Keeper of the Heart (10 page)

She had to brush his hands aside when he couldn’t figure out how to open the Kystrani binder that held her hair so tightly in place. She pressed the release mechanism at her nape, and her hair spilled down her back. Instantly, Falon brought it over her shoulder to hold in his hands, gazing at the golden length in wonder.

“I had not realized,” he said to himself as he pressed her hair to his cheeks, “this, too, would be magnificent. Gold has so little value here, yet on you it becomes a treasure.”

Shanelle took pleasure in hearing that, yet she still had self-preservation on her mind when he started to draw her forward by her hair. “You
aren’t
going to lose control, are you?”

“Would it reassure you to know I never have?”

“It would reassure me to know this won’t be the first time you might.”

“I cannot swear to it, woman. I have never felt this way before.”

“What way?”

His fingers came to her face to learn the feel of it, not roughly but not exactly gently. “It took no more than my first sight of you to know that I want you to belong to me.”

She wasn’t sure she understood. “But you can have me.”

“For now. And I am more grateful than I can say that you give yourself to me for this time, yet do I know this is only temporary.” His hands cupped her face then, bringing it closer to his. “Do you understand I want the right to command you? I want you cloaked in my protection, not that of another. That I am denied all means of obtaining you that are known to me is intolerable.”

His intensity was frightening and exciting her at the same time. But he was sounding more and more like a warrior, and that just increased her unease. Still she asked, “Is that the only problem?”

“No,” he said in all seriousness. “I have been ready to join with you since I first saw you, that powerful was my reaction to you. It has not lessened,
kerima,
it has increased. So I cannot give you the tender care I would like, yet you need not fear I will hurt you. Sooner would I leave you now than hurt you, and I cannot leave you now.”

She wasn’t exactly reassured. It was one thing for a man of normal size to get carried away by his emotions, but Falon was in no way normal-sized. Of course, that “tender care” he’d just mentioned he couldn’t give her could refer to the amount of time he would spend giving her pleasure, rather than the way in which he would handle her. On the other hand, how would he define “hurt”? Anything short of dead?

That did it. Her libido might still be jumping up and down at the sight of Falon Van’yer, and to be honest, she was thrilled to know he wanted her that much. But she had to be crazy to take this kind of risk, especially after he had already admitted that he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t lose control, that he couldn’t give her the tender care he would like to, which absolutely contradicted his assurance that he wouldn’t hurt her. And he was
definitely
too damn warriorlike to suit her.

She never should have come in here, never should have let it go this far. Now what was she going to do? Leave, of course, but without an ugly argument if she could help it. And she wasn’t at all sure he
would
just let her go now anyway. So she would have to trick him somehow, maybe into closing his eyes, and then slip out and disappear before he even knew she was gone. Easier said than done, with him presently holding her, she realized.

And then it occurred to her to put her fear, which he’d already noticed, to good use. “You know, Falon, we could wait a while, just until you’re not so—intense about this.”

“Do you jest?” he groaned.

“All right, so that option is out. Close your eyes, then, and no touching for a moment. I’m going to undress myself so my clothes don’t get demolished by those untender hands of yours. When I’m finished, you still aren’t to look. Looking can sometimes be stimulating, and we don’t want you any more stimulated than you already are if I’m to survive this.”

“You still think I will harm you?”

“Not intentionally.”

“I do not want you to fear me, woman.”

He said it so sternly, she almost released a nervous laugh. “Then let’s try it my way, okay? You start by closing your eyes.”

He did, and sat back on his heels, but his expression was a prime example of chagrined impatience. “I would prefer it did I demolish—”

“
That’s
not an option.”

“Then best you hurry, woman.”

That was the best advice she’d ever heard, and she immediately started backing away from him, but she’d scooted only a couple of feet when his command stopped her.

“Talk to me, woman. Distract me from imagining what you are doing.”

Farden hell. But distraction wasn’t a bad idea, just in case she got caught sneaking out and had to talk her way out instead. Distraction might calm down his turbulent emotions, so he would be reasonable about it.

“Very well,” she said. “But you must continue to keep your eyes closed.”

“Must? I do not care for your habit of giving orders, woman.”

She ignored his grumble because he was still obeying her despite it. She supposed he just needed to file that protest for the record.

And just to reassure him, she said, “I wouldn’t presume to give you orders, Falon. Suggestions are more in my nature.” Especially with men his size, she thought with a mixture of amusement and apprehension. She scooted another foot back, raising her tone slightly so he wouldn’t notice. “Now, let’s talk about names and why you haven’t said mine yet even once. You did hear what my name is earlier, didn’t you?”

“I heard it,” he snorted. “Yet does it not have a womanly sound to it.”

Another foot got her off the pile of furs. “That’s true, which is why my mother loves it and my father won’t use it. It’s what my friends call me, but you—I guess you can call me anything you like.”

“I wish to call you mine.”

He said it simply, but with feeling, and the words shot straight to Shanelle’s core. She had wanted him to be able to call her his, too, before she got cold feet. What if he wouldn’t hurt her? What if she had let her anxieties get the better of her and would be missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to her?

Farden hell, she was doing it again, letting her attraction to him blind her to what was a clear fact. The man could crush her in his bare hands, and he was just too damn intense in his feelings. And
that
was not at all warriorlike.

“You’re very . . . possessive . . . aren’t you?” She scooted two more steps back and slowly rose to her feet. “That’s an old-fashioned trait on most worlds. What planet did you say you were from?”

