Kitty's Countryside Dream (26 page)

T
ravelling
on the train towards my old hometown, I felt full of mixed emotions. This would be the first time I had visited their grave knowing that the two people who had raised me as their own weren't actually my parents. I wondered how I would feel looking at their gravestone, reading the special words engraved on the tomb. I'd needed a little Dutch courage. It wasn't my usual style, but I'd swigged whisky from a hip flask that was now safely stored back in my pocket. It gave me a woozy feeling but a feeling that I needed. The woman sitting opposite me on the train tutted at me. I turned my head and leant it against the window. Who was she to judge me? She wasn't walking in my shoes; she knew nothing about me.

Earlier this morning I'd left Tom sleeping, his arm wrapped around Alfie. I felt like a burglar sneaking around my own flat in the early hours of the morning and disappearing out of the door before he awoke. I left him a note by the kettle. I told him I'd be back soon and that I'd gone to visit my parents' grave. I didn't want him to worry, but this was something I needed to do by myself. Today was a day I'd been dreading for a while. A day I wanted to be over before it had begun. Tom would be disappointed to wake up and discover that I wasn't there. He no doubt had the day planned full of lovely surprises for my birthday, but I needed to be on my own – well just for a few hours anyway.

I turned back to face another person, a man sitting in the same compartment. He was mumbling to himself while he fumbled about in a battered old rucksack that was balanced between his knees. The joy on his face said it all as he pulled out a can of Strongbow and snapped the pull. The woman who had tutted at me stood up abruptly, raised her eyebrows and muttered that he should be ashamed of himself before moving to the next compartment. I didn't judge him; who knew what he had to face once the train pulled into the station. He smiled at me, shaking his head after the woman then he hugged his can like it was the last drink he was ever going to have. No one else entered the compartment for the rest of the journey and we sat there opposite each other in a comfortable silence.

Watching the landscape whirl past, my mind flew back to the good old days. The days when life was easy; the days I didn't have a care in the world. Remembering my father sitting in the front room, I smiled to myself. Every Sunday afternoon in winter we spent it together; the fire roared while we played board games and Mum would spend her time in the kitchen cooking up a roast. It seemed like only yesterday. My thoughts then turned to my mother, Alice. How had she coped shielding me from the truth for my entire life? She must have lived on a knife-edge wondering if Violet would ever turn up to claim me. I wondered what she thought when she looked at me, knowing deep down I wasn't hers. I know she loved me – I never felt I was missing anything from my mother and father, and they never gave me any reason to doubt them.

I didn't have the words to describe how I was feeling today, but sitting on the train watching the world pass me by, tears stung in my eyes. I didn't feel angry, but if I could go back in time, if that was at all possible, I wished I could speak with my grandmother, Agnes. I would never understand how she could make such a decision back then or the damage she had done to Violet's heart, but she must believed she'd had good reasons.

We rolled into the station and once the train halted, the man opposite stood up, still clutching his can. He threw his rucksack over his shoulder and turned towards me. He smiled at me and I nodded – an appreciation of whatever either of us was facing today being our business and no one else's.

It was a beautiful day, I thought, as I wandered through the streets. The sky was clear and blue, and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. I walked along the streets and made my way up the crest of the hill, the weathered wrought-iron gates still standing tall, an impressive entrance to the graveyard. I noticed the ornamental statue that had been broken on my previous visit was now completely restored.

The churchyard was awash with colour. Freshly cut blooms adorned the grey stones. The lawns had been recently cut and the hedgerows trimmed. It was all looking very well maintained, a far cry from my last visit.

My eyes darted around the graveyard; it was deserted except for a woman walking towards me. A pretty lady, her brunette curls bounced on top of her shoulders as she walked by. Her tear-stained face said it all – the emotion was raw. I nodded politely as I passed her. The woman nodded back, barely giving me a second glance. Her expression suggested she was lost in thought.

As I approached the gravestone I stared at the same words that I'd read on my last visit.

T
hey were
my treasured parents – nothing would ever change that. Blinking away the tears, I didn't feel disappointment, only love and gratitude. I couldn't have hoped for a better upbringing: they both did me proud. Bending down, I placed my flowers on the ground. I brought my hand to my lips and then traced my fingers around their names. I wondered what they would think knowing that I had finally unearthed the truth. I hoped they would know I didn't feel any anger towards them.

I noticed the pot sitting in front of their gravestone was filled with fresh flowers. In fact, they were my mother's favourite flowers – pink irises. She used to say the flower represented faith, hope, wisdom, courage and admiration. I smiled to myself; Ted must have remembered what day it was – my birthday – and came to thank them again for all that they'd done for me. I couldn't imagine how he was feeling today. It must be strange for him, his daughter's birthday – the daughter he'd never known until now. Picking up the small white envelope attached to the flowers, I opened it to see what he'd written this time.

