Know Me (DEFIANT Motorcycle Club) (7 page)

“Ah, Mr.  Hall.  College Girl, you would appreciate Mr. Hall.  Operated a lonely gas station out here in the 1920s when the road to California was nothing but wooden board planks snaking through the desert.  He would pepper the road with these crazy billboards so that by the time people made it out here they couldn’t wait to visit the Laughing Gas Station.  He was also a writer who advertised his town by publishing a newspaper full of colorful local crap.  Aging gunslingers, confused tourists and a pet frog who couldn’t swim on account of living in a place with no water.  It’s pretty funny shit, actually.  Before we leave we can hunt down a copy for you to add to your library.” 

I watched
Orion as he spoke with an almost boyish enthusiasm.  It was the most I’d heard him say at once since I’d arrived on his doorstep.  He was engaging and spoke intelligently, all the while with a mischievous glint in his blue eyes so that you never knew exactly what was going on in there. It was how I remembered him from a long time ago.

When I leaned
across the table and kissed him quickly on the lips he blinked and stared at me in sudden silence. 

“What?” I raised my eyebrows.  “I can’t kiss my, ah…wait, what do I call you, anyway?”

He teased me.  “Call me Orion like you always do.  And I’ll call you Kira like I always do.” 

I got it
.  There was no use for labels.  I remembered Rachel warning me not to throw words like ‘love’ around.

Was I in love with Orion Jackson?  Was I just grateful to him?  Or did
I only lust after him so much I had to fight the urge to jump on him in the middle of a sun-filled restaurant?

Perhaps, I mused to myself, the answer to all three questions was yes. 

Orion watched me as I played with my food.  He waited for me to speak again but I only smiled at him and slid my leg between his underneath the table. 

If he could keep secrets, then so could I.

Casper was waiting with a grim expression which caused Orion to curb the bike to a short stop.  Casper looked him in the eye and nodded, not acknowledging me at all. 

Orion removed his sunglasses
. 

“
All right,” he said in a tone which could only be described as lethal. 

I climbed off the bike, nursing the lonely feeling that an entire conversation was occurring between the two men as they quietly regarded one another.  I clutched the book of Dick Wick Hall’s collected writings to my chest and d
ecided I didn’t need to be there. 

“I’ll be in the house,” I said. 

Orion didn’t even look at me.  As I glanced back I saw how he leaned in to talk to Casper in a low voice which didn’t carry at all. 

“Club shit,” I muttered and retreated inside. 

It was hours before I saw Orion again.  I took advantage of the time to give the kitchen a thorough scrubbing.  As I was tending to the grimed grout between the counter tiles, one of the other men wandered in and began rooting around in the freezer.  Underneath the wooly growth of his beard he gave me a shy look.  I tried to remember his name. 

Brandon. 

“Sorry,” I mumbled.  “I don’t mean to be in your way.” 

“You’re not
,” he said mildly, cracking open a can and staring at me with frank curiosity. “Your car is a piece of shit by the way.” 

“Car?”  I dropped a sudsy sponge in the sink and turned on the tap.  I’d forgotten about the borrowed Corolla.  “Oh yeah.  Well, that’s not exactly my car.”

“Can’t believe that fucking thing made it all the way out here from what?  San Francisco?”

“
San Francisco,” I confirmed.  “Where is it anyway?  It hasn’t been in front of Riverbottom since the night I got here.”

Brandon nodded.  “Yeah, Teague’s got it.”  He had an imposing physique, though not as jaw dropping as Orion’s.   

I strained to remember what Rachel had told me about Brandon.  Something about the Marines.  Before I could say another word Orion poked his head into the kitchen.  He wasn’t looking for me. 

“Meeting,” he barked at Brandon.  “And Kira,” he said, already turning away.  “Go to the room and stay there a little while.” 

I put my hands on my hips, huffy and indignant.  “Are you seriously sending me to my fucking room?”

Orion’s head swiveled around slowly.  His eyes were as cold as I’d eve
r seen them and I shrank back.

“Yeah,” he said softly.  “So fucking go.” 

Brandon shot me a quick look which was either sympathy or amusement.  It was hard to tell underneath all that hair.  He followed Orion out to the living room where the men of Defiant waited.  A few of them stared at me as I moved silently past and headed down the hall to the bedroom.  I closed the door, feeling ill at ease. 

I sat on the
edge of the bed, my hands clenched in front of me.  It was probably nothing, just typical business.  I was still smarting from the way Orion had spoken to me but Crest hadn’t allowed any woman, not even me, to linger about when there was serious shit happening. 

