Kieran & Drew (7 page)

Hell no, he hadn’t seen it coming. But he supposed the fact that Drew had been so understanding, so
okay
with his crush should have tipped him off that perhaps he and Drew weren’t so dissimilar after all. Honestly, he’d just assumed Drew was a decent, uninhibited, okay guy, rather than the standard jock cliché. Now he wasn’t so sure.

Of course, everything had felt so different when they stepped out of the theater. Inside the dark theater Drew made that first move, Drew reached for his hand and held onto it for more than an hour while watching thousands of birds lose their shit on-screen. As soon as the lights came up, Drew seemed embarrassed, but that was okay because Kieran was too. But as soon as they were outside the theater where the weather was warm and they had to squint a little while readjusting to the daylight, things changed. It was as if it hadn’t happened at all.

He hadn’t exactly expected Drew to whip out a rainbow flag or anything. In fact, he still didn’t know for sure what the deal was with Drew’s sexuality, but what confused him was Drew’s utter discomfort as the two of them stood there on the sidewalk, him nervous but still feeling a little giddy, and Drew looking like he wanted to run away as quickly as possible.

Their good-bye wasn’t frosty, exactly, but it felt perfunctory and rushed at best. Had their hand holding in the theater been Drew’s little experiment? If so, he felt the beginnings of resignation and letdown set in. They’d only held hands, and he felt juvenile and silly that such a small thing could hold such importance for him; it wasn’t like they’d gone down on each other in the theater, but all the same he was at a loss.

What was really bugging him, he supposed, was the uncertainty. What would happen the next time he saw Drew? Would Drew flat-out ignore him, or just pretend it never happened? He didn’t for a second want to let on that they were more than friends (if they in fact were); the idea of drawing more attention to himself than he inadvertently sometimes did made him feel itchy and warm. But he didn’t want to be used like that. He wasn’t some… some sort of hybrid pregnancy test— minus the babies and peeing, of course. Drew couldn’t just hang out with him and try a little hand holding to see if the results were positive.

He was considering calling it a day and heading home when he saw the door to the storeroom creak open a fraction and then close again. He frowned, craning his neck to try and see who it was.

“Mr. Trinder?”

The door creaked open again to reveal Drew, loitering and looking like he hadn’t made his mind up whether to walk through or bolt. Eventually he walked through the door and closed it behind him.

“Hi,” he said quietly.

Kieran stared at him before jolting out of his stupor, and put down the crumbling plaster he held to wipe his hands on his jeans. “Hey.”

Drew ventured a little further into the room, taking in the mess. “I figured I’d find you in here.”

Kieran shrugged. “I’ll probably be here until I’m old and gray; I think Mr. Trinder’s actually forgotten I’m even here.”
“It doesn’t look like you’ve made much of a dent yet.”

Kieran glanced away, rubbing his hands together to get rid of the dust in the small creases of his skin, and sat on one of the stools. “Are you okay?”

Initially Drew was startled, obviously not expecting Kieran to go straight for the meat of the discussion they were inevitably going to have. For a second it looked like he might play at being oblivious, but then his shoulders sank, his hands dug deep into his pockets, and he crossed the rest of the room to sit on one of the stools a little way away from Kieran. He mostly kept his eyes averted, only offering Kieran an occasional glance. “I thought I’d be the one asking that.”

Kieran lifted one shoulder, sensing nothing but regret in Drew and feeling a crushing disappointment. “Nothing happened. I’m fine.”

“It didn’t?”
Kieran looked at him. “Isn’t that what you want to hear?” “I don’t know.”

Kieran sighed, and spoke softly. “It was just my hand, Drew. Not my dick. Relax.”

 

Drew stared at him. “Maybe I don’t want to relax.”

 

“Then why did you practically sprint home after the movie?” Kieran managed a small smile despite himself.

 

Drew groaned quietly. “Because I’m a coward, maybe?” He lifted a shoulder apologetically.

“You’re not a coward,” Kieran tried to reassure him. “I think you were just… and I kinda hate this word because of how overused it is, but I think maybe you were confused.”

“Uh, not so much confused, I think. Just a little freaked out.” “Because…?” Kieran encouraged.

“Because….” Drew swallowed. “Because it felt so easy.” He looked at Kieran and clarified. “With you.”
“You mean…?”

