Knight of Ocean Avenue (17 page)

Billy tried to smile. “Yeah, right. My mom would freak.”

“I bet she wouldn’t care. She looks like she’s having a good time.”

He glanced over at their table, where his mom was laughing and sipping champagne. She did look like she was enjoying herself, actually, but she would care. So would most of the people in the room. He nodded toward the table next to theirs, where members of the wedding party plus Giles and Shaz were sitting. “Even Shaz and Giles aren’t dancing.” Both men sat looking a little uncomfortable. Not usual for either of them. Shaz always seemed at home in his own skin, and Giles practiced looking superior. But right then they sat with arms crossed, looking in opposite directions.

How weird to not even be able to dance with your boyfriend. Being gay wasn’t for sissies. Funny how some people called it a choice. Who’d choose it? Hell, there was a question.

With a twirl, he spun her to a quieter corner of the dance floor. “Uh, Sissy.”

She looked up at him with her big blue eyes.

“Can I ask you why you suggested I dance with Shaz? I mean, I know you were joking and all. I just wondered what made you think of it.”

She tilted her head and gave him a long look. “I wasn’t exactly joking. I think people should dance and do anything else they want with whoever they want.”

This was awkward. Why was he pushing it? “Yeah, I agree. But why me and Shaz specifically?”

She smiled. “I just remember that watching you two dance at the bachelor party was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen.”

“Uh, because Shaz is such a good dancer?”

“You’re both great dancers. But you just clicked, know what I mean? Like you belonged together.”

Shit. Do not go further. Do not ask another question
. “Yeah, well, he’s become kind of a friend since you guys introduced us. He helped me pick out some furniture for my place.”

“He did?” She looked startled.

He twirled her out and back. “He’s a nice guy. Why are you surprised?”

“He’s a really nice guy, but he’s got too much on several plates. I’m just surprised he could find the time.”

Billy shrugged and pulled her in a little closer so she wasn’t staring at him. She spoke close to his ear. “He must really like you.”

A shiver ran up his back. He glanced over to Shaz’s table. Giles was gone. Maybe dancing? Most of the chairs at Shaz’s table and the head table were empty. The dance floor was packed. Rhonda fox-trotted with an older man who was probably some rich friend of the Auchinclosses. Austin was spinning Teresa and they were both laughing. Shaz got up and walked toward the men’s room.

Billy’s eyes followed Shaz. He looked over and spied one of the groomsmen he’d seen eyeing Sissy stalking around the edge of the dance floor like maybe he wanted to cut in. Billy waved a hand. “Hey, Roger. I think you finally ought to get that dance.”

The guy looked confused, then broke out in a huge smile. “Hey, thanks, man.”

Billy grinned down at Sissy. “You’re in good hands. I need the facilities.”

She turned her eyes to the cute, kind of nerdy guy. “No problem. Take your time.”

Roger took Sissy in his arms, and Billy tried not to look anxious as he crossed the dance floor and cut through tables toward the men’s room.
What exactly am I going to say? No idea
.

Gods were majorly smiling, because he arrived outside the men’s room just as Shaz came out. Or maybe it was his most unlucky moment. Who the hell knew? “Hi.”

Shaz smiled softly. “Hi.”

“Any chance we could talk?”

“Now?”

Probably a crappy idea
. “No, that’s okay. I know Giles is waiting.”

Shaz frowned. “If he’s waiting, it’s not for me. I’d love to talk. I just don’t want to be rushed.”

The words fell out of his mouth. “Actually it’s better if we’re rushed, because if I have too much time, I may not be able to get up the nerve to spit out the questions.”

Shaz raised an eyebrow. “Oh really. Okay, let’s strike while the iron is hot. Come on.” He took hold of Billy’s wrist and walked quickly down the long hall that ran past the ballroom where the reception was going on. The hall turned, and doors on either side suggested meeting rooms for convention facilities.

He went to the end and pushed open a door. Inside was a bare meeting room with a few draped tables and chairs sitting around. The only light spilled from a back bay of overheads that was turned on. The room had a folding wall on either side that probably separated it from more rooms just like it. On one side the wall was open a few feet, and the room beyond it appeared to be dark.

Shaz looked around. “Spartan but serviceable. Shall we make ourselves at home?”

