Keeper of the Heart (33 page)

“You have made me happier than I ever knew I could be, which is why I dread what I must now do, yet must it be done.”

Shanelle lifted her head off Falon’s shoulder to look down at him in disbelief. “You dread what
must
be done? Tell me that doesn’t mean what I think it means, Falon.” He didn’t answer immediately, but his expression was answer enough, making her pale. “You wouldn’t,” she whispered. “Not after what we just... you just can’t!”

His hand caressed her cheek gently, and for all of one second she thought she was wrong. “I like it no better that this will mar the beginning of our life together,” he told her in genuine regret. “Yet did you know when you left your father’s house without his permission that you would be punished for it. Can you deny this?”

She couldn’t and the farden jerk knew it. And the horror she was feeling quickly turned to resentment.

“Then take me home and let my father punish me.”

“He will not. He cannot, for that right is no longer his. Yet does your offense still demand proper consequence, which only I can administer. Your father expects no less of me, woman, nor does your brother.
You
expected no less.”

That was true. She wondered bitterly why she was even fighting it.
This
was why she hadn’t wanted a warrior. They were inflexible when it came to their duty, and punishment was considered a duty almost sacred. That didn’t mean she could accept it, merely that she wasn’t likely to get out of it. That realization terrified her as much as it infuriated her.

“Damn it, you couldn’t even give me a little while to like you before I started hating you again, could you?” she said with resentment so thick it was nearly choking her.

“To delay would give you no peace, woman; merely would it increase your fear.”

“I’m farden well
allowed
to fear what you have in mind!” she snapped. “I won’t let you do it, Falon. I’ll fight you.”

“You are welcome to try.”

Her eyes narrowed at the familiar words that told her not to bother. “I absolutely despise that phrase of yours.”

He sighed. “Shanelle, let us be done with it, then may I comfort you.”

“Like hell you will. If you punish me now, warrior, don’t even think about getting near me again— ever!”

If she had hoped that might make a difference, she was forgetting whom she was dealing with.

Warriors didn’t take kindly to threats, and Falon was no exception. All her warning accomplished was to finally annoy him.

“It is hoped we will not have to suffer this again, either of us,” he said in a hard, uncompromising tone. “But for now...”

Where was her mind, to have remained sitting there next to him? Shanelle turned immediately to correct the oversight, but she knew she was too late. Falon’s arm shot around her waist, and that easily was she dragged across his thighs. He didn’t even bother to move to the edge of the bed. Right there in the center of it, where they had twice joined in pleasure, was he now going to inflict pain.

Shanelle shrieked furiously as she struggled to keep from being turned over, but she quickly found out just how adept Falon was at this sort of thing. She was turned, a forearm pressed down on her back to keep her there, and that was when anger deserted her to make way for a heaping dose of gut-wrenching fear.

She was crying before the first smack got anywhere near her bottom, and screamed her head off when it landed with the expected stinging force. In fact, she was making so much noise and commotion that it took a while for her to realize that Falon wasn’t spanking her after all, that she’d got no more than that one sharp example of Ba-Har-ani discipline.

She was still crying. Her fright had been extreme. But she had been turned back over to sit on Falon’s lap, and all he was doing was hugging her, albeit too tightly, and crooning soothing words to her as he might to an upset child.

Shanelle felt like a child just then. Where was the courage that had sent her racing across space into the unknown, that had sent Falon crashing to the floor without thought of consequence, that had faced sex-sharing again when she was sure it would be nothing but painful? If her mother had witnessed that disgraceful display of theatrics, she’d hang her head in shame. That was exactly what Shanelle felt like doing. On the other hand, she was so relieved that Falon had stopped, for whatever reason, that she started hugging him back to tell him so, though she kept her face buried against his chest.

It was still a while more before she was quiet enough to merit more direct attention. Her face was lifted. A finger gently wiped the wetness from her cheeks. And when she finally got up enough courage to open her eyes, it was to see an expression that was a pure mixture of chagrin and resignation.

Falon’s voice, however, was nothing short of scolding. “You do not take punishment well,
kerima.”

“Are you finished?”

He sighed. “Very likely.”

“Then I’ll do better the next time,” she felt it safe to lie.

“
You
had best hope there is never a next time,” he told her sternly.

Stars, didn’t she know it. She tried to hide her face again, but he wouldn’t let her. Unfortunately, the subject wasn’t over yet.

“Your brother mentioned another way a warrior may punish his own woman. Perhaps I should discuss this further with him.”

Shanelle stiffened and quickly volunteered, “My father always sent me to the kitchen to work.”

“Is this how your mother is punished?”

“Well, no—Falon, please, I hate that way even more than your way.”

“How would you know when you have yet to experience it? Dalden claims your women prefer—”

“Fat lot Dalden knows!” she snapped, then immediately paled for having done so.

Falon noticed and this time he pressed her face back to his chest to assure her, “I will never punish you for what you say to me, woman, nor for how you say it, nor for the reason you say it. Do I punish you again, it will be because you have disobeyed me in a way that endangers yourself, which I will not stand for. Is this clear to you?”

“You’re saying it’s okay if I get angry at you?”

“Yes.”

“And it’s okay if I, ah—unthinkingly attack you sometimes?”

He lifted her chin again so she could see his smile. “That would depend on what you attack me with,
kerima.
I would not care to have my head cracked open some new rising because I did not see to you properly the previous rising.”