When the door flew open I jumped.  Orion was in a hurry.  He
opened a black backpack and began tossing objects into it. 

“Where are you going?”

The way he looked at me was as if he’d only just realized I existed.  “There’s some shit that needs tending.”  He started to zip up the backpack.  Apparently that was the only thing he was going to say about the matter. 

I twirled my hair with a frown.  “So how long will you be gone this time?”

Orion looked at me for a long moment without blinking.  I looked back at him.  “Until it’s done,” he said in near whisper.  “Teague and Brandon are staying behind.  For the time being I don’t want you to go too far.  Here and Riverbottom and that’s it.”  He thought of something and moved over to the badly dented dresser in the corner of the room.  He rooted around and withdrew an object which he fiddled with for a moment before tossing it on the bed. 

“Prepaid phone,” he explained.  “It’s got my number programmed in.  Call it only if you need to
and no other fucking time.  Otherwise, I’ll see you when I see you.” 

He shouldered his backpack and began to walk out of the room when I called his named sharply.  Suddenly he dropped the backpack on the floor and crossed the room with one hard stride.  The way his mouth crashed down onto mine reminded me of
the fury of our first kiss.  I clung to him this time, trying to pull him closer, feeling the desperation in my own grip. 

Orion’s hands wound through my hair, yanking me back so hard I cried out a little in pain and surprise. 
He stared into my eyes for an intense minute and then he was gone. 

I sat down, breathing heavily as the bikes fired to life and thundered away towards whatever danger was their destination.  And though I hadn’t cried since the murderous night which changed everything, I cried then. 

***

After spending the evening mooning about the room I was a little weary of my own company.  Early the next morning I banged loudly on Rachel’s door.  She tumbled out of it, cursing, wearing only a bra and pink thong. 

“Jesus, Kira.” She rubbed her eyes after being assured that nobody was actively bleeding or endangered. 

“I think I’m Kasey while I’m working, right?”

Rachel yawned and stretched.  “Yeah, Casper said he talked to Orion.  Since you’re supposed to stay close it’s okay if you hang around the bar for now.  Just get scarce when Marauders or anyone else rolls in.”

“I can do that.” 

Rachel looked at me funny.  “Why you want to sit in a dirty bar all day if you don’t have to?”

I coughed, looking down
.  “I don’t want to be alone.” 

She gave me a quick hug and started to return to the trailer. 

“Hey, Rachel.  I guess I won’t ask you where they went.” 

Her hand paused on the aluminum door handle.  “I wouldn’t know what
the hell to tell you anyway.” 

“But it’s bad, isn’t it?”

Her head fell.  “Yeah,” she said softly.  “I think it might be.” 

Adele showed up while I was cleaning tables.  She offered me a friendly smile under soft brown eyes.  Rachel called to her from behind the bar. 

“Your sister showing up today?”

Adele shrugged.  “She says Grayson doesn’t want her working here anymore.” 

Rachel’s eyes narrowed.  “Bullshit.  Grayson doesn’t give a fuck.”

Adele laughed.  “Don’t tell her that.”  She picked up a bag which I noticed held clean
ing supplies.  She saw me watching.  “Yeah, I’m also the maid.  Bar doesn’t keep us busy all day long and no one else was willing.  Hey, Rach.  I’m heading over to the house for the morning.” 

Rachel frowned at a spotted shot glass.  “Fine.”

“Can I come?” I asked. 

“Sure,” Adele smiled.  “After all, you live there, don’t you?”

There was something about the companionship of performing mundane housework which brings two women together.  I’d had friends at Berkeley, but always kept them arm’s length.  They didn’t really know who I was or where I came from and they would not have understood if I’d told them.  Many times I’d imagined the shocked gasps of their entitled little mouths if they knew and how they would ask if my life was really a
Sons of Anarchy
episode. 

Adele was raised in Quartzsite.  Her father had been part of
a club which didn’t exist anymore and he’d died young too.  Only he’d died with a needle in his arm and left his daughters with a tired wraith of a mother who wasn’t much better off.

“She’s still breathing,” Adele grumbled as she dusted a table.  “But it doesn’t seem to matter much to her either way.”

I fluffed a couch pillow.  “And you live with her?”

“Yeah.
  If you take Cholla Road all the way down it’s the crumbling yellow house on the corner. Has a sort of meth lab glow about the place. Talia’s got the right idea.  Now that she’s got in good with Grayson she doesn’t come by unless she has to.” 

