Authors: Fern Michaels
Kentucky Heat (36 page)
“That's not true, Smitty. That's over and done with. He gave up pretty damn easy if you want my opinion,” Nealy snapped. “So much for undying love.”
Smitty sat down on the edge of the bed. “That comment is so unworthy of you, Nealy. He did what you asked of him. I hope he finds someone wonderful who will love him the way you used to. He deserves the best. He's a kind, caring, generous man. You made the biggest mistake of your life sending him away. In your heart you know it. Sometimes I think you do have a black heart. Finish your packing yourself. Packing is not in my job description.”
Smitty slammed the bedroom door and marched downstairs.
Maud's rocker beckoned. Nealy's gaze went to the window to see the soft evening shadows that were starting to form. Smitty said she was like a vampire these days, waiting for darkness before venturing out and down to the barns. She'd literally turned her days into nights and her nights into days. The moment full darkness descended, her day began. She worked in the barns, did what she'd always done, but under cover of darkness. Minutes before the sun started to creep over the horizon, she was back in the house and in her room, where she slept the better part of the day. Shortly before dusk, she would go downstairs, eat something, and sit on the front porch, weather permitting.
She watched the last of the late afternoon fade into darkness. Another thirty minutes and it would be time to go down to the barn.
She looked across the room at the phone. She had to call her brothers and Nick. She decided to wait. Maybe she would call them from the barn. Maybe she would ride over to see Ruby and Metaxas and tell them personally. Flyby might like a ride.
She rocked in the rocker, her feet tapping the floor. There was no comfort tonight, no solace. She thought about the hoard of pills she'd stashed in the toe of one of her boots. She had enough to take her into oblivion if the time ever came when she couldn't handle life any longer. The coward's way out. She wondered if she would ever have the guts to take her own life.
Black heart. Smitty had said she had a black heart. Hunt had said the same thing.
It was almost dark now. Almost time to go outside. She watched the minute hand on her watch. Time to see the horses. Time to talk to them, time to touch them. The horses were the only things that made her feel halfway human and gave her a sense of normalcy these days.
Nealy hesitated on the second step from the bottom of the staircase. She watched Smitty as she gathered up her keys, her cigarettes, and her purse. She wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words. She hated it when Smitty found fault with her. If there was one person in the world she truly loved besides her kids and Ruby, it was Smitty.
“I know you're there, Vampire Nealy. I heard you come down the stairs. It must be time for you to suck the life out of the night, eh? Well, go to it, honey. I'll say good-bye now. In case you forgot, I won't be here tomorrow. I'm having my bunion operated on, and I have to stay off my foot for a week. You have a good trip. I'll see you sometime.”
“I'm sorry, Smitty. I know I say that a lot these days. You're right, I did forget about your bunion. I'm sorry about that, too. My head is so full of myself, there doesn't seem to be room for anything else. Maybe someday . . .” Her voice trailed off. She held out her arms, expecting Smitty to come to her. She didn't. Nealy's arms dropped to her sides.
“Not this time, kiddo. And by the way, I flushed all those pills you stockpiled in the toe of your boot right down the john.”
Nealy blinked. “Damn you, Smitty!” There was no answering laugh, no good-bye. She heard the sound of the car engine, saw the headlights arc on the kitchen window, heard the car drive off.
Nealy turned around and ran up the steps and down the hall to her room. She rummaged in the back of her closet until she found her old boots. She upended them and shook them sideways. Nothing fell on the carpet. She sat back on her haunches. Instead of feeling anger she felt only a sense of relief that Smitty had been friend enough, wise enough to take matters into her own hands.
Nealy crouched in the corner of the closet and hugged her knees. Why was everyone so smart and she so stupid? Why?
“
Because you do stupid things, Nealy. You're too stubborn for your own good. You react to the moment. You don't think things through. It's always been your way or the highway.
”
Because you do stupid things, Nealy. You're too stubborn for your own good. You react to the moment. You don't think things through. It's always been your way or the highway.
”
“Ah, now you show up. Where were you when I needed you? Just answer me that, Hunt. On second thought, don't bother. Get out of my dream. I'm pretty damn sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do, what's best for me. I don't need or want your input. I mean it, Hunt.”
“
You are one miserable excuse for a human being, Nealy Clay. I'm sorry you still carry my name. For the last six months you have shunned everyone who only wanted to love and help you. You don't even let your own grandchild come near you. You know what that makes you in my eyes, Nealy? A loser. A coward
.”