The writing was small and neat. My eyes focussed, and I realised it wasn't the same writing as before. I recognised the writing; it was the same writing from the diary and there was no mistaking it – the writing belonged to Violet.

My chest pounded as I read the message. ‘To Alice, no matter what, I have always loved you, V.'

I gasped.

She'd been here; my mother had been here. Quickly standing up, I spun round. There was no one to be seen, and the churchyard was deserted. Think, Kitty, think, where is she? I hadn't seen anyone here today except the woman, the woman with the tear-stained face that had barely nodded to me as I passed her. Clutching the card, I turned and ran. I ran like I'd never run before along the path towards the wrought-iron gates. Swinging the gates open, my eyes were searching everywhere, flitting to and fro, looking for the woman. Which way had she gone? There she was at the bottom of the hill!

‘No, wait, please wait,' I shouted. I began to run again, but she didn't look round. I powered my legs, pushing them hard and then I stumbled.

Falling to the ground, I lay there for a moment grasping the card and I shouted again. I shouted ‘Violet' at the top of my voice but nothing. Looking up, I watched the woman climb on a bus, which drove away. Sitting up, I hugged my knees, buried my head in my lap and sobbed.

T
wo hours
later I put the key in the door and entered my flat. Tom was no longer there, so I assumed he must be up at the Lodge. I'd been numb the whole journey home. My thoughts were all over the place and I needed to see Tom.

I felt a sharp pain on my knee as I perched on the kitchen chair. Looking down, I could see blood seeping through my trousers. I hadn't noticed the pain on the train, but now it was coming in sharp bursts. Slowly rolling my trousers up, I saw a trickle of blood had run down my leg. I had obviously cut myself when I had fallen.

‘Hey, whatever is the matter?' I heard a familiar voice. Looking up, I saw Tom was kneeling down in front of me, his eyes wide with concern.

‘I didn't hear you come in.'

‘The farmhands are working to full capacity and the Lodge is in order, so I thought I'd nip back to see if you were home yet.'

‘I've just got back.'

‘You're bleeding. Let me help,' he said softly, running some warm water from the tap and filling up a bowl. Taking some cotton wool from the drawer, he cleaned the wound and pressed it against the cut.

He kissed the top of my head. ‘Is that better?'

‘A little,' I managed.

‘Your note said you went to visit your parents' grave. Are you OK?' Tom pulled out the chair and sat next to me.

‘I'm not sure if I am, Tom.'

‘Talk to me. What's going on?' he urged softly.

‘I think Violet has been to the grave.'

Tom stared at me.

‘Why? What makes you think that?'

I took the card from my pocket and laid it on the table in front of Tom.

‘There was a woman in the graveyard, Tom; I walked past her when I arrived. She'd been crying. I nodded, she nodded back and then she disappeared through the gates. I think it was her. I ran after her but I stumbled – that's how I cut my knee – and now she's gone, she climbed on the bus, and I have no idea where the bus was going.'

Tom was reading the card.

‘It's the same writing as the diary.'

‘It does look very similar,' Tom agreed. ‘But the woman you saw, it might not be her. She could have been anyone,' he said, trying to make me see sense. ‘Were there flowers on the grave?'

‘Yes, my mum's favourite. It was her, Tom, I know it in here,' I said, thumping my heart. ‘I can feel it in here.'

‘Ethel said they lost touch about five years ago. Surely if Violet was back she would know.'

‘Maybe, maybe not.'

‘There's nothing we can do about it right now,' he said, wrapping his hands around mine and squeezing them tight.

‘I know. Maybe we could give Ethel another visit and see if she's heard from Violet?'

‘Yes, we could, but we need to wait until later.'

‘Why?'

‘Because we need to get you cleaned up. This afternoon we have a very special family dinner to attend,' he smiled.

‘A family dinner?'

‘Yes, I wasn't sure at first, but Jeannie suggested it. She's organised for us all to go up to the farmhouse. She and Ted are cooking up a roast with all the trimmings.'

‘For me?'

‘Yes, for you; it is your birthday after all! Everyone will be there: Danny, Robin and Lucinda.'

‘I don't know what to say.'

‘You don't need to say anything, but I do. You sneaked out this morning without giving me the chance to wish you happy birthday.' He tilted my chin upwards. ‘So happy birthday.' Tom kissed me lightly on the lips.

‘Goodness, you know how to make everything feel better,' I murmured.

‘
H
appy birthday
, Kitty,' everyone shouted as Tom ushered me through the farmhouse door.

Wow, I couldn't quite believe my eyes. Even though we were in the middle of summer it felt like Christmas. The room was decorated with colourful balloons and ‘happy birthday' bunting was draped across the fireplace.

