Kane: An Assassin's Love Story (5 page)

She nodded, feeling her stomach quiver with nerves. His open expression revealed pain and fear. To have him so boldly displaying how he felt was an alien experience, and she braced herself for an intense discussion.

“I know you want me physically, but is that all there is between us, a chemical reaction?” He moved one of his hands to touch her cheek. “Or is there more? Do you feel a connection forming between us? Is it possible for that to have happened in the short weeks I’ve worked for you?” His voice lowered an octave. “Was it possible that it began even before I met you, when I saw your picture?”

The last part confused her, so she focused on his first questions, gripping the hand still cupping hers, while withdrawing the other to rest it against his chest. “It feels like more than a physical attraction, but it’s hard to tell. You keep yourself closed off, preventing me from exploring any developing emotions.”

His adam’s apple bobbed visibly with the force of his swallow. “I know. What I’m asking is, if I let you in, do you think you can ever have deep feelings for me?”

Danika didn’t have to think about it. The nod came automatically, as did the tears that swam in her eyes. “I didn’t think I could ever love a man again, ever trust him, but I think I can with you, Kane. I want to try, but I need to know everything about you.”

“Yes.”

The single word had such a world of weary resignation reflected in it that Danika couldn’t help wanting to withdraw her request. She barely bit back the words that would relieve him of the burden of sharing with her, knowing she had to see what was in his heart before she could fully give him hers.

“I’m telling you something few people know. What you do with the information is your choice. I won’t stop you if you decide…” Kane trailed off, shaking his head. “No, that isn’t how I want to start. It began with my sister, Melissa. She was a couple of years younger than I was, and so intelligent, mature, and charming. Everyone loved her, and she seemed to have a bright future.”

When he broke off, the silence stretched, filling the room, until Danika’s nerves were screaming for relief from the tension. She brushed back a strand of hair from his forehead. “What happened?”

“Melissa wanted to change the world, and she had a unique gift for looking beyond the outside appearance of someone, to the person underneath. When she fell in love with the leader of a gang, my parents did their best to end the relationship. She was a senior in college, about to graduate, but had always respected their counsel. When she told us she had ended the relationship, we all felt relief.”

“She lied?”

He nodded. “She loved him. Maybe she didn’t want to, but she did. She kept trying to change him. I found out all of this from her journal, which I read after…” Kane cleared his throat, clearly trying to gather his composure. “One night, she witnessed him murder someone. Her conscience warred with her love for him. She tried to persuade him to turn himself in to the police, but you can imagine how well that idea went over with him. He threatened to kill her and our parents if she didn’t keep her mouth shut.”

Danika leaned closer, wanting to take Kane into her arms. He maintained a rigid posture, indicating he couldn’t or wouldn’t accept the proffered comfort. “What happened?”

“Melissa lost his trust that night. He started following her, or had the others in his gang monitor her. She tried breaking up with him, but he wouldn’t let her. She was too afraid to involve my folks, so she tried to deal with it on her own. The weekend my parents went away to celebrate their twenty-fifth anniversary, she planned to go to the cops. She never made it though.”

“I’m so sorry.” The words were inadequate, but what else did she have to tender, if he wouldn’t let her offer physical consoling?

A tense nod was his only acknowledgement. “He murdered her. The bastard was so cocky he didn’t even try to hide that his gang was responsible. The police knew, but he had a solid alibi. They couldn’t touch him.” Kane’s mouth firmed, and his eyes darkened with anger. “But I could. I took an early discharge from the army, ostensibly to help my parents, but really to get him.”

A shiver raced up her spine, and she tried to silence the voice whispering in the back of her mind, trying to second-guess the forthcoming revelation. No, it couldn’t be.

“I killed him and anyone else who had helped him, going from the list I found recorded in my sister’s journal.” His voice was flat, with a perfect lack of emotion.