Adele pushed her brown hair tiredly behind her ears.  Her face had a careworn look which made it difficult to estimate her age. 
I could guess the meaning behind her words.  She desperately wanted out. 

“Why don’t you leave?” I asked quietly. 

Adele kneeled on the floor and started to clean a stain which might have been spilled beer.  “I’ve never known anything but here,” she said. She gave me a tired smile.  “Takes guts, you know.  To start over.  That and some cash.  I’m short on both.” 

I jumped when the front door of the house swung
open and Teague stalked in.  He cut a figure which  was lanky and sinewy.  His usual expression seemed to be a perpetual leer.  A cigarette dangled from his thin lips and his smirk deepened when he spotted Adele. 

“How about it, babe?”

Adele faced away from him so he didn’t see her grimace.  She kept her voice artificially light.  “Rain check? I got to get this place squared away or Orion ain’t gonna pay me.”

Teague blew out a cloud of smoke.  “Well, maybe I’ll look for you later.  Or maybe I’ll find something else.” 

It was on the tip of my tongue to mutter something sarcastic to this personality specimen.  But it would have been out of turn.  And the truth was without Orion around I felt a little uncertain. 

“You,”
Teague pointed an oil-stained finger in my direction.  “Don’t go far.”

I rolled my eyes.  “I know.  Orion already warned me.” 

He didn’t like me.  I could tell.   He took a step closer and spoke in a poisonous voice. “Well, I’m warning you again.” 

He slapped Adele hard on her ass and left the way he came. 

Adele glanced at me.  “He’s really not so bad as he comes off,” she said. 

“Yeah,” I grumbled.  “I’m sure
deep down he’s just a bottle of awesome sauce.” 

She laughed. 

Rachel hated paperwork so I fell into the chore of sorting through the bar’s receipts.  It was nice, though.
I was glad to have something to keep my mind off Orion.  In the odd, empty moments my mind would inevitably wander to places that made me blush.  The way he felt inside of me.  The way we moved together.  The way he dominated me but wouldn’t indulge himself until he’d made me scream my pleasure.  Then I wondered what he was doing at that moment, what sort of danger might have found him, and the thrill was gone. 

The small office was in the back so I could st
ay out of sight, which had the effect of pre-empting any questions from the locals who frequently ducked in.  Rachel wandered back there frequently to chat and even though I knew she did it as a kindness I was glad for the company. 

On the second day I was growing weary of squinting at an Excel spreadsheet full of numbers.  It was late in the afternoon and
as I listened carefully I didn’t hear any voices other than Talia’s complaint about the state of her manicured nails so I exited the office. 

Talia looked up from moodily regarding her hands to smile at me sweetly.  “You missing your man yet?”

I warily walked right by.  I remembered what Rachel had said about her and besides I had ears enough to hear the hiss of a snake myself.  “I guess,” I grumbled. 

She widened her eyes
.  “Well I would think so.  Orion Jackson’s got the biggest cock in La Paz County.”

Adele spoke up from a dark corner.  “Cut the shit, Tal.”

Talia swiveled.  “What?  We’ve all had a taste of that beef, isn’t that right, big sister?  Rachel?”  Adele shook her head in disgust while Rachel stared with silent ice.  Talia squeezed her skinny arm through mine.  “Girls can talk.  So tell me, did he put it to you over his bike yet?”

I felt my jaw drop
and Talia grinned in quiet triumph. 

Rachel threw down her towel and stood toe to toe with Talia.  “He ever move you into his
fucking house?  No.  Nor will he.  Let it lie, dammit.”

Adele adopted a bored look.  “You forge
t I’m Grayson’s now?” 

“Like hell you are.  I’d bet a year of tips he’ll tire of your tricks soon enough.” 

I heard Adele chuckle in the background.  Talia’s eyes had none of her sister’s warmth.  The look she gave Rachel was ferocious.  “Rachel, how about you tell us whose bastard bled out of your hole about a year and a half ago?”

Rachel reared back and slapped Talia full on the face. 
Adele gasped and jumped out of her chair.  Talia righted her head and glared at Rachel.  Blood trickled out of her nose.

“Crazy bitch,” she muttered, sniffing and searching for a napkin. 

But Rachel didn’t seem to hear.  She ran out the door of Riverbottom, slamming it behind her. 

Adele looked at her sister with loathing. “For fuck’s sake, Talia.” 

