Katherine (22 page)

We entered the hospital and I showed my work pass to a guard at the gate. Seeing that Katherine was a foreigner, he took us straight to the president’s office. He asked us to wait and went upstairs. The president came down in a white doctor’s gown. He was a tall, slim man and looked kind. I introduced myself and told him why we were there. He listened to me without expression. He gestured for us to sit down and politely asked Jim, “Did you use a condom?” while putting on rubber gloves.

Jim shook his head and said, “I didn’t do it.”

“Follow me, please,” the president said, taking Jim and Katherine to examination rooms.

I sat outside on the bench. My mind was numb.

*   *   *

T
he test came out negative. I held the hospital record and felt relief. Jim straightened his back and was a new person.

When Jasmine finished reading the record, she said she had things to do and left without another word.

Katherine rolled her eyes toward the ceiling and said she couldn’t believe what we did when she was drunk. She said she refused to remember what happened.

Jasmine reported the case to the school Party committee. The Party’s conclusion: If there was no wind, there would be no waves. The Party ordered Jim and Katherine to be careful, and to learn a useful lesson from the experience.

L
ittle Bird told me that Jasmine was considering naming me as a reactionary. It didn’t surprise me. Jasmine was angry that I got Katherine off the hook. She had already criticized me in a public meeting. She hinted that I had misused my position as the chairman of the Workers’ Union to cover up wrongdoing.

I didn’t fight back because it was so close to graduation. Jasmine had power over everyone’s future. Her father could assign me to hell. My last hope was that the graduation committee would believe that I had acted responsibly instead of out of affection for the foreign devil.

I knew the chance of this was small. The committee might not even bother to confront me with their suspicions. No one would risk offending the Hans to defend me. Mr. Han could punish me without looking like he was giving expression to a personal grudge. This had always been the Party’s way.

Every moment I waited for the bomb to drop, and at last it did. My name was called at the graduation ceremony: I was reassigned to Elephant Fields, a wasteland.

There was no explanation. Mr. Han simply said it served the needs of the revolution. I took the assignment letter from him.

I didn’t allow myself to break down. I didn’t go home to tell my parents the bad news. I took the letter to Katherine. She had been instructed to move back to her hut. She had not been allowed to attend any of the meetings in which her students’ fates were decided.

Katherine was not in her hut. One of her neighbors, a local villager, said that she had gone to visit her daughter Little Rabbit at the orphanage.

I waited for Katherine anxiously. I didn’t know why I even waited. What could she do? In China the Party’s call was law. If I refused to go, I would be deported from my house to Elephant Fields. I tried not to picture Elephant Fields, but it was impossible. I left for home.

Jasmine was assigned to be a translator for a newly appointed army major. Lion Head was offered a teaching position at the school. Jim was to become a middle-school English teacher. Big Lee and Little Lee were to work for the army’s new technology department. Little Bird was to be a travel guide. Mr. Han was at his best when it came to punishment. He would make sure his victim was taken out with a clean shot.

My parents sighed when they learned the news at the dinner table. My brother didn’t say anything either. The family sat like pieces of stone until the food grew cold. The radio my neighbor kept on all day was playing an old opera song.

My mother put down her chopsticks and began to sob silently. She got up and left the table. My father took out a bottle of liquor from under his bed. My brother got two cups from the kitchen cabinet and poured my father and himself drinks. I sat in my chair and felt nothing.

*   *   *

K
atherine called me up when she got back and learned of my assignment. I went to her hut and she opened her arms to embrace me when she saw me approach. As she looked at me, tears came to her eyes. She went to pour me tea.

I couldn’t think. My nerves were paralyzed. She set the teacup in front of me and went to sit on her bed, placing her head in her palms.

“How’s Little Rabbit?” I asked.

“She’s fine. We’re ready to go, just two more weeks of waiting and she’ll be mine.”

“Is she . . .”

“Let’s talk about you.” Katherine got up. “I’m going to get Lion Head here. I have a feeling he might be able to help.”

I shook my head and said that Lion Head was a Buddha made of mud—when crossing a river, he had his own life to worry about. “He won’t talk to Mr. Han for me. At this point, he wouldn’t do a thing to displease Jasmine.”

“Give me a chance. Don’t you understand? We have nothing to lose now,” she said. “I just saw him at the library before I got back here. Let me go get him.”

I told Katherine that Lion Head wouldn’t be comfortable with me being present, so she suggested I hide in her bed, behind a curtain, when he came.

“Take a nap,” she said. “Let the curtain down. Remember to take your shoes in.”

Katherine took off on her bicycle in a navy blue wool sweater and black jeans. She rode like a young horse, full of energy and hope.

Katherine’s bed smelled like an exotic fragrance. Her blankets were very clean, neatly folded. I wrapped my shoes in my jacket and laid them down carefully in the corner. I was tired. Her pillow was soft. When I moved it, a book fell out. It was
The Good Earth.
I tried to read. Before I hit page 2, I fell asleep.

*   *   *

I
heard voices, whispers of a man and a woman.

“I know Zebra needs help but I need help too,” the man said. “I need to go to America. I don’t want to stay in China and be chewed up by that bitch.” It was Lion Head’s voice. I woke up but dared not move. Through the curtain I could see Katherine sitting by the table and Lion Head standing very close to her.

Katherine asked if there was no way he could talk to Mr. Han about reassigning me to a better place. “I’ll do anything I possibly can to help you in exchange for this favor,” she said.

Lion Head pulled up a chair and sat down next to Katherine. He reached out his hand, and, grabbing Katherine’s in his own, said, “Marry me, and I’ll help Zebra. I am sure I can help her.”

