Keeping the Promises (17 page)

“Dhruv, you remember when Ansh and I were scared of admitting our feelings and you used to pester us? You helped us and we thank you for that. But right now, when we’re trying to help you, you’re the one who’s running away, and that’s not the Dhruv Gajjar who has been my best buddy for five-and-a-half years.” Angie stares at him, straight into his eyes, something which I can’t do – until now.

“I agree with her, Gajju! I think it’s been a year now. And what you’re doing is too much,” Ansh says.

Dhruv remains quiet for a while and so do I.

“What do you guys expect me to do?” he asks, crossing his arms together and bending his head down.

“Take a walk, like M suggested us to,” Angie answers with a smile. I don’t know how he’s going to react. Any mention of M has either brought tears in his eyes or a long stroke of memories. I’m prepared for any, but contrary to that, he smiles. Thank god!

“Hmm, if the three of you permit, I want to say something to Nilu. May I?” He asks, my heart is in my mouth, what’d that be? Just another beating
around the bush or something – of which I’ve been praying for so long – about us?

“Without any reservations…” Angie simpers and I shiver.

After a brief smile, he starts.

“Nilu, first of all, I need you to know something. My feelings for you are not just limited to friendship, it’s much beyond that – one step away from love, and that’s not because you’re not good enough. You’ve been more than anything I could ever ask for…”

He pauses and I continue shivering. For the first time, I’m hearing those kind of words from him.

And he continues.

“But guys, you all know what we all have been through. Angie, your best friend M, you know what she means to us? Ansh, you know you owe her every slice of happiness you’re having.” They both nod, that’s something you’ll get to know about her later.

“And Nilu, I still love her and you know that better than anyone else. I’m afraid, afraid of not doing justice to you despite of the feelings I have for you. That’s one thing, and besides that I’ve made mistakes…mistakes that drastically changed my life. I’m still trying to recuperate myself from that and I sincerely believe that you deserve someone better than me. I know you won’t agree with me on that but that’s because you love me and I’m aware of the feelings you have for me. Trust me Nilu, we’re almost on the same page. But, as you all know I’m carrying a burden of my haunted past with me and that’s too heavy for me…”

He moves closer, takes my right hand and my God, I flush.

“This is the hand which held me in my hardest times, this is the hand that has seen my worst and my best from the past fifteen years, and this is
the hand I don’t want to hurt with the disparity of my own mind. Tell me, would my best friend inside you forgive me if I hurt that girl who’s madly in love with me?”

What do I say to this? I realise that more than anything else, he’s my best friend. And he needs me, whether we go further from that or not. I shouldn’t leave his hand. His hand, how can I undermine the copulative spark it gives me? But, when it comes to friendship, everything else is minuscule and shallow. I caress his head with my hand and touch his cheek with my thumb to wipe the tears he’s shedding.

“Dhruv, you remember back in school when you had to stay away from me because Ansh didn’t like me? What did I tell you? I had said, our friendship is above everything else and even if we can’t be together forever, you’d still be the most important person in my life. I was twelve when I said this. I meant it then and I mean it now. Regardless of where life takes us, you’ll continue to be the most important person in my life,”

And he breaks down in my arms, we both are in tears. A part of us is shedding tears for the intact and unbreakable friendship we share, and a part of us is shedding tears for the pain that came after remembering the person we both love – M! Yes, none of them know how much I love her and I’m completely unsure of what their reaction would be if I share that truth with them. I can’t right now. I can’t ruin the moment, not in-between the heavenly hug of the person I love. Because I’m wearing a traditional choli, I feel his hand on my half bare back, and oh my…I flush. Angie notices it and clears her throat, and we – unwillingly – drift apart.

“By the way Nilu, is there any chance of you forgiving me for those insane childhood stuffs? Your lines were touchy, but it was ironic when you drew me into that!” Ansh chuckles, trying to lighten things up.

“I do forgive you Ansh, as long as you obey every single rule of your to-be-wife.” I retort with a grin. Angie throws a wry smile. Having friends is great; thank you, M!

After a brief chattering session, we are positioned to hear Dhruv and as I know, he’s going to read us what he considers the worst part of his life. He’s scared and is in tears already. We together hold his hand tight.

“Go on Gajju, you can do it,” Ansh says.

“Are you guys sure? I mean it’s your big day tomorrow. We shouldn’t ruin the moment.”

“Do it Dhruv; nothing’s going to be ruined. We are with you, holding your hand, providing the courage you require.” Angie utters. As you all know already, there’s something terrible on its way, something that could shatter all the romance passing through your veins and turn it into anguish, grief and anger. Go only if you’ve the courage to do so, otherwise save it for tomorrow.

11 February

F
ebruary 11, apparently the worst day of my life. I don’t have any blissful memory of that day, although there must be some. I don’t remember any, because of the promise she took from me. Those eleven days, more than anything, were a journey of love, pain, care, parenthood, friendship; in one word, a whole new life. I found my new self of which I’d been oblivious all my life. Sometimes you evolve being a completely different person than what you’ve thought of yourself.

I was, in fact, a nerd for whom how to survive detention due to lack of attendance was the only big problem. Another one would be how to arrange booze for the weekend party, or on a serious note, how to pass the semester exams. But, in those days, unwillingly, I
had several encounters with various emotions. Having said that, the first thing that’d fill the list was loss. How can you imagine losing someone you love in your twenties? Had I known it before, I’d have choreographed some of the greatest moments for M, like the vacation she wanted to spend in Ireland; and then physical intimacy, we were never those types of people who consider premarital sex a sin, we just wanted to take some time – like we did before committing ourselves to each other – just to make it more exciting, oblivious to what the affliction destiny had planned for us!

