Kathleen's Story (6 page)

“I’
M DOOMED
. I have nothing to wear and no money to buy anything,” Kathleen said as she fell backward onto her bed, her arms spread wide in resignation.

“Don’t be pessimistic,” Holly told her. “We’ll come up with something.”

“Are you sure you want to go out with him?” Raina asked. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor of Kathleen’s room, nibbling popcorn from a bowl.

Kathleen raised up on her elbows. “Yes, I want to go.”

“All you’ve ever said is that you don’t want to be around Carson. Then he corners you in a parking garage and you tumble.”

“So sue me.”

“Would you two stop it?” Holly said. “I’m trying to
create.”
She began shoving aside hangers in Kathleen’s closet. “Geez, Kathleen, don’t you own anything except jeans?”

“I like jeans.”

“I count ten pair. Where are your dresses?”

“In the very back, but they’re all older than dirt.”

“Can’t you hit your mom up for something new?”

“No, I can’t.” Kathleen wasn’t about to tack on the cost of a new dress to the already strained budget she and her mother maintained.

“We can go thrifting. Lots of garage sales in the paper for this Saturday.”

“Hel-
lo
, Holly. The date’s this Saturday night. I can’t wait until Saturday morning to find something to wear. And what if I can’t find anything?” Kathleen flopped back onto the bed. “I’m doomed. I’ll find him tomorrow and cancel.”

Holly and Raina exchanged glances. Holly said, “Raina, how about that green sundress you bought last week? You’re both the same size.”

Raina flipped a piece of popcorn at Kathleen. “You want to try it on? I’ll bring it over tonight.”

“Your
new
dress? You haven’t worn it once. I—I can’t wear it first,” Kathleen protested.

“Well, there are conditions,” Raina said. While her friends waited for her to name her terms, Raina tossed another piece of popcorn into her mouth.

“What conditions?” Holly asked, tired of waiting.

“That from now on Kathleen is honest with
her best friends. That when one of us asks if she likes someone, she doesn’t deny it if it’s true.”

Kathleen’s face flared red. “I don’t know if I like him. I don’t know him well enough yet.”

“He’s been on your mind since that first day at orientation, but you blew us off every time we asked you about him. Why do you have to be so secretive about your feelings? It’s not like either of us is going to post it in a chat room.”

Kathleen saw the hurt look on Raina’s face and felt guilty. She had been secretive. She hadn’t wanted to share her silly crush with them. She thought back to sixth and seventh grades, when they would lie around and tell each other their innermost thoughts and desires. Of course, then their fantasies had been childish and simple, centering on movie stars and athletes. “I didn’t want you to tease me,” she mumbled.

“Why would we have teased you?” Raina asked.

“Because whenever Carson’s name was even mentioned, everyone had some kind of warning for me about him.”

“People were just making comments, not judgments against your feelings—which no one knew about in the first place.”

“What would
you
have told me?”

“To follow your heart.”

The two friends stared at each other and Kathleen saw sincerity in Raina’s eyes. She said,
“I didn’t mean to cut my friends out. I’ll be more open in the future.”

Holly, who had been watching the exchange, cleared her throat. “Are we finished making up? Because if so, we need to get going on this dress project.”

Kathleen and Raina burst out laughing at the petulant expression on Holly’s face. “I’ll bring the dress over after supper,” Raina said.

“Pick me up before you come,” Holly demanded.

“Well, of course,” Raina said.

Kathleen hugged them both and walked them to the front door. She had just closed it when she heard the electric whir of her mother’s wheelchair come up behind her. “What’s up?” Mary Ellen asked. “The three of you have been hiding in your room for hours.”

It had been hardly an hour, but Kathleen didn’t correct Mary Ellen. “I, um, have a date this Saturday night, and we were deciding what I should wear.” Kathleen held her breath, waiting for her mother’s reaction to the news.

“Oh. Who is he?”

“His name is Carson and he’s taking me to his parents’ country club for dinner. I met him in the volunteer program.”

“A country club. He sounds wealthy.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“Is he nice?”

“He’s nice to me.”

“Because that’s important, you know. A boy should treat you nice.”

Kathleen could tell by the rigid way her mother was holding herself that she wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Kathleen’s dating. “Raina’s coming by later with a dress for me to try on, and Saturday night, Holly’s doing my hair.”

“I used to do your hair.”

“Not since I was ten, Mom.”

“So what will you wear?”

