Kat Attalla Special Edition (71 page)

Jake's changing expression mirrored her own desolation. Betrayal had never meant more than when she saw it reflected clearly in Jake's face. Make sure you're the one who tells him. Her sister's warning rang clearly in her ears.

She looked away, unable to bear the look of hurt in Jake's eyes. "Get out, Bill, before I call the police."

"I'm going." Bill straightened his suit and headed towards the door. He paused and stared at Jake's stony expression. "You're crazy, Kate. You're throwing away a million dollars for a man who is apparently disgusted by what you do for a living."

As the door slammed behind Bill, Kate braced herself for Jake's anger. He didn't say a word. Like a statue, he remained rock-still, and showed about as much emotion.

"Say something," she pleaded.

"What do you want me to say, Leather?"

His icy voice chilled her to the bone. "Don't call me that."

"Why. That's who you are, isn't it?"

She shook her head. "No, Jake. That's what I do, not who I am."

He swore under his breath. "I am an idiot. Do you want to know how stupid I am, Kate?"

Her heart ached. For him, for herself. "Stop it, Jake."

He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a shake. "I am so stupid that I thought you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Only I don't know you at all."

She took a deep breath and tried to control the trembling in her body. "You're the only person who does know me."

"Oh, right. A relationship built on lies."

"I never lied to you."

"You never told me the truth either. You let me hear it from that sanctimonious bastard while he laughed the entire time. I wanted to kill him." He looked at his hands digging into her flesh and dropped them to his sides. "But what's really scary is, I want to hurt you more. Damn it, Kate. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to, but I was afraid. I didn't want to lose you." Emptiness engulfed her. By the way he looked right through her, Kate knew she already had.

"Did you plan to let me go on living in ignorant bliss while you went around the country strutting your stuff night after night?"

"No. I was going to tell you."

"When?" he yelled.

Kate huddled against the wall and dropped her eyes. "When I figured out how to do it without hurting you."

* * * *

Jake raked his fingers through his hair. What a deluded fool he had been. He knew deep down that he'd missed something about her, but he never imagined he could be that blind. "Go back home, Kate."

"This is my home."

"No, it's not. It's a refuge, and I don't want you hiding out here anymore. You can't even deal with what you are; how the hell do you expect me to?"

Jake turned and walked out the door. He had nothing left to say. Apparently Kate had nothing to add in her defense either or she would have tried to stop him.

Jake spent the remainder of the day working in the upper pastures. He blanketed himself in so much self-righteousness that no amount of logic could penetrate. She never once tried to tell him the truth. He recalled every conversation they had about her work, and nowhere had the mention of her stardom come up. Lord, even he, a diehard country music fan, had heard of Leather. Only someone from another planet could fail to recognize the name, if not the woman.

How did she do it? And why? Why put all the time and dedication into a career that by its very nature demands public attention to be successful, and then not announce who she is? The only explanation he could come up with was that she found the entire situation a big joke. She must have gotten a good laugh at the expense of the local people, and him.

Maybe Kate's mother knew what she was doing when she went to court against her daughter. He groaned, disgusted with his own thoughts. No amount of wounded pride would let him get away with thinking that about Kate. No matter what she'd done to him, her love of children in general, and Chloe specifically, was genuine.

He raised a sledgehammer and brought it down on the fence post. Each heavy stroke let out some of his penned-in anger. Why couldn't he hate her? He wanted to. He needed to. Yet he couldn't.

"Hey, Jake. That post is no good in the ground like that." Trevor stopped a fair distance away, waiting for him to lower the hammer. "You and Kate fighting again?"

"It's over, Trevor. She's leaving."

"What did you do this time?"

"Naturally it's my fault? Well, not this time. You don't know about her."

"You mean about Leather?"

Jake felt as if he'd been hit with his sledgehammer. "How long have you known?"

Trevor sat on the fence and hooked his arms behind the top rail. "That day we heard her singing, I knew I recognized more than the song. I knew the voice. I wasn't sure, though, until her sister told me when she was here at Easter."

His own brother had let him make a fool of himself and never once came forward. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"The same reason Kate couldn’t. You didn't want to listen. You still don't."

Jake folded his arms across his chest and glared at his brother. "What does that mean? Neither one of you tried."

Trevor lifted his hand to shade his eyes from the setting sun. "Is she a different person than she was yesterday?"

Jake paused. "Yes."

"No she's not. The only thing that's changed is the way you see her. You knew she was a musician. You knew she was rich. And unless you're a fool, you had to know she was famous in her field."

"She's not rich. She's filthy rich."

Trevor shook his head.  A look of pity crossed his face. He drew himself up full height and met Jake's stare. "If you feel that there's something dirty about the way she makes her money, then you're right to tell her to leave. She shouldn't stay here to be judged by the likes of you."

"That's not what I meant," Jake called out to his brother's retreating back.

Trevor halted and turned. "No, but that's what you said. After all the rotten things you did to her, she still forgave you. And do you know why? Because she loves you, unconditionally. But you only choose to love by your rules."

"I never lied."

"I hope that knowledge keeps you warm at night."

Chapter Sixteen

Kate used the tip of her toe to slide the box out of her way. She never imagined she'd be moving again, except next door. Nikki's presence kept her from falling apart completely. Thankfully her sister never said, "I told you so," but Kate had done enough of that on her own.

