Kindergarten Baby: A Novel (30 page)

The desert night air was almost stifling, even though only a glimmer of pink and purple lingered in the thin gossamer layer of clouds on the horizon. Lindsey leaned back and sipped her wine, then reached down to rub Wendell’s neck. Malcolm chirped quietly to himself.

“Well, guys,” she said, interrupting Malcolm’s song. “This has been one heck of a year.” Wendell put his head on her knees, gazed up at her with loving dog eyes, and sighed deeply. “What would I do without you both? You’re the best. And right now, I need to appreciate the good things in my life.”

She began to make two mental lists: The Good Things in My Life and The Not-So-Good Things in My Life, but tonight, as much as she fought it, the Not-So-Good list was winning. So much for living the fairy tale and the happily ever after. Slightly discouraged, she began a To Do list for the next day. She’d start by dressing comfortably for the long day of packing up the classroom, then she’d pick up a latte and a café mocha for her and Laura. By four o’clock the packing would be complete and she’d treat Laura to a margarita, check on Malcolm and Wendell…‌and, last but not least, pay a visit to the only man on earth she trusted.

SUMMER

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Anthony sped home, constantly checking his rearview mirror for police. He was late and he knew Shawna would be pacing. They had only two hours to catch their flight to Colorado, and he still had to pack.

“Where have you been?” she bellowed from the bedroom the moment she heard him open the front door.

Anthony took some deep breaths to calm himself, needing his reply to be supportive rather than combative. He needed to be the rock‌—‌Shawna’s strong, other half‌—‌as she faced her last cosmetic surgery, though he still didn’t understand what that was all about. It made no sense to him that she needed any additional improvements; she was already drop-dead gorgeous. But she was adamant about having the surgery, and she was just as adamant that he be by her side.

It was essential that Anthony demonstrate an infinite amount of patience and selflessness today or their future together would be doomed. He knew his own difficulties needed to be placed on hold for now, since Shawna had no concept or understanding of the stress and responsibilities a chiropractor faced every day‌—‌let alone a chiropractor that had to leave his patients in the care of a competitor so he could once again go out of town.

“I’ll be packed in five,” he assured her. He peeked through the slightly open bathroom door and saw her standing naked at the mirror, applying a bit more foundation and lip color.
That’s my babe
, he thought with a smile.

“Well, darling,
I’ll
be ready in
four
minutes,” she countered.

Anthony grabbed a few shirts and threw a few days worth of socks and underwear into a carry-on bag. Shawna’s bag was right beside his on the bed, and a couple of photos poked out of one of the many compartments. Curiosity got the better of him, and he took a look.

He stared, not comprehending…‌then something inside him snapped. “What the hell is this?! Shawna! What the hell am I looking at?”

Shawna stepped into the bedroom, looking impatient. “What?” she snapped.

He whirled toward her, clutching the photos in one hand and shaking them near her face. This couldn’t be happening. It
couldn’t
. “These…‌these photos are of you…‌right?”

Shawna had gone very still beside him, and very pale.

In contrast, Anthony’s face was a furious red. “How the hell…‌Damn! How did I not…‌How could you have deceived me all this time? How could you live such a fucking lie and suck me into it with you? How could I have been so fucking stupid? This can’t be!
It just can’t be,”
he hissed through his teeth. He brought his face close to hers. “Tell me, Shawna. What the hell
are
you?”

Her voice was very small. “But…‌but I thought you knew. You know, after Venice and all. You said you were in the hospital and you saw the scars. Back then you promised to stay with me and said that you were okay with…‌everything,” she said, her tone softening to desperation. “You love me, Anthony. You want me. You
know
you do. Everything will be fine soon. You’ll see! Oh, Anthony. Please don’t leave me‌—‌not now, when I’m just days away from perfection!”

He wanted to shake her, slap her, do something, but for the first time he couldn’t bring himself to touch her. The thought of any type of contact between them made his skin crawl.

She reached for his arm, but he stepped back. Shawna swallowed hard again, then tried to give him a pleading smile. “Let’s just catch our plane, darling. We’ll work it out.”

