Kill Marguerite and Other Stories (13 page)

Earl finally controlling and restraining herself crept over to the edge of Ed's right petal. I Like You, she whispered, peering intently into Ed's center.

Ed blushed and hid his face. I Like You Too! he squeaked boldly.

Earl drew out her proboscis and slowly, tenderly sucked up Ed's nectar. Ed shivered with pleasure.

Earl returned to her nest with vigor.

I Like You, she whispered, peering intently into Ed's center. Earl drew out her proboscis and slowly, tenderly sucked up Ed's nectar
.

*

Over time as Earl swooped in more and more on Ed and Ed opened up more and more for Earl, between them grew a certain interdependence. Earl being practical and
affectionate, and Ed being sensitive and affection-starved, they quickly found that each was the other's complement.

Ed with his impeccable style and elegant posture would arrange his petals strikingly, and Earl would admire his attention to detail. Earl might give Ed an important weather report, and Ed might pass on any gossip brought in from other insects, for instance There Will Be A Fire Drill In The Nest Today, or The Honeybees Lacking Resources Are Plotting To Take Over Your Nest. They would then grow bashful and silent as they conducted the intimate transaction that was Earl's feeding, lingering longer than necessary each time.

Because of their conversational and physical exchanges and their growing ease and delight with one another, Earl and Ed began to look forward to seeing each other more than they looked forward to seeing any of their other partners. Each found this curious and startling, with each avoiding addressing it for fear that in the talking the feeling might fall away.

Then one day Earl swooped in on Ed and found Ed shriveled up and miserable.

Ed, What's Wrong? Earl asked with concern.

Ed shuddered, and Earl understood that something terrible had happened. She hovered anxiously by Ed's side and waited for him to speak.

Ed broke down and sobbed.

Earl not knowing what to do, for this was a new kind of emotional reaction from Ed that Earl had not yet seen, attempted to soothe Ed by telling him calmly about her day. When eventually Ed relaxed, Earl hovered closer.

Ed, I'm Sorry You Feel Bad. Can I Give You a Hug?

Ed nodded, sniffing. Earl vibrated Ed's petals with her body.

There, There, said Earl. Is There Anything You Want To Tell Me?

Ed nodding again breathed deep until he was capable of relating the following information:

Violet the Furry Moth had come in the night and forced her way onto Ed's labellum.

Ed sagged against Earl as he said this. Earl frowned. Stroking his petals gently she murmured Shh Shh.

Earl stayed with Ed that day, and the next and the next. When Ed was feeling better and more secure in his body and world Earl went off on a fly to find and paralyze Violet the Furry Moth with her stinger. She chewed Violet into pieces and then she carried the pieces to the nest, where she fed them one by one to her larvae wards who were jiggling in hungry anticipation.

Earl chewed Violet the Furry Moth into pieces and carried the pieces back to the nest, where she fed them one by one to her larvae wards
.

*

The problem was that both Earl and Ed wanted desperately to be exclusive but didn't know how, because the insect-flower community did not support such relationships. Neither wasps nor orchids were considered exclusive
by nature, and those couples who did choose such a path were treated as selfish and abnormal freaks who would orchestrate the downfall of their community by preventing orchids from reproducing and wasps from sustaining their nests. But Earl and Ed didn't care.

And so they chose to be in an exclusive and monogamous relationship, regardless of the certainty of their shunning.

*

Naturally the problem was that Earl&Ed was, as expected, shunned. Dromedus the Drone showed up one day to inform them that Earl had been excommunicated from the nest. He did his best to shame her, claiming that her larvae had starved and that the queen her mother would never forgive her, not in a million days.

Earl giddy with love registered little of this, bzzzing over Dromedus in her continued and overwhelming joy. Dromedus leaving in disgust yelled finally, What You Are Doing Is Unnatural. Earl&Ed cuddling with contentment did not even deign to respond.

Word spreading, so began several hours of winged insects swooping by and spitting on them. Earl's coworkers flung wood pulp on Ed's petals and hurled insults and anger at Earl. Traitor. Flowerfucker. Pervert. Protected within Ed's strong petals, Earl&Ed quivered with anxiety, whimpering at every lash of pulp against Ed's body. Earl&Ed pulled themself through the assault with assertions of shared fortitude.

Then the sky broke open and lightning struck. The wasps retreated, grumbling with annoyance. The rain
though hard cleared the pulp from Ed's body and cooled his stinging petals.

Earl&Ed had survived.

Meanwhile in the whorl of a nearby tree trunk Anyx the Butterfly had been watching Earl&Ed cuddle in the warm summer rain. Ed's only long-term partner, Anyx had been saddened to learn that Ed's nectar was no longer available to him. But Anyx though disappointed supported Ed's choices, and watching from afar was beginning to understand why Ed had done what he'd done, and even felt a shade of longing himself. He shoved it aside and, when the rain passed, left to find another flower.

*

The problem was that sometimes Earl&Ed would need to split open or apart and return to being Earl and Ed separately. Although this was uncomfortable for all three of the involved entities, it was necessary for continuing to live.

The problem was that Earl was mobile, and Ed was immobile. It was always only Earl who could initiate a splitting of their entity and take off, a lone wasp in the night.

