Kiss a Frog (The Book Club Series 1) (4 page)

One Tequila, Two Tequila

Jesus Christ. I think I’m going to die.
Lily groaned as she rolled over in her bed the next morning. Sunlight probed viciously between her eyelashes, and she squeezed her eyes together.
What the hell happened?
Memories of the night before hit her like a wave all of a sudden, and she lurched from the bed and skidded into the bathroom to puke.

Why do guys who have so much going for them end up being weird as hell? Come for daddy? Who the hell says that shit? All I wanted was some sex, and I can’t even have that.
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and turned to sit on the floor. Leaning against the tub, she sighed and dropped her head back.

How many frogs do I have to kiss to find my prince? Ten? Twenty? A hundred?
She paused and grimaced as another thought coursed through her.
What if I never find my prince? Well, fine, then I’ll adopt a cat. Wait, no, I should
not
torment that poor little creature by making it live with me. Hah!
Pulling herself to standing, she rinsed her mouth out and brushed her hair back from her face before meandering downstairs and making some coffee.

There were just a few hours until she had to be back at work and curiosity was killing her to see if she’d heard from any new guys on the dating website. After half a cup of coffee, she felt civil enough to try and read some messages. Taking the stairs slowly as she drank the last of her cup, she flopped down in her chair and logged into the dating website.

Surprisingly, Sexmonster23’s messages were long gone from her inbox.
Maybe he was embarrassed? I cock blocked him, he block blocked me online!
A giggle bubbled through her lips.
Sweethandsome31
had sent a message back asking if she’d be available to go for a ride out to a little restaurant about half an hour away on Saturday. Lily grimaced as she thought of her escapade the night before, and with resolve she typed back.
I guess I should get back up on the horse and ride…right?

Dear Charlie,

I’d love to! I’m off all day! Let’s meet somewhere. How about at the mall?

Lily

After looking at another two messages from skeezeballs who either looked like the swamp thing or lived with their mother at over thirty-five, she shut off the laptop in disgust. It was apparent that the pickings were slim in the over thirty crowd, and Lily didn’t relish the thought of having to train up a younger guy. She wanted someone stable, steady, and secure in their lives. Not some college guy who still thought keggers were awesome.
Not that keggers aren’t awesome, but I’m too old for that mess now.

The computer bleeped, and she grinned as she saw a message back from Charlie.

How does meeting at ten in the morning sound? Maybe spend the day together?

Charlie

Her fingers shook with excitement as she wrote back quickly.

Yes!

Her cell phone rang, and with a sigh, she stood from her chair and scrambled to find it in her purse. Laura was calling. She usually didn’t during the day, either there was a lull at the office or something was wrong.

“Hello?” Lily answered.

“So Abby told me you actually hooked up with a guy last night! Ew!” Laura hissed. “What if he had like crabs or something.”

Lily sighed. It was obviously the former, not latter with Laura calling. “Yeah, I hooked up with him. I saw no crotch crickets, okay?”

“OMG, Lily, you’re being just like, well, crazy!” Laura spluttered.

“We said we were going to do what we wanted for a month. Kiss a bunch of frogs. So I’m doing that.” Lily defended herself.

“Okay...” Laura sighed softly. “I just worry about you.”

“I’m a big girl,” Lily retorted.

“Don’t put on that act with me. We all know you’re living in a shitty apartment almost in the hood. You could still go back to college, you know.” Laura reminded her.

Lily bristled and gritted her teeth before she spoke. “Yes, you remind me of that fact often. College is not something I’m into, okay? I gotta go.” She hung up before her friend could respond.

So what, I’m a little flighty and not very responsible. I’m content with my life, and I’m going to find a great boyfriend by my thirtieth birthday. Watch and see! Suck on that, bitches!

