Knowing His Secret (8 page)

He rolled off of me and gave a great satisfied sigh as he relaxed against the cushions.

"Aren't you glad we didn't waste all that time talking?"

"It was perfect," I agreed. But even as I
said it I wondered when or
if
the time was ever going to be right to ask about Elsa. All at once, her face filled room--innocent and pure--looking at her husband-to-be with eyes full of devotion. I wanted to tell him that I knew about her, about his loss. I wanted to somehow assure myself that, although he had loved her, he could love again.

"Tristan?"

"Yes, lovely Raina?" I loved the sound of that. I loved the smile that went with the words.

"I know it isn't the right time…" I blundered.

"If you know it isn't the right time, then why try to make it so?" His mood turned instantly cold. "You and I…can we just let it be? No analysis. No expectations." He began to casually put his clothes back on but I could see the conflict on his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spoil the moment."

He put his hands on my face and kissed me gently. "You didn't. Maybe I shouldn't have pursued you knowing…what I know about myself."

"What do you know?"

He took a deep breath. "I know I wanted you as much as I have ever wanted a woman."

I wanted him to stop right there.
Don't say anything else, please. Let me live on that.

"I also know my limits. Respect them and we can enjoy one another…we can enjoy
this
for what it is."

"I can't respect your limits if I don't know what they are." I sounded whiny.

"I've told you. No expectations. No analysis. Don't make it hard when it should be so easy."

"Maybe I'm the one who should have
thought about
my
limits."

"Perhaps you should have. But, considering what just happened here--and it was extraordinary--aren't you willing to take what I have to offer?"

"And what is that?" Petulance joined 'needy' and 'whiny' on my list of sins.

"Apart from the mind-blowing pleasure? Pleasure that will only get better and better? Have you considered the fun we could have? I can take you anywhere. I can provide you with any material thing you could desire; any experience you ever imagined and wanted to try."

"That's not what I want from you."

"It's what I have to give." He opened his hands, offering them to me. I felt compelled to take them in my own. He pulled me into his arms and held me tight for a moment. Then he put me at arm's length and looked my still naked body over from head to toe. He shook his head
and breathed deeply. "Your body is stunning. I wish I could keep you naked forever."

He picked up my clothes and handed them to me. "Unfortunately, we're in Brian's loft and there's a party in full swing downstairs. Get dressed and let's go give them something to talk about."

Seven

Tristan
wasn't exaggerating when he said we'd give 'them' something to talk about. By the end of Brian's party it was obvious to all in attendance that we had something going on. If coming down the spiral staircase together after a long absence from the group wasn't enough, his proprietary body language told the tale.

I only wish that I could have captured the look on Suze and Nicky's faces as they watched Tristan bring me a drink, guide me with a hand at the small of my back, stand behind me with an arm around my waist and whisper in my ear…there were a dozen little things he did that night that said 'mine'. I ate it up, I admit that much. Never mind the questions I might never get answers to. Tristan was claiming me publicly and that mattered more than anything to me at that moment.

The men's reactions weren't nearly as amusing--or satisfying--as the women's. In fact, other than Tom, there didn't seem to be much of a reaction at all. I don't know why I expected any but there had been some innocent flirtation going on with all of them from the beginning. It was a natural by-product of being the lone female in a group of six males.

I
had a newly acquired appreciation for my desirability. After all, if Tristan King wanted me I had to at least be in league with Blondie and Blondie. Maybe I expected the other guys to express some regret that they hadn't won the prize.

Thankfully Tom had the sense and enough concern to pull me down from the clouds. He sidled up to me when Tristan stepped up to the piano to sing "Some Enchanted Evening". I was spellbound by his talent and the way he seemed to have chosen the song just for me. I couldn't take my eyes from him as he sang. But Tom managed to wrest at least one ear away.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Raina."

"I think I do."

"Tristan's a playboy and a user. I think the world of his talent and admire his success but I'd jerk any daughter of mine up short if she ever gave him a second glance."

"I'm not your daughter, Tom," I shot back and then softened. "I appreciate the warning. But, has it occurred to you that maybe I'm using him?"

"You don't strike me as the type," he said, a little sadly. "In fact you don't strike me as
his
type."

I looked at Suze's perfectly manicured hands plunking away at the keyboard. She had several tasteful, elegant and expensive rings on as well as a diamond bracelet. And that was her
casual
jewelry. Nicky leaned over the side of the baby grand opposite Tristan and beamed a model-white perfect smile at him. I suddenly felt my slightly large front teeth grow to beaver-like proportions.

Tristan sang out the last line of the song: "Once you have found her, never let her gooooooo."
He swept his hand toward me and held my eyes. It was corny, it was theatrical and it made me feel like queen of the world. His audience applauded enthusiastically and he took an exaggerated bow before returning to my side.

The party wound down quickly after Suze closed the
lid on the baby grand. Tristan and I walked back to our cars in the theater parking lot. It was a beautiful moonless night and the stars were brilliant in the warm night sky. He led me over to my car.

"Don't you think it's time you had a new 'Eep'?"

I laughed at how observant he was. The 'J' had fallen off the word 'Jeep' on the rear door many months before. It wasn't worth trying to replace it. Jenn and I often joked about riding in my 'Eep'. 

"I'm kind of attached to my old Eep. Besides, when summer is over and I go back to New York I won't really need a car." I ran a hand fondly over the oxidized red paint on the driver's side door. "This has been a good vehicle. She's never let me down."