Naturally what the problem was, was that whenever Earl left, Ed couldn't also leave. Earl always came back, but how could Ed be sure of Earl? All he could do was wait, wavering dejectedly in the wind.

Ed had anxiety problems, Earl would say when she returned. Ed needed to trust her and stop being such a worrywart. Ed needed to know that Earl loved him more than anything in this bright big ecosystem and oh, Ed, Earl needed him so much.

But Earl, Ed would reply, What Might Happen To You In The Bad Rain And Thunder? Your Wings Might Get Torn Off. You Might Get Blown Into A Windshield. All Sorts Of Bad Things Might Happen, And I Wouldn't Ever Have Any Way of Knowing!

Earl could say nothing to comfort Ed.

And then Ed, always already fearing Earl's immanent departure, always already convinced that Earl would begin feeding from other flowers if she wasn't already, would be compelled to produce more and more nectar for Earl to take. And Earl would keep taking and taking it.

Ed became the giver. He gave and gave, producing unparalleled amounts of nectar to keep Earl from leaving.

Earl became the taker. She took and took, feeding on Ed's nectar and unable to help Ed cross-pollinate.

Ed gave and gave, and gave and gave, and he gave and he gave until he forgot who he was. He wasn't anybody. He was some small part of Earl&Ed. Who was Ed when there was no Ed, but only Earl&Ed? The Ed who no longer existed apart from Earl&Ed felt bad, and selfless, and used.

On the other side of things was Earl. Earl took and took, and took and took, and she took and she took until she was fat with Ed's giving, and bloated and uncomfortable, like she needed to go for a fly. And so Earl would have to leave. She could only take so much. Earl would feel misused, as though Ed was manipulating her with nourishment into love.

This cycle continued for some time.

Until Earl one day returning from an unusually long fly looked at Ed, took a long and hard and loving look and noticed that Ed's leaves were all in a twist.

Ed, What Happened? Why Are Your Leaves In A Twist?

Ed unable to make eye contact could only droop and moan.

Ed, Please. Look At Me. Give Me Your True Feelings.

Ed sniffed, and wailed. It's Just. I Am Sick Of Being Stuck Here, Earl. Why Am I Always Stuck Here?

Earl paused before answering. Because, Ed, That's The Way You're Made.

But I Don't Want To Be Made Like This. I Want To Go With You!

Ed, You Can't Go With Me. You Have to Stay in the Ground.

But It's Not Fair! You Leave Whenever You Want and I Have to Stay Here And Feel Bad!

But I Thought— Earl retreated, hurt. Ed, Where Is This Coming From?

Ed's face was pained and contorted. I Just, I Hate That I'm Stuck Here While You Do Whatever You Want. Why Do I Have To Be The Orchid All The Time?

Earl knowing the answer brightened. You're Not The Orchid, Ed. There's No Orchid Here. There Are No Longer Binary Machines. Earl nuzzled Ed's center with her head and paused, thinking. The Problem, Ed, Is That We Have No Models. Insect-Flower Monogamy Is In The Minority, And Grossly Misunderstood By The General Public. How Can We Know How To Act?

I Don't Know, Earl. It Sure Is Hard Sometimes To Know How To Act. I Feel Like I'm Just Being Myself But Then Sometimes I'm Some Exaggerated And Flowerier Version of Myself Because I Think That's What You Want. But Do I Want To Be That? I Don't Know. Ed started crying.

Oh, Ed, You Think Too Hard. Earl softened her voice. Just Be You And I'll Be Me And We Won't Worry About Who We Want To Be Or Should Be. There Is No ‘Should' Here. Only Us. No Object No Subject Just Us. Each Of Us Becoming The Other But Also Remaining Ourselves. Earl&Ed. She paused. But If It Makes You Feel Better, I'll Promise Not To Go On A Fly Unless You Agree To It. How Is That, Ed? How Does That Sound to You?

Ed breathed a perfumed sigh of relief and perked his petals up prettily. That Sounds Okay, I Guess. I Guess That Sounds Okay.

Earl bzzzed and bzzzed, and the two were one again.

*

The couple was again on solid ground. Ed felt more in control than ever, a new and good feeling for him, and Earl felt happy that Ed was happy.

Until Earl asked to go on a fly, and Ed said no.

Earl You Can't Leave, said Ed, wrapping Earl up in his leaves.

Please Don't Try To Control Me, Ed. I Need To Go On A Fly.

You Said You Wouldn't Unless I Agreed, said Ed. Earl You Hafta Stay.

I'm Not Leaving You, Ed. I'm Leaving To Stretch My Wings.

No, Ed pouted.

Ed, It's My Nature! We're Different! Put Yourself In My Wings. I Can't Take You Anywhere. How Do You Think That Makes Me Feel?

That's Not Fair, Earl. You Have Advantages That I Don't Have!

Exactly! And You Resent Them When You Should Be Admiring Them.

Ed scoffed. You Don't Admire My Advantages!

You Don't Have Any Advantages! Earl bzzzed furiously, battering Ed's leaves with her wings. She stopped, took a breath. I Think We Need a Break from Each Other. You're Too Dependent. She wiggled out of Ed's grip and flexed her wings. I'm Leaving, Ed.

Earl, No! You Can't! Ed clutched at Earl's wings desperately.

I Can, Ed, and I Have To. You Can't Go Anywhere and I Can and I'm Going To. Goodbye.