Kiss an Angel (22 page)

"What did that have to do with you?"

"Blatant promiscuity isn't a nice thing to grow up with, and I rebelled."

"Rebelled?"

"I decided to be the opposite of my mother."

He sat down at the foot of the bed. "Daisy, taking a lover here and there wouldn't have made you promiscuous. You're a passionate woman. You deserved to have a sex life."

"I wasn't married."

"So what?"

"Alex, I don't believe in sex outside of marriage."

He regarded her blankly.

"I don't believe in sex outside of marriage," she repeated. "Not for women. And not for men either."

"You're kidding."

"I'm not judgmental about it, but that's the way I feel. If you want to laugh, go ahead."

"How could anyone in this day and age think that way?"

"I'm illegitimate, Alex, and that sort of thing tends to change your perspective.

You probably think I'm a prude, but I can't help it."

"After what happened between us tonight, I would hardly call you a prude." For the first time he smiled. "Where did you learn all those tricks?"

"Tricks?"

"Like that 'hands against the wall' stuff, for starters."

"Oh, that." She realized she was blushing. "I've read a few dirty books."

"Good for you."

She frowned, suddenly unsure. "Didn't you like it? I can take constructive criticism. I want to learn, and you can tell me the truth."

"I liked it a lot."

"But maybe it wasn't inventive enough for you." She thought about the whips.

"To be honest, I don't think I can get much kinkier. And you should probably know right now that I'm not interested in physical pain."

For a moment he looked confused, and then he smiled. "You've got a real thing about those whips, don't you?"

"It's a little hard not to think about them when they're lying around all the time."

"I guess I'm having a tough time believing someone who's so interested in kinky lovemaking has such a narrow view of sexual morality."

"I didn't say I was interested; I was just trying to make certain we understand each other. And as to my narrow views—just before Mother died, she had lovers who were younger than me. I really hated that."

He rose from the foot of the bed. "Why didn't you tell me you were a virgin from the beginning?"

"Would it have changed anything?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I sure as hell wouldn't have been so rough."

Her eyes widened. "You were being rough?"

The hard lines around his mouth eased. He sat down next to her and ran his thumb across her lips.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I have an idea, but you might not like it."

"Tell me."

"Could we—I don't know exactly how long it'll take you to recover, but, when you have ..."

"Are you trying to tell me you want to do it again?"

"Yes, please."

He smiled down at her, but at the same time, he seemed troubled. "All right, sweetheart, I guess anybody who's waited this long deserves to make up for lost time."

She parted her lips, eager for his kiss, only to have him pull back the sheet and embarrass her by telling her he wouldn't go any further until he'd made sure she was all right. Ignoring her protests, he stripped

off what remained of her tights and did just that. When he was finally satisfied that he hadn't harmed

her, he began to love her all over again. The rain
tap-tap-tapped
on the windows, and when they were done, she fell into the first restful sleep she'd known in months.

* * *

They had barely gotten under way the next morning before he began to cut her into slivers verbally.

And all because she'd let him distract her before she'd had time to explain one small detail.

"I assumed.
Assumed!
God, what an ass I am. I deserve to be married to you.

Why should I have assumed you'd get this right when you haven't gotten anything else right?"

After the tender magic of last night, his attack was doubly hurtful. When they'd first met, his anger had been cold and quiet, but now a pressure valve seemed to have exploded.

"Couldn't you have finished explaining?" he raved. "No, of course not. That would have been too logical."

She blinked her eyes hard and hated herself with all her might for not being the kind of person who could scream right back at him.

"When you said you were taking birth control pills, you needed to finish the story, Daisy. You needed to tell me you'd just started to take them, that you hadn't been on them for a full month yet, that there's still a chance I could get you goddamn pregnant! Couldn't you have finished the story, Daisy?"

She dug her fingernails into her palms to keep from crying. At the same time she cursed herself for letting him get to her like this.

"Answer me right now!"