“I don’t think anything through. I mean I never think
anything
through. So I didn’t have any expectations. If I had, then maybe I wouldn’t have taken off so quick, you know?”

Kieran frowned, turning on his stool slightly to face him better. “We had a good time, right?”

Drew nodded. “Sure.”
“Okay good, because me too. And I’m not talking about….” He gave a short, breathless little laugh, looking away briefly. “I mean, yyou know I’ve got this dumb crush on you. But, it was really cool to just hang out with someone,
anyone
that just likes the same dumb stuff I do, like movies or whatever.” He wet his lips, feeling kind of sick for admitting the following: “I-I don’t have many—
any
friends,” he said with a shrug, and let out a deep breath. “It fucking sucks and it’s pathetic, but you say you freaked out because it felt easy with me? Well, me too.” He shook his head. “God, I’m acting like a freak but I’m just trying to say that whatever you want is cool. Friends or… the other. But if you want neither then say so, so I don’t make an idiot of myself. I’ve done that before.”

Drew frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“Just… just mistaking politeness for friendship, that sort of thing.”
“Why the fuck do you have such low self-esteem? It’s frightening.”

Kieran looked at him uncomfortably for a second, then said, “Because I’m the weird kid. I’m the kid that gets bullied and called a freak! I’m the kid that wears weird shit and says stupid things and is obviously gay and
eats his lunch with the fucking janitor
.” With each sentence, his voice rose until he was uncomfortably loud in the small room. “
That’s
what happened! Alright?” He stood, snatched up a cardboard box, and stomped a few paces away.

“
Whoa
.” Drew stood and followed after him. “You don’t have to get all defensive and shit. I came to… to….”
“What?” Kieran turned, letting his hand go limp and the box drop to the floor.

“I’ve… what? I’ve embarrassed you now? I don’t even know why. I thought we’d just talk about what happened or some shit, but you just blew up out of nowhere.”

Kieran flushed red. He’d wanted to act casual and cool the next time he saw Drew. He wanted to be the one all put together, reassuring Drew that everything was fine. But here he was, an insecure freak. “You-you started talking to me out of nowhere, then you asked me to hang out and then you fucking….” He gestured helplessly with his hand. “With my hand. So maybe someone else would have taken that as nothing, but that sort of thing never happens to me. And now I’m just acting like a massive freak and you’re never going to talk to me again and—”

Drew abruptly shut him up with an impulse he’d been fighting since the conversation with Toby, when Kieran smiled at him. He kissed him.

D
REWtook him by each arm, his fingers digging into Kieran’s slim biceps, and pulled him into a rushed, unromantic, and hard kiss. He frowned into it, exhilarated and terrified by what he was doing as their lips pressed too hard. Kieran, after an initial quick intake of breath, held still and exhaled heavily when Drew broke the kiss, still holding him.

“Ow,” Kieran whispered.

“Shit,” he laughed quietly, nervously. “That was terrible, wasn’t it?” Drew’s smile lifted at one corner of his mouth.
“What was that?”

“A really bad first kiss, I think.”
“No, I mean—”

“A combination of trying to shut you up and wanting to make out with you. Sorry it sucked.”

“You want to make out with me?” Kieran repeated, baffled. Drew nodded. “Ever since I knew I could.”
Kieran blinked rapidly for a second and then wet his lip. “You

can have a do-over, if you want,” he said quietly. He wriggled his shoulders. “This is uncomfortable, though.”

“Sorry.” Drew quickly let go of Kieran and looked him in the eye briefly before dropping his own gaze to follow what his hands were doing. He put them on Kieran’s hips, delighting in the nervous intake of breath this caused Kieran, and then pulled him a little closer. “Better?” he asked, and Kieran nodded.

The slight height difference meant he had to tilt his head down a touch. He didn’t have much time to think about it, but he knew he liked that. He came in slowly and brushed Kieran’s lips softly this time, once and then again, lingering a moment. He pulled back a fraction just as Kieran let out a shaky breath, and gently brushed his nose alongside Kieran’s.

“That was unequivocally better,” Kieran whispered, a sound like a breathless laugh leaving him before he bit his lip.

Drew swallowed hard, realizing that he was suddenly very turned on. His arousal stemmed partially from kissing another guy,
finally
, and realizing that was exactly what turned him on—not girls. Guys. One hundred percent guys—and then partly from seeing Kieran blush like that, breathing unsteadily and biting his lip all nervous and giddy-like. He knew he wasn’t alone in this.