Jeannie, Danny, Robin and Lucinda were all standing in the middle of the living room with beaming smiles on their faces. Holding up their glasses, they all shouted cheers in unison. Jeannie passed Tom and me a glass and he put his arm around my waist and kissed me on the cheek.

‘I am so overwhelmed. Look at all the trouble you've gone to.' I smiled at everyone. I glanced through to the dining room; it looked magnificent. The long oak table was already set with plates and cutlery and bottles of red and white wine had been placed at either end.

‘How have you spent your morning?' Danny asked, thrusting his hand towards me. ‘I'm not sure we've properly met,' he said. ‘I'm Danny.'

‘Hi, Danny, congratulations on the baby!' I replied, determined to change the subject.

‘Yes, I can't wait. We're both very excited,' he said, rubbing Jeannie's tummy and kissing her affectionately on the cheek. Looking up at Jeannie, she was smiling and her face was glowing.

‘How are you feeling, Jeannie? You look blooming today.'

‘About time,' she joked. ‘I feel absolutely great finally. I'm ravenous, so hopefully I'm over the worst of the sickness. Maybe this pregnancy lark suits me after all.'

‘You look gorgeous,' said Tom, leaning forward and kissing her on the cheek.

‘Come here and give me a hug! Happy birthday, Kitty,' Lucinda said, grinning. ‘Guess who's baked you a cake?'

Everyone laughed.

‘Happy birthday, sis!' joked Robin, giving me a wink.

‘Ha ha, it's strange to hear you say that!' I laughed. ‘Where's Ted?' I enquired, looking around the room and noticing he was missing.

‘I'm here,' came a shout from the kitchen. We all looked up to see Ted rushing through the door wearing a striped apron, wiping his hands on a towel.

‘Nice pinny,' Robin joked as Ted looked down and quickly whipped it off. Standing in front of me, he placed both his hands on my arms. ‘Happy birthday, Kitty. I've waited so long to say that to you.'

‘Thank you, Ted, I really appreciate the effort everyone's gone to.'

Ted turned around to the rest of the gang. ‘Go and sit at your places – dinner will be served in five minutes.'

Everyone started to walk towards the dining room. Ted touched my arm. ‘Kitty, I have a little something for you, wait there.'

Ted headed over towards the dresser and pulled out the top drawer. Clutching a small wrapped parcel, he turned back towards me. Tom was standing by my side but everyone else was now seated at the dining-room table.

‘What is it?' I asked.

‘Open it; it's something I've had for a long time.'

Ripping at the wrapping, I revealed a small red box. I flicked open the lid to reveal the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen.

I gasped.

Taking it out of the box, I looked at it carefully. ‘It's beautiful. It looks so old! Thank you so much, Ted.'

Ted nodded. ‘It is old. It was Agnes's necklace; she wore it on her wedding day.'

I looked up at Ted; his eyes looked sad.

‘You have my grandma's necklace? How did you get this?'

‘Violet gave it to me to look after.'

‘How, and when?' I asked.

‘The last time I saw her.'

Quickly casting my mind back to Violet's diary, I remembered she wore the necklace to the Christmas party, the party with Winston Smithells.

‘You were at the party?'

‘How do you know that?'

‘The diary.'

He nodded. ‘Of course. Yes, I was there. I bumped into Violet coming out of the ladies' room. She'd been crying. She didn't want to be there with Winston, she found him too overbearing, but it wasn't just that. In a vain attempt to lure her away into a separate room, away from the guests, he'd gotten quite heavy with her. She'd struggled, and in the struggle he'd ripped the necklace from her neck. She was devastated. She asked me to look after it for safe keeping and I arranged for one of my friends to chauffeur her home. Sadly that was the last time I saw her and I kept the necklace for all these years. It was selfish of me; I should have given it back to Agnes, but I couldn't. I'd lost Violet and this was the last little piece I had of you both.'

I could understand his reasons.

‘The chain needs fixing, but now it's back in the hands of its rightful owner.'

I nodded. ‘Thanks, Ted.'

He touched my arm. ‘Anyway we can talk more later. Come on, let's join the others; dinner's ready and I'm so glad you're here and a part of the family. You've made me very happy, and this one,' he said, turning towards Tom, ‘is a good one. I'm so glad you're together; you make a lovely couple.'

Tom smiled. ‘Thanks, Ted, we really appreciate your kind words,' he said, shaking Ted's hand before we walked through the doorway towards the dining-room table.

The next hour flew by. Ted and Jeannie had worked so hard cooking up the delicious roast dinner. The wine flowed freely and there was non-stop chatter around the table. Tom sat next to me and when he wasn't eating, his hand stayed firmly on my knee. Looking around the table at all the happy faces, I watched while they chatted and laughed together. I never imagined in a million years that I would belong to a family again. It was so surreal.

‘You OK?' Tom whispered in my ear.

I turned towards him and smiled. ‘Better than ever – I actually feel like I belong.'