The lump in her throat had grown so large she had to choke the words out. "I—

I was o-overcome by p-passion."

Some of the tension seemed to leave his body. He eased up on the accelerator, looked over at her, and scowled. "Are you crying?"

She lifted her chin and shook her head, even as a tear skidded down her cheek.

She'd couldn't stand the idea of crying in front of him again. She'd always hated her easy tears.

He slowed and his voice gentled. "Daisy, I'm sorry." He glanced into his side mirror and began to pull off the road.

"Don't you dare stop this truck!" she said fiercely.

The tires kicked up gravel as he brought the rig to a stop, ignoring her wishes as usual. He reached out for her, but she drew away.

"I'm not a wimp!" She lashed out at him and angrily dashed away her tears with her fingers.

"I didn't say you were."

"You're thinking it! I just cry easily. But it doesn't mean anything, and I'm not trying to manipulate you with tears. I want you to apologize because you're acting like a jerk, not because I'm crying and it's made you feel guilty."

"I'm definitely acting like a jerk."

"Because I can't help crying. I've always been emotional. Newborn babies, long-distance telephone commercials, a good country-western song. I see something or hear something and the next thing I know—"

"Daisy, I'm trying to apologize. You can go ahead and cry if you want, but just don't talk, okay?"

She sniffed and reached into her purse for a tissue. "Okay."

"I had no right to yell at you like that. I was mad at myself, and I took it out on you. I was the one who cut you off last night before you'd had time to explain.

It's my fault. I've never been this irresponsible before, and I can't explain it. I guess I just..." He hesitated.

She wiped her nose. "Got swept away by passion?"

He smiled. "I suppose that's as good a reason as any. But, Daisy, if you're pregnant because of my stupidity ..."

The dread she heard in his voice made her want to start crying all over again.

Instead, she gave her

nose a businesslike blow. "I'm sure I won't be. It's not the right time. My period is supposed to start

in a couple of days."

She could almost see his relief and that hurt her even more. Not that she wanted to be pregnant, because she didn't. But neither did she like it that the mere idea repelled him.

He plowed his fingers through his hair. ' 'I get a little crazy when this subject comes up, but I can't help it. I don't want to have children, Daisy."

"There isn't any need to worry. Amelia sent me to her own doctor a couple of weeks ago."

"That's good. I can't begin to explain how strongly I feel about this. When I say I don't want to have children, I mean I don't ever want to have them. I'd make a terrible father, and no child deserves that. Promise me that you won't get forgetful with those pills."

"I wouldn't do that. And, frankly, Alex, I'm getting a little tired of being treated as if I'm incompetent."

He checked his side mirror and pulled back out onto the highway. "I'll use condoms until next month when you're safe."

She didn't like the way he took it for granted that she would continue sleeping with him. "I'm not sure there's going to be any need."

He glanced over at her. "What do you mean?"

"You're acting as if what happened last night is going to happen again."

"Trust me. It's going to happen again."

His smugness offended her. "I wouldn't be too certain of that."

"Don't try to pretend you didn't enjoy yourself. I was there, remember?"

"I'm not pretending anything. It was wonderful. One of the most wonderful things that's ever happened

to me. I'm simply telling you that your attitude toward lovemaking leaves a lot to be desired."

"What's wrong with my attitude?"

"It's irreverent. Take your vocabulary, for example. The words you use. They're definitely irreverent."

"I don't believe this."

"Lovemaking is supposed to be sacred."

"It's supposed to be dirty and sweaty and fun."

"That, too, I suppose. But holy."

"Holy?" He regarded her with disbelief. "How can somebody who grew up around a bunch of social parasites and drugged-out rock stars be such a prude?"

"I knew it! I knew you thought I was a prude, but you weren't honest enough last night to admit it."

"Now I get it. You're deliberately trying to make me crazy. No matter what I say, you're going to get

mad at me, aren't you?" He gave her a sideways look that further aggravated her.