Then I saw her, succumbing herself to death. I felt like dying too – like a tree withering without its roots, but there were two people who held my hand. They became my crying shoulders, my pillars of strength, M’s parents – my mom and dad!

While my biological parents were completely oblivious of the twister whirling my life, they successfully filled my parents’ shoes. In those two years of my relationship, I met them hardly once or twice, that too without much interaction. On the very first day, the amount of love her dad showered on me and the confidence with which he adopted me regardless of what I’d been…that was something magical. They had a small yet great family; a gorgeous daughter, a sweet mother and a proud father. They both were cardiologists, so they knew the routes of heart better than anyone else. Yes, they too were doctors and with all their resources, they couldn’t save their only daughter. These are not my words; they said it and they’ll blame themselves all their life for it.

In those twelve days, dad taught me patience, integrity and morality. How sometimes it is important to do something beyond traditions and rituals! He set a perfect example of true love. While mom – just like any other mom – had only one thing to offer, her unconditional affection and care. She taught me recipes of various soups, dishes and the biggest recipe – of hiding tears. She was always
crying, but her face never showed that. Not because of anything else, but me; she knew that it was me who needed her more than she needed me. In those days, I grew up all over again, with the love of my life. In spite of a myriad amount of pain and grief, those days managed to create our little world, comprising happiness and joy – happiness of being together and the joy of learning various new things from them.

During those days, I made up my mind of looking after them once she is gone. I’ll be their pillar of strength; I’ll be their stick with whom they can grow old together. Not only for M, but for me too! And I wanted to make it a mission of my life, and I would’ve done it successfully if…

If that promise didn’t come along.

“Promise me! You will never talk to my parents after my death.”

“What? This is not done! I’m not giving any of those silly promises!” I snarled in frustration and I was loud, loud enough to drive mom-dad into our room.

When they learned what that was all about – to all my surprise – they stood silent.

“They’ve also given me their word Mithu! Please…” She mumbled, unable to finish her line. I glanced at them, they were clearly disappointed. But just like me, helpless too!

“Just give her what she wants and come in my room Dhruv. Let’s have a drink together.” Dad said and walked out; mom followed him without uttering a word.

I waited for a while for M to respond, but she didn’t. I wanted to fight her on that – like those days when we didn’t talk to each other for days – but, I didn’t have those days. From where I was seeing her, all I could say was that it was just a matter of a few hours, and I didn’t want to ruin them.

“I promise…” I said and walked out.

Dad opened an expensive bottle of scotch; he was not someone you expect to be even an occasional drinker. I quietly sat opposite him on another sofa.

“Soda or water?” He asked.

I needed nothing. I could consume it without diluting. After all, that’s what I’d been doing for the past seven months. But I didn’t want him to get hurt, at least not at that moment.

“Soda dad!”

He poured about fifty ml large scotch and another fifty ml of soda for himself and for me. He knew how much we needed to pass through the bloody promise which I considered senseless.

After consuming three consecutive drinks without uttering a word, I finally managed to pull out the question I wanted to ask.

“Dad! Do you know why she did this?”

“Yes, Dhruv! But I’m not allowed to tell you.”

M and her bloody promises, I hate you M!

“Will it do something good?”

“May be later, yes!”

“Okay…”

And then three straight shots! My eyes were tipsy and so were his. Mom was already in bed, weeping secretly as she did all the time.

The bottle was empty. I finished my first and last drink with her dad, someone whom I was supposed to look after. She unwillingly freed me from my responsibility and I still don’t know why. I just hope she had a bloody good reason for doing that.

I stood up to leave, but not before helping him reach his bed.

“I love you, son, always remember that.” He quivered and said while I put him in his bed.

“I love you too, dad!”

And I walked out in tears, the moment I’ll hate for the rest of my life.

The festival is over; Ansh and Angie are married and now probably on the way to their honeymoon. Angie somehow didn’t give me the exact information on their departure date and time and although I wanted to see them off to their flight, Dhruv refused and that made me angry. I knew he didn’t want me to spoil my work. He cares about me. He genuinely does.

But then, why did he ask me to take a day off? What was it for which he wanted me for an
entire day?
I don’t know yet, but I’ve to figure it out. Is this the day? When I will hear the big call from him? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think he can. Not until he is finished working on the atrocious part. I know it is taking him longer than usual, but I certainly empathise with his agony – because somewhere inside, I’m having the same. Even I’m unsure of how I’d be able to read it at once or if I’d be able to read it at all. I don’t know. Just like I don’t know where he’ll take me. Will we be alone? I hope so – but we have never been alone for an
entire day!

He drives near, moves his car closer to me. I sit inside and close the door. I look at him…

Jeez…His eyes…they are red…blood red…swollen and blood red!

Oh my! He has done it. He has finished it. He has been crying all night, but he has done it. I – along with Ansh and Angie – was skeptical about how he’d do it; but he has, he has finished what he promised.

So that’s why he asked me to take a day off? May be, but I need to ask him where we’re going because the route we’ve taken does not lead us to Cafe Piano.

“Where are we going, Dhruv?” I softly ask.

“My place, at Baroda.”

What!! My heart jumps at my throat. Why is he taking me there? Just the two of us? I don’t know what to make out of this. And before I say something, he clears my mind.

“Don’t worry Nilu! It’s not what you are thinking, and we’ll be back in a few hours. Trust me.”