KEPT: A Second Chance Fairy Tale (40 page)

You should’ve been the one to tell her.

Shannan was right. It should’ve been me, but the thought of tearing Lucy’s world apart and having her live even one day with the same anger I’ve been holding onto over the years was what kept me from it. I didn’t want her past to affect our future.

Give her time.

Time is all I have, and I’ve been spending that alone. I’ve been mentally correcting every mistake I’ve made during the last six weeks. Not one mistake starts with me kissing Lucy the first time in my office. It was a move to shut her down, keep her quiet, but I now realize it was our beginning.

Give her space.

Being away from Lucy is comparable to trying to take a breath underwater. I’m drowning in my own self-loathing, wading in an ocean of regret so deep, I can no longer see the surface. I can’t talk. I can’t breathe. I can’t see my hand in front of my face without picturing hers holding it.

Wait for her…

“Are you sure this will work for what you need? I mean, I’m not sure how Lucy does all this, so if it doesn’t make sense, maybe you can ask her when she comes back.”

Amber seems nervous standing in front of my desk. If I had to describe the way she looks, I’d say she appears worse off than a scared puppy facing a lion at lunchtime.

This has always been the effect I’ve had on the employees here.

Giving her the out she’s searching for, I grab the file, then close it. She’s made less technical errors than Lucy, but there’s truly no comparing the two. Lucy doesn’t shake like a puppy. She growls and bites like one.

Fuck, I miss you, Lucy.

“This will be fine, Amber. Thank you,” I tell her.

Momentarily, she visibly relaxes and begins to back away. I still feel her tension, but say nothing to comfort her.

“Is Lucy coming back tomorrow?” she questions. “I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, but I can cancel if you think you’ll need me.”

“Don’t cancel anything,” I instruct. “I’ll make do with or without Lucy.”

God, if those words were only true.

Sensing I’m ready to return to work, Amber turns around and walks out the door.

Corbin and I haven’t spoken. When he knocked on my office door this morning, I had just gotten off the phone with Shannan. Maybe he recognized my agitated state and decided to back away. However, this type of agitation will not soon pass.

He had no right to tell Lucy any more than she already knew. There has to be some unsaid, unwritten rule between men. Damage control was his best option, but instead, he went with what he thought was best. I’ll get over it, I’m sure, but not until I see her again.

Amber’s been gone mere minutes before my desk phone rings once, then her voice comes through the speaker. “Mr. Holden, Jane Gilroy is here. Do you want to see her or…”

Again, Amber’s so nervous, she’s not finishing her sentences. I rest my head on the back of my chair. “Send her in, Amber. Hold my calls.”

“Will do,” she replies quickly.

Moments pass before I hear Jane outside my door, speaking to Corbin. Her tone is crisp and matter-of-fact as she denies him entrance into my office.

Quietly, her eyes on me, Jane closes the door behind her and comes forward.

“I wasn’t sure you’d be in today,” she states, taking a seat in the chair across from me and setting her bag aside.

I put in a lame effort to amuse and stretch my arms out to my sides. “Here I am.”

Her lips purse while her eyes pin me in place. “You know what I’m talking about. I thought maybe you’d have fallen into a hole and weren’t coming out until all was well in your world again.”

Jane’s an incredibly intelligent woman who was also there Saturday night. No doubt she saw Lucy taking off like a shot, then me following behind soon after. As pissed as I was, she noted it and didn’t stop me on the way out. However, I’m unsure if Corbin took shit into his own hands again and filled her in on what exactly happened. That’s yet to be determined.

“I’m meeting with Lucy tomorrow. She called this afternoon and said she’d be in my office at three.”

This is good. No matter the state of our relationship, I’m glad Lucy is moving forward with her plan in dealing with Margret Hollings.

Jane nods. “I’ve also come for another reason.”

“What might that be?” I question.

Jane straightens in her chair. “I’ve decided to take you and Corbin up on your offer, if it’s still in place. I’ll move into whatever office you’d like me to have, and I’ll also actively work the cases you assign.”

“You’d be an equal partner,” I remind her. “I wouldn’t
assign
you anything.”

“Oh, Michael,” she scoffs. “Let’s be honest. You want me for my list of clients and my money. I’ve accepted this and have no qualms about you running things, whether your name is on the company letterhead or not.”

“Corbin will be pleased,” I tell her. “And I’m more than happy to have you aboard.”

“After I finish with Lucy, we’ll hammer out the details. I’ve got movers coming in the morning to pack and bring my things here.”

“When is the meeting with Margret and Jackson Wills?”

Jane flips through her phone. “After Lucy called today, I got ahold of Jackson’s secretary. He’s going to be on vacation next week, so it’s this coming Thursday.”

Concerned for Lucy, I inquire, “Is that enough time for you to prepare?”

Jane smiles her devious smile I’ve become accustomed to. “Yes. I’m already prepared. I don’t like Jackson Wills, but I really don’t like Margret. Snide woman with nothing else to do but make others miserable.”

“If there’s anything I can do…” I hesitate, knowing none of Lucy’s personal issues are mine by right.

Jane watches me stir. “I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you,” I reply sincerely.

When Jane stands and grabs her things, I notice she wants to say something. Judging by the way she’s holding her lips tightly together, I’d say it’s something of importance. I give her the space needed to collect her thoughts.

Her eyes come to mine. “You’ve grown fond of Lucy,” she states so boldly, I wish she would’ve just gone on her way.

I love her.

“You care about her a great deal. Anyone could see that by the way you’ve insisted she be handled.”

I wish she saw that, too.

“I don’t know her well, but what I do know is that she’s just as fond of you.”

Until I ruined it.

“And I hope to see you both again soon.”

I want nothing more than the same.