"Well, I think she deserves to be put out to pasture. Let me get you a new car."

"Tristan, you're crazy. I wouldn't accept a new car from you. I don't need one and I certainly wouldn't be able to explain something like that to my parents."

"You could tell them a wealthy patron of the arts appreciated your brilliant assistance with his acting over the summer and gave it to you. That would be pretty much the truth."

"No, it wouldn't. Please drop it. It makes me uncomfortable."

"Very well, little one. I'll drop it for now." He brought me into his arms and kissed me long enough and deeply enough to make me try to get as much of my body against him as possible. There wasn't a quarter inch of space between us and I could feel his crotch coming alive against my lower belly. It was all so new that it spun my head. Here I was, standing in a parking lot kissing this gorgeous, sexy and fabulously wealthy man. A man I wouldn't allow to buy me a new car. I giggled at the absurdity of it all.

Tristan gave me a puzzled look. "That wasn't the reaction I expected when I kissed you."

"I'm sorry. I guess there's a surreal quality about me standing here with you that just struck me as …I don't know…a little on the bizarre side." I got on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for tonight, it was…you were fantastic."

"
We
were fantastic. But we're both tired so I guess it's time to say adieu for tonight." He opened the car door for me. "I'll follow you home."

"It's hardly necessary. I only live a few blocks from here."

"Please don't argue with me Raina. I
said
I'll see you home."

It was one of those moments that should have come up as a red flag, or at least a yellow one. Instead, it was the first of many times that I would simply accept his terms because the alternative wasn't important enough to me to warrant my dissent. A little thing, after all. Only a little thing.

***

He watched me go up the path and get my key in the lock. It wasn't until he saw that I had the door open that he waved and drove off. I switched on the hall light and had just put my purse and keys on the table next to the door when the phone rang. It was my mother's number. I felt a wave of guilt because I hadn't called her in a couple of weeks. That was followed by the grip of cold fear as I realized my mother was calling me at nearly one in the morning.

"Mom?"

"Raina
, sweetheart."

"What's up, Mom?" I tried to keep steady. My mother never, ever called this late.

"I waited to call you until I knew everything was going to be all right. But I'm sure it's going to make the news, so I wanted to warn you. Your dad got into it today with some union thugs. He was hurt."

"Daddy? Where is he? I want to talk to him."

"He's still in the hospital. But the doctors will send him home in a couple of days. He's fine, really. A few stitches and a broken rib or two." Her voice shook even though she was trying to put a brave front on for me. "It was a scuffle over the courthouse building. Some of the workers still aren't satisfied with the contract terms."

"So it got ugly again." My father's firm was one of the biggest contractors in Brooklyn. But Dad wasn't a big supporter of unions. He did all that he could to see that the city struck a hard bargain. Sometimes it seemed he was the only
one concerned with the people who ultimately paid the bills--taxpayers like him. I had been frustrated more than once with what I saw as my father's refusal to just do his job and mind his own business. If the unions wanted the city to buy a fifty-dollar hinge where a ten-dollar one would do and the city didn't mind, then why should my Dad?

"It's like this Angelcakes,' he'd tell me."It's
'cause me, and Bob and Vito and all the rest of our neighbors here are the ones who eat all that padding. Frankly, I'd rather have steak."

I told Mom I'd drive home that instant.

"Don't you dare," she ordered. "It is way too late for that. You don't need to come. He'll be out Wednesday at the latest. You can talk to him tomorrow." I knew my mother too well to buy her story. Okay, maybe it was too late to drive to New York, but with both my sisters on the West Coast, I was the only child available for moral support. She was frightened, and with good reason. We'd had bricks thrown through our living room window and phone threats before. Until Dad was home, she'd be scared shitless. Not that I could do much, but I could be company.

"I'll leave at the ass-crack of dawn, Mom."

"Raina, your language."

I laughed hard at that one. "Mom, I am Donald Harding's daughter. 'Ass-crack' doesn't even merit honorable mention on Dad's list of cuss words."

"You're also my daughter…"

"I love you, Mom. See ya tomorrow."

"I love you too, sweetie, but you really don't have to…"

"Bye, Mom."

"Bye."

Eight

I got up before the sun and threw some jeans and t-shirts into a bag. I was on my way before the sky had a trace of light in it. I realized, an hour out of Stockbridge, that I didn't have the cast list with me so I couldn't have called Tristan if I wanted to. Maybe that was just as well. If I was going to do this 'thing' with him on his terms, calling him with a family crisis was probably not a good move.

I had the theater's number in my phone and I left a message for Tom that I'd have to miss two, maybe three night's rehearsal
on account of a family situation. When I thought Jenn would be up, I intended to call her and see if she could pinch hit for me at least one of those nights. I told Tom to give me a call when he got the message and I'd explain. I decided I would leave it up to Tom to explain--
if
anyone was interested--why I was missing.

The ride was quiet and gave me time to give a great deal of thought to Tristan. Much as I was curious about the circumstances of Elsa's death, maybe it
was
none of my business. But, being brutally honest with myself, it wasn't her death that was eating me alive. It was the fact that Tristan had loved her enough for 'expectations'. He had loved her enough to
expect
a lifetime spent by her side. To expect a family, a life, friends, homes, travel--all the things that couples do.  He had planned with her and dreamed with her. Irrational though it was, I was jealous of a dead woman. The only woman, apparently, who ever earned the right to expect anything out of Tristan King.