“Raina’s loaning me a dress.”

Mary Ellen considered that and finally said, “I’m sorry I can’t buy you a new one.”

“I don’t need a new dress, Mom. I’m borrowing Raina’s.”

“I just wish…” Mary Ellen left the sentence unfinished. “You won’t stay out too late, will you?”

“Of course not.”

“He won’t drive like a maniac, will he?”

“He’s a safe driver.”

“You watch your beverage glass. I see on TV about boys who slip drugs into their dates’ glasses.”

“Mom! It’s just a simple date, not a kidnapping. You watch too much television.”

Mary Ellen looked stricken, and Kathleen regretted her outburst. “I’ll make sure your dinner’s ready before I go.”

“I think I can heat a frozen dinner without your supervision. I’m not helpless.”

This was her mother’s way of laying guilt on her—her way of saying,
“I’m fine. I don’t need you,”
when they both knew she did.

“Then I’ll go start dinner for tonight.”

“I’m not hungry,” Mary Ellen said. She backed up her wheelchair and returned to the family room and her TV schedule.

“You look fab,” Holly said. She was standing behind Kathleen in the bathroom with a can of hair spray and a brush.

Kathleen had to admit that Holly’s magic fingers had done wonders with her mane of curly red hair. Partly up and clipped with a sparkly butterfly ornament, her hair framed her face in a nest of soft curls and tendrils. “Thanks,” she said, unable to think of a way to express more gratitude to her friend.

Holly grinned and curtsied.

Back in her bedroom, Raina finished pressing the sundress and handed it to Kathleen. “Great hair, Holly. How’s our time?”

“Fifteen minutes,” Kathleen said, stepping into the dress, still warm from the iron. She was a bundle of nerves.

Raina insisted that Kathleen dab green eye shadow on her eyelids and bronzer across her cheeks.

“Too many freckles,” Kathleen said, hesitating.

“Do it,” Raina said, then finished off the look with a bronze-toned lip gloss.

Kathleen slipped on a pair of sandals and turned for her two friends.

“Stunning,” Raina said, and gave Holly a high five.

“Yes, and it only took two hours and three pairs of hands to get me this way,” Kathleen said, but she was pleased by her image in the mirror. The deep green of the sundress set off her slender neck and square shoulders. She wished again that her skin wasn’t covered with freckles, but then her friends weren’t miracle workers.

“We’re out of here,” Raina said.

“Do we have to go? We could wait until he comes and see his reaction,” Holly suggested.

Raina grabbed her purse and Holly’s arm. “Carson doesn’t need to see us hanging around.”

“True. We want him to think that this look is natural instead of the project it was,” Kathleen laughed.

“Have fun and call us first thing tomorrow!” Holly called as Raina hauled her out of the bedroom and down the hall to the front door. “Call tonight if it’s not too late!” Holly was saying as the door shut behind her and Raina.

At the last minute, Kathleen grabbed a lightweight sweater to cover her bare shoulders and
went downstairs. She found her mother in the den, sitting in her wheelchair and nervously fluffing sofa pillows. “What do you think, Mom?” She twirled.

“I think you’re beautiful,” Mary Ellen said after a long, lingering look. “He’s a lucky boy.”

Kathleen beamed. “I made you some vanilla pudding. And there’s a new carton of ice cream too.”

“I saw them.” Mary Ellen kept staring at Kathleen. “I wish your father could see you.”

“Me too, Mom.”

Both of them might have teared up but the doorbell rang. Kathleen gave her mother a quick kiss goodbye.
Showtime
. She went into the foyer and took a deep breath, then pulled open the door to what she hoped would be a whole new chapter of her life.

“Did I tell you how pretty you look?”

Kathleen glanced up from the menu to Carson, sitting across the table from her. “You did. But there’s no harm in hearing it again.”

The ride across town to the country club had been accompanied by music from his CD player instead of conversation. When he asked about her mother, Kathleen told him briefly about Mary Ellen’s MS and the loss of her father. “So do you mostly take care of her?” Carson asked.

“I do the day-to-day stuff, but she—we— have other help.”

He had no more questions about Kathleen’s home life, which relieved her. It was complicated and she didn’t feel like going over the details with him. Not tonight. Dates rarely came her way. A junior boy had asked her to the Christmas dance last year, but once Kathleen heard that he and his girlfriend had split three days before the dance, she knew she was just a tool to make the old girlfriend jealous. It worked, because the boy had dropped Kathleen like a hot rock afterward. Raina dated. Kathleen and Holly looked on.