“Are you fucking
kidding
me? No way! No way in hell,” he shouted. He grabbed his bag and several shirts, slacks, and jackets, thinking vaguely how good he was getting at packing and running. “I want no part of this. I can’t even…‌Oh God. How
could
you? How could
I?”
Both hands went to his head and he grasped handfuls of his hair. “I’m living a nightmare‌—‌a fucking nightmare! Don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me. Oh my God. I…‌I hate you!”

He slammed the door behind him and threw his things in the car.
But I hate myself even more,
he thought as he roared down the street.
I’ve been an idiot on so many levels.
Deeply dazed but no longer confused, he knew exactly where he had to go now and what he had to do.

***

Jake stared blankly at the two files in front of him. It didn’t matter how much he rationalized that any action he’d taken involving his subjects was “research,” deep down, he knew better. The first extension for his thesis had expired, and time was running out on the second extension he’d been granted after some serious petitioning. It wasn’t like him to miss deadlines. Never in his educational career had he felt this stressed about any project.

When the phone rang, Dr. Barston, head of his thesis committee, explained that because Jake had not followed the university’s policies regarding the use of human subjects, he had put himself and the university at risk of legal action. Therefore, Jake would have to start the entire process over. Surprisingly, in spite of the time he had invested in this thesis, he felt an odd sense of relief. With the immediate pressure off, Jake’s thoughts shifted to personal soul-searching. Now he had the opportunity to question his own motives with regard to the topic of his thesis. Why had he studied and researched ‘women alone and how they coped’? Was it to help understand himself better? That wasn’t exactly a
manly
thing to do, but it could be true. After all, he was alone, and he was trying to cope after his first love had dumped him back in Texas. In fact, it could be that he’d overreacted to his own break up, then used the thesis as therapy-by-his-own design‌—‌a psychologist’s version of “Physician Heal Thyself.” It was ironic, really. How had he managed to spend so much time and effort on his research without truly understanding what this endeavor was all about?

Maybe it was time to think about something other than himself, his losses, his mistakes, and his future. Needing a change of direction, he took another look at the files on the table. Actually, they weren’t restricted to the table. His research was scattered around his apartment‌—‌on the table, on the futon, and in file boxes on the floor. The files were filled with notes, personal thoughts, and conclusions…‌many about Lindsey. Thesis or no thesis, he really cared about her‌—‌both her happiness and her safety. He decided to help her in any way possible, starting tonight. He’d see what he could find out about Anthony and Shawna and their odd appearance at Lindsey’s kindergarten concert. After that, he’d pay Lindsey, Malcolm, and Wendell a visit…‌and surprise her with a dinner of her favorite Chinese dishes.

He answered the phone without thinking, then wished he hadn’t.

“Jake! You’ve got to come over right away. It’s an emergency!”

“Shawna? Is that you? What’s going on?”

“Just get over here now! I can’t say much on the phone. Something terrible has happened. Hurry!”

I need to stay away from her,
thought Jake, but at the same time, he wanted some answers, and this might be the perfect opportunity to get them. He dashed out the door with his notebook and camera, leaving his apartment a mess. He’d be back soon to clean it all up.

He was just about to press the bell when the door suddenly opened. Shawna stood before him, her eye make-up smeared down her cheeks. She’d obviously been crying a lot, which was out of character for her. Sucking in sobs, Shawna stepped back to let Jake in. Once he was inside, she hauled off and slugged Jake in the face with her clenched fist.

“You should’ve kept your mouth shut!” she roared as Jake fell to the floor.

***

Another school year had come to an end; another chapter in her life complete. Lindsey always enjoyed the feeling of closure and the sense of relief this time of year brought with it. Only one last entry lingered on today’s To Do List: the visit.
I deserve a quiet evening with someone I really trust, someone who likes me for who I am, someone who has never judged me
. She patted Wendell on the head and gave his ears a tickle, then she looked Malcolm directly in the eyes as they exchanged a few words and chirps. After they were done, she locked up and headed out her door feeling positive, refreshed, and ready for new beginnings.