You are one miserable excuse for a human being, Nealy Clay. I'm sorry you still carry my name. For the last six months you have shunned everyone who only wanted to love and help you. You don't even let your own grandchild come near you. You know what that makes you in my eyes, Nealy? A loser. A coward
.”
“Shut up, Hunt. You aren't walking in my shoes. You don't know the first thing about me or how I feel.”
“
You're right about one thing, Nealy. I don't walk in any shoes. I'd give anything to be ALIVE and walking around in a pair of shoes. I wouldn't care if I was as ugly as a mud fence. Life is for the living. When it's gone, it's gone. You think about that. For a while I thought there was hope for you. So you won two Triple Crowns. Big whoop. What's that gonna get you, Nealy? The things that really matter, the things that held hope for you, you've managed to destroy. I'll never forgive you for what you did to Hatch. I'm not going to forgive you for ignoring that beautiful little granddaughter of yours either. By God, you do have a black heart. And now you drove Smitty away. Who's next, Emmie? Ooops, you already did that once. You don't do repeat performances. That must mean Ruby and Metaxas are next. Well, go to it, Nealy. Then when that fancy doctor fixes you all up, you'll come back and expect to pick up the pieces only there won't be anyone here and there won't be any pieces for you to pick up.
”
You're right about one thing, Nealy. I don't walk in any shoes. I'd give anything to be ALIVE and walking around in a pair of shoes. I wouldn't care if I was as ugly as a mud fence. Life is for the living. When it's gone, it's gone. You think about that. For a while I thought there was hope for you. So you won two Triple Crowns. Big whoop. What's that gonna get you, Nealy? The things that really matter, the things that held hope for you, you've managed to destroy. I'll never forgive you for what you did to Hatch. I'm not going to forgive you for ignoring that beautiful little granddaughter of yours either. By God, you do have a black heart. And now you drove Smitty away. Who's next, Emmie? Ooops, you already did that once. You don't do repeat performances. That must mean Ruby and Metaxas are next. Well, go to it, Nealy. Then when that fancy doctor fixes you all up, you'll come back and expect to pick up the pieces only there won't be anyone here and there won't be any pieces for you to pick up.
”
“Go away. I'm too tired to fight with you. You shouldn't have come back. Leave me alone. Another thing, Hunt. Where were you when I needed you? When I first got to the hospital. I needed help. You weren't there for me.”
“
I was there, Nealy, but you were in the black hole. We were all there: Maud, Jess, and surely you heard Charlie barking. We were waiting. You should be thanking me that we didn't reach out for you. Thanks, Nealy. Not recriminations, not harsh words, not bitterness. What you did to Hatch was unforgivable. That's your M.O. Nealy first and the hell with the other guy. Now get off your ass and make it right.
”
I was there, Nealy, but you were in the black hole. We were all there: Maud, Jess, and surely you heard Charlie barking. We were waiting. You should be thanking me that we didn't reach out for you. Thanks, Nealy. Not recriminations, not harsh words, not bitterness. What you did to Hatch was unforgivable. That's your M.O. Nealy first and the hell with the other guy. Now get off your ass and make it right.
”
When Nealy woke, the moon was riding high in the sky. The room was dark with only silvery moonlight winking through the slats of the plantation shutters. She strained to see the digital numbers on the small onyx clock on her nightstand: 10:35.
She was stiff and sore from sleeping in such a cramped position. Hobbling, bent over, until she could straighten up, Nealy made her way to the bathroom. She avoided looking in the mirror the way she always did. She brushed her teeth and wondered why she was doing it. Probably so she wouldn't have to think about the horrible dream she'd just had.
In the kitchen, Nealy reached for her jacket. Outside in the brisk autumn air, she took great, deep breaths. As she headed for the barn she remembered that she wanted to ride over to see Ruby and Metaxas, but it was too late now. She'd peeked in on Emmie and Gabby, and they, too, were sound asleep. Her announcement would have to wait until morning.
It was an hour before dawn when Nealy looked around the barn for the last time. Tears welled in her eyes. When would she be back? She hugged Flyby, whispered in his ear before she ran as if the hounds of Hell were on her heels. She flew into the house and up the stairs to her room, fell into the rocking chair, and sobbed. Hours later, when there were no more tears left, Nealy picked up the phone. She dialed Hatch's number from memory.
The phone rang and rang before the voice mail responded. She blinked at Hatch's flat emotionless recorded message. “I'm sorry I'm not here to take your call. If this is an emergency, call the office. If this is a personal call, leave a message and I'll get back to you in a year or so. I'm off to see the world and to try to recapture my soul. Don't try to figure it out, it's an old Indian thing. Thanks for calling.”