“Sorry we’re stuck here instead of someplace fun,” Carson said.

They were sitting on the patio of the club’s dining room, which was lit by glass lamps and candles. Their table held fine china and good linen, a small vase of fresh flowers and a votive candle. Moonlight spilled over the terrace from above and bathed the golf course in the distance in a soft white sheen. A few diners at other tables were talking, and elevator-style music played in the background. She realized that the club might be boring for him, but it wasn’t for her. Most of her friends started off their dating life with fast food and a movie. “I like it. Where else would we have gone?”

“Clubbing.”

The city had three clubs for the teen crowd,
but a person had to be seventeen or older to get in, so Kathleen had never been inside one. “I’m not seventeen,” she said.

“No problem. I’ll get you an ID.”

She felt immature. What should she say to that? The truth? That she’d be scared stupid to use a fake ID? She was rescued by a waiter who showed up to take their order. She scanned the menu quickly, realizing that although she’d looked it over once, she couldn’t remember a single item offered. She ordered the dish at the top of the menu, hoping she’d like it.

Carson ordered and the waiter left. “Not everyone likes calamari,” Carson said.

“Calamari?”

“Squid.”

Kathleen straightened. Is that what she’d ordered? “Um…well, I thought I’d give it a try.”

“If you don’t like it, just order something else.” His smile, etched in candlelight, sent a shiver through her.

“It’ll be fine,” she mumbled, wondering if he was regretting asking her out. She didn’t wonder long.

“Hello, Carson. I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.” The girl’s voice caused Kathleen’s insides to turn cold. She glanced over her shoulder to see that Stephanie Marlow had come up behind her chair.

S
TEPHANIE STEPPED AROUND
to the side of the table and Kathleen all but wilted as she was once again struck by the girl’s beauty. Stephanie was dressed in something long and shimmery that clung to every curve of her lean, perfect body. Her black hair was pulled back in a sophisticated bun that nestled at the nape of her neck; her flawless face and smooth, silky skin glowed in the candlelight.

“Hey, Steffie.” Carson rocked back in his chair. Kathleen tried to read his expression, wondering if he was pleased to see Stephanie, but his eyes held no clue for her. He said, “I thought you were out of town.”

“Plans change.” Stephanie was pointedly ignoring Kathleen.

“You remember Kathleen,” Carson said.

Steffie’s gaze cut to Kathleen, who hoped she could paste a pleasant expression on her face. “The little volunteer from the hospital? Yes, I remember her.”

Kathleen felt as if she’d been slapped.
The little volunteer?
She opened her mouth to say something that might take Stephanie down a notch, but Stephanie had turned her attention back to Carson. “I was supposed to do a shoot in the Keys this week, but it was postponed because of the hurricane floundering around in the Caribbean. There’s rain headed for Key West.”

“Too bad,” Carson said.

Kathleen was left to wonder what he thought was “too bad.”

“Are you here with your parents?” he asked.

“Don’t be silly. Dad’s out of town on business and Mom’s in South America.” The tone of her voice sounded cold. “No, I’m just here with me.”

Kathleen wondered if Stephanie always dressed so elegantly for dinner alone. Maybe she’d hoped to run into Carson.

“How about tennis tomorrow?” Stephanie asked.

“Do I look busy to you, Stef?” Carson nodded toward Kathleen.

Undaunted, Stephanie said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you play, Kathleen? I can find someone else and we can play doubles.”

“I’m busy tomorrow,” Kathleen said, not about to admit that she didn’t play tennis.

“Maybe later in the week, then.” Stephanie’s cool gaze held Kathleen’s, making her feel as insignificant as dust particles.

“And then I work as a volunteer.” Kathleen emphasized the word
work
, hoping to make tennis seem frivolous by comparison.

The waiter appeared with their meals and set each on the table. Kathleen stared at the donut-shaped rings that must surely be her calamari and wanted to gag. Wouldn’t that make Stephanie’s day!

“I think you got mine,” Carson said, and swapped his plate of buffalo wings for her fried squid. He looked up at Stephanie. “Can we talk about tennis some other time? We’d like to eat.”

“Of course,” Stephanie said with a shrug. “I’ll call you.
Ciao.”

She walked away, the heels of her strappy sandals clicking on the patio brick. Heads turned as she wove through the maze of tables. Kathleen sighed. “I don’t think she likes me.”