He couldn’t say a word; all he could do was slowly walk Kieran backward—delighting in the way Kieran clutched his arm when he stumbled slightly—until he was up against the wall.

Arousal washed through him and he crowded Kieran against the flat surface, his lips a hairsbreadth away as he savored Kieran coming apart right there before him. He touched Kieran’s cheek, his own hand not completely steady as his thumb brushed the underside of Kieran’s lip.

He exhaled hard and dove down for a slightly more urgent kiss. Kieran opened up to him, and he slid his tongue in to search for Kieran’s. In that instant, in that exact fucking
second
he finally understood what the big deal was. He breathed heavily through his nose and deepened their kiss, lifting his hand to hold the nape of Kieran’s neck.

He was more turned on than he’d ever been in his life and he didn’t know what to do with it. His own groan when Kieran tried to push back just as hard against him turned into something like a growl. Kieran’s surprised whimper went straight to his groin and made him want to pin him down. Hard. It made him want to fuck. Instead he broke away, breathing heavily. He took Kieran’s hands, which were clutching the front of his T-shirt, and slid them up his chest and onto his own shoulders.
“Put your hands here,” he said in a rough voice.
Kieran did as directed, but then went one further and slid one

hand along his shoulder and up the back of his neck to grip what he could in a fistful of short hair. Drew grunted, pushed Kieran back against the wall with a curse, and gripped Kieran’s waist tightly. He hesitated a second and then slid his hands around, and down over his ass, and
squeezed
.

The noises Kieran made weren’t loud, but they were breathless and needy and drove him crazy. His feet somehow situated themselves between Kieran’s, and without even meaning to or without realizing what he was doing, he crushed his groin against Kieran’s. They both had to break away from the kiss, gasping.

With his hands on Kieran’s hips, practically holding him there, he could feel Kieran rigid against him and knew Kieran could very well feel him too. He moved his thigh against Kieran’s, encouraging him to spread a little. Afraid that Kieran wouldn’t let him do what he wanted to do next, he attempted to distract him with a kiss as he shifted his stance lower, just as he slid his hand under Kieran’s thigh and hiked it up against his hip.

He kissed him deep as he took that first good rub. He didn’t know if Kieran wanted it; he didn’t know if Kieran would be embarrassed to be the one against the wall with his thighs pressed apart. He didn’t know if it made Kieran feel like a girl to have him rubbing his groin between his open legs and against Kieran’s erection, but it made him feel like he never had before.

He felt completely and utterly
male
. He felt alpha. And for those first few inexperienced rubs, Kieran was his, like he belonged to him, like Drew owned him and Kieran was his for fucking. He’d take the time to feel embarrassed by such caveman thoughts later, because right then, Kieran was gripping his shoulders, trying to move against him.

Feeling reassured that Kieran was okay with what he was doing, he slid his free hand down Kieran’s other side. They broke the kiss for a millisecond, their eyes meeting.

Kieran’s lips were open, plump and glistening. He just nodded quickly. Drew didn’t hesitate; he shifted and then lifted Kieran by the backs of his thighs, making him gasp as he pushed him up to equal height against the wall. The feeling of being between Kieran’s thighs, of those legs being spread for him and wrapped around his waist, was sublime.

“I fucking love this,” he growled as he began to dry hump against Kieran. “Oh my God.”
Kieran grunted and then pulled Drew close for a kiss that was as messy as it was desperate. Drew’s arms began to shake despite using mostly his own weight to press Kieran against the wall. Unable to keep on kissing Kieran when his groin was tightening as it was, he broke the kiss, pressed his brow to Kieran’s as he ground against him, and then moved his mouth against Kieran’s neck.
Kieran gasped and clutched at his shoulders, and Drew’s hands tightened their grip on Kieran’s thighs as a result. Drew mouthed Kieran’s neck, his breath coming hot and fast against warm skin as his hips began to lose rhythm.
He barely registered Kieran’s hands trying to squeeze between them, pressing at his chest, and his breathless voice trying to get his attention.

“Wait, stop—
stop
or I’m gonna come!”

“Then come.” He growled, trying to crane his neck forward to kiss him, but Kieran’s hands were pressing him back again.
“What, just… just come in my fucking pants?” He gasped, managing a shaky smile. “I have to walk home in these pants.”