“Michael,” she addresses, resting the pads of all fingers on my desk. She looks down and tilts her head. “Women are funny people. If you give us time to rationalize and the safety of our own space do to so, we usually come around to cater to a man’s way of thinking.”

“Thank you, Jane. I’ll remember that.”

“I saw her face as she was leaving. If you care about her the way I think you do, give her what she needs. Things have a way of always working out.”

God, if it were only that easy.

Michael

T
HE KNOCK AT THE DOOR
interrupts the last shot from the bottle of scotch I opened Saturday night. Other than Jane, I haven’t seen or talked to anyone in the last three days.

When I open the door, I’m both shocked and relieved to see Lucy standing there.

Her stance is rigid, her eyes are swollen with tears, and her lips are pursed with restrained anger. She’s also clutching a manila file folder to her chest. No matter the fury rolling off her in waves, the absolute distress she’s pushing forward, or the obvious tension in her usual jovial expression, I know I haven’t been more glad to see her than I am right now.

“Lucy…,” I breathe.

Eyeing me with suspicion, she tersely questions, “Can I come in?”

Standing to the side, I watch as she enters my apartment with steady determination. She turns and starts to say something, but quickly closes her mouth as she takes me in, head to toe. If nothing else, she must find my appearance not so unlike hers. I can’t read the thoughts behind her eyes, but her coming here means something. Whether it bodes well in my favor or not is yet to be determined.

“This is for you,” she briskly informs, holding the file out.

When I look down, I make out the small stamp inked near the top. Her landlord’s name stands out much like her broken voice, burning its way through my body as a signal for what’s to come.

Lucy knows everything there is to know.

“Take it.” She pushes it forward. The edge of the file brushes against my chest. “You know what it is.”

“Yes,” I confirm. “I do.”

Clearly, Lucy didn’t spend the day at home merely resenting the facts which I’ve kept from her. She’s also been proactively finding new reasons not to trust me.

I’ve earned whatever I’ve got coming.

“Why?” Her voice breaks. “Why do all this? What did you have to gain from… I don’t understand.”

“Lucy,” I say gently, hoping to somehow lessen her fiery stare.

“Was I so pathetic you felt you needed to save me? Humiliate me?” she questions. I don’t have a chance to respond. “You had to know I’d eventually find out. Right?”

“Yes, Lucy,” I admit.

“Well?” she prompts. “Why?”

“Because I love you. If I would have told you everything then, I would’ve lost you.”

“You’re losing me now, Michael. You could’ve saved yourself the trouble.”

“Fuck,” I hiss.

This can’t be all there is.

This can’t be over.

Pulling in a ragged breath, she exhales. “I don’t know why I came here.”

To forgive me, Lucy.

“I suppose I wanted to see your reaction for myself. I think a small part of me hoped you’d deny everything, but you can’t, can you?”

“No, I can’t.”

She shoves the file at me. When I’m not quick enough to catch it, it falls to the floor. Receipts, signatures, contracts, and more all come spilling out and spread at our feet. She looks down, then crosses her arms around her waist.

“You have to believe I didn’t do any of what I did to hurt you.”

“Hurt me, no.” She laughs sardonically. “You did it to atone. My husband, your wife… I was someone you used to ease your guilty conscience for having a wife who left you for whatever reason you gave her to do it.”

Lucy’s mood instantly changes from anger to regret. The look on my face after hearing her voice that statement must register how close to the truth she is. Lucy exhales, then spins in a small circle. Her hands move through her hair and she pulls at it, tugging once before turning to me.

By now, her cheeks have turned red and her body is visibly shaking. Taking a step back, she cries, “Your wife is
alive
!”

“Lucy…”

Her words come out in a rush as fresh tears fall from her eyes. “Your wife was having an affair with my husband!” she cries, louder and pointing to her chest. It’s as if facing me here, after learning all there is to know, brought the base of truth tumbling down. It’s painful to witness, even more so knowing I’m powerless to stop it.

My initial reaction is to grab her, hold her to me until the fight in her is lost. Based on her state of weariness and confusion, I already know she’d deny me, so I don’t try.

“Lucy.”

“Did she love him?” She sniffs after calming slightly, covering her eyes with her hands. “God, don’t answer that.”

I voice my thought, whether she still wants to hear it or not. “I don’t have that answer. I never asked.”

Lucy’s lost expression hits my sorrowed one. “I have so many reasons not to trust you,” she tells me with a straight face and even tone.

The invisible kick to the chest nearly brings me to my knees. In all the years of doing what I did, I never expected to be standing here across from the woman I did them for and hear those words with such clarity.

“Do you?” Closing the distance between us, if only a little, I ask, “Do you hate me, Lucy?”

She doesn’t answer. I can’t determine if she really does and just isn’t cruel enough to tell me, or if she’ll be able to admit what she still feels for me - even in the midst of all my deceit.

“Lillie, Corbin,” she rattles off. “They know all of this.”

“Yes, Lucy. They know.”

“I quit, effective today,” she breathes out quickly. “I’m sure you knew I would, but I’m saying it anyway. I can’t see you every day and not be reminded of what I thought…”

“What we had
was
real,” I interrupt to correct her unsaid statement. I can’t handle hearing her denying that anything we shared was less than genuine. Feelings aren’t a matter of convenience.

She ignores my insistence, not hearing the want of her own heart, let alone listening to mine.

“Take these.” She holds out the set of keys to the car I’d given her. “I shouldn’t have accepted it in the first place. Part of me wanted to believe you were as good as I hoped you were.”

“A knight in shining armor,” I sarcastically reply, immediately looking at the ground in regret of saying something cruel. I hold back my frustration. “I never wanted to hurt you, Lucy, but I have.”

“Yes, you have,” she doesn’t hesitate in answering. “So fucking much.”