“Don’t worry about it. Steffie doesn’t like anybody.”

“She likes you,” Kathleen said quietly.

Carson’s gaze zeroed in on Kathleen’s face. “She’s nice to me because we have a history.”

Every cell in Kathleen’s brain was screaming,
“What kind of history?”
but she didn’t ask. Instead she said, “It was nice of you to change our plates, but I can take back my fried squid.”

“You sure?”

“I’m broadening my horizons.”

He exchanged their plates. She stabbed one
of the small rings and popped it into her mouth. It was firm and chewy but left a much better taste in her mouth than the conversation with Stephanie Marlow.

When they’d finished dinner, Carson drove Kathleen home. Disappointed because the date had ended so early, she exited the car as soon as he turned off the engine. What had she expected? He had taken her to dinner and now the date was over. End of story. “Wait up,” he said, falling into step beside her. “I’ll walk you to your door.”

As they approached her front porch, she saw that her mother had “thoughtfully” left the light on for her. It seemed as bright as the noonday sun.

Carson stopped her just short of the porch and the shining light. Her heartbeat quickened. Was he going to kiss her? She wanted him to, but she was scared. She’d seen so many TV shows where the teens were coy and confident and knew just what to say and just how to kiss and be kissed. On TV, in their scripted worlds, kissing looked so smooth and easy. But she had precious little experience with kissing. It had happened to her maybe three times, twice during party games and once when a boy did it on a dare from another. Now, looking up at Carson’s face in the moonlight, she knew he was no amateur.

“You’re shivering,” he said.

“Just a little,” she lied.
Nerves
, she thought.

He repositioned the sweater on her shoulders, smoothed a tendril of her hair. “I would like to kiss you,” he said. “But I’m not going to.”

Shocked, she took a step away and said the first thing that popped into her mind. “Do you think I’ll taste like calamari?”

He laughed and she felt so stupid that all she wanted to do was turn and run.

He pulled her close, rested his forehead against hers. “It’s about anticipation,” he said. “That’s part of the dance.”

“What dance?”

“The getting-to-know-you dance. You see, most of the time, people move too fast. And when you move too fast, you miss a lot.”

His eyes were shrouded in shadow, and his breath felt warm on her cheek. Her knees went weak. “Slow’s good.”

He slid her sweater off one shoulder, bent and pressed his mouth to her bare skin. He ran his tongue along the ridge of her collarbone to the base of her throat.

Her insides turned to liquid and she closed her eyes, reveling in feelings of pure seduction.

“Delicious,” he whispered. “I knew you would be.” He brushed her earlobe with his mouth, then stepped away. “Until next time.”

Her eyes opened and she fought to control
her breathing, her desire to throw her arms around him. She watched him walk to his car and drive off. She watched long after he was gone and the sounds of the night had settled around her. She stood just beyond the brightness of the porch light, her body trembling, abandoned in the moonlight, with only the faintest whisper of an evening breeze moving over her hair and body like a lover’s hands.

“And he didn’t
kiss you
, kiss you? What’s up with
that
?” Holly sat on the floor of Kathleen’s bedroom, disappointment dripping from her questions.

“It’s called patience,” Raina fired at Holly. “Will you get some of it, please?”

Kathleen was embarrassed. It was difficult to implement the new policy of telling her two best friends
everything
. At least she hadn’t had to spill the details to her mother. Although Mary Ellen had looked at her expectantly when she’d come in the night before, and again at breakfast, Kathleen hadn’t shared anything beyond “I had a good time.”

Raina, sitting next to Holly on the floor, turned her attention back to Kathleen, lounging on the bed. “I’m glad he wasn’t all over you—it shows respect. As for that Steffie, I’d have ‘accidentally’ knocked my water glass down the front of her.”

“She probably would have melted,” Holly said, making the others laugh. When they were younger, they’d watched
The Wizard of Oz
so many times together that they could quote every line.

“So now what?” Kathleen asked.

“You wait,” Raina said. “Let him chase you.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“He has so far. I doubt he’ll stop this soon into the
dance,”
Raina said.

Doubt nibbled at Kathleen. What could she offer him? When compared to Stephanie, who led a glamorous life as a model, she was pretty boring. Maybe Carson was just toying with her. If so, she swore she wasn’t going to let him know how he affected her. How he left her weak-kneed and starry-eyed, like a silly twit. Nohow. No way.

“I wish someone would chase me,” Holly grumbled.