I had winced over Rachel’s look of agony.  She was nowhere in sight as I scanned the sandy parking lot in front of the bar.  I headed around the building toward the trailer she called home.  I could well imagine what Talia was getting at with her cruel dig and tried not to let it get to me.   It wasn’t any of my business. 

The door was unlocked so I walked in without knocking.  A beaded curtain separated the bedroom from the rest of
the place and Rachel was curled up on the bed behind it.  As I sat on the edge she gave no sign that she realized I was there. 

I bit a nail, wondering what the hell I should say.  Sometimes it was j
ust best to state the obvious.

“God,” I said loudly.  “What a cunt.” 

Rachel sat up.  She wiped the tears from her beautiful face and smiled at me slowly. 

“Yeah,” she said.  “I told you she was a cunt.” 

“You okay?”

She nodded, then sprang out of the bed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and leading me toward the door.  “Come on, Miss Kasey Kira or whatever the fuck we’re calling you today.   You’re having a drink with me.” 

***

Brandon and Teague didn’t talk to me much but they were forever lurking about.  Once I happened to walk in the living room as Teague stood in a corner with a phone pressed to his ear.  He scowled at
me and stalked outside.  I wondered if Orion was on the other end.

Several tim
es I had taken the basic cell phone he had given me and stared at it, touching the keypad lightly.  It was the only link I had to him but he had warned me that calling just to say hello wasn’t an option.  So I just held it like a talisman and did nothing. 

By the time the third day rolled around with no word my
mounting tension had reached a nearly unbearable point. 

Rachel was showing me the washer and dryer in a small closet-like room behind the bar when I asked her
the thing which had been weighing on my mind. 

“How do you stand it?”

She cleaned out the lint tray, frowning at me absently.  “What?”

I folded my arms.  A chill had risen on my skin even though the day was warm already.  “Waiting.  Just hanging out and hoping to god that there wi
ll be some hint.  That he’ll even come back in one piece.” 

She thought the question was silly.  “
How do you stand it?  You want to be with a man, and you just manage.” 

I shook my head miserably.  When I was a kid Crest had left me often enough.  For a while we lived in a basement apartment beneath a large Vietnamese family who would look in on me in his absence.  It was after my mother took off. 

As I loaded the washer I thought about Anne Marie Carter.  I’d long made a conscious effort to avoid doing just that.  My most lucid memory of her is of the day she cupped my face in her soft hands and gazed at me with watery blue eyes. 

“You’re your daddy’s daughter,” she’d
said sadly and kissed me lightly on both cheeks before she left, instructing me to sit at the kitchen table and not to answer the phone until Crest returned. 

The last
time among the rare occasions I’d seen her since that day was when I graduated from high school.  She’d grown heavy and had never had any children with the stern man who became the stepfather I didn’t know.  But her face was alight with a serenity I didn’t remember from childhood.  Back then she would wear out the threadbare floor anxiously twisting her hands as she waited for my father to roll through the door.  Then they would scream terrible things at one another until they both tired of it. 

I leaned against the washing machine and pulled my hair back. 
Anne Marie took a long time to reach her tired point.  I was tired already.  It wasn’t Orion’s fault.  The violence I’d witnessed had torn through something inside me.  And Orion? I couldn’t expect that he would change who he was.  But for the first time I dimly understood the weariness of my mother’s life.  How it might have driven her to the unthinkable; abandoning her child.

No, I wouldn’t forgive her.
There was no excuse.  But a tendril of sympathy rose in my gut for the years she’d put in with Crest before giving up.  It wasn’t an easy lot and it took a tough soul to rise to it.  I wasn’t sure I’d have in me if it came to that.   

Perhaps, I grimly reflected, I was more like my mother than I’d suspected. 
And that thought scared the living shit out of me. 

When I brought in the laundry Teague and Brandon were sitting in the living room.  Evidently I’d interrupted a tense conversation.  Teague ignored me but Brandon tried to catch my eye in a friendly way.  I dropped the freshly folded clothes on the bed and returned to the living room.  I didn’t expect that they would divulge whatever they knew but I was sick of tiptoeing around the place. 

“Hey,” I snapped my fingers and both men glanced at me.  “It’s getting toward evening.  I saw a box of spaghetti and a jar of sauce in the pantry.  Give me twenty minutes and I’ll have a meal on the table.” 

Teague stared at me blankly but Brandon looked thoughtful. 

“I’ll take that offer,” he said.  “Let me run down the road and I’ll get a loaf of bread of some wine.” 

“Wine?” Teague sneered incredulously.  “What the fuck?”