“I see.” Tears leaked from her eyes, and she fought off the urge to try to hold him again, not knowing what his reaction would be. Another thing held her back…uncertainty of what else he would reveal.

“It was easy. The planning, all of it…shooting him was the easiest part. I didn’t enjoy it, but it didn’t repulse me. I felt nothing, to be honest.” His temple twitched, and he swallowed again, seeming to gather his thoughts, or maybe his courage. “I had an aptitude for it and no future prospects. It wasn’t an agonizing, soul-rending decision to become an assassin, Danika.” Finally, his gaze locked with hers. “I kill people for money.”

A harsh exhalation revealed her shock, but she struggled to keep a cool expression. “Are you here to kill me?”

He shook his head. “No. Your picture called to me. At first, I thought it was because your eyes were haunted, as my sister’s had been in her final days. If only I had seen her in person, I might have known something was wrong. When I look at her graduation picture, I can see it in her eyes. I saw that same look in yours in that newspaper picture.” Kane hadn’t withdrawn his hand from hers, nor taken his fingers from her cheek, but he seemed to be putting a wall between them, despite their physical link. “When I read you were hiring additional security, I saw the chance to get close to you. I tried telling myself it was to see what put those ghosts in your eyes, but I was lying to myself. You see, once my parents passed on, I numbed myself to the world, finding it easier not to feel anything. I thought I wanted it that way. It certainly made my career choice easier, but upon looking at you, it was the first time I had felt any real emotion in years, and I wanted more.”

“I didn’t need anyone else, really. I knew no one would come after me, but I hate Edmond’s security staff. They’ve always treated me with contempt, because they saw him treat me that way often enough. I wanted someone I could rely on.” She gripped his hand even tighter, bringing it to her chest, where she held it against her heart. “The minute you came into my office, I knew I would be safe with you. I don’t care what you’ve done.”

He winced. “Oh, I wish I didn’t have to tell you this. There’s something else.”

“You can tell me whatever you need to.”

“I’m the one who killed Edmond. I was well-paid to do it, and I don’t feel any remorse.”

He held himself stiffly, as if anticipating her rejection. A soft smile curved her lips, and an inappropriate urge to laugh at the strange workings of destiny escaped her. She smothered it by turning her head to press her lips against the hand that had cradled her cheek. “Thank you.” His eyes widened at her words, but looked close to bursting from his sockets when she added, “I’m the one who hired you to do it.”

“What?” The word fairly exploded from him. “Why?”

Her chin dipped, and she couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t bear to see recriminations there, if her actions appalled him. Surely, he would understand, considering his profession, but what if she repulsed him? “He wasn’t the man he wanted the world to think he was. To the outside, he was a sympathetic moderate, who prized family above anything else. In the confines of this house, he was something else entirely. A sadist, for one thing.”

Kane shook his head. “If he was like that, why did you marry him?”

Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she didn’t want to let go of Kane to brush them away. “It was stupid. He seemed a bit like my dad, who had died just a few months before I met Edmond. I didn’t love him the way I should have. I know that now. I wanted a father, but I accepted him as my husband. It wasn’t until I was already bound to him that I discovered what kind of man he really was.” She took a deep breath to fortify herself, preparing to spill the most terrible secrets of her life. “Outside of his kinkiness in the bedroom, he was good to me, until the baby.”

Kane’s hand moved from her cheek to her abdomen. “He didn’t want it?”

A harsh laugh escaped her. “No, not this baby. He was ecstatic about this one. It was our first child he didn’t want. I got pregnant about a year after our marriage. I was just twenty, but thrilled at the thought of being a mother. Initially, he seemed excited too. He was obsessive about my health, watching everything I ate, making sure I rested. He even insisted I get a CVS, to make sure the baby was healthy. It seemed ridiculous to me, but I agreed.” She closed her eyes, feeling the same guilt assailing her. “If I hadn’t, maybe I’d have my son today.”

“Did he have a birth defect?”

