Knocking on Heaven's Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death (48 page)

tain Center, Hedgebrook Foundation, and Mesa Refuge gave

me respite and beautiful, calm places to write and to think dur-

ing the many years that this book was written and lived.

Scores of scientists, doctors, and academics patiently

answered my questions. I wish I could name you all. A few will

have to stand for many: Katrina Bramstedt, PhD, S. Andrew

Josephson, MD, Rita Redberg, MD, Charles Witherell, MSN,

RN, Victor Parsonnet, MD and Nicholas Tilney, MD. Numer-

ous doctors at the Mayo Clinic and elsewhere, not listed here

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314 Acknowledgments

by name, gave me an understanding of what “patient-centered

medical care” could look like. Ellen Griffith, formerly of the

Medicare communications office, was patient, heroic, gener-

ous and well informed, as were her colleagues, Helen Mulligan,

Courtney Jenkins, and Kathryn Ceja.

Jeffrey Burns, MD, of Children’s Hospital Boston, one of my

father’s former students, shared his memories of my father and

invited me to speak to his first-year students at Harvard Medical

School—the opening, I hope, of a continuing national conver-

sation among doctors and families about better shared medical

decision-making in the last phase of life. Thanks also to Joseph

Breault, MD, of Ochsner Clinics in New Orleans, for the privi-

lege of speaking at their inaugural bioethics grand rounds.

Gratitude to my dharma sisters and brothers and to the Bud-

dhist teachers who turned and opened my life: Thich Nhat

Hanh; Debra Chamberlin-Taylor and Julie Wester of Spirit

Rock; and Reb Anderson, Richard Baker, and others at San

Francisco Zen Center. I would not be who I am without you.

My late mother, Valerie, entrusted me with her journal to

include in the
New York Times
story that formed the foundation

for this book and encouraged me, despite her personal inclination

toward privacy, to write and publish our family’s story. Thank you.

I give thanks to my mother’s caregiver’s support group, to

Ben Carton, Richard Elphick, Diana Wylie, the Rev. M’Ellen

Kennedy, and to the Wesleyan community for loving and sus-

taining my family for decades, and especially to Richard Adel-

stein for taking my father to lunch.

To those who supported my parents and me during their last

eight years: Toni Perez-Palma and Alice Teng, Dr. Robert Fales,

and the emergency room, nursing, hospice, and palliative care

staffs at Middlesex Memorial Hospital in Middletown, Con-

necticut, one of the country’s finest. A special thanks to the

unnamed orderly who gave my father his first poststroke shave.

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Acknowledgments 315

I hope the book makes clear that our family’s ordeal resulted

from shortcomings in the organization of our medical system,

not failings of this excellent hospital.

Readers who responded to my story in the
New York Times

Magazine
made me understand that my mother and I were not

alone, and there was a need for this book. I especially thank

Rachel Houseman, a member of the Facebook group Slow

Medicine, who e-mailed me to say, “If it helps at 3:00 am,

please know that what you shared made such a huge differ-

ence. I learned from you what the picture might likely look like

at the end, and because of that, my family was spared the pain

that yours endured. . . . I learned from you, and I pass that on to

others now.” Rachel, believe me, it did help at 3:00 am.

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Permissions

and Credits

The author wishes to express her thanks to the authors, trans-

lators, and license holders of the following books, poems,

and photographs for permission to use their copyrighted work.

All rights are reserved by the copyright owners for the following:

Excerpt from “I Fell” by Makeda, Queen of Sheba from

Women in Praise of the Sacred,
edited by Jane Hirshfield.
Harper Collins, NY. Translation © Jane Hirshfield, 1994. Reprinted by

kind permission of Jane Hirshfield.

Excerpt from “Plum Blossoms” from
Moon in a Dewdrop
by

Dogen, translated by Kazuaki Tanahashi. Translation copyright ©

1985 by San Francisco Zen Center. Reprinted by permission of

North Point Press, a division of Farrar, Strauss and Giroux, LLC.

Excerpt from
Tao Te Ching,
translated by Stephen Mitchell.

NY, Harper & Row. Translation © 1988 by Stephen Mitchell.

Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins.

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318

Permissions and Credits

Excerpt from “Ten Thousand Flowers in Spring, the Moon in

Autumn” by Wu Men, from
The Enlightened Heart: An Anthology

of Sacred Poetry
(New York: HarperPerennial). Translation © 1993

by Stephen Mitchell. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins.

Excerpt from “Stone and Knife” from
Come Thief.
©Jane

Hirshfield (NY: Knopf, 2011). Reprinted by kind permission of

Jane Hirshfield.

Excerpt from “Alzheimer’s” from
Come Thief
© Jane Hirsh-

field 2011. (NY: Knopf) Reprinted by kind permission of Jane

Hirshfield.

Excerpt from
Coffinman,
by Shinmon Aoki. (English translation

of
Nokanfu Nikki
.) translated by Wayne S. Yokoyama (Buddhist

Education Center, Anaheim, 2002). Translation ©2002 Buddhist

Education Center and Wayne S. Yokoyama. All rights reserved.

Reprinted by kind permission of Buddhist Education Center.

Excerpt from “To Any Young Soldier” from
Stranger to Europe:

Poems 1939–1949
by Guy Butler. A.A. Balkema, Capetown,

South Africa. © 1952 by Guy Butler.

PHOtO cReDitS:

Page xx: Photographer Unknown

Page xx: Photograph by Diana Wylie

Page xx: Photograph by Valerie Butler

Page xx: Photograph by Valerie Butler

Page xx: Photograph by Toni Perez-Palma

Page xx: Photograph by Valerie Butler

Page xx: Photograph by Valerie Butler

Page xx: Enso by Valerie Butler

Page xx: Photograph by Toni Perez-Palma

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