I laughed and returned to the kitchen, sorting through the mismatched collection of pots.  I found some garlic powder and seasoned salt in the cabinet above the sink. Both looked as if they had been there since the last presidential administration but I figured it wouldn’t harm anything to add a bit to the sauce. 

Teague came in and stood next to the fridge.  “I met your daddy a few times.” 

I stopped and leaned against the table, closing my eyes.  “Yeah?”

He pulled at his beard, his eyes forlorn.  “
Yeah, years ago.  He was less of an asshole than most.”  Teague sighed.  I guess that was as close to a compliment as he parted with.  “Look, this is all a shit show, that’s for sure.”  He coughed.  “I’m sorry.” 

In that moment when Teague seemed human and reachable I wanted to ask him where Orion and the others had gone.  But I knew how it
would go.  His eyes would darken and he would smirk and then ultimately he would say nothing.  They were his brothers.  I was just some girl taking up space in the kitchen. 

“I think beer would be just as good as wine,” I
finally said. 

Teague laughed coarsely.  “Let’s just fucking humor him,”
he winked, talking about Brandon. 

It turned out Brandon’s idea of wine came in a box.  Or else that’s all there was to be had in Quartzsite.  But I thanked him for the addition and he seemed pleased.  Teague cut the bread into thin slices and Brandon pulled Rachel in from the bar to join us.  Adele had gone home to check on her mother and Talia was still pouting so she stayed in the bar to serve. 

I had a smile on my face as I brought the steaming bowl of spaghetti to the table.  It brought back happy memories of my girlhood among the Warlocks and I was glad.  I didn’t want there to be only pain when I thought of them, when I thought of my father. 

Brandon belched and drank a large
mug of box wine like it was water.  “You throw it at the wall?” he asked, eyeing the spaghetti. 

Rachel laughed.  “Holy shit, my mother used to do that.  I don’t think she ever really got it though.  She would just kind of stand there and watch as the noodles bounced off the wall and then she would shrug and serve it to us crunchy.” 

I mixed it all together one final time in the bowl.  “Perfect pasta is about the only thing I know how to cook.”

It was a pleasant hour and I found myself feeling content.  The only moments I’d felt really at ease since arriving here were in Orion’s arms and even that was bound up in lust and emotion.  Brandon
regaled us with disjointed stories about being a Marine. Apparently it involved a lot of running and not much sleeping. The day he got out he vowed not to cut his hair until the turn of another decade. 

“You’ll want to rethink that,” Teague joked with his mouth full of pasta.  “I just saw some shit crawling around in your beard.” 

Brandon filled his mug with wine again.  “You’re a fucking liar.  There’s no shit crawling around in my face.”  Although before he finished speaking he’d already begun stroking the mottled hair on his chin and after a minute he exited abruptly and ran into the bathroom.  Teague cracked up. 

“Man,” he laughed.  “It’s so fucking easy.” 

A telephone ring pierced the air and I jumped.  For a second I thought it was the phone Orion had given me, which I’d left on the kitchen counter. 

But no, it was Teague’s phone.  He glanced at the face of it and his face darkened.  Rachel and I exchanged glances when he pushed back from the table and ran outside. 

Brandon returned with a big patch of hair gone from his face.  He looked at me in drunken confusion.  “I think I used your razor.”

“That’s okay,” I muttered, staring at the door Teague had exited from. 

“Kira,” Rachel warned when I rose and followed him outside.  I didn’t listen. 

Night was approaching and the wind was whipping up.  Teague was standing behind Riverbottom smoking a cigarette.  Whatever business that call had been about was over. 

“Rain will be here soon,” he said. 

I inhaled.  An oddly sweet fragrance hung thick in the air.  “How can you tell?”

“That smell.  It’s desert greasewood.  Gives off this perfumy crap when it gets wet.”

“Oh,” I said, shifting. Teague stared at me as the wind lifted my hair.  “Are they coming back soon?” I asked quietly. 

“Yeah.”  He tossed the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it.  It was a message.  That was the only information he was going to offer.  He started to walk towards the trailers.  “Hey, thanks for the meal.  Get the kid to wash the fucking dishes.” 

I assumed he was talking about Brandon.  “I’ll see you, Teague.” 

He nodded, continuing to walk away. 

Rachel was already cleaning up.  She kept removing dishes from Brandon’s drunken clutches and he kept grabbing more and dropping them. 
She wagged a finger at him.  “You better not be thinking about riding around town tonight.  You know Orion doesn’t have much of a sense of humor about you winding up in the drunk tank.”