Kathleen and Raina exchanged glances. With perfect timing, they pounced on Holly, who screeched and fell backward. Then they tickled her mercilessly, rolling around on the floor and squealing like small children.

“Must you go?” Raina was sitting on a swing in a vacant schoolyard and Hunter was standing in front of her, his hands wrapped around hers on the swing’s chains. He had just gotten off work from the fast-food restaurant across the street and she’d driven there to see him before he went
home. And he had just told her that he was going off on a ten-day mission project with the youth group of his church beginning the July 4th weekend.

“It’s for a good cause, Raina. Our youth group is going to help build a youth center out in Arizona on a reservation. My minister called me personally and asked me to come. The time will pass like that.” He snapped his fingers. “You’ll hardly know I’m gone.”

“Not true,” she said, still feeling the keen edge of disappointment. She was missing him already.

“The kids have been raising money all year for this trip.” His church had a large youth group.

“But why do
you
have to go?”

“They need the extra hands. Some of the kids who were signed up to go changed their minds. Plus Pastor Eckloes thinks I’m a good influence on the younger kids. Go figure.” When she didn’t smile, he lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “You could come along.”

“I’m already doing a volunteer job, remember? And what about your job? Won’t you lose it if you take off for so long?”

“I’ve already asked the manager. He said it was okay, that he’d cover my shift. The job will be waiting when I get back.”

“Are you still doing the camp counselor thing in August too?”

“It’s my first time being a counselor and I promised. Plus I like the camp.”

“Another week you’ll be gone,” she grumbled. “I thought we’d have almost the whole summer together. These trips spoil everything.”

He slipped his arms around her and she laid her cheek against his shirt. “Think positive. Think of all the muscles I’ll build swinging a hammer every day.”

“I like you the way you are.”

“All soft and flabby?”

Of course he was anything but soft and flabby. She could feel the hardness of his body through his clothing. She tightened her arms around his waist. But she knew his mind was made up and there was no use arguing about it. He was going. The aroma of deep-fried foods clung to the fabric of his shirt. “You smell like French fries,” she said, trying to lighten the mood.

He kissed the top of her head. “And you smell like summer flowers. Have I told you how much I love summer flowers?”

Raina went all soft inside. She pushed herself away and looked up at him. “How am I going to stay mad at you when you say things like that to me?”

“I don’t want you to be mad at me. I want you to be happy.”

“I know I’m being selfish. You like helping at your church the same way I like helping at the hospital. I’m sorry I was crabby.”

“It’s okay. And don’t think for a minute that I won’t miss you like crazy, because I will. I’ll have a laptop with me and we can e-mail. Maybe I’ll buy a few postcards and write you.”

Raina gave him a reassuring smile and together they walked to the parking lot to go their separate ways in separate cars. In her heart, however, she felt resentful toward the minister who had asked to take him away.

Two days later, driving home from the hospital and after dropping Kathleen off, Raina shared her frustration with Holly. She finished her gripe with “I was already hating him going off to summer camp. I wish he wouldn’t go on the missions trip. I mean, why? The youth group is huge. There are plenty of others who can put nails into boards.”

“It’s not just about nailing boards,” Holly said. “It’s the whole being-together-as-a-church-family thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we don’t just do this kind of stuff to help others—which is important, of course. We do it to serve God.”

God was an abstract concept to Raina, religion an invention of men to find answers for the
unexplainable. “Can’t God serve himself? I mean if he’s God and all…why does he even
need
people?”

Holly looked askance at her. “People are his hands here on earth.”

Raina didn’t roll her eyes, but she felt like doing so. “Sounds more like people are his puppets. I just don’t get it.” Holly’s light brown eyes scanned Raina’s profile, and Raina felt her friend’s gaze as she drove. “What!” she said, irritated. “Do you have something to say?”

“It’s hard to explain because it’s all mixed in with faith. Faith, not slavery, motivates people to serve God. Faith is what makes Hunter tick. It’s what drives him and makes him who he is.”

To Raina, the implication was clear—because she had no faith, she could not possibly understand Hunter. That made her angry. She loved Hunter Harrison, and he loved her. In many ways, she was closer to Hunter than to any other person on earth! How could a silly thing like his church get between them? She dropped the topic because she and Holly wouldn’t come to any agreement about their different opinions that day. Hunter was who he was; Raina was who she was. They had differences, but their love would bind them together forever. Of that, she was certain.