Later that day at work, she took advantage of a slow period in sales to gossip with Olivia. “I met someone last night,” she informed Olivia, who stood folding puce green sweaters. The sweaters reminded her of Chewbacca. The older crowd seemed to
love
them. She longed to tell them that they looked like crap, but she resisted.

“Oh?” Olivia’s interest seemed piqued.

Lily nodded and continued checking inventory. “On a dating website. We hooked up.”

Olivia’s eyebrows shot up almost to her hairline. “Was he any good?”

Lily chuckled as she wrote down how many crimson red sweaters were in the pile. “Well…it started off amazing, then he got weird.”

“Weird how?” Olivia asked.

“Um, he told me to come for daddy,” Lily hissed, her cheeks coloring at the memory.

“So?” Olivia shrugged as she continued to fold. “Maybe he was into the dom and sub stuff. So what did you do?”

“I hauled ass. It got too weird for me,” Lily admitted.

“Boo, hiss. What a waste. Your tuna taco needed some sour cream in it.”

Lily gagged. “Oh, gross! I do
not
have a tuna taco!”

Olivia grinned widely. “Smells like tuna, tastes like chicken!”

“That’s just gross. If it smells like fish you have something going on.” Lily wrinkled her nose.

“If it smells like fish you have…” Olivia clapped her hands together twice.

“Ew. Well, I don’t have that.” Lily sniffed.

“So why are you meeting dudes on a dating website?” Olivia asked a few moments later.

“My best friends and I are doing this challenge, we’re supposed to be reading this really popular erotic romance, and I just can’t get into it. To be honest I haven’t even cracked the book open. It’s just not my cup of tea. Now, give me a good Harlequin romance, and I’m there. This is just too much for me. They are all oh your life is going to change by your thirtieth birthday and you’re going to have a boyfriend.” Lily rolled her eyes and moved to the next stack of sweaters to count them.

“Hey, I have a brother, maybe I could hook you guys up. If you’re into the tall, dark and dangerous type.” Olivia offered. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t say come for daddy, but I mean, I’m not one hundred percent.” She snickered.

“Is he cute?” Lily asked, mulling over the offer. “Wait, what do you mean dangerous?”

“Well, um, he’s my brother. So it’s totally dangerous for you to date him. Don’t you break his heart or I’ll break your face!” She chuckled weakly. “But he’s thirty-four, and he’s single! Oh, and he’s not gay.”

“Sure, why not.” Lily sighed.

“Cool! He hates when I set him up on blind dates because he tries to stay married to the job. But I’ll tell him you’re cool. When I go on break I’ll call him. When are you free?”

Lily pursed her lips, running through her calendar in her mind. “I have a date on Saturday, but I’m free next weekend.”

“Perfect. I can work on him between now and then. He thinks he’s too busy to have a relationship. Men.” Olivia sighed and rolled her eyes. “My mom is about to have a fit over wanting grandkids. I told her this shop is closed for business until I finish my degree.”

“You’re in college?” Lily marveled.

“Yeah. I’m going to eventually be a cop.”

“Wow, that’s awesome. I guess I never realized you were in school.”

Olivia giggled. “I don’t exactly broadcast my stuff. But yeah, I am.”

Lily fell silent as she continued to work the racks of clothing. Suddenly she felt very small and insignificant. The feeling continued to get worse as the evening progressed, and when, ten minutes before closing, Abby and Laura showed up unexpectedly, she was ready to cry.

“Hey, Lily!” Abby waved. “Want to get some dinner with us?”

“Sure, I just gotta finish closing up,” Lily replied, forcing a smile on her lips.

No, I don’t want to have dinner with you. I want to go home and eat ice cream. With chocolate jimmies. ‘Cause ice cream without jimmies is like sex without an orgasm. I already had one disappointing thing last night, let’s not make it two nights in a row, shall we?

Glancing over her shoulder, she sighed again seeing her friends impatiently waiting.
I can have ice cream after they feed me.

She locked up for the night and met her friends outside the mall doors. “So where are you taking me to eat?”

