Keep Me in Your Heart (6 page)

She knew her mother had slaved for hours to create a cake that could be incorporated into her diet. She couldn’t have much of it, and truthfully she wasn’t even hungry, but she was determined to let her mother know how much she appreciated her effort. Especially now that Dr. Witherspoon had told them that neither parent could donate a kidney to her. They’d felt so awful about it.

“You should start a bakery, Ruth,” her father said. “The recipes you come up with are sensational.”

Her mother sent him a smile. “When this is over, I’ll never
think
about cooking again. We’ll eat every meal out after Jessie’s better.”

Jessica knew her mother had high hopes that the doctors would find her a donor kidney. Jessica was less optimistic.

“Open your presents,” Jeremy said eagerly.
He’d been acting peculiar all day. Sort of antsy, as if he were a time bomb waiting to explode.

Jessica longed to really join the party. She wanted so much to please all of them. But she felt awful. Her dialysis the day before hadn’t gone well. Her fistula had begun to clot, and now she was on blood-thinning medication and antibiotics. Her arm was sore. And already edema, swelling, had started in her ankles and feet. “Who’s first?” she asked.

“Mine last,” Jeremy said, snatching away the small box.

“Try ours.” Her father handed her a narrow box wrapped with pink paper and a purple ribbon.

She tore open the paper and eased the top off the box. A glittering gold charm bracelet lay on a bed of white cotton. She caught her breath. “It’s gorgeous!”

“Do you like it?” her mother asked. “We’ve already chosen a charm and thought we could add one for every special occasion.”

A solid gold “18” dangled from the delicate chain of double links.

“It’s perfect. You know I’ve always wanted one. Thanks so much.”

“When you graduate, you’ll get another charm.” The ceremony was scheduled for Friday night in the civic auditorium. Jessica had her robe and mortarboard and at the ceremony would receive her diploma and tassel.
If
she felt up to walking across the stage.

“Don!” her mother admonished. “You weren’t supposed to tell her. It was a surprise.”

Her father blinked sheepishly. “Oops.”

Jessica giggled. “I’ll act surprised when I open it. Promise.” She turned to Jeremy. “Well, are you going to let me have my present?”

He held out the box.

“It sure is small,” she said teasingly.

“Big surprises come in small packages.”

She unwrapped it and discovered another charm. This one was a bright gold kidney bean. “This is unusual.”

He grinned. “It’s not what it
is
, it’s what it represents that’s important.”

“A bean? You think I’m full of beans?” She was having fun teasing him, watching his cheeks flush red.

“No. It’s a kidney.” He took a deep breath.
“My
kidney. I’ve already talked to Dr. Witherspoon
about donating one of my kidneys to you.”

For a stunned moment, no one spoke. Then everyone spoke at once.

Her mother started crying. “It’s a miracle. An answer to prayer.”

Her father gasped and began to bombard Jeremy with questions. “What? How? Are you
sure
?”

Jeremy held up his hands. “Wait a minute. I can’t answer all of you at once.” He grasped Jessica’s hands and gazed lovingly into her eyes. “You first.”

She was overcome with emotion; large tears pooled in her eyes. “You’re the most wonderful person in the world, Jeremy.” She swallowed against the lump of gratitude in her throat. “I appreciate your offer more than words can say. But I can’t take your gift, Jeremy. I simply can’t.”

N
ow it was Jeremy’s turn to be astonished. “What are you saying, Jessie? Why won’t you take my kidney?”

Her mother interjected, “Perhaps you shouldn’t be so hasty, honey.”

“Mom, please … I know what I’m doing.”

“And I know what
I’m
doing,” Jeremy said.

“Certainly there are plenty of questions to be asked—,” her father started.

Jessica stood up, her fists clenched. “Mom, Dad, be quiet!” They looked crestfallen. More gently she asked, “Would you mind leaving me and Jeremy alone? I—I’d like to talk to him privately.”

When her parents had gone, Jessica eased back into the dining room chair. “You should have told me what you wanted to do first. You shouldn’t have sprung it on me in front of my parents.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. But I thought you’d be happy. I
knew
they’d be.”