Nealy leaned back in the rocker.
What did you expect?
she asked herself.
He did what you told him to do, he's getting on with his life. You blew it. You are so stupid, Nealy Clay. You cut your losses. You burned your bridges. You certainly are an expert at screwing things up
.
What did you expect?
she asked herself.
He did what you told him to do, he's getting on with his life. You blew it. You are so stupid, Nealy Clay. You cut your losses. You burned your bridges. You certainly are an expert at screwing things up
.
She reached for the phone again and dialed Nick's number. He picked up on the first ring.
“You got me just as I was leaving, Mom. What's up?” She told him. “I guess that's good, Mom. I'm trying to understand you going halfway around the world to have all that surgery. Are you sure you're doing the right thing? I hope it all works out the way you want it to. If you need me or if there's anything I can do, let me know.”
“I will, Nick.” She didn't want to ask but she did. “How is Hatch, Nick?”
“I don't know, Mom. He packed up and left in July. I asked him when he would be back, and he said a couple of years. The partners said he meant it. You broke his heart and his spirit, Mom. I'm not blaming you. I'm just telling you the way it is.”
“Why didn't you tell me before?”
“Why? Because you told me not to mention his name to you ever again. You said that part of your life was over. Are you telling me now you changed your mind?”
“Yes. No. I don't know. If he should happen to call, tell him I called to say good-bye.”
“You already said good-bye once. Are you trying to torture the guy, Mom? He won't call in. The partners said if he said he wasn't calling, then he wouldn't call. They know him better than I do, so I have to believe them. Listen, I gotta run, Mom. I have to be in court early. Call me when you're settled in over there and let me know how it's all going.”
Nealy leaned back against the headrest of the old rocker. “All right, Nick. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mom. Bye.”
Nealy sighed, her face a mask of misery.
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Nealy's good-byes were heart-wrenching and tearful. She kept hoping, right up to the last minute, that Smitty would somehow appear as if by magic. Smitty was a woman of convictions. “Tell Smitty I said good-bye. Tell her . . . tell her . . . she's right about everything.”
“I'll tell her, Mom,” Emmie said, giving her one last hug.
She didn't look back. It was too painful.
Thirty-six hours later, Nealy walked into Sinjin Vinh's private hospital, Cole Tanner at her side.
“I'm leaving you in good hands, Nealy. Call me if there's anything I can do. When it's time for you to leave, I'll personally fly you home.”
“You're leaving?” Nealy asked in surprise. “But . . . I . . .”
“Don't be afraid, Nealy. There's nothing more I can do here. I have to get back to my family. Nose to the grindstone and all that.”
“I don't know how to thank you, Cole.”
“I'm just glad I could help. It's all up to you now. I ask only one thing of you, Nealy. Don't give up. They do things a lot differently over here, so don't be surprised at anything. Just accept it. They're very Eastern in all things. Take care.”
He was gone, and she was whisked away for her first meeting with the illustrious Dr. Sinjin Vinh.
The moment the amenities were over, the doctor said, “Now it's time to get down to work. I had a case like yours once, many years ago. I made her whole again, but it was a very painful, long, hard road. She grew to hate me toward the end, but she didn't give up. There were so many operations even I lost count. Each one more painful than the one before. I imagine, you, too, will come to hate me. If you feel you aren't up to it, tell me now. I have many people waiting for me who need my help. For the time being, I am having all my patients brought here just so I can work on you. I don't want you to let me down halfway through because you are in pain. Are you up to it, Ms. Clay?”
She didn't stop to think. “Yes.”
“Good. Then let's get started. Maline will take you to your room. Based on the information Mr. Tanner supplied us with, we triedâor I should say, Maline triedâto do everything she could to decorate your room so you wouldn't be homesick. I hope you approve.”
“I love it when Americans come here,” Maline said happily. “I did my nurse's training in the United States. I adore American slang and all the fast food. At home I wear blue jeans and sneakers. My husband does not approve. Oh, well, that's what makes the world go around. So, tell me, do you like this room?”
Nealy looked around in awe. A rocker just like Maud's sat in the corner. The draperies and the bedspread were the same as the ones back in her room in Kentucky. But it was the pictures on the wall that stunned her. Pictures of her sitting on Flyby and Shufly, pictures of her, including the one of her covered in mud crossing the finish line dotted the walls. Photographs of Emmie, Nick, Gabby, and Smitty marched across the dresser. On the night table a picture of Ruby and Metaxas with their arms around her brothers. She blinked at the small oval-framed picture of her and Hatch in Hawaii.
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