There was a long silence. Katherine did not seem to understand.

Lion Head repeated himself.

Katherine said, “Look, this is not a good time for jokes.”

Lion Head said he was not joking.

“Why are you making a fool of yourself?” she asked.

“I must secure my own survival first, then I can think about what I can do for you,” he replied.

I saw Lion Head’s real personality emerge. He was a Zen hypocrite. He had become the master of his own wisdom. He told Katherine that the perfection of Zen was simply to be human and live for one’s own needs.

“What are you talking about?” Katherine said.

Rubbing the corner of the table with his index finger, Lion Head said that he didn’t expect Katherine to make the sudden leap from common consciousness to “complete, unexcelled awakening.” One seeks and seeks, but cannot find. Then one gives up, and the answer comes by itself. Chinese philosophy encourages the intuitive approach in every pursuit, be it remembering a forgotten name or comprehending the deepest principles of Buddhism. Lion Head had now reached the point of pure clarity in his life. He had been thinking about going to the West for a long time. China was a market of butchers and meat. If one did not learn to be a butcher, one would end up chopped meat. This was the life of an average Chinese. And he, Lion Head, was not an average Chinese. He was born to live a freer life. No one could stop him. He would make it one way or another.

Lion Head claimed that he had been used by the Party and now he was learning to use the Party. He needed a fake marriage to get out of the country. If Katherine agreed to marry him, he would do what he could to meet her needs. He didn’t have to worry about Jasmine and Mr. Han getting upset, since his assignment had already been made—it would be too late for Mr. Han to change things even if he became suspicious of Lion Head’s motives. Once Lion Head accomplished his mission, he would slash Mr. Han’s face
by telling him that he was going to marry another woman instead of his daughter. If Katherine refused to marry him, well, there was nothing he could do for her.

Katherine was shocked and confused. She was having a hard time convincing herself that Lion Head was not who she thought he was. Her American mind wrestled with her Chinese mind. After a long while, her voice choking a little, she said, “No deal, is that what you’re saying? No deal if I refuse to marry you?”

“Come on, Katherine.” Lion Head smiled slickly. “Don’t force me to disappoint you. After all, it’s just a fake marriage I’m asking from you. Just paperwork to get me out of the country. Nothing serious. We each get what we want. Nobody gets hurt.”

“You are asking too much and you know it,” she said.

“It’s not such a terrible thing, considering,” he said. “You’re in love with China. You and I even have a little history—don’t say it wasn’t fun. I adored you. I still do. It won’t cost you anything to marry me. The minute I set foot in America, we file for divorce. You wouldn’t be bothered for very long. You get your deal while I get mine.”

Katherine stood up and said in a plain voice: “I don’t use people and I don’t like to be used. I didn’t realize how well you’d learned to manipulate Chinese philosophy. In the spirit of open revolt against convention, you exploit Zen for your own destructive purposes. You, your ego, has become your moral center of gravity—it has nothing to do with the ‘spontaneous mind.’ You’re all about control . . .” Katherine stopped to catch her breath.

I sat behind the curtain, amazed.

Lion Head was amazed by her too, but he tried not to show it. “Katherine, I’m just telling you the naked truth. I’m being honest. I don’t dress myself up as a saint to fool you easily. I just want to make an honest deal with you.”

Katherine raised her arm and pointed to the door. “There is no deal. Get out, please.”

Lion Head got up and walked to the door. Then he turned around. “Katherine, please reconsider my proposal. Forget about the Chinese philosophy.”

Katherine shook her head.

“Don’t turn me into a mad dog,” he said.

Katherine remained silent.

Lion Head said that she was forcing him to take dangerous alternatives.

“What do you mean?” Katherine asked.

The school authority would be selecting one person to study abroad on a United Nations scholarship, he said. The sons and daughters of high Party officials were competing for the position. Mr. Han would make the final decision. Merit was not important. Whoever pleased him most would win. His daughter’s happiness was foremost in his heart. But Mr. Han could not choose Jasmine to go abroad because it would look too obvious; he was supposed to be the people’s servant, after all. So he would use the opportunity to pick someone who would benefit his family in the future.

“The angel of opportunity is about to land on my head,” Lion Head explained. “The chief has been hinting to me to prove my loyalty.”

Katherine widened her eyes.

Wearing a sad expression, Lion Head continued: “I have no choice if you don’t help me. I will have to get down on my knees in front of them. I will breathe in their farts and say it smells wonderful. Jasmine is a spoiled brat. She’s suffered a great deal of pain and humiliation in trying to get me to be her mate. But I believe her endurance is limited. She expects me to make a decision. If you don’t marry me, my only choice is to say yes to Jasmine.”
He looked off at the rice paddies in the distance. “I’ll do anything to get out of this country, anything.”

“And then what? You’ll desert Jasmine?” asked Katherine.

Lion Head nodded.

“You really are selling yourself,” she said. “I am totally amazed. I guess the words ‘love’ and ‘compassion’ don’t exist in your dictionary.”

“Not anymore,” said Lion Head. “Once I sold my blood to get back to the city from the countryside. Now I’m selling my soul to have a life. What’s the difference? I will have a new life when I get to America. For that dream I am willing to sacrifice everything.”

“You think about it,” Katherine said slowly. “Zebra is your friend too.”

“Only if you marry me . . .” was Lion Head’s reply.

“Forget it. I’ll talk to Mr. Han myself,” Katherine said, her body trembling. “I’ll make him change his mind.”

Lion Head laughed coldly. “Go and learn your lesson. Get a real taste of the proletarian dictatorship. I wish you good luck!”