‘You do, in here,' he said, grabbing my hand and putting it on his heart.

‘Now, now, you two, none of that romantic nonsense at the table,' Ted said, smiling, and clinked his glass with a spoon.

Everyone laughed and turned towards Ted.

He stood up at the head of the table.

‘Please tell us you aren't about to do a speech,' joked Robin.

‘This could go on for hours,' Jeannie said, winking at Danny.

‘Jesting aside, I promise I won't ramble on too much.'

‘That'll be a first,' interrupted Robin.

‘Shhh,' said Jeannie, bringing her finger up to her lips.

‘I know it's been a difficult time for all of us.' Ted glanced around the table making eye contact with each and every one of us. ‘However, I've waited a long time for this moment. I'm delighted to welcome Kitty and Tom into our family and I'm sure we all feel the same. We can't change the past but I think we can all look forward to a fantastic future together, as a family. Here's to Kitty. Let's raise our glasses and join together in wishing her a very happy birthday.'

‘Happy birthday, Kitty!'

We all took a sip out of our glasses.

‘Can I just say a few words?' I asked.

‘Of course,' Ted replied.

Tom squeezed my knee.

I took a deep breath; all of a sudden I was feeling very emotional. ‘This year has certainly been an emotional roller coaster. It was difficult losing my dad at an early age,' I noticed Ted nod, ‘and then my mum. In my heart that's just what Alice and Julian are – my mum and dad. I miss them dreadfully and there isn't a day that goes by that they aren't in my thoughts.' My eyes began to fill up; everyone was watching me and I noticed both Jeannie and Lucinda wipe away a tear.

I paused.

Everyone was silent.

‘Coming to the Lodge has changed my life very unexpectedly. Meeting Tom has made my life complete.' I smiled at him and he smiled back, showing his appreciation for my words. ‘But not only that – I've uncovered a whole new family and some fantastic friends and they're all sat around this table today. Thank you so much for accepting me and welcoming me the way you all have. You have no idea what this means to me. For the first time in a long time I feel like I belong somewhere and I hope it means as much to you as it does to me, and now I'll shut up before I cry.'

Everyone applauded and Jeannie got up from the table and walked round and hugged me hard, then turned towards the boys.

‘Tom, Robin and Danny, you are on washing-up duties while us girls put our feet up and drink wine,' Jeannie said, laughing. ‘Well, water in my case.' She sighed wistfully.

We settled down on the couch after topping up our glasses and quite surprisingly the boys and Ted disappeared into the kitchen without any hesitation to take care of the pots. Not only was the food fantastic but so was the company. I felt so at ease and happy.

‘Come on, Lucinda, spill the beans – how is it going with Robin?' I asked with a wink.

The grin on her face said it all.

‘It's going very well,' she replied coyly.

‘She's blushing,' teased Jeannie.

‘I am not!'

‘You most definitely are!' I joined in.

‘Stop it, you pair. Let's just say it's early days. However, I've got a feeling we may just go the distance.'

Jeannie and I squealed with delight.

‘And what about you, Jeannie? What's it like living with Danny?'

‘Is it my turn to blush now? I feel like I'm about to burst, literally,' she said, patting her stomach ‘I've got everything – a man, a baby on the way and I think we'll go the distance too.'

More squeals of delight were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.

‘Who are we expecting now?' Jeannie asked, looking around the room.

‘I'll get it; you ladies sit there,' Ted shouted as he walked up the hall to open the door.

‘How are you girls doing?' Tom enquired as he passed through the living room.

‘Are you skiving from the dishes already?' Jeannie joked.

‘What, me? No!' Tom answered, bringing his hand up to his chest in mock outrage. ‘I'm just off to the little boys' room.'

‘Any excuse,' I teased.

Once Tom had left the room we all laughed.

‘What about baby names, any ideas yet?' Lucinda asked.

Jeannie shook her head.

‘I have no clue. Every time I think I like a name I change my mind a week later. We are so indecisive. I think we'll wait until the baby's born and see what comes to us at the time. We've got a while yet.'

‘It'll be here before you know it, but at least you have all of us fussing around you waiting for cuddles from the new arrival. I can't wait!'

‘You aren't getting broody, are you, Kitty?'

‘She is – look at that face!'

‘Stop teasing. There's plenty of time for all that,' I said, laughing.

Just then Tom opened the living-room door. He stood there in silence, staring at me. ‘Don't worry, Tom, I'm not broody! It's only this lot pulling my leg.'

His face didn't falter; he turned pale and looked in shock.

There was silence.

‘Tom, what is it?'

We all stared at him, willing him to speak.

‘There was a woman at the door. I overheard her talking to Ted. She said she saw you this morning at the graveyard.'

‘Where is she now?' I stammered.

‘She's in the front room with Ted.'