For the past three days, she couldn't get more than one-word answers out of Jake. He grudgingly allowed Chloe to come by after Kate reminded him that he had told her not to leave without saying good-bye. The angry silence, she could bear. The way he stared through her as if she didn't exist cut her to the heart.

There could never be a normal life for her. For a while she had deceived herself, and perhaps Jake, too, but she had never meant to hurt him. It seemed that no matter how much love she gave, she managed to hurt the people who cared about her.

She prowled around the room as if it were a cage, trying to decide where to go next. Not the geography
-
-
any place would feel like a prison now. Through the front window she caught sight of the top of a tall blond head, and her heart skipped a hopeful beat. Identical or not, Trevor wasn't the Callahan she wanted to see, and her spirits sank again.

She curled up on the sofa and tried to eat the sandwich her sister had made for her. The past few days she'd been running on nothing more than coffee, and Nikki insisted that Kate eat something before they packed the jeep.

"Kate?" Trevor peeked his head in the door and smiled. "Can I come in?"

"Sure. It's your house," she reminded him. No amount of wishing or hoping would change that fact.

"I can't believe you're doing this." He glanced around at the boxes piled in the living room. In only two months she had collected an array of junk.

"What do you want me to do? Jake told me, in no uncertain terms, to leave here." She started to put the sandwich back on the coffee table, but Trevor wouldn't let her.

"Eat," he ordered. "And Jake has no right to tell you to leave. This is my house, and I am unable at this time to refund the balance of your lease payment."

"I don't care about the money."

"Well, I do," Trevor said, sounding too much like his brother for comfort.

"Then pay me back a dollar a week for the rest of your life."

He crouched down in front of her and put a finger under her chin. "I thought you told me he'd never make you leave. Where's your fighting' spirit?"

"I didn't know I was going to fall in love with him when I said that."

"All the more reason to stay. He can't ignore you forever. Sooner or later he's gonna wake up and realize that-"

"Realize what? He can't stand what I do for a living. He looks at me like I'm trash, and I don't deserve that."

"No, you don't," Trevor agreed sadly. "But that's his insecurity, not the way he really feels. You have to admit, it's overwhelming to think about what you do for a living."

"I sing," she said simply, dismissing the importance.

"For a fan club of millions. Your work is so public."

"But my life has always been private. I love to sing. I'd be lying if I said I'm not proud of my work. I never imagined that the cost would be so high." Kate bit her bottom lip and fought the urge to cry. "Jake and Chloe are the only real people in my life. They're my sanity, and I don't know what I'm going to do without them."

"Then for your own sake, don't try to find out. Stay. If you can get up on a stage and convince millions of people who don't know you that you're the best, somehow you'll find a way to convince one stupid man who does know you of the very same thing."

Nothing could hurt more than the pain she felt. Maybe if she stayed, Jake would see that nothing had changed. He had always been waiting for her to go. She promised him she wouldn't, even if he told her to. Was this a test? Did he need proof of her love for him?

What did she have to lose that she hadn't already lost? On the other hand, she had everything to gain if she stayed. "I'll think about it, Trevor."

She thought of nothing else for the next hour. When Nikki returned from town with Chloe, they found her sitting at the dining room table, eating a second sandwich. Chloe sat next to her, wiping away a tear. Kate smiled broadly and gave her a big hug.

"Are you ready to go?" Nikki asked.

"No," Kate said. "I need a little more time."

"How much longer do you need?"

"Fifty years or so."

* * * *

Jake waited in the fields until he saw the jeep pull down the road. She left without saying good-bye. He couldn't believe it. He felt certain that she would make one last plea, but apparently he was wrong.

He went back to the house to check on Chloe. His daughter loved Kate, and he knew she'd be devastated. She sat at the kitchen table doing her homework, looking like nothing had changed at all. Doing her homework, without being told? Chloe only voluntarily did her schoolwork so she could go visit with Kate after dinner. She was taking Kate's desertion better than he had expected.

Desertion? Who did he think he was kidding? He’d treated Kate terribly, leaving her no choice but to return to
New York
. He got just what he wanted and nothing less than he deserved. Because his over-inflated ego got bruised, he had destroyed three lives. Kate was miserable. He had lost the best part of himself. Even Chloe, who put up a brave front, had to be hurting inside.

"Do you feel like talking, Chloe?"

"No. Not really. I want to finish this history paper."

His heart ached for her. She was trying to be strong for his benefit. He straddled the chair next to her and rested his chin along the back. "Do you want to go out to take your mind off things?"

"No. I have plans. You go out."

"What plans?"

"I'm going next door for a while."

He swallowed a lump in his throat. "Oh, Chloe. It only makes it harder to let go if you sit over there."

"Let go of what?"

‘Kate. She's not coming back."

Chloe smiled. "Oh, Daddy. She'll never leave us.'

Jake frowned. Chloe refused to accept that Kate had left. "Chloe, her jeep is gone. She left."

"No," Chloe insisted.

"You have to accept it."

"No, I don't. You do."

"I do accept it, Chloe."

"That's not what I mean. Uncle Trevor took the jeep to drive Nikki to the airport. Kate's not leaving, and you can't make her. Only Uncle Trevor can tell her to leave his house, and he's not gonna. Face it, Dad You're stuck with a rock star living next door and you'll have to deal with it."