moment I feared that he would grab me by the throat, but he leaned back in his chair.