"Stop trying to be cute. You're too mean to be cute."

He cocked his head and, to her surprise, looked genuinely hurt. "Do you really think I'm mean?"

"Not all the time," she admitted. "But most of the time. You're definitely mean most of the time."

"Anybody in this circus will tell you I'm the most fair-minded manager they've ever worked for."

"You do seem fair-minded." She paused. "With everybody but me."

"I've been fair with you." He hesitated. "Maybe I wasn't fair the night they had the cake party for us, but I was surprised, and—that's no excuse, is it? I'm sorry, Daisy. I shouldn't have embarrassed you like that."

She studied him, then gave a small nod. "I accept your apology."

"And I wasn't mean last night."

"I'd rather not talk about last night. And I want your promise that you won't try to seduce me again tonight. I have some thinking I need to do first, and I'm going to do it on the couch."

"I don't know what there is to think about. You don't believe in sex outside of marriage. You're married. What's the problem?"

"I'm circumstanced," she pointed out gently. "There's a subtle difference."

He muttered a particularly nasty obscenity. Before she could chastise him for it, he jerked the wheel to the right and pulled into the Cozy Corner Truck Stop.

This time their waitress was sullen and well past middle age, so Daisy felt safe leaving him alone at the table to go to the rest room. She should have known better, however, for when she came out, he had struck up a conversation with a flashy blond sitting in the opposite booth.

She knew he'd seen her, even as she watched the woman pick up her coffee and slide over next to him. She even thought she knew why he was doing this. He wanted to make certain she didn't attach any emotional importance to what had happened between them.

She gritted her teeth. Whether Alex Markov wanted to admit it or not, he was a married man, and all the flirting in the world wouldn't change that.

She stalked over to a pay telephone on the wall not far from the booth where the blond was admiring his muscles. As soon as she had her temper under control, she picked up the receiver and kept it pressed to her ear while she counted to twenty-five. Finally, she turned back to her husband and called out,

"Alex, darling! Guess what?"

He lifted his head and regarded her warily.

"Good news!" she chirped. "The doctor says this time it's triplets!"

* * *

Alex was finally speaking to her again by the time they arrived at the new lot.

As he climbed out of the truck and began unhitching the trailer, he told her she wasn't going to be working with the animals anymore. Instead, she would start doing lighter duty, keeping the costumes mended, and, of course, appearing in spec every night.

She frowned at him.

"I thought you'd be happy not to have to work so hard," he said. "What did I do wrong now?"

"Why did you wait until this morning to lighten my duties?"

"No particular reason."

"Are you sure?"

"Stop beating around the bush and tell me what's on your mind."

"I feel a little bit like a hooker who's just gotten paid for duties performed."

"That's ridiculous. I'd made up my mind about this even before we slept together. Besides, who says you're the one who should get paid. I think I performed pretty damn well, too."

She ignored his baiting. "I said I'd take over the menagerie, and I meant it."

"I'm telling you that you don't have to."

"And I'm telling you that I want to." It was true. From her experience with the elephants, she knew the work would be hard, but it couldn't be worse than what she'd already survived. And she had survived. She'd shoveled manure until her hands blistered, hauled heavy wheelbarrows, been swatted by cantankerous baby elephants. She'd looked fear in the face, and she was still on her feet—

battered, maybe, and certainly bruised, but still standing.

He regarded her with a mixture of incredulity and something that almost seemed like admiration, although she knew it couldn't be that. "You're going to see this thing through, aren't you? You're not going to run away."

"I'm not making any long-term predictions. One day at a time is the most I can manage right now." She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and frowned.

"All I know is that I have to do this."

"Daisy, it's too much work."

"I know." She smiled. "That's why I have to do it."

He gazed at her for a long moment and then, to her astonishment, dipped his head and kissed her. Right there, in the middle of the backyard as the workers bustled around them, as Brady and his sons practiced their acrobatics and Heather juggled, he gave her a deep, long kiss.