She’d driven by his apartment building before with Laura, but they’d never been inside. When she reached his door she looked for a bell, but there wasn’t one. She knocked softly at first and got no results, so she pounded on the door‌—‌which prompted the door to swing open.

“Jake?” she called. “Jake? Are you in here? It’s me, Lindsey.”

He didn’t answer, so she decided to go in and make sure he was all right. After all, he would do the same for her. She walked into the apartment and had to fight the immediate urge to straighten up for him. She was surprised to see such a mess. Papers and files had been strewn everywhere. She sorted through the nearest pile, looking for a blank scrap of paper so she could write him a note, and out of the corner of her eye she spotted her name written on a file. When she looked again, she noticed her name was actually on several files, as well as on a spiral notebook on Jake’s kitchen table.

She picked up the notebook, intrigued, and read until she could take no more. She lifted her gaze and stared straight ahead at nothing, unaware that she’d even dropped the book. How could he have…‌She shuddered inwardly at the idea of Jake‌—‌the only man she’d
thought
she could trust‌—‌writing about her this way. Why? Why had he written down her thoughts and choices, her problems, and her sorrows?

When she looked again, she noticed more folders‌—‌this time bearing Laura’s name. She whimpered, feeling entirely betrayed. He’d been using them both all this time. How dare he? He’d used them, invaded their privacy, and written intimate thoughts and feelings down on paper‌—‌not to mention the data his laptop might contain‌—‌for the world to read some day.

He’d been the one man she’d trusted. Was there a decent man anywhere on earth? She sincerely doubted it.

“I’m done,” she said out loud. “Done with them all.”

***

When Lindsey didn’t answer the door after much knocking and bell ringing, Anthony put his key in the lock and attempted to let himself in. It didn’t work, which meant she’d changed the lock.
Good girl,
he thought.
She’s getting smarter all the time.
How long had she waited to do that? He’d ask her sometime in the very near future.

After a moment of pacing by the front door, he decided to check the back door. He found Wendell asleep in a shady, not-too-hot corner of the back yard and felt immediately guilty. Wendell. He hadn’t even thought about the dog in so long. Wendell rose to his feet, and at first he growled at Anthony. Then he moved toward him, his tail in full wag as if Anthony had never left.

“Hi, boy. I heard you’d been spending time over here now and then. That’s good. Where’s Lindsey?”

Wendell walked up to the back door with him, but none of his keys worked in that lock, either. He wasn’t about to crawl through the doggie door; he was in no mood to stoop that low. That’s when he noticed Malcolm in his cage by the kitchen window.

“When did she get that?” he asked the dog. He watched the bird for a while, and the bird watched him, tipping its head from side to side and chirping loudly. The little thing was
so Lindsey,
he thought with a hint of a smile.

He peered through the window, seeing the kitchen and the hallway from where he stood. The house looked different. There was no trace of him anywhere, no hint that he’d ever existed. One wall of the kitchen had recently been painted a bright yellow and adorned with new artwork of desert plants and herbs. He wondered vaguely what she’d done with the rest of the house. He smiled when he spied one thing that hadn’t changed. Boxes filled with of end-of-the-year school materials were stacked in the hall, not yet unpacked or put away.

Where was she?
I need to talk to her now!
For the first time in his life, Anthony felt unsteady, out of control, and he didn’t know how to react to being alone and afraid. He returned to his car and waited a nervous half hour for Lindsey to return, but she didn’t. When he could wait no longer‌—‌patience had never been one of his virtues‌—‌he wrote Lindsey a note, placed it in an envelope, then wedged it between the front door and the door jam and drove away. He had no idea where to go.

***

“Hey, Lindsey,” said Laura. “This is a nice surprise, seeing you again so soon. Come on in.”

“I couldn’t go home. It’s all too weird, Laura. It is so
wrong
. What I saw was—”

“Slow down. Come on in and sit. I don’t have the slightest idea what are you talking about.”

Lindsey told her everything she’d stumbled upon at Jake’s apartment, explaining that he had files‌—‌many files‌—‌which contained notes about both of them, including notes about conversations they’d had with him, and notes about their lives and their backgrounds‌—‌followed up by his own comments, judgments, and evaluations of their lives and how they’d lived them.