So many emotions were tumbling through her that she was having trouble controlling them. Finally she said, “Your offer is mind-boggling. To even
think
about doing such a thing for somebody is awesome. Especially for someone who’s not even related to you.”

“I feel closer to you than to my own family. I—I love you, Jessie.”

Tears welled again in her eyes. “And I love you. But … but in time, years from now, you may not feel that way. We may drift apart, find someone else—”

“Have you found another guy?” He looked alarmed.

“Don’t be silly. There’s no one else but you. And when would I have found this other guy? During dialysis treatments? Have you seen some of those patients? Most of them are older than God.”

He shrugged sheepishly. Losing her was his greatest fear. “Then why talk about drifting apart?”

“Because it happens. You may not always feel the same way about me as you do now. What if we become bitter enemies?” He rolled his eyes at her suggestion. “The point is,” she continued, ignoring his expression, “you’d have given me a kidney. You couldn’t take it back.”

“I don’t give things away with the idea of taking them back.”

“An organ isn’t like the sweater you gave me for Christmas. Or this charm.” She held up the gleaming gold jewelry. “It’s
permanent
. It’s gone from you forever.”

Jeremy sensed her emotional distress, and he wanted to calm her, assure her that he understood the ramifications of his offer. He leaned forward and smoothed her hair, running his fingers through it. “Listen to me. You’re right—I can’t see the future. No one can. We may go our separate ways, although I’m not planning on it. But that’s not why I’m doing this. I realize that giving you my kidney is far more complex than buying you charms and clothing.

“But think about something. Why is it all
right for a person to give someone he loves his feelings and emotions and not a tangible part of his body, when it could make such a difference in the quality of that person’s life? Are my physical parts less valuable to you than my psychological ones? Less meaningful?”

“They’re two different things altogether.”

“Not to me. Stop treating me as if one part of me has more worth than another.”

She wanted to stick to her original argument, that people just didn’t go around giving organs away, but the look of sincerity on his face, the passion of his words were confusing her and making the action he was proposing to take seem more realistic. “But Jeremy, a
kidney
!” she cried in one last appeal to reason.

He pressed his fingertips against her lips. “Do you know how many people there are in the world who never get to do anything good, or kind, or noble? Who live all their lives and never make a difference? Who never contribute one single thing to make the world a better place? Or do something worthwhile for another human being?”

She couldn’t deny it. Every day the newspapers and television reports were full of stories
about people who did wicked and evil things. Who hurt and maimed, even killed. “I know there are bad people out there.”

He shook his head. “That’s not who I’m talking about. It’s the rest of us—the ones who make up the majority.” He sighed. “I want my life to count for something, Jessie. I want it to matter somehow that I was alive on planet Earth and that I left it a better place for having been born.” His gaze dropped to his hands clasping hers on the white tablecloth. Shredded paper and limp ribbons lay beside their entwined fingers.

“I remember what my brother, Tom, always told me: ‘Don’t make a mess, kid, make a difference.’ Giving you a kidney makes me feel good about myself and my life. It makes me feel worthwhile and useful.”

“Jeremy, you have a whole lifetime to do something meaningful. You don’t have to do it
now
.”

“Why not? Now’s the best time because no one knows how much time he has to live.”

She knew he was thinking of his brother and the brutal end of Tom’s young life. Jeremy’s feelings about Tom were mixed up in his desire
to donate his kidney to her, and she wasn’t sure those feelings could ever be extricated. She wasn’t sure it even mattered if they were. Jeremy’s heart was in the right place. And his arguments were persuasive, so she knew he’d given his decision plenty of serious thought. She dared to hope that his plan just might work.

Another idea occurred to her. “What do your parents say about this?”

His face flushed. “I haven’t exactly told them yet.”

“Oh, Jeremy …” She kept seeing the hopeful expressions on her parents’ faces turning to sadness, and she felt sorry for them. They wanted this for her.
She
wanted it for herself; but Jeremy’s offer of a kidney was premature.