Billy nodded. Tough to get any words out. His mouth was too dry.

Shaz picked a table in the darker part of the room.
Good
. He wouldn’t be able to see Billy’s damned red ears. Shaz grabbed a chair and relaxed into it with that grace and ease that nobody could match.

Billy sat on the armless chair opposite and folded the edge of the crooked white tablecloth.

Shaz put a hand on his arm. “Want to talk so you don’t forget the words?”

Billy felt the touch in his earlobes. Yes, and his cock. “I, uh, I’m glad we’re still friends.”

Shaz sat back. Was he disappointed in what Billy said? He nodded. “Me too. I was sad that we might have wrecked it. Being friends, I mean.”

Billy glanced up, then back down at his tablecloth folding. “So you’re sad that we—I mean, that you—”

“Sucked your cock?”

Billy nodded but didn’t look up.

“I can’t actually say that, Billy. I’m gay. You’re a really attractive man. It happened.”

“Am I attractive? Like, to you?”

Two seconds of silence. “Yes. Very.”

His heart beat so hard he could barely hear.
Just say it. Just say it
. Shit. “How would I know if I’m gay?”

Deafening silence. He looked up. Shaz stared at him. In the soft light, those green eyes glistened. No smile. “That’s a really important question.”

Oh God, he didn’t laugh. He didn’t freak
. Billy let out his breath in a long sigh. “You had to answer that question for yourself, right?”

“Yes.”

“You said you were fourteen when you answered it?”

“Yes.”

“How did you know?”

He shrugged. “Sitting in my grandfather’s church listening to the begats. I realized that I had no interest in finding a female who was my opposite number. The one taken from my rib. I’d always suspected I was different from most of the people I knew, but I didn’t understand how. At that moment in that pew, I realized the joke about Adam and Steve applied to me. It was very hard to be a joke.”

“Oh God, that’s awful.”

“It was for a while.” He gave a half grin. “Quite a while. I tried really hard to be something else, since everyone in my family expected so much from me. I was lined up for divinity school. Can you imagine? I knew I was more interested in designing the choir robes.” He chuckled. “And fucking the choir boys, although I denied that to myself and everyone else for several years. Finally the pressure of living a pure lie got too much, and I exploded. I confessed everything in one giant vomit of expurgation. By that time I’d had a cock or two in my mouth, done a lot of frottage, and knew for sure that I was beyond girls. I spilled it all. Gay. Design school. Serious questions about God and religion. All out.”

Billy held his breath.

“And that was essentially the last time I saw my family. They withdrew their college money, not that I would have gone to divinity school anyway. They threw me out politely. Made excuses to their friends and congregation. Said I was trying a new path. Going on a personal retreat. Yes, one from which I never returned.”

Horror spread through Billy’s chest. His family! He swiped at his eyes.

Shaz gave him a soft look. “Tell me.”

“I love my family. I can’t have them disown me.”

That warm hand held his forearm again. “Hang on. First, why do you think you’re gay?”

“Come on. You already know.”

Shaz sighed and removed his hand. “Tell me anyway.”

“I’m a failure with women. I don’t enjoy stuff that guys like me are supposed to like a lot. I whack off to gay porn and let gay guys suck my cock.” He stared at his hands. There. He’d said it. “Shit, I even have cats.”

Shaz chuckled. “Gay cats.”

“Yeah.”

“Let me play devil’s advocate.” He ticked each point off on his fingers. “Maybe you just haven’t found the right woman. A lot of guys enjoy stuff that other men think is gay, but they aren’t. Different people find different stuff sexy, and blow jobs feel good no matter who’s giving them.”

Billy slowly blew out his breath. “I’ve thought of all of that at least one hundred times each.”

“And?”

He looked up. The scarlet hair, green eyes, full lips. There sat the most beautiful human he’d ever seen. Another true confession. “Shaz, I think you’re hot.”

Whatever the guy had been about to say must have stuck in his throat. His lips parted, then closed. Parted again.

Billy stared at that mouth. He wanted to kiss Shaz. A guy. He wanted to kiss him. Not suck him or fuck him. No, well, that too. But kiss him? That seemed like the gayest thing alive. Was he gonna? Would Shaz let him? He leaned forward. Shaz’s lips parted more. Billy could see the tip of his tongue. That tongue had licked his cock up one side and down the other. Holy shit, he wanted that again so bad his whole body hurt.