Her mouth twisted, and she wanted to scream to release the rage building in her, remaining from never having confronted Edmond. “In a way. He had a penis. Once Edmond realized it was a boy, he started talking about termination, saying I was too young, that we weren’t ready. I refused, so he took matters into his own hands by pushing me down the stairs at eighteen weeks.”

She leaned her forehead against his chest, feeling the same sense of weakness as always when she remembered that horrible night when she had awakened in the hospital to learn her baby had died. She had still been forced to give birth, being so far along, but had nothing to show for it at the end, besides a dead baby that Edmond hadn’t even let her see or hold. “He died.” She couldn’t put into words all the events of that evening. Even years later, it still hurt too much to think about, let alone try to explain to Kane how it had felt. “I left Edmond as soon as I got out of the hospital.”

“He let you?” Kane sounded incredulous.

She shook her head. “He didn’t like it, but I was naïve enough to assume he couldn’t stop me. I went to a friend’s house, and she offered to shelter me as long as I needed. In return for her kindness, she had her home burned down by Edmond’s henchmen, along with her life and the life of her family threatened if she ever helped me again.” A sob escaped Danika, and it took her a moment to regain her composure. She appreciated Kane’s embrace when he took her in his arms, just as she valued his silence. Right then, nothing he could say would help. She needed to rid herself of the words that had remained buried deep inside for so long. “I went back to him. What choice did I have? I couldn’t risk having him hurt anyone else I cared about. But I vowed I wouldn’t get pregnant again.”

“What happened?” The question was a soft rumble against her ear, and his lips tickled when they formed the words.

“He forbade me to use birth control, telling me he wanted children, but only daughters. Edmond claimed boys were too risky, that their shenanigans could ruin his political career. I knew he was lying, but I never imagined why he might want daughters. Anyway, I ordered birth control pills off the Internet from overseas. I guess I got a bad batch.” With another deep breath, she said, “I was going to abort. I went for the appointment, spoke with the doctor, and lay on the table, waiting for them to scrape the life out of me. I just couldn’t do it.”

Danika breathed in the male scent of him, taking comfort from his embrace and presence, gearing up for the last part of her confession. She was now certain he wouldn’t judge her, but what she had to say made her stomach churn with nausea. Even thinking about it made her want to vomit, so she knew it would be difficult to get through the telling. She touched her nose without thought, finding the crooked place where the bone had healed without being set properly. “The beatings he had taken to giving me stopped when I told him I was pregnant again. Edmond was thrilled to find out it was a girl, discovered by the chorionic villi sample he insisted the doctor take. I thought that maybe things would be all right with this baby, since she is a girl. For a while, I tried to convince myself she would be safe, and he would be happy. I even tried to improve my relationship with him, which had foundered after he murdered our son.”

Her eyes blinked against the flood of tears trying to escape, and she forced them back. “Stephanie had just graduated and was coming home from boarding school, where he had sent her just before our wedding, and I thought they might both like a scrapbook of her earlier years, to remind them of the relationship they’d had. I searched for pictures everywhere, finding a few in his office, but wanting more. At the back of his closet, I found a photo box with ballerinas on it, marked ages five to eight. It was perfect, so I took it to my room and spilled the pictures on the bed, expecting to find all kinds of adorable photos of his daughter.”

Her head spun, and the bile rushed up her throat, holding tenuous position at the back of her throat. “Instead, there were hundreds of pictures of little girls in the box, all engaged in sex acts with men. Some of the men’s faces weren’t visible, but of the few I could stand to look through, I saw Edmond in several. I knew then why he wanted a little girl, and I almost killed him that very night.”

Finally, she raised her head, finding only compassion in Kane’s gaze. “I would have done it, but I was afraid of what would happen to my baby if I was arrested. I couldn’t go to prison, so I began looking into how to solve my problem. Of all places, I found the answer on the Internet.”

A small grin flashed across his mouth. “I get a surprising number of contracts from there. Even hired killers have embraced technology.”