“I did not say. Does it matter where I am from?”

“No.” She gasped, for he’d reached out for her as he asked it. “As long as you’re not from here.”

She turned and ran, then cried out as she was jerked to a halt by a fist in her hair before she even reached the opening to the front half of the tent.

“Where do you think to go, woman?”

He didn’t sound angry. And she had known she might have to talk her way out of there instead. But her heart was pounding in fright. Stars, how she hated confrontations.

“I—I’ve changed my mind, Falon.”

His answer was to lift her with an arm around her waist and carry her back to the fur pelts. Shanelle’s anxiety turned into panic.

“Didn’t you hear me?” she wailed.

“Indeed,” he said as he laid her down and came down to half cover her body with his. “Yet have I not changed my mind, so best you change yours again. You wanted me. You
chose
me, woman.”

“That was before you started acting so damn warriorlike. But you couldn’t be enough like a warrior where it counts, could you?” she accused him. “You had to be too emotional. Well, you’re toe farden big to be that intense!”

“And this frightens you?”

“Are you kidding? I have strange reactions to pain, Falon Van’yer. I get hysterical. Now let me up.”

Slowly he shook his head. “I regret your fear,
kerima,
but I have told you I will not hurt you. The proof will be in the doing.”

“Wait!”

Shanelle didn’t have a chance to say more, for he was discovering the benefits of Kystrani clothing. It was designed for quick and easy removal. A tug, a push, and it simply fell away from the body. But it had never come off as fast as it did in Falon’s hands. And then his hand held her mouth still for his ravishment, while his other hand discovered the shape and responsiveness of her breasts. And there was nothing she could do to stop him. Then suddenly . . . she wasn’t sure anymore that she wanted to stop him.

He
wasn’t
hurting her. The only intensity just then was in his kiss, and it was stirring up all those powerful sensations she had felt when she had first seen him. Had she been wrong to let her cowardice take over? The man was showing her that the proof was in the doing, and the doing was calming her fears enough to let her body delight in what was happening.

In less time than she would have thought possible, he made her want him again, really want him, and her hope returned that this was the man she could accept as a lifemate. Her fear wasn’t completely buried, but it became secondary to her first taste of passion, which nearly overwhelmed her as she experienced Falon learning her body.

Stars, he wrung gasps from her, but before long, only half of them were from pleasure. The man had too much strength in his hands, and it was his wont to touch her everywhere. Yet the pleasure
was
there, undeniably, and in unrelenting control of her. He found areas of her body that she had no idea could be so sensitive. His mouth tasted, bit, stirred a trembling heat within her that spread throughout her body, and she wanted more.

There was no embarrassment, no shyness left to make her awkward or hesitant. She was open to him, his to command, a mindless body in the throes of first passion, a mere puppet to his slightest whim. Even the sporadic roughness that kept her fear just beneath the surface was understandable, for she discovered her own need to hold to him tightly, to ease the wild inner turmoil now raging inside her by squeezing, even biting him. The strength of her desire made it almost a compulsion—and it made her finally beg him to take her.

That was a mistake, letting him know just how much she now wanted their joining. The knowledge affected Falon in a way she had hoped to avoid. His breathing became rough, his hands rougher still as he positioned her, and Shanelle’s worry became reality. He lost control to his passion. There was more pain than pleasure now as his arms wrapped under her and tightened as he claimed her. Her ribs were about to crack, she could barely breathe, and the scream that was torn from her at his swift penetration was lost in his kiss.

Mercifully, she lost consciousness.

The moment Shanelle returned to awareness she opened her eyes, then wished she hadn’t. It was all real, Falon, the pain—and it wasn’t over. She was still there, in his tent, naked. But at least he wasn’t still crushing her with his weight, or causing that excruciating pain with his ...

He lay beside her on his side, leaning on one elbow as he watched her closely. He wasn’t touching her. Right now she’d probably scream if he did.

Oh, Stars, how could she have been such a fool to give herself to a man of completely unknown qualities? Just because her body had demanded she do so was no excuse. He’d hurt her. He’d allowed his passion free rein and crushed her in those powerful arms. She felt bruised all over and she wouldn’t be surprised if something was broken. And inside her, she was probably ripped apart.
That
pain had been so terrible she’d fainted to avoid it.

To think her hopes had returned, and so strongly, that he was the right man for her. Her disappointment was almost as painful as the rest. She knew a warrior would never have hurt her like that. A warrior was always gentle with a woman because of his size. But Falon wasn’t a warrior. He didn’t have a warrior’s control over his emotions. He’d claimed he did, but it had been proved otherwise. So no matter how much he had attracted her, he wouldn’t do for anything permanent. But, oh, Stars, what a shame.

She had to get out of there and quickly, before her disappointment put tears in her eyes. She’d been so sure of Falon to begin with, then again at the end, sure enough to want to join with him and leave the getting to know him for later. How was she ever going to find another man who could make her feel what this one did, in the short time she had before her father made the decision for her? And even if she did manage to find one, she’d probably be too afraid to test for compatibility again. She could no longer trust her instincts in the matter.

With those depressing thoughts, Shanelle started to get up, groaned with the movement, and got a large hand pressed to the center of her chest until she was lying flat again. “You will lie still until the bleeding stops.”

She paled at those softly spoken words. “Bleeding?”

“A normal occurrence for a woman’s first time, yet is there some excess. You should have told me.”

Why
was she now blushing? “I don’t see that it would have made any difference.”

“I am not a wild beast,” he said reproachfully.