“We’re taking you to a bar. You need to meet some eligible men. We’re trolling for men tonight,” Laura squealed, definitely excited.

Lily looked at her friends. “You guys are dressed up. I’m wearing my work uniform.”

“You look fine.” Abby insisted, snagging her by the hand and dragging her down to the parking lot. “We will ride in my car, and I’ll bring you back here for your car when we’re done.”

Lily crawled in the backseat of Abby’s shiny black Volvo and pouted the whole way to the bar. She was tired and looked like crap, while Abby and Laura looked like they’d just walked out of a makeover show. Her sweater even had a small stain on the front from a taco she’d had at lunch. Tonight didn’t feel like a meet hot guys kind of night.

But she followed her friends into the bar anyway. With any luck after a few drinks she’d be so tipsy nothing else would matter. Abby pointed at a table near the back and they meandered through the obviously upper middle class crowd to the seat. As Lily sat, she hailed a waitress. “I need two shots of tequila and some limes and salt, please.”

Abby stared at her in horror. “You are
not
getting tequila.”

“Watch me,” Lily retorted.

Lily and tequila had never been a good combination. She was prone to removing clothes, dirty dancing on bars, and kissing random men after a shot or two. Oh wait, that was normal Lily. Tequila Lily was a lot worse.

“Why are you so grumpy tonight?” Laura mumbled.

“Look, I’m horny. I haven’t had sex in over six months. Last night didn’t count. I’m almost thirty and every man I’m finding is either gross or lives with his mom. So I’m going to get drunk and have fun.” Lily explained. “You ladies want to join me? Or are you going to pretend you’re too good to get trashed anymore?”

A grin touched Laura’s mouth. “Hell, why not!”

Abby pursed her lips and sighed dramatically. “Fine. One shot.”

The waitress brought back four shots of tequila, salt, and a bowl of limes. Lily wetted the web of flesh between her thumb and forefinger with her tongue, sprinkled salt on it, and grinned at her best friends. “Ready?”

Laura and Abby both wetted their hands and sprinkled salt too. “Let’s do this!” Laura squealed in excitement.

“On three! One…two…three!” Lily murmured, her eyes sparkling with mirth.

On three they all licked the salt from their hands, downed the tequila, and bit their lime wedges.

“Eek!” Laura giggled. “This is fun!”

Abby tossed back her hair and blew out a slow breath. “Okay, one shot of tequila was good.”

“Two is better!” sang Lily as she tossed back her second shot.

The rest of the night passed in a blur as they drank tequila and ate greasy, cheesy fries. Somehow, and Lily wasn’t quite sure how, she made it to Abby’s apartment and woke up draped inelegantly across her white leather sofa. Pulling herself to sitting, she wiped at the drool on her mouth. Snores came from Abby’s room, and she stood slowly, tiptoeing to the door. Laura lay on top of the covers, bundled in an afghan and her mouth hung open wide as she slept. Abby was curled up with her pillow and sound asleep.

It was six in the morning on Saturday according to Abby’s microwave. And now, Lily found herself wide awake with a roaring headache. She shuffled to the bathroom and borrowed Abby’s toothbrush to scrub the residue from the night before off her teeth. Then she rummaged through the medicine cabinet and found pain medication for her pounding headache.

Tossing them back with a handful of tap water from the bathroom sink, she meandered back into the kitchen and began making coffee. Life simply wasn’t worth living without a hot, steaming cup of dark, rich coffee. Laura and Abby wouldn’t stir until at least noon, and Lily wasn’t planning to wait around on them today. She had a hot date with a guy and his motorcycle.

There was just something about roaring down the highway on the back of a big old Harley, feeling the purr between her thighs that did it for her. That had been one of the big things she’d loved about Kory. Pursing her lips at the memory of her ex, she poured herself a cup of coffee and stirred in copious amounts of powdered creamer and sugar before taking a sip.