“But I plan to tell them tonight,” he added hastily. “They may not be crazy about the idea at first, but I know they’re really sorry about what’s happened to you. And Dr. Witherspoon said he’d talk to them too.”

She leaned forward until her forehead was touching his. “You know what I think? I think you’re the kindest, most wonderful person in
the whole world. No matter how this works out, I’ll always be grateful for what you’re trying to do for me.”

“So you’ll take the kidney?”

“You sound like Igor shopping around for body parts for Dr. Frankenstein. ‘Excuse me,’ ” she mimicked, “ ‘could you show me something nice in kidneys today? My boss is building this monster.’ ”

“Very funny.” His mouth twitched into a grin. “This is serious. I want to do this for you. Please let me.”

“If your parents approve, I’ll do it,” she told him. “You know how much I want to be off that machine.” She kissed him lightly on the mouth. “Thank you, Jeremy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

“Are you out of your mind? Are you crazy? What makes you think your mother and I would even consider such a foolish idea?”

His father’s explosive questions made Jeremy blanch. He hadn’t been prepared for such a negative reaction. He looked at his mother but saw an expression of total disbelief on her face and knew he wasn’t going to find support
from her. “Stop treating me like I’m deranged,” he told his parents. “I know what I’m doing.”

His father leaped up from the sofa in the formal living room and stomped across the lush carpet. “Giving your kidney away is the stupidest notion that’s ever entered your head. I know you like this girl, but this is
ridiculous
.”

Jeremy also jumped to his feet. “It isn’t stupid! Stop treating me like a baby.”

“Then stop acting like one.”

Jeremy was bewildered. He hadn’t expected such a reaction. “I thought we were in agreement!” he shouted. “The other night when we discussed organ donation, you were all for it.”

“Organ donation is a fine idea, but not when the person’s still using the organ!”

“People do fine with one kidney. The body only needs one anyway.”

“Then why did God see fit to give everybody two?”

“Maybe so we could share.” Jeremy felt the elation of triumphing over his father. It was short-lived.

His father spun and glared at him with a look that would have melted steel. “Did you
ever stop to think that your one kidney might one day be injured or become diseased? Then where would you be?”

“In the same place Jessie is—in need of a donor.”

His father raked his hand through his hair. Jeremy could see him mentally shifting gears. He braced for another attack. “Your sentiments are noble, but misplaced. People don’t give away their kidneys to perfect strangers.”

Jeremy saw red. “Jessica isn’t a stranger. You said you liked her. You told me that you and Mom both liked her.” He looked to his mother again.

“We
do
like Jessica,” his mother said hastily. “She’s a wonderful girl. That’s not the point.”

“So what is the point?”

“She’s not family, and she’s not at death’s door. Let her go on a waiting list like other patients. Sooner or later, a donor will be found.”

Jeremy sputtered, “B-But she’s not doing well on dialysis. And waiting for another live donor could take years.” What was wrong with them? Why couldn’t they understand? How could he explain it better?

All at once his father stopped pacing the floor and leveled a look of indignation straight at Jeremy. “I know what’s going on here. She’s using your attraction to her to make you
think
this is
your
idea. Jessica put you up to this, didn’t she?”

F
or a minute Jeremy was shocked speechless by his father’s accusation. His hands shook, and his legs quivered with pent-up rage. He leaned heavily against the back of a chair, braced himself and took several deep breaths. “You have no right to say that. You have no right to
think
it. Jessica would never do such a thing. This was my idea and mine alone. When I told her about it, she told me no.”

“At least
someone
is being sensible in this situation.” His father must have sensed the depth of Jeremy’s outrage, because his voice sounded less accusatory.

“But her parents were beside themselves with gratitude,” Jeremy added.

“Her parents? You discussed this with her parents before you broached it with us?” His father’s voice had grown hostile again. “Where do you get off—”

“Stop it!” His mother had risen unsteadily to her feet, her eyes brimming with tears. “I can’t stand this! Do you hear me? I won’t listen to the two of you tear each other apart. I won’t!”

Frank Travino bounded across the room and pulled his wife into his arms. He glared at Jeremy. “Now see how you’ve upset your mother.”