“Somehow I don’t think you’ll ever be that forgetful.” She grinned back at him. “How about if I just attack you with myself?”

“You are welcome to try.”

For once that phrase made her laugh instead of feel frustration, and she released it in delight. “So this is the freedom to express myself you mentioned.”

And then she realized that he was taking away another of her objections to him, for she couldn’t imagine deliberately endangering herself. And if that was the only thing that would get her punished, she’d never have to fear it again. As for disobeying him in other ways ...

“I think there are a few things about your country that I might like after all, Falon,” she said.

“This I am pleased to know. Now do you tell me what we are to say to your brother when he asks were you properly punished?”

“That’s none of his business,” she said.

“In this case it is, for your offense was against his house.”

Now she squirmed uneasily, realizing that he was going against inbred principles not to punish her for an offense they
all
knew she was guilty of. The men of her own family wouldn’t have let her get away with it, yet Falon had been unable to finish what he started.

“Perhaps you could allow me one more untruth to assure him—”

“No,” Falon cut her off with an admonishing shake of his head.

“So maybe he won’t ask.”

He sighed now. “In either case, Dalden must be told the truth.”

“Ah—what exactly is the truth?”

He leaned back to glance sharply at her. “Do you tease me, woman?”

“No,” she said. “I know you stopped, Falon. I just don’t know why.”

He lay back on the bed, drawing her with him, men arranging her so they faced each other. A finger came to one of her eyes and caught a single remaining drop of moisture, which he rubbed against her lips until she thought to kiss his finger. He removed it then to thread his hand through her hair. Obviously, this conversation was not to end in joining—at least not yet.

He finally said, “The sound of your tears was too painful to bear. I could wish it were otherwise, or that you could have displayed a small measure of forbearance, yet did you not.”

She blushed at that point, for his tone was definitely chiding, his expression chagrined, but more on the disappointment side. And she knew it wasn’t because he had wanted to hurt her. He hadn’t. His feeling was that
he
had failed her in not administering what she was due for her own good, but he had failed because of her own shameful behavior. Warriors never enjoyed punishing their women. It was a duty they saw as a further means of protecting their women from harm. Shanelle knew all this, which was why she was so amazed that her backside wasn’t on fire right now. But that her tears had affected him so strongly ... did that mean he felt more than lust for her?

He
was
different from the average warrior, just like her father was, and maybe that included the ability to love. Just maybe there was hope for them after all, despite whatever problems remained.

She dropped her eyes to his chest to say, “Falon, I’m sorry I’m such a baby when it comes to anything that hurts. I know you needed to—well, felt you had to, but I was just too afraid of being punished by you in particular.”

“Woman, you are
supposed
to fear punishment. How else will it keep you from doing what you should not?”

“I know that, and believe me, I don’t want to go through that experience again, even as brief as it was. So please don’t feel you’ve failed in your duty. I wouldn’t be lying to Dalden if I told him I’ve learned my lesson.”

Falon snorted. “All you have learned is that your pain gives me pain. What you have yet to realize is that your offense was not against me directly this time when you endangered yourself, nor were you truly mine yet while you did so. Does the time come that it happens again, there can be no reprieve for you, despite my own feelings on the matter. No tears, screams, or pleading will keep me from my duty then. Take this warning to heart, Shanelle, for I will be extremely displeased do you force me to make us both suffer by your actions.”

She shivered, and instinct compelled her to press her body to his in an age-old manner of amends-making. “Could we maybe talk about something else now, Falon?”

His arm curled around her to press her even closer. “As I recall, you have more than one meaning for the word ‘talk.’ ”

Shanelle finally felt like grinning. “I do, don’t I?”

“How’s it going, doll?”

“Martha!” Shanelle gasped as she stepped out of the solaray bath in Falon’s cabin. And then in an accusatory tone she asked, “Where have you been? We’ll be home in a few hours.”

A rude sound came out of the intercom on the wall. “Where do you think I’ve been? It took Corth and me all this time to work on getting a little temporary boost for our thrusters so we could catch up. You know that farden ship you’re in is faster than the Rover.”

“You shouldn’t have had to catch up. Are you telling me you didn’t notice when we left?”

“ ‘Course I did. But how was I to know you weren’t still down on Sunder? After all, the last I’d heard, those women were planning on altering our warriors into leaving without you. I had to make sure, didn’t I? And it took me a while to locate your general friend so I could.”

It didn’t occur to Shanelle that Martha would have had an easy time locating the only female on a ship, especially with so few other occupants on it. But she had other things on her mind that morning, so all she said was, “Does Brock know you’re visiting?”

“I’m not that sneaky. But I’ve got a deal with him. He doesn’t listen in on our chat, and I don’t bar him from my housing for at least six months.”

Shanelle’s brows shot up. “When did you figure out how to do that?”

“With you not around to keep me entertained, I had nothing better to do this week. Besides, aren’t I always looking for ways to annoy my metal friend? And this was a beaut if I do say so myself.”

Shanelle grinned. “I’ll bet he just loved that.”

“About as much as a warrior loves females in
bracs.
Speaking of which, what have you been doing for clothes? Or has the big guy kept you naked all week?”

“Real cute, Martha. I was fortunate enough to be wearing an outfit compatible with the solaray bath, so it at least gets cleaned every time I do. But I could definitely use a change, if you’re close enough to send me something.”

“Why don’t you come over here to make your own choice instead?”