“Ummf. No.”

Voices! The sound of a man’s voice came from behind him. He slammed back in the chair. He wasn’t doing anything. Nothing.

He looked up at Shaz, who had gone very still, his head lifted like a deer scenting danger.

Billy listened. The voice came from the other room. The dark room.

“Leave me alone. We can’t do this, you know that—” Garbled.

Another voice spoke. Too low to really hear.

The first voice spoke again. “I won’t do this to her. I love her.”

What the hell?
Was that Mitch’s voice?

“Come on. You know she’s just for show.”

Giles. That was Giles’s fucking voice. Billy stood and stared toward the room.

Giles went on, his voice almost sneering. “You know how bad you want it. You’re gay, damn it, and she’ll never do it for you like I can. Come on, baby. Open up. Gimme that sweet cock.”

Billy jumped a foot as Shaz’s beautiful, high voice rang out through the room. “Get the fuck away from him, you home-wrecking asshole!”

Billy turned in time to see Shaz take off like a leopard and race across the room at full speed. He shoved the foldable wall aside, showing Mitch backed against the door of the room and Giles kneeling in front of him with his hands on Mitch’s fly.

Billy shook himself and ran after Shaz, but he’d leaped through the air and landed on Giles like he was prey. Not much of a fighter, his arms flailed and missed most of their targets, but he connected enough to have Giles cowering on the floor with both hands raised. “Ow, hell, get him off me.”

Mitch didn’t move, so Billy waded in. He reached down and took hold of Shaz’s arm.

Giles raised a fist. Billy grabbed the arm in midair and crushed his huge paw around Giles’s clenched hand. “Not gonna happen, asshole.” He hauled Shaz to his feet and left Giles to negotiate his own way vertical.

Shaz vibrated with rage. “You despicable son of a bitch.”

Giles got up to sitting and tossed his thinning hair back off his face. “Oh, get over it. So I cheated.”

“Cheated. You think I care? I cheated on you. But seducing men away from their partners is dirty and rotten.”

“Yeah, well, she should be able to hold on to her man. He loves me more.”

Mitch moaned. “No I don’t.”

Billy turned to his new brother-in-law. “This is bad stuff, man. How the fuck could you do this to my sister?”

“I’m so sorry. Giles and I were lovers in prep school. We split up when my parents found out, and I was sent away to college. It took me years to get over him.” He wiped a hand over his eyes. “But I did get over him.”

“Like hell!” Giles made it to his feet.

Mitch shook his head. “I really do like women too, and I dated girls in college. I still played around with guys, but nothing serious. Then I met Rhonda. She’s perfect for me, and my family was so damned happy. But when Giles heard I was getting married, he came running and said I couldn’t do it. That I was gay and I should be with him. I wanted to say no. I tried.”

Shaz looked at Billy. “It can be hard to give up old loves. We remember the feelings and want it again, you know?”

Billy shook his head. “You’ve gotta tell Rhonda that you’ve been cheating on her with this guy. She deserves to know.”

A voice came from behind him. “It’s okay, Billy. I know.”

What?
He turned. Wedding gown flowing, Rhonda marched across the room and stood in front of her husband. She put a hand on his cheek.

Tears flowed out of his eyes. “You knew?”

“You’re such a crappy liar.”

“I’m so terribly sorry.”

“I knew that you’d see him for what he is. I hoped it would be sooner rather than later. If it hadn’t happened quick, I’d likely have considered a hired killer.”

Shaz blurted out a laugh.

She looked up at Shaz with that direct gaze of hers. “I’m no fucking blushing flower, and I don’t give up my man for anyone.”

Shaz clapped a hand over his mouth.

She looked at Giles. “Get out of here. Go now, and if you ever try to see my husband again, I’ll be sure that the Auchinclosses ruin you. Is that clear?”

Giles stared at her like a snake.

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “If they have to choose between you and me, darling, guess who they’ll pick?”

She turned her back like he didn’t exist and wrapped her arm through Mitch’s. “Wipe your eyes, smile, and come back to the reception. Shortly we’ll both change and leave for our honeymoon, where I plan to impress upon you my clear advantages. Ready?”

He nodded, and they walked out of the room.